hi everyone,

(I hope that every women that reads this, responds with their feelings on this topic)....

we ladies are planning the next 10 years waiting around for our loved ones. I got through 9 years so far of this and have 10 more to go by the end of this year. Then, I am calling it the countdown. but what about the years ahead, still the lonely nights, waiting every 3 or 4 months for our trailer visit, my husband turning 50 in 6 years and me 40 in 4 years... our health? what happens god forbid my husband passes away before he is coming home of a heartattack.. he smokes like crazy and won't stop. his family lives long and they all smoke but still, i am concerned. then all these years waiting, for what then. A FANTASY THAT NEVER TURNED INTO REALITY. I met my husband in the street on march 4, 1989. i was turning 21. we became good friends but not true lovers only a few times here and there. i have all the memories on the trailer, the wonderful visits, our phone calls...

does anyone ever say to themselves, let's be honest with one another ... that we are wasting our life away? if we did 9 or 10 years so far that we can do 10 more? did anyone meet another man out here that can offer us a better life and take care of us? i had t he opportunity back in 2001 to move to florida but then i told this man, i love my husband, my heart is with him, so i could never leave. but all these years of not having kids, or a home, struggling to make ends meat, the long cries i have alone or on the trailer with my husband...
him worrying about my finances and trying to help out by calling his parents but they are on fixed incomes... they helped out a long time ago, and i took advantage..

what are your true feelings about the time they got? what do you do to get by and your plans for the future to let the time go by fast?

chris

I truly and honestly want to do his time with him and want to stay with him no matter what...yes i sometimes doubt that I can do it but I find ways to encourage myself and pat my own back..I left him once in the past and I regret it cuz bad things happened to both of us. Well I have school to keep me occupied so that helps a lot. If we get married one of us has to be able to support the other while the other looks for a job. I will do it for him if we get married and even if we are friends..I will still help him and support him cuz I will always love this man no matter what. I do not think I could ever leave him again especially now knowing what happened when i did in the past.

I do not think I am wasting my life away. I am planning for the future, but I am still living my life. I share everything I can with Travis. It's hard as hell not having him here and this is NEVER how I envisioned my life to be, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I never thought love like this was possible... but now that I have it, I won't ever let go. I'll wait forever for him to come home if I have to.

Without a doubt some days are harder than others ... I just wrote him in a letter, "pls don't pay me any mind around the 1st of the month when rent is due - just take it in stride b/c you love me!" I truly believe that we have come this far by faith and I know that we will see the evidence that it was ALL worth it ... the good, the bad, and the ugly! :) I pray daily for us to be kept during these hard and lean times and that we will not have endured it all for nothing but that we would grow stronger as individuals and as a couple.

i have thought about the fact i may never see my guy out here again.then i think well i was a widow before the age of 40 after being married 20 years.so why not go for it.i love my guy very much and am happy with him,even though it's a strange way to have a relationship.i plan on sticking it out and i'll have no regrets for doing it.my youngest daughter says it reminds her of a middle school or high school romance.she's in her last year of jr high.according too her,instead passing notes back and forth during class or in the halls we're doing it through the postal service.my middle daughter says to look at it this way,just think of him being in the millitary and deployed for a long time,just you don't have the benefits that comes with the millitary is all.so yeah i'm going too grow old with my guy any way i have to.if we're still around in 16 years we can push each other around in our wheelchairs i guess(he'll be 60 and i'll be 59) or walkers,who knows maybe someone really will find the fountain of youth soon i hope.:)

I'm going to have to really think about this before responding to it but I do want to say that my mind seems to think about all aspects of the future (even negitive stuff), which I hate to even put my mind in a negitive state but I have to face reality, right? The thing I do want to say (something my grandmother told me) TIME is very very valuable, you can't get it back and when your old you usually say where did all the time go, use it wisely, I'm trying to use mine wisely.

I'm not sure how to respond. I do think to myself, "how am I going to make it without him for the next 11 years". I want to enjoy the happiness that goes along with being a couple, I want someone to give me a hug at the end of a frustrating day at work, and all that. I'm human, I do have those thoughts. I do my best to take it day by day and week by week rather than thinking about the years left. More often though I find myself feeling truly blessed. How many other people have a love like mine that can survive separation, the stigma of incarceration, etc.

We are strong women (and men) that can do this prison stuff!!! And I celebrate that.

So, to make a long story short, I still don't know how to respond but wanted to say a few words.

