View Full Version : What would you do?
01-09-2004, 11:48 PM
I was wondering if I could get some advice on something. My guy is suppose to find out when he is getting out next month and which halfway house he is going to. We were talking and he brought up that he cant guaratee that he would not sleep with someone else if they wont let me go up there. I have been faithful since he been in prison. Is it wrong for me to be upset and hurt about what he said to me. He had me meet his brother and his wife and now his mom wants to meet me. I known him before he went in prison, but didnt get to really know each other till he was incarcerated. I really apprecate any advice you could get, I am really confused and not sure what to do.
01-10-2004, 12:20 AM
I an only say how I would feel if I got that from my guy. I would be hurt and I would be upset and insercure. I would feel that maybe he didn't care enough, or respect me ('us') enough to provide what I need in a relationship.
Yes, I know, our guys have been a long time without but they have elarned how to handle it and , hey! for most of us, so have we!
I guess it would depend a lot on what level of committment you are at with him and how each of you feel about the value of staying faithful. It might be good if you could talk honestly about your feelings, he, obviously, was trying to do that about his perspective. sigh It's a tough one.
01-10-2004, 01:35 AM
Thanks caprione for your advice. We usually talk about everything and he knows it bothers me. Like I said I have learn to handle it and been faithful cause he is the only one I can imagine myself being with. Thats why I was hurt when he told me that. He knows how I feel about him as I do him. I am one if you truly want a relationship to work if I feel its right. But sometimes I feel since he has been in there for so long I shouldnt ask him to wait, but again I feel if he really wants our relationship to work he will wait just like I did. I have to say I have never been so confused and hurt :(
01-10-2004, 01:40 AM
u are right , u waited he should also
altho i must apprciate the honesty , from him 2 u , but dayummmmmmmm !
tell his butt how u feel !!
01-10-2004, 09:40 AM
Thanks QQ for your advice. He is suppose to call me tonight and I will tell him how I feel. Cant say I'm not nervous tho, but he wont know unless I tell him. I will update what he says when I talk to him. Hopefully I wont need more advice. Thanks again.
01-10-2004, 10:18 AM
I too can only tell you how I would feel. I think I would be feeling exactly as you are. It would hurt me alot. Like a knife through my heart. Because I have waited to be with him. Why can't he wait a little longer to be with me? I would have to let him know he really hurt me. I always believe if it was meant to be it will happen. But just waiting and getting there is a different story. I would have to decide how I would feel if he didn't wait? If I wanted to continue the relationship? If I really loved him could we work through this? But that is something no one else can decide for you. Just follow your heart. He might have just trying to get an reaction from you. To see where you are really coming from. Good luck. Keep us posted.
01-10-2004, 12:41 PM
i too would be very upset if my man told me he wanted to sleep with someone else when he got out. I know it's been a long time for him, but just how he got thru it this long, he can get thru it a little longer. Yes his honesty is commendable, but thats not enough. I would really start thinking twice about this relationship, and try to find out what his agenda really is. Don't waste anymore time waiting for him, if it won't be in your best interest in the end. Kook out for # 1 and that's you my dear. Good Luck! Stay Strong!!
01-10-2004, 09:29 PM
How do I know if its for my best interest or not?? I see where your coming from, I have to say I have never imagine myself without him. Thats why I have been so faithful. I am just afraid of telling my feelings cause I dont like being hurt and afraid of rejection. Thanks you guys for your support!! I really appreciate it.
roc city girl
01-10-2004, 11:08 PM
Nyla, girl i ain't even tryn to lie, but i wouldn't even be upset. I'd be PIST off!!! You didn't state how long you waited on this guy, not that it should matter cause dang it you did wait on him!! Also, if there any reason why you think you won't be allowed to visit him??
I hope when you talk yout guy he understands how much this is hurting you. He is being rather selfish and i know if you told him something like what he told you that he would not appreciate it. I really hope that everything works out for the better.
