My husband has been in the detention center waiting for his sentencing for 60 days (today). I'm starting to worry that he might be changing!

He got a hold of an investment book and has now started planning for our future and how we need to create a Corporation for my home business and then create new businesses. I'm freightened that he's loosing reality in there!

He wants me to do all this and that but he's not realizing that to do this and that will take time and money. Something right now I am running short on! I don't want to discourage him cause I know this is keeping his mind busy, but UGGG!

Has anyone else seen a change in their husband? Is this typical that they grab onto something and constantly talk about.. in his letters and our phone calls.. it gets so much that I finally have to change the subject. Am I being silly?

Course I went last night and spent $85 sending him some more investment books cause it does seem to keep his mind busy and that he says is making the time go by faster.

I'm just feeling a little lost right now.

Thanks for listening.... B

I can only speak from what I get in letters. The friend I correspond with plans BIG. Big business and big money. I know it is not realistic but so what? Let them plan.
Usually if I stall (I act dumb) on his newest and greatest "adventure" he forgets it and its on to another one. I think that is easier for him than trying to explain A+B+C to me over and over again. hah...... hah

GaPeach....
JD has been in for almost 9 years now and he still does some of what you describe... he will get stuck on one thing and think about it constantly and talk/write about it constantly... he hasn't gotten on the financial plans, but his dreams are definitely big... I think it just comes from being in a place where you can't have much at all and realizing that when you did have your freedom you didn't do all you could with it... and really wanting to make the most of your life....
JD has also been incarcerated since 15... so he doesn't really have that much concept of either money or how busy life can really be out here, so we have the issue of him demanding big.... He seems to accept it when I have the "budget" talk with him, but I have had to have it many times... :)
I think it is best to just hear them out, but don't be afraid to gently point out your own limits.... he will understand... :)

Stephen has always been into new business ventures (partly how we got here!! lol) but he continues to think about how he is going to do this and that..I listen and encourage him to make positive plans..I figure dreaming is all they have right now so let it be...as long as he does not request I do anything ridiculous then I would just have to give him a talk about how it is not the ideal time..I think it is good that your husband has plans ..it shows he is not wallowing in self pity but wanting to accomplish things even if he is not "free"..

What you are talking about is quite common in prison. I did a lot of it myself but the problem with this is often dreaming a little too big.. Not dealing enough in reality. This usually ends in frustration. It also creates strain on the loved ones on the outside trying to help them with these plans.
I met a guy when I first got to the joint that worked 10 hours a day on what I thought at the time to be a great concept. It dealt with electronic coupons and a number of other things..
He did not know a lot about technology and the mechanics it would take to achieve this idea. Someone introduced us and I started filling in the blanks on what it would take to make this part happen. Before I knew it I was given Non-compete & confidentiality agreements. Made CTO (chief Tech Officer) and other things I really had no interest in. I wanted to help this guy out but I like to "deal in reality". The fact that he still had 5 years to go had to be figured into the equation. With technology changing monthly and an inability to act, there had to be a look into the future. The problem was he didn't want to look at this.. Still thinking it was a good concept; I took it to my father at a visitation. My father has a MBA and has been in the corporate world since he graduated in 72. He thought it was a great concept but would probably take $5-$10 million to get off the ground, plus a number of strategic partnerships with the big boys like Kroger Co.
When I took this back to this guy he blew up.. Refused to believe it would need any of these things, etc. He became extremely defensive & offensive when I showed little interest after this occurred. It finally came to a head when he made a threat to me about sharing his plans with anyone and demanding all paperwork I might have had back. I won't go into details but he got his paperwork back and a warning.
We never spoke again my entire stay..
I heard a number of times from white collared guys I often spoke to that they also had abrasive chats with him. He would inquire about this or that and when he didn't hear what he would like.. Pop.. He would get shitty.

I guess part of the reason I am sharing this story is because I think there are a lot of wonderful ideas that spring up on the inside. (I hope you consider Prison Talk Online one of them :) ) BUT.. Quite a few of them are unrealistic for any number of reasons.. What will it cost to start? Is the inmate even capable of running this type of company? Is there a real demand? Are they getting accurate information on the market? ETC ETC..

