View Full Version : What do I say if I write to my brother


Butterfly21
09-30-2009, 07:55 PM
Hi everyone,
My 13 year old son asked me to post this question for him in hope of some ideas. His older brother (24) is in our local jail for the 3rd time but will soon be heading for prison. Probably looking at 2-5 years. He has so many questions he wants to ask but can't. His brother was doing so good! What happened? Because of this he has been struggling with what should or could he write to his brother. I told him just to write about his week or how that particular day went... and let him know he misses him and loves him. That's what I do, but he thinks it should be more. He has so much he wants to say and really wants to be able to look up to his brother but I think he is struggling with that right now, and being 13 I think he wanted to ask him some grown-up questions that he doesn't want to talk about with Mom. In the mean time he has gotten himself into trouble at school and so for now, he doesn't even have his daily school events to talk about...any ideas from a childs point of veiw as to what he could write about would be greatly appreciated.

HisHeart31
09-30-2009, 08:35 PM
I'm not a mom, however I rememeber when I was that age I was writing my grandpa and my uncle that were in prison at the time.. and granted it wasn't a sibling relationship I rememember asking tough questions like I couldn't understand why he wasn't there, or why he missed my birthday or something like that.. I would tell your son to write from his heart. Tell him that the letter he mails is private, and that you won't read it, or anyone else for that matter except for his brother, maybe he'll feel better about it if he knows someone wont read it except his big bro. Just tell him to be honest and write whatever it is he wants to know, the whys? what nows? how longs? ect.. I'm sure your son will respond with age appropriate answers (or I hope he would for that matter lol) sorry.. hope this helps.

Butterfly21
10-01-2009, 05:22 AM
The problem is he hasn't been sentenced yet. Plea court date for his new charges is set for today. We ( I ) his mother were told when I wanted to get my youngest couciling that anything we say that would be incriminating would not be kept confidential. Then my son (His Brother) told us they read all the letters before they hand them out. Now my son is worried about what he can or can't say. Now, he got himself into trouble at school (law involved) and I know he wants him to know about it and maybe give him some advise...but he can't talk about what he got into trouble for....that makes it quite a challenge for him..I wish my youngest would just talk to me. I wish the people I asked for help would have been able to help a month ago before everything else happened. In the mean time, my sister in law- my children's Aunt has passed away. The funeral is this saturday. My oldest will not be able to attend (obviously) and my youngest is holding everything in. Thank U all for your support and understanding on this matter. Hugs too all of you and right back at us.....we too need many, many hugs, and a lot of prayers to help us through.

aaf2009
10-04-2009, 01:56 AM
My brother has been in and out since we were kids.

Whenever I wrote, I just told him about my day/week or any events that have happened.Talked about the family or latest drama going on with friends.I did lecture him a few times about how he needed to straighten up his life so he can be a role model for his kid and that he is a smart kid...he just needs to apply himself.Of ocurse I needed to keep it to a minimum because it goes in one ear and out the other with that kid ,lol (plus my father lectures enough for everyone to ignore)

Tell your son to write what he feels, that he shouldn't feel reserved.If his older brother feels guilty about anything he writes, that is good.It will help his older brother realize that he isn't just affecting himself in a negative way, he's affecting his little brother as well.



As for your youngest son...why don't you buy him a journal or ask him to write you a letter with his feelings jotted down? I always found it eaiser to write my parents a letter with my feelings than to talk face-to-face.Everything flowed much smoothly.

Good luck with both of your children and yourself.

Sunshine129
10-11-2009, 06:15 PM
My brother's been in prison for a while and I'm 17 now. I usually write about how I'm doing in school, whatever happens with my friends and events going on in our family. I also write from the heart, asking questions that I know might be tough for my brother to answer, but I need to know for some peace. And I talk to him about things that are just between us. And I always let him know I love him encourage him.
Tell your son it's okay to express how he feels and not to hold anything in because holding whatever's in your heart only makes you feel worse. Also, he should let his older brother knows he loves him very much. I hope this helps.

Butterfly21
10-11-2009, 08:35 PM
A big Thank You and many, many hugs to all of you. I did give him a journal and a letter to boot. I hope he uses it. Also, his brother has sent him a letter. I think it may help. It's going to take some time but with all of your support I think we will be okay.

Jules966
10-17-2009, 10:17 AM
My brother has been in and out since we were kids.

Whenever I wrote, I just told him about my day/week or any events that have happened.Talked about the family or latest drama going on with friends.I did lecture him a few times about how he needed to straighten up his life so he can be a role model for his kid and that he is a smart kid...he just needs to apply himself.Of ocurse I needed to keep it to a minimum because it goes in one ear and out the other with that kid ,lol (plus my father lectures enough for everyone to ignore)

Tell your son to write what he feels, that he shouldn't feel reserved.If his older brother feels guilty about anything he writes, that is good.It will help his older brother realize that he isn't just affecting himself in a negative way, he's affecting his little brother as well.



As for your youngest son...why don't you buy him a journal or ask him to write you a letter with his feelings jotted down? I always found it eaiser to write my parents a letter with my feelings than to talk face-to-face.Everything flowed much smoothly.

Good luck with both of your children and yourself.
That was absolutely excellent advice! I was going to respond to this post but you did it perfectly. :)

wvdonovan
03-07-2010, 11:32 AM
That was absolutely excellent advice! I was going to respond to this post but you did it perfectly. :)

I agree--my 14 year old daughter is struggling with this now. My son just went in last week and is facing 4 felony charges all carrying a 1-15, so he's not getting out anytime soon. She's disappointed, angry, but loves him.

HeAtHeR02
03-08-2010, 11:23 AM
i was 13 when my brother got arrested and he was 23 so around the same age..when i first wrote him i just asked him why did this have to happen?? and i made sure i told him i love you and im here for you and i miss you very much.

wvdonovan
03-08-2010, 09:58 PM
i was 13 when my brother got arrested and he was 23 so around the same age..when i first wrote him i just asked him why did this have to happen?? and i made sure i told him i love you and im here for you and i miss you very much.

Thank you.

punkrck482
03-09-2010, 12:37 PM
i was 10 when my brother was sentenced to 8 years in prison. hardest thing that i have ever had to deal with. but it has just made me so much stronger in the long run and i have learned from every mistake my brother ever made. it made me see what i need to be thankful in life for and what i need to do for myself.
let him know that he needs to ask his brother whatever is on his mind and let him know how hes feeling. i never did that and it just all built up and made things worse... i ended up being so angry and mad all the time and i pretty much hated my brother. and you dont want to hate your brother. you need to be there and stand by his side and make sure he knows you love him and will always be there for him no matter what. my brother is still locked up and its hard but you just need to take it one day at a time.letters from loved ones with pictures help them so much. my brother tells me how much it makes time pass by quicker for him.
i hope i have been able to help. just dont be scared to tell him whats up. my brother and i r so close now hes like my best friend.and most importantly the #1 person i look up to. just remember...learn from your siblings mistakes in life.