Damn, I'm totally feeling you on that one Travs girl! I'm new to this site but I love the support you give one another. I've been holding on the last 4 years going on 5 with 5 more to go. It's hard simply because I love him. Nothing more or less. I know he needs me and I could never just up an leave his side. I try to put myself in his shoes. I'm not sure who other then my husband would be there for me. I can feel how much he needs me. What if it was the other way around?

We dont have a hearing till 2008 and for me that road seems so long and I did once wonder if I could do it. For me taking a step back is what made me realize that no only was I going to do his time, but I want to now more then ever. Right now 2008 seems so far away and I couldnt have done it without the help and strength of PTO. Sometimes I have thought about my needs and if I can go that long without the affection and holding that I need. In the end I cant imagine having it from anyone else. I may need those things, but I know that it's only him I need them from. He has my heart 100% and I dont think that anyone could ever fill those needs. Sure I could go find someone that can give me those things, but I dont think it will fill the void since that person wouldn't have my heart. I do think that the times that are harder on us only make us stronger in the end. I know that at least for me every hill we climb together I love him even more.

I spent the first year of my husbands sentence doing the time myself-making our kids do the time. It was such a time of mourning. My husband, best friend, father of my kids had left me alone at 29 with 5 kids- to serve a 48 year habitual sentence. I always kept it calm on the outside but was dying on the inside. I felt if I questioned how I would make it I would seem weak or that I would some how be letting him down. I finally decided to live again for the kids and us as a couple. I figured that if I was going to do this time with him I never wanted to look back and say that I wasted all those years. I love my husband with all my heart and soul and I know he loves me, that is what keeps me going. We don't get trailer visits, so he has asked me if I miss that part of a relationship, and I think he wonders secretly if I am faithful to him. I would never cheat on him because like I told him, what if I were in an accident or he was, it would be no diffrent. We support each other and are more open and honest with one another than most couples on the street. I can only pray that someday he will come home to us and all can be as it is supposed to be. There are those moments though when I will see a couple together that my heart breaks a little knowing that I can't spend those moments with my husband. We are at an age right now that we could be sharing and experiencing so many things with each other and our children. Sad as it may be I think it will be worth it in the end!

We don't get trailer visits in TX. There are NO conjugal visits. There are No phone calls. I do not have contact visits. If I had conjugal visits well I might be a whole lot more sane. I don't know if he would care or not. In my marriage my husband is the one who withholds sex from me. He says he does not want any more children with him locked up. But if we had a little one right now I would feel I had a purpose. I am alone almost all the time. That has affected me terribly. And yes I struggle to make ends meet. Does he understand this? No. Does he worry or care that I really enjoy sex (with him of course) and miss it terribly? No. Is he greatful that I am a totally faithful woman? No. I love him, Lonliness is killing me. Lack of sex is making me insane. Just my thoughts. Sad but true!

i won't let myself dwell on those things, i love my husband and he needs me. i plan on doing all i can do to change these laws, and thats what i plan to fill my days up with. i hate what we are going through. but i'm thankful to be made aware of the whole prison situation and the hurt others have been going through. i will never sit back without hope and just wait for ten years. i plan on doing something to make a difference. maybe i can - maybe not. but i wouldn't have tried if i hadn't known.

wow ladies, i have it good then.. i have the trailers, phone calls and contact visits... it was taken away for us for 2 years here and there but now things are great... but the days i am not with him, the days he doesnt call because my phone bill blows up, it hurts and i go nuts

If I had trailor visits I would be able to do the prison thing for a life time, I've been waiting 11 years, its been hard but our daughter keeps me focused. I have about another 7 years to go (hopefully) I figured if I could wait 11, I could wait another 7, anyway it seems like 11 years went by so fast, these years will too.

I, too, have been waiting 11 years, and we don't have a hearing until 2012. It is dreadfully hard some days and yes, I did leave for awhile - even got married. But it fell apart because I was trying to find someone with which to have all of the things I miss with Jack. (He refers to it as "when you ran away from home"). And we don't have family visits either. But, with everything we've been through, and everything we have together, I just can't imagine being with another man. So, I'll wait. But it does sometimes feel like forever...

Tracy

Jacks Tracy, I love the phrase your man uses - "when you ran away from home" - that says a lot. Every time I seem my fiance I get the "I'm home" feeling. Doesn't even matter that we're in a prison visit room!