my husband has been diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder- does anyone have any experience with this? i have read a lot of info on the net but would appreciate any first-hand advice...he's coming home in about 16 mo. we hope..

kyla might be able to help you.

I have worked with the mentally ill for over 25 years and was married to a Schizophrenic for 17 years. We are still good friends and remain close - I was even his guardian until our daughter turned 18 and now she has taken over those responsibilities. Although Schizo-affective disorder is somewhat different, there's a lot of similarities.

One of the first things both of you need to understand is that he is always going to have to take his meds. To me that's one of the FIRST goals that has to be reached. Next, find out what the signs and symptoms are that his medication may not be working. Again - both of you need to be aware of what they are- actually the WHOLE family needs to be aware! There's lots of educational stuff out there to help you.

Another thing is to realize that if he has occasional paranoia and/or swings in his thinking its VERY REAL to him.. don't tell him that he's being silly or that its not real because to HIM it is real. You have probably read that this disorder is frequently misdiagnosed and its not easy to treat. Recognizing his speciifc symptoms and keeping track of when they happen will help you prepare for them. For example, when I worked in a psychiatic center, we always knew that "joe" would have some tough days around the full moon, "george" would always get weepy about 5 pm each afternoon, and "sam" would get paranoid every time he rode in a car.

Since your guy is locked up, you can't see what he does throughout the day so I suggest that he keep a journal of his thoughts and moods along with what meds he's on.

If you want to ask specific questions then feel free to PM me or if you feel comfortable with it being on the open forum to help educate others, please do that!

mrsdragon

thanks, a lot- i am reading a lot on the mental health sites, there is a LOT of info out there! it's a little overwhelming. i have posted on site for support of spouses with this diagnosis and most of them are so bitter and discourage people to stay involved with their loved one..in fact some come right out and tell you to RUN!! .i know it will be difficult and trying, but i love him so much and he is really so dependent on me..i have told him the only way we can be together is if he agrees to take his medicine. he agreees. i have been told that he will need to have a very structured environment , and i can see that from the year we lived together before he went to prison. he is also an alcoholic and i worry about not being strong enough...i was thinking about going to some Alanon classes the year before he comes home-i don't want to be an enabler to either one of his problems. since you were married to someone with sz- can you give me some hope? can i look forward to some happy times? or am i resigned to a life of misery?

I have schizoaffective bipolar type. It's different for everyone. I'm not saying that it will always be rosey, of course, but when stabilized with the right meds and support and care a person can go many weeks, months, even years without suffering from many symptoms. Lots need to take time to adjust to meds go through the process of trying different ones and getting the doses right and get stabilized, but many do return to and can function quite well in society, work, and home life. It varies from person to person. Cognitive therapy can also be helpful. I think MsDragon gave the best advice anyone could give you, and I really don't have too much to add to that, but I just wanted you to know that there could still be many happy times between you and your husband, and that it's not all misery all the time. I go to a place for support , and though I don't really want one for myself, I see some people there having very happy, healthy relationships, some that have been together for a long time.

thank you Crimson, you give me hope. i don't expect our life to be without the hard times, any relationship is subject to those. i was just scared from all the posts of some of the spouses on the other site...he is very much aware of his problems and has had them since 12 years of age. i am 13 years older than him, and i think that helps in many ways...i am not dependent on him for my living, and i probably have a lot less expectations from him, compared to a younger girl. when he has his "quiet times", i am content to just 'be there', what i worry about is being firm enough with him...but i guess i just have to learn what i can about this and take life as it comes.. i am patient. thank you for sharing your experiences with me. this is a hard thing to talk about to just anybody...it takes a special person to understand and not judge.

Mstar,
Usually those who judge are those who are ignorant. I say that from experience.
My husband is bipolar 1 with Schizo-affective.
Living with mental illness can be very difficult and trying, but many people do it and have a good life together. I wish you luck.

thanks you guys, i have had some of the trying times, and ive had some absolutly beautiful times, just being in the same room with him, or sharing a sunset, sometimes he will be busy at something and will start looking all over the room and he looks at me, so haunted,scared and far away, then i'll see the change in his eyes, see them relax and grow softer, and he will feel safe again, just knowing i am still there, and will be able to go back to the task he was doing...my heart breaks for him over and over again. i am willing to learn, i am willing to be patient, firm, anything i gotta be to keep that haunted look out of his eyes...i love him..thanks, guys, so,so much.

