im all stoaked i finally noticed this forum..so i just have to post a thread.
mine has been in ALMOST 11 years...and, one of the things i am concerned about..is how he will adjust once he gets out. he went in in 1993..ALOT Of things have changed since then. he still has about 10 months until he sees the parole board again--and they are so unpredictiable--who knows if he will get released. BUT, what do you guys think about the whole--adjusting to the outside world after being incarcerated for a decade or longer?

toodles
mel

Well I can't wait to my man gets out. He has been in prison for 10 years it's gong to be some much fun watching him adjust to the changes in life still he has been lock up. I know for a fact that he is going to be happy with DVD Players and of course Sony Playstation. It going to be like watching a kid in a candy store. Oh my god I can't wait to take him to OutBack for the big 20 oz steak lol.

LOL Bigbree... that's one of the first things I'm doing with Trav... taking him to the Outback! Yummy!!!

I think it's a long, hard process for them to get adjusted to society again. I've never known anyone to be released from prison after 10 years or more. But, I did have a really good friend get released in Nov. 2002 after serving 5 years, and one in Nov. 2003 after serving 7 years. Both of them are handling things so very differently. However, both of them were nervous in busy public places at first... they seem to get overwhelmed by it. And both of them have nightmares.

I think it takes a lot of patience and understanding when they come home. I know I will want to run Travis all over the place and show him everything, but he probably won't want that at first. I think he'll want to keep it kind of low key. So, we'll just play it by ear and I'll let him kind of guide how he wants to do things.

Wow Travis Girl you hit it on the nail with what you said. I have heard this over and over about being afriad of public places. My girlfriend is dating a guy that serve 10 years in prison and he told her that for the first year he did not want to go anywhere like the show, dancing. dinner. nothing that involve a lot of people. As a matter of fact when I was to David all he said was that he wanted to stay home. I was like home that the last place I want to be I have been in the house waiting on you to get out. He told me let's just stay in the house and catch up on all the movies I miss. God the thought of me watching 10 to 15 years of movies is not something I running to do lol. Oh well at least he will be home. Oh by the way I love the OUTBACK will that wonderful warm brown bread full of butter lol.

Good thing that the Outback has "Take Away" service so you can at least eat some yummy brown bread while you're watching all those movies! LOL You're right... at least they'll be home with us.

I just remembered something.... last time Travis was home (he served a couple years), he couldn't stand having doors open. At night, the bedroom door had to be shut. He was always closing doors behind me... bedroom, closet, bathroom, etc. He just couldn't have them open. I guess because he was used to being locked away behind all those closed doors. I wonder if it will be the same this next time?

My friend did 20 years and was pre-released - 1/02. Unfortunately, he was returned 10/02. He was at a center where he did 16 years w/ a former inmate who was one of the supervisors at this place. During their time together, they had a run in. However, the supervisor held this against him when he was pre-released to the center. From day one when the supervisor noticed my friend, he rode him and falsified information that caused him to return.

When they read his records, the deputy, superintendent, etc. stated that he was not supposed to have been returned; however, no one pushed to have him released.

Oh, I'm rambling. What's your question? :-)

I knew my fried for 13 years of his incarceration. We were friends. However, when he came home, we did not rush into anything. We continued the friendship, etc. I had no clue that he was coming home, b/c I had lessened my contact for quite sometime. He always said that when ever he got out, he would contact me. On his way to the center, he left a v/m stating his where a bouts and if I wanted to visit him, I could. Talk about shocked. I couldn't believe it, b/c I never took him up on this.

During his 9 months home, he did not like to be around crowds, when we ate out, he automatically set w/ his back to a certain way (how they did it in prison), he walked in straight lines, wanted to stay in, taking public transportation, etc. was over whelming.

It did not take much for him to become very frustrated. He relied on me quite a bit. Almost like I was his seeing dog (hope this makes sense). At times is was like the blind leading the blind. :-)

I must admit, I did not understand his plight and would often get angry if he did not want to do what I wanted to do, etc. I often thought he was just making excuses. After reading posts on PTO, I am ready for his return.

I hoped I answered your post. I know I often ramble. :-)

i am hopeing every thing will get back to normal but i know it is going to take time when he come's home he will have to get used to everything again but i will be glade to have him back

I told him a while back.."gosh Billy I am going to have to teach you how to type, use a computer, how to leave a VOICE MAIL, drive..etc etc etc" he said "Melissa, I am not dumb, I know how to type, I USE to drive, but I will need help with somethings--esp. the computer." Well, I know hes not dumb...But, I just got to thinking, good lord, last time he drove was in '93, but, I will (re) teach him how to drive, like my grandpa taught me--I learned from the ages 5-16. Started out driving my grandpas golf cart--and then I moved up to driving his Caddy. :D So, I guess by that time I will have a new car--so he can drive my baby (99 Honda) lol :D anyways, he would take me up to either the tennis courts or club house @ his house & he taught me how to park, back up, he TRIED to teach me how to paralell park--still cant get that. lol

