View Full Version : Comparing MWI Relationships & Old Fashioned "Courting"


t'slovingwife
08-06-2009, 02:49 PM
I was listening to older people talk about dating back in the day and I started to think that being with a man in prison is a lot like courting. You are never left alone--closely monitored--limited access--long phone calls--heart -felt love letters--thoughtful gifts that mean so much. The purpose of courting was to get to know each other without all the physical involvement. So--now the question--do you feel like you are courting? Do you think this makes your relationship stronger than one you would be in on the outside? Do you feel like you are truly getting to know him or is it just a perception? Looking forward to see how you view this...

nutty7688
08-06-2009, 02:57 PM
I was listening to older people talk about dating back in the day and I started to think that being with a man in prison is a lot like courting. You are never left alone--closely monitored--limited access--long phone calls--heart -felt love letters--thoughtful gifts that mean so much. The purpose of courting was to get to know each other without all the physical involvement. So--now the question--do you feel like you are courting? Do you think this makes your relationship stronger than one you would be in on the outside? Do you feel like you are truly getting to know him or is it just a perception? Looking forward to see how you view this...

lol: it does feel a little like junior high and high school courtship. Yes for me it makes our relationship much stronger, because on the outside your looking at impressing someone visually making yourself more appealing to the eye.

Yes I do feel as though with each letter, each phone call, etc we are both getting to know each other much better than the simple dinner or movie dates that I have been on.

d'ang25
08-06-2009, 03:05 PM
Yeah cuz you cant have sex. Sex makes everything complicated so when you wait and are focusing on other things then you value the relationship alot more

PTO-189145
08-06-2009, 03:10 PM
wow. what a nice perspective on it. very nicely put!! I def feel like were getting to know eachother better... even tho I've known him six years lol.

LittleWing13
08-06-2009, 03:24 PM
Sweet! I've never thought of it like that. I think that a lot of things should go back to the way they were back in the day.

thatwiz
08-06-2009, 03:26 PM
I don't think you get to know someone better. It's too controlled of an environment. If you don't know how a person will react in various situations, I don't feel you really know them. Without sex, I don't think makes it less or more complicated. I would rather have sex and know whats what, so thats just another unknown in the mix. I don't feel that makes it better.

Patty
08-06-2009, 03:33 PM
I was listening to older people talk about dating back in the day and I started to think that being with a man in prison is a lot like courting. You are never left alone--closely monitored--limited access--long phone calls--heart -felt love letters--thoughtful gifts that mean so much. The purpose of courting was to get to know each other without all the physical involvement. So--now the question--do you feel like you are courting? Do you think this makes your relationship stronger than one you would be in on the outside? Do you feel like you are truly getting to know him or is it just a perception? Looking forward to see how you view this...

For those that know me this will sound ironic but the truth is I so enjoyed the "old fashioned courtship" of our MWI relationship. It was something I had never experienced prior to this relationship.

For us it definitely made us a strong and united couple before he was released and prepared us for what was to come upon release. We discussed every and anything, all topics, good, bad and ugly, dreams, goals, dealbreakers etc. Communication is key to any successful relationship and you certainly get many opportunities for that in MWI relationships. :)

Patty

dijonjake
08-06-2009, 04:52 PM
Yes thanks for posting this!!!! I feel like a school girl again!!! When were at visits we sneak in our little extra kisses when the CO's aren't too close. The love letters are the best love letters I have ever rec'd! And to top it all off, today he somehow found a way to send me flowers and a large box of candy!!!! All the card said was "Surprise, I Love You" I know I hope that our relationship lasts froever because this is one of the best relationships I have ever had. Even when we dont agree with one another, we handle it. There is no heated words or discussions. We just get quiet on the issue, then we work on a compromise. But I love courting with my man!!!!!!

PTO-79211
08-06-2009, 05:04 PM
I feel that it is a lot like "Old Fashioned Courting" which I love. I look forward to every call...every letter...every encounter and its not about jumping into bed right after a meal, there is still some mystery left to one another which is very appealing. :o

It has made us stronger to have met the way we did. It has taught us to communicate and to be more understanding of one another. We didnt just hop into bed or meet with a ton of drinks in our system...it has been very romantic and real. Its "bearing our souls before bearing the clothes" so to speak ;)

HesMyForever
08-06-2009, 05:22 PM
I have joked about this before with my love about how our relationship is more "traditional" than many of today's relationships. :) I love it.

RBecca
08-06-2009, 05:36 PM
Yes the courtship is the way it should be, I've know my fiance for 17 years. He was a roommate "friend with priveleges" once long ago. We never had a relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend. As soon as he entered the system 9 years ago, I thought of him more and more. Wrote him off and on, then the last 3 years consistant. Began a heartfelt relationship, became engaged, and have a deeper connection. As I read THATWIZ comment, I agreed. You don't know how the person would be out here in this world. Although I met him 17 years ago and he was a roommate for a short 6 months along with another roommate, I didn't really know him. "courting" through prison, that is the man I fell in love with. And although we had sex long ago a few times crossing each others path, I just feel it will be much better with all the deep feelings that had grown over the last three years. It all depends how open you have become with him, and how much faith you have it the relationship working when he's home. You deal with alot of emotions while they are down, and you learn to know them quite well, as they learn alot about you too. I would like to think that we will be okay when he comes home. It will be perfect in our own way, because LoveNevrFails!!!

Wobabi
08-06-2009, 05:40 PM
Sorry but this MWI situation is NO comparison to “old fashioned courting” to “me”,,:o
I wish it was.
But back in my day “Courting” meant a man coming to your house, meeting your parents, with flowers or a gift for your Mother and then TAKING YOU OUT to a restaurant or a movie and then dropping you back off at the front door to give you a nice sloppy kiss good night.
And by the third or fourth date we would be at Lovers Lane in Fairmount Park doing some heavy petting!:D
However my dude and I did have a Prison version of courting. And sad to say in my case Phone Sex did come before we committed to each other:rolleyes:,,,go figure!
I truly believe that if Boo and I were on the outside our relationship would be 1000 times better, stronger,enjoyable ect ect!
It just would.
We like to DO things. We are outdoorsy types. Long Car drives to nowhere. Spur of the moment picnics after dark by the Lake.
Being able to talk til the sun comes up.
I really think Boo and I have a whole nother half of the relationship to explore and experience when he is FREE.
It will only be as strong as a relationship can be, side by side, FREE.
This is BABI’s view on this-good topic!:thumbsup:

Snowbaby62
08-06-2009, 06:29 PM
I was listening to older people talk about dating back in the day and I started to think that being with a man in prison is a lot like courting. You are never left alone--closely monitored--limited access--long phone calls--heart -felt love letters--thoughtful gifts that mean so much. The purpose of courting was to get to know each other without all the physical involvement. So--now the question--do you feel like you are courting? Do you think this makes your relationship stronger than one you would be in on the outside? Do you feel like you are truly getting to know him or is it just a perception? Looking forward to see how you view this...


This is a good topic.

I have thought about this many times because I believe our society has forgotten about the whole "courting" thing which is unfortunate because all those things were necessary to build solid relationships. I think that is what is wrong with single men today...they have forgotten how to "court" a woman, they think a coupla emails, or phone calls and its off to horizontal games. I am old fashioned so I like that there is limited physical contact, the long romantic letters, anticipating the calls...sometimes you just have to look at the positive of any situation.

BlueEyedEllie
08-06-2009, 06:54 PM
For those that know me this will sound ironic but the truth is I so enjoyed the "old fashioned courtship" of our MWI relationship. It was something I had never experienced prior to this relationship.

For us it definitely made us a strong and united couple before he was released and prepared us for what was to come upon release. We discussed every and anything, all topics, good, bad and ugly, dreams, goals, dealbreakers etc. Communication is key to any successful relationship and you certainly get many opportunities for that in MWI relationships. :)

Patty

absolutely i agree. i LOVE the old-fashioned courtship of all this. his love letters touch my heart like nobody's business. and i realize once he gets out he won't have near the time but he still swears he's gonna leave love notes in my lunches to find when i'm at work,lil notes on my windshield,etc. and his phone calls,well after almost 4 years,i STILL get butterflies in my stomach when i see doc come up on my caller id. this is a really really cute thread.

MichiJC
08-06-2009, 08:04 PM
I had always felt like romance was just about dead and i mean old fashion romance. I felt like in this age it was almost like the opposite from how they used to date. Most of my friends meet a guy, have sex, and then they try and some what get to know each other and then see if it fits.
I do feel like I have old fashion romance...and it's what i wanted for a long time. I didn't know how it would come about but i have it now with my David and I am very happy.
and I do believe it has helped us create a sturdy foundation to our relationship. And it builds even more anticipation for intimacy as well. :)

mrschris
08-06-2009, 08:55 PM
definitely courting. six years worth of courting *basically lol*. now i'm ready for more of the real deal. our actual time together spanned only a few months...then 5 years of courting! blah.

Temeron0926
08-07-2009, 12:17 AM
I don't doubt for one minute that "courting" this way makes our relationship stronger. Without the physical (sex) being involved, we have no choice but to get to know each other the way we have. Ray and I were best of friends before it ever became romantic. Now he is my love, my life, my soul mate. I truly believe that had we met on the outside, we would still have become "involved" but I am afraid the sex would have messed it up. Meaning that we would have slept together long before we are now able to, and once you do that, it changes the dynamics of the relationship. I am not sure we would have become best friends at that point. I am not even sure we would have lasted this long.............15 years and counting!

gemma2656
08-07-2009, 05:30 AM
You know I never thought of it has courting, but I guess it really is. I know it makes our relationship stronger. But at the same time I can't wait until I can put my hands on him lol.

BRWNIS
08-07-2009, 08:05 AM
I liked this topic, it's sweet. Yes, I do feel like we are courting, to some extent I have to agree with some of what Wobabi said, it would be even better if we were able to go places together and end the date at the door with a kiss, but for right now that isn't to be, so we take what we can get and roll on with it. Honestly I can't say if he was out we would be doing the old fashion courting we would have put sex in the mix before we would have committed to one another......... I know me..........I like the fact I am "forced" so to speak to write letters and visit without the physical contact (sex)..... the ties are stronger.

AaronsBeautiful
08-07-2009, 09:28 AM
I was listening to older people talk about dating back in the day and I started to think that being with a man in prison is a lot like courting. You are never left alone--closely monitored--limited access--long phone calls--heart -felt love letters--thoughtful gifts that mean so much. The purpose of courting was to get to know each other without all the physical involvement. So--now the question--do you feel like you are courting? Do you think this makes your relationship stronger than one you would be in on the outside? Do you feel like you are truly getting to know him or is it just a perception? Looking forward to see how you view this...


IT does seem like that doesn't it but you have to take your time and get to know some one the old fashion way. Not to ofeened someone but get to know someone and get right to the sack with them. Your talking through letters and talking on the phone and visiting haha the guards are mom and dad makeing sure you do not get to close or are touching to much. Hahaha or grand ma and grand papa looking to make sure your not kissing smooching hahaha! If relationships were like this today on the out side just maybe they would last. Like back in the day.

t'slovingwife
08-08-2009, 10:54 AM
Wow love the responses...
I think T and I spend more time talking--sometimes 6 or 7 hours at a time--than we ever would out here. There is always so much going on. I love and cherish our time together. We get to talk about all sorts of things--childhood, memories, family, philosophy...all that and more. For us, it has been a blessing.

LovingSoul4u2
08-10-2009, 08:34 AM
I was listening to older people talk about dating back in the day and I started to think that being with a man in prison is a lot like courting. You are never left alone--closely monitored--limited access--long phone calls--heart -felt love letters--thoughtful gifts that mean so much. The purpose of courting was to get to know each other without all the physical involvement. So--now the question--do you feel like you are courting? Do you think this makes your relationship stronger than one you would be in on the outside? Do you feel like you are truly getting to know him or is it just a perception? Looking forward to see how you view this...

I've often compared my relationship with my husband as having an "old time courtship" like my Grandmother used to talk about. Although our courtship before marriage wasn't that long, we were married within 9 months of us meeting, that courtship is still going on. We've learned about each other without the physical aspect of love. That's where you really get to know a person! You learn their likes and their dislikes as well as they learn yours. Even though there is no physical intimacy there truly was intimacy in every other facet. The long letters and the hours of phone calls and the "I can't believe my phone bill is this high!" Even though we wrote each and every day, and still do, those phone calls mean the world to us. There still is a true "courtship" even though we've now been married 6 years and 10 months! Although I would have loved for our circumstances to be different, I am grateful for this time we've gotten to know each other in this way. But I also know this was how it was meant to be for us. I often tell my husband that if it had not been for his incarceration I don't think that we would have gotten together as soon as we did. I do believe we would have eventually gotten together but so much "other stuff" would have been in the way.

As for those who have a relationship on the outside, there are some differences that I've seen. This is not every one but to me people take for granted that their significant other will always be there. Take for instance one married couple that lives by me, they are never in the same car together, and it seems like they don't do anything with one another. That's not to say that I know what's going on behind closed doors. Then there is one who husband just was released from prison. They are always fighting (and I mean physically fighting with each other) and arguing with one another. I remember when our husbands were at the same prison and we would take turns driving each week how she longed for him to be home. That's definitely how it is now! I knew she would know what it was like to not have him home but I do believe she's forgotten that.

