WELL I WAS SO HAPPY WHEN HE CAME HOME BUT HE WASNT THE SAME. HE WAS SO COLD AND DISTANT. AND ONLY TWO WEEKS AFTER HE CAME HOME WE GOT IN A FIGHT AND HE BEAT ME UP. IM ONLY 118LBS AND HES 200. HE WAS JUST SO ANGRY, NOT THE SAME PERSON. NOW HES ON THE RUN AGAIN. I DONT WANT TO GET BSACK WITH HIM, BUT I DONT WANT TO SEE HIM GO BACK TO PRISON. I JUST WANT TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE. BUT WE HAVE A 1 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER,WHAT DO I DO? I KNOW AS SOON AS HE GETS LOCKED BACK UP HES GOING TO START CALLING ME AGAIN. WHAT DO I DO?

OMG, mbq, there is never a justifiable reason for a man putting his hands on you! I am so sorry though that you have to go through this kind of ordeal ,especially with a 1 year old daughter! I do know that some men do come out to cold and distant, maybe its because they have to be so rough and tough in prison and maybe they forget about emotions and peoples feelings once they get out. But I can completely understand how you dont want him to go back to prison, but you dont have to be with him to be concerned about him or to care for him. you can love from a distance. If you want to move on with your life, you go girl, there are alot of single parents out there who do a lovely job of raising a child with out the father. As far as him calling you once he's locked up, well mbq, you are in control of that, you dont have to accept the call. I would give it some time and see how things go, but hun, no man should put his hands on you. I wish you luck in whatever path you may choose.

Mbq, I am so sorry to hear this! I hear that some guys come home and are distant and moody, probably from years of incarceration, but heartstwin is right...No matter what mood he is in, you dont deserve that kind of treatment. You and your daughter deserve to be happy. If you cant be strong because of your feelings for him, then please try for your daughters sake. She's young now, but she does not need to see something like this going on in her life. Remember, there are some really good men out there who will appreciate having a good woman by their side. Find some way to re evaluate your feelings for this man, so that you and your daughter can be happy. I hope everything works out ok...

Yasmeen

well i would change my phone number for starters, ignore his pleas because i can say from experience if they don't get professional help it never stops, i lived it for 32 years. please if your free of it stay free, my kids were so influenced by his violence it is unreal. as much as i protected them it still effected them.((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

mbq

I am so sorry....!!!

If your heart is breaking it is understandable....

but, you have to use your head....i am i

mbq

I am so sorry....!!!

If your heart is breaking it is understandable....

but, you have to use your head....i am in a similar situation...

but, i did press charges, he threatened to murder me...and continued for over an hours threatening me with vicious violent actions...

why shouldn't he go back? i am not being mean, but he beat you up, and who knows what is next....like many have said to me....what would i do if it had been my daughter or someone i love in the same situation...

it was the hardest thing to press charges.....but, think if a stranger beat you up wouldn't you call the police?

i don't know if you have fears of reporting him, i did, but i had to!!! but, i understand the trepidation....

i don't feel sorry for someone who is violent, they definitely are not worrying about our feelings, when they beat us, or threaten, or any abusive behavior...

my thoughts and prayers are with you-
you can pm me if you want...
francis

Hi Mbq

Getting beat up is unacceptable. Get that staighten out. My feeling is that someone who cannot control temper and anger is in desperate need of therapy. When I came out I was angry (still am but for different reasons now) and distant and confused and everything else. You should expect him to be outraged but not to take it out on you. Gently suggest the alternative of counseling and guidance, that is if you still feel that you should continue this relationship. Peace.

Maria

when i seen your thread posted i was hoping it was for the best but i am very sorry for what you went through i hope you the best and just pick up the pieces and hold your head high good luck

I am so sorry that you hard to go through that. Its hard enought waiting for our men to come home.. once they do we want/hope/desire everything to be all sweet and roses..
We forget that they have been tormented and basically had all the emotions taken out of them while they are in prison..
Don't get me wrong... He had NO right to hit, punch, slap or do any of those things to you. I know that you love him...or care for him your own way.. but the man needs help... Please remain strong.. press charges.. you will get through this..

