View Full Version : Your Inmate's Personality After Prison (Did it change or stay the same?)


NoahsMama
08-02-2009, 12:16 AM
This question is mostly for those who have already had their inmate come home to them.:thumbsup: Did your inmate come home an entirely different person? Or did they come home acting as if they had almost never left and you were able to continue on as if they weren't imprisoned for some time?
I hope my husband comes home the same man, even though I know he has experienced something I never will quite be able to understand...I hope he is able to snap right back into mine and our son's lives like he wasn't gone for almost 2 years.:) I'd like others to share how their experiences were/are, and for those of you who are waiting like me for your loved one to come home, do you have the same worries? :confused:

bluesapphire
08-02-2009, 01:10 PM
After 20 years my xhusband came out like he never was gone. Thought of me as still his wife and even talked and visited with my mother. Call her his motherinlaw. It was like time stood still the whole 20 years he was in prison.
My thing was I was remarried and wanted nothing to do with the man.

I'm sure your man will come back just the way he left. Loving you all the more...

Random_2
08-02-2009, 01:41 PM
Hopefully your guy will not be wanting to do the things that got him locked up in the first place (I have no idea what he's in for), but other than that, I hope he's the same.

Mine came home a healthier person because he learned to recognize patterns that led him to his offense. He has interventions in place now so he won't go down any destructive paths again. Other than that, he is the same. He was in for 3.5 years.

only1love
08-02-2009, 09:53 PM
I have already seen a big change in my fiance. Not good either. This has had a very negative impact on his life and I have no fantasy that when he comes home, he will revert back to his old self. Too much has happened. Too many disappointments while discovering that the justice system is not even remotely about justice. He is also in sort of a denial in the sense that he thinks life has been standing still while he has been gone and everything will be as he remembers it!
I am not afraid of him. I am afraid for him. The worst is yet to come. I know him better than anyone else and he has not crashed yet. he just thinks he did.
I hope that I have the strength to see him through what is in store for him with all the labels and restrictions that he will have to deal with now.
I figure it will be a balancing act of showing love while backing off and letting him find his way now that everything he knew to be true is now just a lie.

sixmonths
08-03-2009, 06:07 AM
After his first bid where he served 2 years, he came home cocky, arrogant, with the idea he could use crack cocaine recreationally. He did a lot around the house, but he didn't work, and got angry when I told him he needed a job. He was scattered, not able to focus one activity. Less than one year later, he's back in prison for the exact same crime that was fueled by his use of crack.

I filed divorce papers, didn't talk to him for almost a year, had to talk to him about his kids, and I noticed a change. No arrogance. He seemed humbled.

I let him come home when he was given work release. He is changed. Works full time, does one thing at a time, just sees family. We have a lot of fun together. He says he knows that for him drug use = prison, and he's never going back. If he does....we are DONE.

NurseJacqui82
08-03-2009, 05:56 PM
Well my Bf came home a totally new man...Its only been 10 days, but the difference is amazing. He's more affectionate, and appriciative. He listens more and our communication skills have completely improved! Alot of the changes were already happening on the inside. He used to be a Drug Dealer, No more of that lifestyle is probably the reason for his changes.....The fact that he used to be out till 4am, and high all the time and running the street really influences your personality. So far so good!

gods mercy
08-06-2009, 02:18 AM
well amy my hubby came home a new man more appreciated, more careing, and loveing, cleans cooks, does lots of things for me.. the love is much more stronger between us !!!

coolbeanz1916
08-16-2009, 01:49 PM
my hubby got 14 days this las time and got out august 14th 2009. i have noticed a change. he pays more attention to me. our communication is better.

ahannah1561
08-16-2009, 09:07 PM
i am going to be honest here! sometimes he is the same man i feel inlove with, lovey dovey and touchy and laughing... but then there is a beast in that man that makes me want to scream!!! after almost a decade (almost all of his 20's) in prison i cant expect him to come home and everything just be OK!! that is unrealistic...