But, I know he wants shrimp, steak & all this stuff I dont know how to cook, so I will drag his butt to The Outback. :D But, I have always been a homebody--so I am cool--staying in--the bedroom. :eek: did i say that? lol jk

thanks for the replies

But, I never thought that being in crowded places could overwhelm them. I learn something new everyday =)

My Son came home right before Christmas, after being locked up seven and half years. The last four being in AD SEG. He hates Walmart. He said it smells like an institution.The first week of getting out, he got a job, so he got a paycheck the day before Christmas. The day before he got his job, he got his drivers license. The first night he was home, his brother and him were playing Sony Playstation.They played for hours, then my Son said," Oh yeah, I can have something to drink! "He went to the frig., and then said," there is so much to choose from!" They have so many chooses it just gets overwelming sometimes. He doesn't want me folding his clothes, which I don't mind. He likes to fold them his way. Before my Son went to prison, he was a slob. Now he is such a neat freak. My Son survived this unjust system, we have. I am very proud of him. Good Luck to you and yours.

Okay maybe I have a deeper take, because I spent a lot of years locked down too, but not straight, I was doing the installment deal, one, three, two weeks later three more, yeah I was stupid. If you just count up sentences, not awaiting or the juvi years, I have about nine, mostly in State Prison, Rikers, and DC jail. So I still dream I'm in, or loosing my freedom. One of the ironies in our relationship, he dreams he's out, I dream I am in. Mine went in 93, and he had 2 prev. plus he was a baby, 23. This is his major fear, and mine, esp. considering supervision after. I can relate to the doors thing, I can't sleep with a light on, I am uncomfortable in crowds, and I know, way more than I wish I did. I have seen people..., well wont go there. we talk about this. He worries that he will be so far behind his peers he wont catch up, he worries he wont be able to support me, he worries about the stigma. I am blessed that he feels some reassurance because I changed my life and I have been out since 92, I thought 90, but I wus wrong, I just got my records back, anyway, he says most of his peers, with wives who have been always good girls, worry that they will not have time to adjust, that their mates expect them, in two weeks to be off and running. It can be tempting, to say; "Okay. your turn, all these years, I've been holding you down, it's my turn." It's not really over when it's over. My man and more than a few others have extra anger from feeling their convictions were bull. I will tell you its hard and sad to see the changes in him, but he has to survive in there. I don't like his need to be possessive, and he is more possessive, and probably more controlling than he believes. Further, he can't stand it if I am either (yeah, male) but I know him, and who he was, and this has everything to do with where he is. I hope we all survive what we have lost, but preparation is mostly the lesson we all know so well, patience, and more patience.

My husband is up for parole this spring and has been in prison for 22 years. We usually don't talk about what it might be like for him but we have lately. He said someone he knows who was in for years, got out, and came right back in, said that "everyone uses cards, not money to buy things." My husband wanted to know if that was true (debit cards). I don't even think about things like that which will be different for him. Some friends who did long stints say that crowds are difficult, sleeping is difficult, choices are difficult. They said they felt like they had "ex-con" stamped on their foreheads. One said that, even years later, he would have this weird feeling that he wanted to go back in - go back to what was familiar. One said that the friendships he had with friends in prison were far superior to those on the outside - the outside being superficial. I told him about someone who was offering to hire him if he got out and, for the first time, he seemed very unsure of himself. I got a glimpse of his fear of entering the unfamiliar outside world. We plan to set up as much support for him as possible in the community. On the other hand, if I hear one more person say to me, "Do you realize how hard it's going to be for him when he gets out?" I'm going to scream!! I do realize but we both want him OUT!! I know there will be joys also. And then again, he may not get out anytime soon. And life goes on.... Zelda

Wow, this is a really great thread. My man and I talk about it alot. I get excited talking about when he comes home because there is so many new things out here and I can't wait to show him. When I express all the things I want to show him he says to me, "what you think I don't watch t.v, I'm not stupid" I know there is alot he does not know, but I don't say that to much to him because he thinks he knows how to live out here, anyway he's always telling me that things will be normal, he'll be able to live without being affected from his sentence. I just can't accept when he says he'll come out normal, he's already been down 11 years, not to mention he went in when he was 16 so he doesn't even know what it is to pay a bill, or any normal adult stuff, of course he's going to react to the change of the world out here. I don't know if he's in deniel or if he doesn't want to scare me. I come straight out and ask him if he's institutionalized, he says no way, but I still say it is going to be harder than he's ever expected. I'm scared for him, but I'll be there for him like I've always been.

Oh by the way, when he gets out he wants to go camping right away, I would have thought he would want to sleep in a nice warm comfortable bed, but nooooo :) he wants to sleep under the stars (not even in a tent) and be free. I'm down for whatever he wants to do. :) :)