ok this is gonna be alil long but here goes,
i met my ex in aug of 07, the emotional abuse started just months after us getting together then came the psycal stuff. in march of 08 we moved to iowa from wisconsin i thought if we moved away from the stuff that was "stressing" him out things would get better. however on the 4th of july everything got real bad, i was the only one working and he want money for drugs, i said no he beat me up, left and took the phone with him. when he got back i had changed the password on my computer, which really made him mad after chasing me around the apartment dragged me across the pace by my hair (our male roommate and another guy watched this and left) after they left he choked me til i blacked out screaming that if i didnt tell him the password i would be sorry after blacking out for a second time i came to and saw him wrapping a towel around his fist so i told him the password, later that night i called my friend she called my mom and they convinced me to go to the ER and get checked out the ER docs called the police, and he was arrested that night.
my life has had many ups and downs since that night, 2 things that have been hardest for me to deal with is i am trying to move on with my life but everytime i start dating a guy i push them away thinking they are going to do what he did, the other thing is he resently was released and i dont feel safe, i have a 5 year no contact order on him but that piece of paper doesnt make me feel any safer.
will i ever feel normal again? will i ever feel safe again?:(

Once he's been out a year, he will probably find someone else to focus on, which will take the pressure off you. As to letting others in, well, you've been to hell, so you need someone else to help you get back home, and that's something the domestic violence counselors do all the time. Once you begin to trust your own judgment about people again, and stay sufficiently distant to let them prove themselves before you get entangled (slow involvement), you will be on your way!

Baby, you've been through so much in such a short time that I'm amazed you're here asking about this... Give yourself a break. Work on just getting comfortable in your own skin again.. Counselling helps more than you might think and time works miracles....

You seem, though, to be ahead of the curve, just be prepared to enforce that protective order at the slightest violation- If he calls, writes, asks friends to pass messages- report it.

ok this is gonna be alil long but here goes,
i met my ex in aug of 07, the emotional abuse started just months after us getting together then came the psycal stuff. in march of 08 we moved to iowa from wisconsin i thought if we moved away from the stuff that was "stressing" him out things would get better. however on the 4th of july everything got real bad, i was the only one working and he want money for drugs, i said no he beat me up, left and took the phone with him. when he got back i had changed the password on my computer, which really made him mad after chasing me around the apartment dragged me across the pace by my hair (our male roommate and another guy watched this and left) after they left he choked me til i blacked out screaming that if i didnt tell him the password i would be sorry after blacking out for a second time i came to and saw him wrapping a towel around his fist so i told him the password, later that night i called my friend she called my mom and they convinced me to go to the ER and get checked out the ER docs called the police, and he was arrested that night.
my life has had many ups and downs since that night, 2 things that have been hardest for me to deal with is i am trying to move on with my life but everytime i start dating a guy i push them away thinking they are going to do what he did, the other thing is he resently was released and i dont feel safe, i have a 5 year no contact order on him but that piece of paper doesnt make me feel any safer.
will i ever feel normal again? will i ever feel safe again?:(


Yes you will feel safe again...eventually. I grew up in a violent house and it was so hard because you are supposed to feel safe at home. I'm 36 and sometimes I still look back and feel very sad but thankful I survived and healed physically and emotionally. I will remember you in my prayers x

Your story and mine are quite similar, and I know how you feel about not feeling safe, especially with him getting out soon, and how the RO doesnt really make you feel safe.
The RO actually shouldnt help you feel "safe," it is a piece of paper that you must use as a tool to your advantage. If he violates the order in any way, you must report it, regardless of anything, report it. In TX they get 3 times of breaking the order before they are sent to prison for violating the order, which in my opinion is 2 times more than they deserve!
All I can tell you is that getting a DV therapist that can work with you to hone your survival skills is your best bet. They will also teach you how to deal with a normal relationship.
My DV therapist told me that the skills I picked up, I cant ever let them go, not as long as my abuser is alive. He said to look at what I learned not as a hindrance, but as an asset now, something I have to pay attention to and use in order to feel as safe as possible.
There are some great books out there on DV, go pick up one, but also get something to help you to move forward. I began using my artwork with my journalling to express myself and my feelings, its truly helped.
You have a lot to be proud of girl, you werent with him for a long time for him to ensnare you further. Thats something to really be proud of. It took me several beatings before I finally had enough. You pat yourself on the back for doing so well.
My abuser gets out next March, and I have the same fears you do, but I tell myself what I will do if I do see him. I run through ways he might approach me, and think ahead what I will do. I also have placed all kinds of security in my house and will beef that up more just a couple of months before his release. Keep moving forward, you really are doing so well!

Reading ur post brougth tears to my eyes.
Been there, it's been a long time but if I close my eyes I can still see it all flash in front of me.
My abuser was my husband and father of my two boys.
The abuse began when I was pregnant with my first son and continued for 12 years. His addictions: alcohol, drugs, physical & mental abuse.
One day I just woke up and said "f..... it", I changed the locks, put his stuff outside and never looked back. He banged on my windows, called me on the phone. One minute he was so sweet, the next I was being called every name in the book. But I never caved in. I knew then I deserved better, shit my boys did too. I am not going to lie and tell it was easy, it wasn't, it was probably one of the hardest things to do in my life but I stayed focused.
I made it a point not to get involved in a relationship for a long time so I could focus on me.
Well 3 years later, I have found a man who treats me well.
As for the ex, no contact with him at all, have seen him a couple of times in court has tried to approach me but I just walk away....it is better that way.
REMEMBER YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF FIRST, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED NO MATTER WHAT THEY HAVE DONE. STAY STRONG.....
Oh by the way....I know feel safe :)
GOOD LUCK TO YOU

ok this is gonna be alil long but here goes,
i met my ex in aug of 07, the emotional abuse started just months after us getting together then came the psycal stuff. in march of 08 we moved to iowa from wisconsin i thought if we moved away from the stuff that was "stressing" him out things would get better. however on the 4th of july everything got real bad, i was the only one working and he want money for drugs, i said no he beat me up, left and took the phone with him. when he got back i had changed the password on my computer, which really made him mad after chasing me around the apartment dragged me across the pace by my hair (our male roommate and another guy watched this and left) after they left he choked me til i blacked out screaming that if i didnt tell him the password i would be sorry after blacking out for a second time i came to and saw him wrapping a towel around his fist so i told him the password, later that night i called my friend she called my mom and they convinced me to go to the ER and get checked out the ER docs called the police, and he was arrested that night.
my life has had many ups and downs since that night, 2 things that have been hardest for me to deal with is i am trying to move on with my life but everytime i start dating a guy i push them away thinking they are going to do what he did, the other thing is he resently was released and i dont feel safe, i have a 5 year no contact order on him but that piece of paper doesnt make me feel any safer.
will i ever feel normal again? will i ever feel safe again?:(