amy

frontlinelady
08-17-2009, 03:54 PM
I have noticed something changed but for the most part he is still the same. I still pray some of the things I wished had change God will either change my perspective on or change him. Don't get me wrong...he is a wonderful man..he was before he left and he came home a wonderful man but you ladies that are married and have been down this road know what I am talking about. There is always something we pray about that only God can change and then agian maybe it is something within us that needs to changed so God leaves him alone and works on us. ;)

Lostwife
08-19-2009, 09:24 PM
Mine came home after 3.5 years the first few weeks were great, but then he went right back to the very thing that got him there in the first place Crack Cocaine. I realized that alot of things he was saying while gone was just "jail talk". My husband was in prison for a reason, and even though he was gone all that time it did not matter, he is a drug addict always will be. As I sit here typing this he is in prison again, I have filed for divorce and he has called me 14 times today, I have the ringer turned off on the phone.. I DESERVE better and will have better, I have learned my lesson no more visits, collect calls, letter 0 I am done. This is just my personal experience, I have known people who have went to prison and came out brand new, and never wanted to go back, and made sure they lived a life where they would not ever have to go there again. I wish you and your man the best.. :)

tilforever08
08-21-2009, 10:42 PM
for me, i already know things won't be the same..
he has a daughter he's never met, and will have missed out on almost 2 years of her life.
when he left, i was pregnant and there was nothing but us 2 around.. now, he will come home to 3 and be responsible and be a parent.. i can't imagine how scary that will be for him. i've had time to adjust to being a mom (my daughter is only 4 months old) but to him when he comes home, it will be a shock. she will be a toddler "shoved" into his life. i'm hoping he will be able to handle this.
responsibility will also be a shock to him. because it isnt just us anymore, its us and the baby girl.

i wish i could say my husband came home the same person last time, but i dont think so. things werent what they seemed. the letters were a completely different person, my husband had anger issues, control issues, "you're controlling my life" issues, etc. we almost divorced over it a few times.

this life isn't easy. i seriously pray for the ones who come into this willingly. i would never put myself in this situation by choice. my hat is off to you!

mrscooper
09-07-2009, 08:41 AM
Mine came home after 3.5 years the first few weeks were great, but then he went right back to the very thing that got him there in the first place Crack Cocaine. I realized that alot of things he was saying while gone was just "jail talk". My husband was in prison for a reason, and even though he was gone all that time it did not matter, he is a drug addict always will be. As I sit here typing this he is in prison again, I have filed for divorce and he has called me 14 times today, I have the ringer turned off on the phone.. I DESERVE better and will have better, I have learned my lesson no more visits, collect calls, letter 0 I am done. This is just my personal experience, I have known people who have went to prison and came out brand new, and never wanted to go back, and made sure they lived a life where they would not ever have to go there again. I wish you and your man the best.. :)

I am so sorry that you are going through this pain... I truely am...

Johnnysgirl4788
09-19-2009, 11:17 PM
I completely understand how you feel, my man said and wrote everything I wanted to hear, everything he needed to say to "con" me into taking him back. The worse part is in the back of my head I knew things hadn't changed but i let my emotions get the better of me cuz i missed him. I missed the good times where he can be the most gentle and loving man, but the addict in him...is still there. I give you credit for being able to be strong I'm hoping one day I will have the courage to simply walk away and not look back. He got out in May after almost a 3 year bid and where is he now...in county jail, he has been for a month. same ole...same ole.. Good luck my dear....I hope everything works out for you because you do deserve to be happy.

frontlinelady
09-24-2009, 09:40 PM
Please know my prayers are with you. My heart hurts so much to read your story and so many others here. The chains of addiction are not beyond being broke. I will keep you in my prayers and the so many others who have loved ones being held captive not only in prison but by the chains of addiction. Much love and blessings! AJ
I completely understand how you feel, my man said and wrote everything I wanted to hear, everything he needed to say to "con" me into taking him back. The worse part is in the back of my head I knew things hadn't changed but i let my emotions get the better of me cuz i missed him. I missed the good times where he can be the most gentle and loving man, but the addict in him...is still there. I give you credit for being able to be strong I'm hoping one day I will have the courage to simply walk away and not look back. He got out in May after almost a 3 year bid and where is he now...in county jail, he has been for a month. same ole...same ole.. Good luck my dear....I hope everything works out for you because you do deserve to be happy.