Mstar, what a lovely testament of compassion you are to your man!
If more people showed the same tender care and compassion and willingness
to learn about mental health, we'd all be alot healthier and happier!

i haven't posted in this forum for a while, but thanks again for everyone's support. things are going well, my hb should be coming home in Dec of 05. he's doing well on his meds and has passed 2 pretests for his GED. he will be taking the test soon. he is very excited about this as he only completed the 8th grade ( he left school to marry a school mate he thought he got pregnant-they were both 15! i don't know what his parents were thinking! anyway the girl ran off after the baby was born, my hb's mother raised her until she was 6, then the mother came back to get her, went to court and proved thru DNA that the child wasn't his..broke his heart and his mother's..but they still treat her as their's which i think is very kool.)anyway, he is accomplishing a lot, and trying to better himself, taking any self-improvement class they offer.i can't believe the difference since he's been on his medication!! he is so much better! sometimes during our visits i get kinda shy, like i don't know him ...he is so sweet to me..he just takes my hand and smiles, tells me "yes, you do, you know me like no one else." i haven't told anyone in my family about his diagnosis..i just don't think it's their business right now, and their ignorance would only scare and worry them. when he comes home i will tell whoever needs to know, after i talk it over with him. is this the right way to handle this ? i don't know..still learning..just want him home so i can love him up close! (smile) love to all of you..and thanks again..
(his)morningstar...

mstar
That is great news that your husband is doing good. Medication does help alot, and when he gets home, make sure he stays on it. They tend to start feeling "normal" on there meds, and can go astray, I am not saying that this will happen, but it is common with people with schizophrenia.

The stigma around people with a mental illness is terrible, and it sounds like you are feeling it. If he was diagnosed with diabetes, people would go, how terrible (cause he need insulin), but when you state mental illness, people close off (and state the worst, violent, etc etc, when we know different). The only difference is that he has a chemical imbalance in the brain, and needs to take medication to balance that. Its terrible that people think that way, but they do.

I would talk about all the positive things in his life, like you are doing, and also its a really not need to know. Unfortunetly, if they go off there medications, etc, sometimes it is hard to avoid it, but with a open mind, you do get through it.

If you ever need to talk, feel free, my husband is schizophrenic, and I understand a little what goes on. And when I said about the medication, I am talking about my experience, and it may never happen to you. Your husband sounds like he knows his doing better, and is very focused, which is extremely positive. Its normal for them to act all shy and stuff though, while on the medications, but all that passes.

Things will work out. Its easier to once you have a diagnosis to. Its the not having one, and the unknown that brings the confusion.

my husband has been diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder- does anyone have any experience with this? i have read a lot of info on the net but would appreciate any first-hand advice...he's coming home in about 16 mo. we hope..
mstar i will have to tell you that mrsdragons reply is so very true.i als was mental health worker.the main thing is for him to take his meds.even if he feels he dosnt need them.a lot of times what happens is the person will have a eposide of behavior that comes to the attention of family goes to treatment is started on meds. then after a while the person feels no longer needs the meds so they stop taking them then that person will start displaying the same types of behavior as before.i knew one lady that i knew whenshe started voiceinganytype of racialstatementsor when she talked a lot about being abused years earlier by the staff of a phsch hospitable that she was off her meds.and within a month timeframe she would have to be committed to hospitable to getback on meds.i would suggust that husband go to a mental health clinic.such as he one i worked at where he would be monitored by a caseworker on a regular basis.when off of meds husband will hdisplay some delusional tthoughts

VicsWoman
They dont allow people to go back into a mental health unit here, because they are not taking there medications. My husband manages to lie to the psychiatrist, he sees, by the way, every three months. He tells him the medications arent working, the reason they arent working is he isnt taking them. So the psych just ups them, and changes them. I wish that it was easier here. When he has his episodes, I call his case worker, that say, I will talk to the psychiatrist. Thats how my husband is now facing serious criminal charges, cause the intervention of mental health was dreadful.
This is just my personal experience. I am not saying that it will happen to everyone, and I really dont know if the mental health sector is much better in the US than here, as I havent dealt with them there YET!!!! His facing deportation, so Im hoping that mental health will monitor him more closely.

MsStar, Im not saying this will happen with your husband. My husband was undiagnosed for the longest time, he really believes that the people that he talks to are his best friends. Its like when he doesnt take his medication, he feels a loss of a friend.

Anyway, just another one of my whinges for the day... sorry.