Well, a lot has happened in the month of January for me.
As you know, my boyfriend John was released on New Year's Even on house arrest. Things have worked out well, us living together. And he was lucky enough to find a job that he could start immediately, and the boss is understanding of him having certain hours he can be at work.
There have been minor things that are bothering me, and then a major one. He says I'm overreacting, so I thought I'd bring it up here and see if any of you had any words of wisdom. First of all, he sleeps on the couch. He started out saying that it was more comfortable, but he finally admitted to me that I'm a loud snorer. He was locked up....guys always snore loud....so why can't he deal with my snoring? Secondly, he doesn't want to have sex. At first we went at it like bunnies, but then he slacked off. I'm down to once a week MAYBE. I'm a twice-a-day kind of girl. He says he just doesn't need it as much as I do. What man in his right mind doesn't want to have sex? I even asked if he was just not attracted to me, but he says that's not it at all. I just feel like he doesn't want me, even though he swears that he does.
Those are the little things. The big one is a doozy. He has to meet with his PO once a week, and he's having to take some drug rehab classes. He was smoking pot regularly, and was just overly confident in that they weren't going to do a drug test on him. I don't have a problem with pot. Fine, whatever. I'm not his mother, so I'm not going to nag at him about it. But last weekend he did some speed. I flipped out. An argument started about it, and I ended up just dropping it. It's his choice, not mine. But Tuesday I had a gut feeling that the PO was going to test him when they met on Wednesday. I got him some of that detox stuff to clean out your system, and HOPEFULLY it works, because sure enough, they did test him. Of course, they had to send it off to the lab, and then we'll find out if he passed it or not. I just want to kick him in the butt for being so dumb.
{Man I'm really ranting here!} Anyway, I guess I'm rambling. I just wanted to get it all out, and see if any of you have had anything similar to any of this happen, or if somebody can give me a little encouragement. I'm scared of losing him again, and he seems to think he's invincible. That and he doesn't act like he wants me. :confused: I know I'm way more emotional and affectionate than him, but still. I need to be wanted dangit!

he seems to think he's invincible.Well, he'll likely end up finding out real quick-like that he is NOT.

Then what?

If his drug test comes back clean, will that further embolden him, make him think he can do as he pleases and not get caught? I think it's very likely that it will, because it will reinforce his feelings of invincibility.

He's convinced they won't/don't test for pot? He is very mistaken.

I don't know how long you two were together before he was incarcerated (or even if you were), or how long he was in, but it does take some people a little time to adjust to new routines, etc.

I don't think that's the biggest thing to worry about, though. :( It doesn't seem like he places a high priority on staying out of trouble so you guys can be together. :(

It hasn't even been a whole month, and you're worrying about this stuff! (((Cathy)))

Hi Cathy-

Sorry to hear things aren't going so well. I'm new to this forum so I don't know you except for what I have just read. For the most part, it sounds to me like your boyfriend is still trying to adjust to being home. He sounds confused and needs 'time' & 'space' to sort out all that he's been through.

But the bad news is that both the pot and the speed will show up on the test which means that he has now violated. Pot can stay in a person's system for up to a month and depending on what kind of speed he was using, it can stay up to a week. I wish I had better news to tell you, but it looks like he's going to find out shortly that he isn't 'invincible'!

**********{Hugs to you!}}}}}
Katalian

Thanks guys, for your advice and encouragement.
John and I have known each other for close to 15 years. Since before either of us hit puberty. He's been in and out of trouble all his life pretty much. We had been seeing each other as more than friends for about 4 months when he got arrested again on a Parole Violation (he stopped going to see his PO because he's a dummy sometimes). He was about to be sent back to prison to finish out his original sentence, but by some miracle was let out on house arrest.
He knows that they're likely to drop a urine test on him any time they choose to, but he's got that whole "they won't do it to me" attitude. I seriously think he has been "institutionalized" by all the time he has done, and that's the only lifestyle he really knows, so he has no cares or worries. He has a 5 year old son. You'd think that losing him would be enough to put the fear of God in him. He even saw his son get upset, asking how many days did daddy get to be home before he had to go back to jail.
Blah. Really I think I just need to not be so worrisome. I get upset thinking about him going back to prison, and all of a sudden I'm worrying about everything else too. I wish I knew how to stop being so insecure. I start thinking he's not attracted to me or something, which is totally ridiculous because he wouldn't LIVE with me if he didn't want to be with me. He had other places he could have gone to do his house arrest.
I have to admit though...I'm terrified. I just KNOW that sooner or later he's not going to be able to fool a drug test, and he'll go back to prison, and I'm left without him. Part of me wants to slap him for being stupid like that, and the other part of me loves him so much that I want to smother him with love and affection while I've got him.