Alli

When my husband came home before after we won in appeals he had a lot of built up anger that he had had to repress while he was in. I ended up telling him that he had to get counseling for his anger or we would not be together. He got counseling and it really helped him.

You could tell him that if he wants the relationship he needs to get counseling to deal with his anger and stick to it. My thoughts are with you...

Deb

Dont answer the phone, better yet, if you can afford it, get a private number. Start a divorce. Put as much distance between him and yourself as you can. Once you have completely disassociated your self from him, gotten therapy yourself, then you might think about having contact.

Girl... NO one has the right to lay a hand on you. There is NO acceptable reason... excuse... anything. Had it been your sister... your aunt... your cousin... that he swung on instead of you... I'm sure you wouldn't have hesitated to call the police. You don't deserve to be someone's punching bag. He had a choice... NO ONE told him to hit you... He choose to hit you. I'm sorry to be so point-blank... and yes, I know what you are going thru. If you are still undecided... tell him it's counceling or goodbye. If not for your own safety... then do it for your daughter's safety. The world is an ugly enough place... No child needs to witness that. My heart goes out to you... and my prayers are with you.

HEY THANKS EVERYONE, THE HARDEST PART IS I HAVENT TALKED TO HIM. HE RAN. THERE IS A WARRANT OUT FOR HIS ARREST. I M HURT AFTER TAKING SUCH GREAT CARE OF HIM THIS LAST YEAR, I GUESS WHAT ALL MY FRIENDS TOLD ME WAS TRUE "ITS ALL PRISON TALK". BUT BECAUSE IVE TAKEN THE LAST I CAN TAKE HES ON HIS OWN AND I AM GOING TO BE THERE AT EVERY COURT HEARING TO MAKE SURE HE GETS WHATS COMING TO HIM. BECAUSE THIS TIME MY CHILDREN WERE HURT. HE PUNCHED THE PASSENGER WINDOW OUT OF MY CAR AND MY SON AND HIS DAUGHTER GOT CUT BY THE GLASS. SO THAT WAS IT FOR ME.(THE KIDS ARE FINE) BUT THANKS AND I STILL WANT TO CONTINUE TALKING TO EVERYONE ON PRISON TALK BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE REALLY A GREAT SUPPORT GROUP!!!!!!

Hey mbq,

I am soo glad you pressed charges. If you need suport which i suggest, vicitm witness program will help you, and there are groups who will accompany you to court...i really suggest getting an advocate...

i have tons of info on this stuff(advocacy, victims services, counseling...etc.)

I know that hurt, it cuts deep, I am in the same situation...where i gave my heart, suuport, love, money etc.
yet, it seems the only time my ex can be consitently kind, romantic, thoughtful etc. is when he is locked up!!!

since, you said "this time," the children got hurt, i am assuming he has been abusive before....
i have had to keep in mind that it is rarely a one time deal, and rarely gets better....if at alll...

you deserve the best....and he is not the best..
i am here to support you know matter how you handle it..
francis

I too am so sorry you have gone through such a horrific ordeal. I can understand that you can't stop caring about him, you have a daughter together. But you also cant put you and your daughter's safety at risk. If he is on the run, you really can't do much for him, except pray for him. You can also call your phone company to deny all collect calls. That way you won't get stressed out everytime you hear that he's trying to call you collect. Good Luck and ill be praying for you. Take care of yourself and your daughter!!

And don't be feeling sorry for him that prison did it to him. Thousands of guys come out of prison every year and work through their difficulties without hurting women and children. There's no excuse. He knows right from wrong. Take all the steps you can to protect yourself from him in the future and don't take any phone calls once they catch him. Return his letters if he sends any as well. He may get a no-contact order out of this anyway.

