Has anyone had to testify as a victim? They haven't asked me yet since he was just arrested recently, but I have a feeling they're going to. I'm actually really worried. I know his lawyer is going to try to hurt my creditability aka try to put it on me. The only thing I did wrong was not leave him when it first started. :( I'm just really scared.

Also, we have a daughter together (we're not married). I was supposed to fill out for a restraining order for her and myself the day after the last incident, but I backed out, hoping again he would get help. He was actually really good the whole time after, until he was arrested (we didn't know about the warrant until then). The whole time he's been in jail he's been feeling really bad about what he did and saying he's going to get help. The moment his mother jumped in (over a week of knowing he was there) he started blaming the person who called the cops for him being in there. This always happens. Every time I pushed him to get help and he was about to do it, his mom finds out and tells him it's not his fault, and he buys it. Hearing that again tonight made me realize he won't ever change with her, so I shouldn't bother. I'm just worried how custody would go. I already do everything for her own my own, but I'd hate to have to leave her alone with him, or with his family watching over him. I don't want him getting worse and hurting her or his mom convincing him to run with her. If he gets convicted could he still get custody later?

Hon, unless you fell under a bus, he would have a really, really hard time getting custody. Men who abuse women also have really poor records with children, and judges know it!

You think you're finally getting him to own his behavior his mom steps in? Well if he were really owning it, he would tell her that he really does have a prob. Let them have each other - they're happier that way.

I have testified, as a child, and as a victim. both sucked. Did it anyway.

You have a problem with his mother's hold on him too, huh? I'm in the exact same situation as you but with two kids and his oldest son who under guaurdianship of his mother so she's holding the boy hostage to get what she wants. I know it's hard. Trust me. I did sign the papers they asked me to and now he has no contact with me or the kids for at least 6 mos., I did it because I was afraid of losing the kids. You have to think about you and your daughter right now. If they asked my to testify I would in a heartbeat. From my experience, they rarely ask you to. As the DA put it to me, me being in the courtroom would be like waving a red flag in front of a bull. They'd rather talk to you and ask you what you'd want to see happen and then go ahead without you and just let you know what the outcome is. If you do have to testify, you can ask a member of the dv group in your community to come with you. They cannot speak for you or act as counsel but they can be there to give you support and stand by your side. It can really help if you're feeling intimidated in any way. Call them...talk to them about it.