frontlinelady
09-24-2009, 09:43 PM
It took courage for you to write this and share so I already know you have a strength within you. My prayers will be with you as you continue to move forward with your life. I will be praying that the chains of addiction are broken. Blessings and Favor, AJ

Mine came home after 3.5 years the first few weeks were great, but then he went right back to the very thing that got him there in the first place Crack Cocaine. I realized that alot of things he was saying while gone was just "jail talk". My husband was in prison for a reason, and even though he was gone all that time it did not matter, he is a drug addict always will be. As I sit here typing this he is in prison again, I have filed for divorce and he has called me 14 times today, I have the ringer turned off on the phone.. I DESERVE better and will have better, I have learned my lesson no more visits, collect calls, letter 0 I am done. This is just my personal experience, I have known people who have went to prison and came out brand new, and never wanted to go back, and made sure they lived a life where they would not ever have to go there again. I wish you and your man the best.. :)

codasgirl04
05-25-2010, 09:57 PM
well mine came home last december and everyone knows that i was a PTO junkie on here lol!
he was the "perfect" guy for a month then i got pregnant and he went right back to being the same person, to him leaving me at five months pregnant, having to try and find a job while being pregnant since i got fired from mine when i found out i was pregnant. I had to get a restraining order on him in February of this year. So i wish ya'll the best of luck

NY-Done
05-26-2010, 02:08 PM
Well my Bf came home a totally new man...Its only been 10 days, but the difference is amazing. He's more affectionate, and appriciative. He listens more and our communication skills have completely improved! Alot of the changes were already happening on the inside. He used to be a Drug Dealer, No more of that lifestyle is probably the reason for his changes.....The fact that he used to be out till 4am, and high all the time and running the street really influences your personality. So far so good!

Let me find out he was in there watching Steve Ward's Tough Love program!! :D

NY-Done
05-26-2010, 02:11 PM
well mine came home last december and everyone knows that i was a PTO junkie on here lol!
he was the "perfect" guy for a month then i got pregnant and he went right back to being the same person, to him leaving me at five months pregnant, having to try and find a job while being pregnant since i got fired from mine when i found out i was pregnant. I had to get a restraining order on him in February of this year. So i wish ya'll the best of luck

Yeah, unfortunately, for the first few whatevers (days, weeks or months) that they're out, they try to walk a straight line, but gradually, sometimes, who he is creeps out because sometimes, we can't help who and what we are. My ex was good the first time he came home, he lasted 5 months, which was a first in his life, because before he met me no later than 2 days after release, he was *back out there*.

BlueEyedEllie
05-31-2010, 06:26 AM
His personality remains the same,though he is much more panicky if he thinks something is wrong.Though his personality itself hasn't changed,there are unexpected problems that make some days very difficult.Anyone who expects their man to come out doing everything perfectly or acting like the perfect angel is in for a rude awakening.Just because they may have some serious struggles,does NOT mean they are not sincere about change.....It's up to the woman what she is or isn't willing to put up with and go from there.I truly wish all the best to those whose men are home or are on their way home.This is not an easy journey.

candy
05-31-2010, 09:03 PM
My husband was in 15 years. He came out the same man. He always had a nice personality where he didn't raise his voice, wasn't abusive, always giving advice and trying to solve problems and help where he can. He was always sweet and always my best friend. He went in as a boy and came out as a man.

babesgirl
06-01-2010, 07:47 PM
Babe has only been out for a few days, but he has changed for the better. He doesn't want to be with his old friends, takes care of me and the kids, and is looking for a job. He is more affectionate now though :) It's just like he never left. The only change that I don't like is he is really jumpy over every little sound.