I am glad that you and the kids are okay. You seem to have everything straight as to how you are going to end this.. keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Hi Hun ... I know you are having a rough time of it right now ... I am keeping you and the children in my thoughts and prayers ~

Hi, you know the best thing to do is change you rphone number, be/c when they actch him he WILL eventually caall you and start the sad story, since you loe him you might fall, unfortunatly its not us thinking its our hearts reacting and when that phone rings and you see it says Prison or Unknown call once you pick up the phone and it saids"you have a collect call" you wont be able to hang up you'll want to hear whta he has to say. It is better to not hear it at all, be/c then he can brain wash you again. Also, it might not have been jail talk he might of been sincere depending on how long and well you knw him for you can answer that question on your own. Its true they have to experience lots of humiliation in there we cant even begin to imagine what a regular day in prison is like! Of course thats no excuse but I'm sure he had repressed all his anger inside and just blew up. What were he's priors before this time, any similar situations against others, that always help to know about your spouse. Don't give up and I agree don't cut him any slack just be/c your heart cant explain what happened, your mind tells you to go for it. zI know it hurts after ALL the struggles you went through for him, packages, calls etc while he was there but hes just ungrateful and know it want your fault, he's the one that has the issues.Take care and as everyone mentioned were here to hear you out and give you all the support.

i am sorry that you had to have something like that happen to you, personally i can say i know what you are going through. and its very hard to deal with. pray for him and pray for you to have the strength to not talk to him.
hope everything works out

I am so sorry . And I am not sure how to say this but for your daughter sake, make him get help. you don;t want your daughter to think this is how life goes . when the man gets mad he beats up the women and I know. My boys watched their dad hit me and when they grew up they hit there girls. Well I put them in jail cause I won't let history pass on to my grandkids and it helped my sons. It hurt like h**l to do it but I was going to put a stop to it. Take care of your self

WOW I DIDNT THINK SO MANY PEOPLE UNDERSTOOD MY SITUATION. BUT YES HE DID HAVE A PRIOR SPOUSAL ABUSE THAT HE PLEADED NO CONTEST TO AGAINST HIS EX, WHO I THINK IS HIDING HIM NOW. SHE ALWAYS WANTED HIM BACK. BUT SHE CAN HAVE HIM. I FEEL LIKE GOING TO WHERE I THINK HE IS AND SPYING. I JUST CANT REST TILL I KNOW HES BEHIND BARS. I AM AFRAID OF HIM. HE ALWAYS TOLD ME IF ANYTHING HAPPENED HE WOULD NEVER LET ME BE HAPPY. AND HE TOLD ME "THEY CANT KEEP ME LOCKED UP FOREVER, AND YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN I GET OUT" HE IS CRAZY. BUT I HAVE CONTACTED THE POLICE WITH ANY NEW INFO AND I HAVE CALLED THE DA'S OFFICE AND TOLD THEM I WANT THE MAX, THEY SAID IT WOULD HELP IF I WROTE A LETTER TO THE JUDGE IF I WAS TO AFRAID TO GO TO COURT. THE GOOD THING IS I FEEL LIKE A BIG BURDEN HAS BEEN LIFTED OFF MY CHEST. AND PEOPLE ARE TELLING ME HOW HAPPY I LOOK. OH AND I CUT MY HAIR ,GOT A NEW COLOR AND AM BUYING A NEW CAR!

It sounds like you’re on the right track. I’ve been in your shoe’s so I know it wasn’t easy. But in the end, you’ll be so much happier. I don’t know your situation, but when I left my boys father the final time, I moved and literally changed my identity. I had to go into hiding, because the man had already shot me three times and vowed to kill me if he couldn’t have me. My name hasn’t always been Monica, I legally changed both my first & last name to avoid this psychopath from ever finding me again. I know that’s an extreme, but I was in a desperate situation. He was a gang member and had informants through the police department and phone company. There were time I literally had to flee apartments, leaving behind everything I owned, because he’d locate me. One time he had four huge woman come to my door, pretending to be selling something, they shoved their way in and beat me so bad in front of my babies, my eyes were swollen shut. That was over 25 years ago.. today he is a broken shell of a man, with emphysema and liver problems from his years of abusing alcohol, he no longer poses any threat. But for years I lived in fear of this moron.