So.. Are they just wasting their time & yours?? The bottom line is keeping their mind busy.. Occupied.. Or whatever you want to call it.. If they can do it constructively and maybe even build something for the future.. GREAT!

What you need to do is look into the REALITY part of it.. And balance the budget and your happiness too..
If you can afford to get them books & information on the subject, by all means do it.. Hopefully they will figure it out for themselves.. Either way.. If it keeps them out of Segregation.. Away from fighting and other things.. It is a plus!

David

first of all-i believe anything is possible, and i do mean anything. I have witnessed too many miracles to believe in anything less. Second, I feel like if it makes them happy whether it is realistic or not, go with it! A positive focus may prevent them from being sucked into the prison subculture of negativity. It's got to be so hard to be positive while incarcerated so I say kudos to those who find a way to do it, however that may be. Sometimes dreams do come true, and if they don't, you can always modify them later. BUT if it becomes a strain on you while you are out here and he is inside, then i would say something like look honey i know this is important to you, but i want this to be something we do together when you come home--...just my thoughts and sorry i rambled...I only had four hours of sleep last night :))


sherri

You rambled?? HAHA.. No, I rambled! :p

I can second that inmates often over dream. they want to make changes which is good but all to often they go over board.. I think it helps them do there time. Unless it is unhealthy I say it is a good thing.. Keeps there minds going.

Yeah...but David....Didn't the idea of this forum come from you dreaming? Some dreams can come true.

Well I spoke with him last night and it all came out as to why he's really wanting to focus on the finance/investments. He is 40 years old was an engineer had a great retirement, etc. But all this has caused us to pretty much wipe out all the money he had in savings/401k.

So with that cleared up I'm feeling pretty proud of him right now. :) He's trying to take care of me even though he's away for a while. Gotta love and respect that!

Thanks everyone!

Yeah you are right you have got to respect that. A lot of men want it to be all about them and it is nice when they think about us. Got to give him props for it..>> :) :) :)

yeah, I surely experienced that a lot of prisoners dream and want to complete these dreams. I guess it has a lot to do with them thinking about what they have done with their life so far and how they want to do it differently when they're out?
When they tell me about a new dream they want to accomplish, I always tell them honestly what I think about it. If I think it will be really hard to accomplish it, I try to ask them such questions, that they have to think about it a little more themselves. Like:how will you do this,or what if this or this happens?... i will never discourage them, because like Sherri says, everything is possible. I just try to help them see it a little more realistic. because they sometimes overlook certain important things in their enthousiasm. I act exactly the same when I'm all hyped up about a new idea! :D I've learned from my mistakes....

I think the reason some guys get these big dreams about the future is that they are flat out afraid of what the future will hold for them and their families. I mean, when you think about it, they have absolutely no control over what is happening in their lives right now, and I imagine the thought of getting out, though wonderful, is at the same time terrifying, if you know what I mean. These men are incarcerated andtreated like children and then expected to get out and fall into the role of provider without a hitch. I am only a friend ( so far) to Craig and he writes with all these grand plans of what he intends to do. I think the wisest thing to do is to go along withy them. Lets face it, reality will give them a huge slap in the face when they do get out, so maybe the kindest thing to do is let them dream for now

Hey I have to agree there.. It is scary for them to wonder whay lies ahead..

Very scary... In JD's last letter he wrote that he was scared to death of having to fit back into society... that though he talks a good game, he really doesn't know much about anything out here (granted he may be a little different than others as he has been incarcerated since age 15)...

that's very young! One guy I write with has been in for 26 years and might get out in a few years. He's also scared because the world changed so much in 26 years...i.e. he never learned how to work with a computer...

Earlier in this thread someone wrote about the fear that the inmate has about the future and when they get out...

I'm not even in yet, to be honest I'm not as worried about my time in prison as I am about after, I'm a husband and father, looking at a relatively short stint in federal camp. I'm not scared of prison, I'll lose weight, hopefully stop smoking, get in shape, mind my beeswax etc.

What scares me is after I get out, rebuilding our life, getting a place to live and a job. If your beau is making plans maybe consider it a complement at least he is trying to do right by you. I would try to keep him on a tight leash though, after all chances are he and I both made at least one bad decision somewhere along life's road.

Hopefully I gave you some insight into what he may be think'n...:cuffs: