When I got the call that my husband was finally placed in a halfway house, I was told I could bring him clothes and toiletries/necessities.

I was so delighted to finally be able, after four years, to give him something nice. I wanted to give him all the things he had been deprived of: colors, scents, sensations.

I went to the pharmacy and spent $ 124 on "stuff". Much of it was necessary - toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, razors, etc. etc.

I also bought him 5 kinds of shampoo ...little sample bottles of Aveda. All wonderful scents. I wanted him to have a different one each day to enjoy.
The first day he told me how much he liked the scent of the one he had tried, and then the next day, when I asked, "which one did you try today?" I was disappointed to learn he had used the first one, again. Next day, the same one, once again.
I became a little frustrated, eager for him to experience all he had been deprived of..."why don't you try the others?" I asked (CLUELESS!)

He could not figure why he was so stuck on one and I could not figure out why he would not try them all. He became indignant, I became frustrated and hurt. Then it hit us. Too many choices too fast. Too much anxiety. Him "halfway" home but not really home.

We laughed, took a deep breath, and he promised to try a new shampoo then and there. He opened a second bottle, and now is stuck on that one. I don't ask about anything ... I just wait for him to feel comfortable and ask for things in his own time.

It's wonderful watching him blossom, slowly, tentatively.

Thanks for sharing, I'll remember this when it's my b/f turn to go to halfway house. I would have probalbly reacted the same way you did.

Thanks for sharing..... It shows everyone the kinds of ways incarceration will effect them in even smaller ways people won't expect....

Deb

they are used to having one item last a long time, and used to choices being made for them....so he did not know or even think it would bother you, I am sure, to use only one shampoo...nice thought.