You’re doing the smartest thing getting out now, the severity of the abuse normally tends to escalate with each new episode.

i am so sorry for all that u all have been through. I know that every relationship has its problems, but i never imagined. Makes me appreciate my husband, so thank you. I have so much respect for all of you. You are not victims, you are survivors. I know that what doesn't break you makes you stronger, and you all must be some of THE STRONGEST out there. You take care give your kids a hug for me. Ill be praying for you and your families tonight. Thank you for sharing your stories. I wish you all the best.

I am sorry that it came down to this but a lot of us understand what you are going through and some of us have even lived it. Get a no-contact order, not even peaceful contact and file for a restraining order. when he ends up back in Prison have him served there. change your phone number, and move if you can...if not for you for your children. He needs help and ultimatums at this point will not work. Keep yourself safe and go to a shelter......I am not sure what area you live in, but I too have lots of information on this and there IS help out there for you!!

mbq,
I just wanted to say that I am so happy that you are not in the situation any more and are taking care of yourself. The new hair do and the new car help to make you feel good. I am with everyone else on changing your phone number and trying to move. Also, about you spying, please don't do that!! He might see you and you could find yourself in a bad situation. I think that you should just tell the cops that you think his ex is hiding him and where they may be. Continue to take care of youself. :)

you go girl !! he has lots comming to him and he's asked for every bit of it. like it or not they have to live by the law and respect for others. Prison talk is just that. Talk !! they learn to say nice things to get what they need and the rest is a bunch of bull and most turn out to be users. My son is the
best of them all. Holding my breath till he gets out. Not looking forward to his happy day.......take care and God bless you and your family.

Girl i hate to tell u this but leave him!! I'm not hating, but he is not going to change. My brother, just got out, and he beat the shit out of his old lady? I dont know why? But he did, and he also on the run becuz she called the cops on him. But, i dont blame her one bit. U should see her. She really messup. I almost cry. That's y i broke up with my girl. She is in Chowchilla. Becuz i know she going to end up on drugs, and start fucking other fools. Dont get me wrong? MAybe he hella cool. Just like my ex girl. But i still be there for her. I give money and all that. But once she out of those gates. Its over!!!! So, dont be stupid and leave him. Remember, show him who in control!!! No matter what, he will always think about u, and especilly, if u were the only one that wrote and were there for him when he was in prison.!!!

im sorry for what happened to you also, but let me tell you, i've been in a abusive relationship, he wasn't in jail or anything, but he was still a abusive person. no woman deserves to be treated that way!! you have to have some self respect for yourself. you are not a punching bag!! i know it's not easy to leave because you love him, i've been there. as far as him calling you i wouldn't accept his calls. you don't have to be with him just because you have a child together. i have a child with that bastard, i take care of my daughter on my own. not saying not to let him be a father to your daughter, thats a choice you have to make. you really don't need a person like that who can't keep his anger in check around you and your daughter. im sure you are a wonderful woman and he dosen't appreciate you nor does he deserve you, you deserve a whole lot better!! i wish you the best of luck and hope you make a good choice!!

I'm so sorry things turnt out that way. Somebody on here said somewhere that how a man is on the inside is how he is on the outside but I don't agree with that. My figuration is the man he is on the inside is the man he wants to be and the man he is on the outside is the man that he is. When he gets locked back up and settles in I believe he's gonna make contact with you even if he gotta send a letter to a family member and have them get it to you. I think his attempts will be to attack you where it hurts the most -- YOUR HEART -- with his pleas of changing, his professions that he love you and that he's got feelings of needing and wanting only you. When that happens, we'll be here for you.