To sum it all up, I know this has made our relationship and marriage stronger, I truly am getting to know him and he me, and I am definitely courting the old fashioned way.

badd bxtch
08-10-2009, 08:58 AM
Now that you mention it, it DOES feel like old fashioned courting lol, and i LIKE it!

Men are able to find beauty in your personality, in your writing, in your voice.. in YOU rather than 'damn girl, you got a nice booty' lol. You are FORCED to take it slow, rather than give in to temptation. I don't feel pressure, I don't feel like I'm being asked to do anything I don't want, and I don't feel like I have to re-arrange my life for him. I have time to finish school and do everything I want to do for myself.. so that way when he gets out.. we can focus on us 100% ;]

ki2my
09-02-2009, 02:56 PM
I always tell people who have doubts about my relationship that we know each other better than they do with their physical relationship. Writing takes a lot of dedication, not only that, it's easier to say certain things because the person is not in front of you so you get to know the person for who that person is w/o any distractions. I love how close we are, if he was in front of me I would be too shy to tell him certain things. He's not quite my MWI i've know him from High School but got with him in prison. This is exactly like a courtship. Even visitation is another aspect of old time courtship, it's almost as if you have a chaperone (aka C.O.'s). :)

*~King'sQueen~*
09-02-2009, 11:11 PM
I was listening to older people talk about dating back in the day and I started to think that being with a man in prison is a lot like courting. You are never left alone--closely monitored--limited access--long phone calls--heart -felt love letters--thoughtful gifts that mean so much. The purpose of courting was to get to know each other without all the physical involvement. So--now the question--do you feel like you are courting? Do you think this makes your relationship stronger than one you would be in on the outside? Do you feel like you are truly getting to know him or is it just a perception? Looking forward to see how you view this...


Yes, I always have considered our relationship a lot like courting! It's so old school I thought about threading about it once, but thought no one would know what I was talking about. :p

Larkspur
05-13-2010, 10:13 PM
How funny!! Because S just send me a letter assuring me that he wasn't "courting" any other women. I love that word.

PEN PAL 2 FEW
05-14-2010, 10:30 PM
One of the things I find so romantic is the letter writing, it reminds me of the way things used to be back in the days, when I hear my grandmother and family talk about how they used to exchange letters while their men were overseas, well, even though my man is not overseas, lol, just the whole letter thing, exchange, just makes that much more interesting, getting to know someone via pen and paper, not just rushing in to intimacy and like having a one night stand, I just find it so romantic in an old fashioned kinda way;):o

Temeron0926
05-16-2010, 04:37 PM
I totally think this is like the old fashioned courting. No, I don't know how he will act or react out here in the "free" world, but I DO know that this time has brought us much closer together, given us a very firm foundation of friendship first and has strengthened our realtionship with every day he has been in there. We talk about everything under the sun, we are best friends and will continue to be when he is free. I truly believe that not being able to have sex is a good thing for us........trust me, sex fro mthe get go would have ruined our relationship, of that I have no doubt. So, YES, I believe that we are "courting" and that once he gets out, this "courting" will have cemented our relationship for the rest of our lives.

BrinaM
05-17-2010, 08:07 PM
It's been 4yrs and i'm still blushing at times, i do feel like we are courting.

Yes i do feel that courting has made our relationship stronger because had he been out here from the beginning we wouldn't have gotten to the depths in which we have now reached emotionally.

Out here they show less emotions and you rarely get to see their sensitive side. In there they are at the emotional edge with men all around them.

They get to start anew, they can tell us all things because we become a friend and emotional support to them first just my us writing and calls.

I feel we are getting to know the real them. I dont see the need for them to lie when they dont have too. neither of us knew the other so may as well come straight.

We have the choice to go further or just remain a friend.

june5
05-19-2010, 10:01 PM
"Courting" is not anything I ever really thought about or that interested me. Don't need a chaperone, would rather be face-to-face than write letters or talk on the phone if it's possible. I do think mwi can be reasonably compared to the old-school courting theme, though. I personally haven't felt anything romantic about the *situation*. I feel like *despite* the situation, somehow, someway I found the right person for me and I am blessed. I wish we could be alone and looking forward to it (just to not have to sit across the table from each other would be nice). I wouldn't have been intimate with him for a good while if he had been out, so prison didn't "stop" me in that sense. I don't know, just to me I don't see it as romantic at all, but I do feel like having the right person, it's amazing that I am happier than I have ever been, and know that my husband would make me happy *anywhere.*