01-11-2004, 12:15 PM
Thanks roc-city for your support. I have been faithful for over a year, we met through a friend of mine that was in prison with him. I cant visit cause I am on probation, so we keep contact over the phone. When we started talkin I found out we hung out with the same friends when we were younger. I knew him back then, but not personally. He had me meet his brother and his wife and now his mom wants to meet me. I was going to tell him that it bothers me last nite when he was suppose to call, but for some reason he didnt call last nite (which is unusual, cause when he says he going to call he calls). Yes I do get pist sometimes when I think about it, but more hurt than anything. Soon as I talk to him I will let you know what happens. Thanks again for everyone support, it really does help take the heat off!
01-11-2004, 07:15 PM
if bryan were to tell me some bull like that after i waited x amount of years for him , i would curse his ass out!! forget about "atleast he was being honest".
He should've let you know how it would be prior to you doing this bid with him.
him telling you that there's a possibility that he cant abstane from sex is just saying he doesnt want to or he doesn't love you enough to wait JMO
supposed you and he were together in the same town and for some reason you were not able to have sex. will he then say look my **** is hard you can't give me what i want so let me go get it from someone else?? :rolleyes:
L-rd have mercy i wish bryan would tell me some mess like that :fb: if your man went all this time with out sex what difference will a few more months make. and who is he going to have sex with so fast in this day and age ? does he know anyone up there? do you suspect him of communicating with any other females while he is locked up?
You have to sit down and really think about this, if you loved him enough to be celibate , why cant he do the same??
good luck, and stay strong!
01-11-2004, 07:20 PM
I totally agree with what bryanssong is saying. Boy, if I did without all this time, and was faithful to him, and he couldn't wait a little bit longer for ME - I think that says a lot about the relationship. It sounds to me like you deserve a whole lot better.
01-11-2004, 07:40 PM
I finally talked to him and told him how I felt. He said the only reason he says that is because he doesnt know how he is going to react. He doesnt want to lose our friendship that we have been soulmates and best friends, that I have always been there for him. But when he gets out he will tell me exactly how he feels cause while he is incarcerated its hard for him to express how he feels cause he doesnt know one day to the next if they will let him out. Everytime he thinks he getting out they come up with something else and end up staying longer and he's already over his maximum. He ask me to be patient with him until he gets out, cause he doesnt know how he is going to handle the outside world since he has been locked up for so long. I guess I will have to wait and see what happens when he gets out. He did say he noticed it bothered me and he doesnt want to upset or hurt me, cause he cares about me. So I am going to take it one day at a time and when he gets out and see what happens. I love him with all my heart and hope it works out for the best and still will be faithful till the end. You guys are the greatest, I dont know what I would do with PTO!!! No ones seems to understand unless they are in our shoes.
01-11-2004, 10:32 PM
I have read the posts and I have to put my 2 cents in. If this guy was to get out and couldnt wait for you as you have been waiting for him the past year then he is not worth having. I would be pissed off and very hurt if my fiance were to tell me that he didnt know if he could wait for me. I mean men can have self control and there are other things he could do rather than look for someone else to sleep with. Hes telling you to be patient with him because he doesnt know how hes going to react when he gets out. In my opinion if he cant promise you now that he can be faithful to you once he is released then he doesnt care enough about your feelings and your relationship, and I wouldnt be waiting for him any longer. Does he think of you as a "couple" or as just friends? When do you get off of probation? Just curious on how long he would need to wait for you. If ya ever need to talk send me a pm.
01-12-2004, 09:27 AM
Thats a good question, cause he talks about all the things we are going to do when he gets out and spending our life together. But while he his incarcerated he tells me he cant tell me how he feels. I am on probation for 2 years. Thanks for listening Brandy. Right now I am not sure what I am going to do, cause I do love him with all my heart, but again I dont want to wait if he not going to be there for me in the end. All I have is hope, and thats what keeps me going.