I spoke with the DA today, she said they would be having me served with a subpeona to testify at the pre-lim.

I called the police on my sons father whom I have a restraining order against. I allowed him to come to my house to pick up his stuff, but he starting in on the "who's phone number is this" shit again so I asked him to leave. He said he needed ten minutes to get his stuff together and he would leave, not to call the cops. So I left and called the cops, by the time they got there he was gone. The next morning he showed up at my girlfriends house (where I slept that night) demanding I go to the house and let him get the rest of his stuff. I called the police again. And again by the time they got there he was gone. They caught up with him later and arrested him for two felonys (stalking and disuading a witness from reporting a crime) and 4 misdemenors, 2 violating a court order and 2 having to do with his arrest (resisting and trespassing).

I went to court shortly after that for my permenent restraining order hearing and it was so difficult. I really do not want to go to the hearing and see him again and have to testify in court.

Can anyone tell me what happens if I:

dodge the subpeona guy and he is never able to personally serve me... I am curious about both what will happen to me and what they will do with his criminal case. (parole already gave him a year violation for it so I know he wont be getting out.

-or-

refuse to testify in court?

I just don't think I can go up there in front of all those people and testify. I cried my eyes out at the restraining order hearing and the courtroom was empty. Just me, my support people, the court people and him. At his pre-lim the courtroom will have other people in it, not to mention I will have to see him looking all pathetic again.

They probably won't go after you too much if you refuse to , but the reality is that you are the majority of their case, and your statement will have major impact. You can still take your support people to the hearing.

I cried all the way through my testimony, too. I can't tell you whether it was 5 minutes or an hour, but I sat in that witness chair, with tears streaming down my face, but with a steady voice. There were probably 25 people in that courtroom, including his parents, who looked at me like I was personally flaying their son alive.

I can tell you that, from my research, it's important that they hear the hurt, and that they get treatment, and be punished. Prison time seems to actually lower the likelihood of reoffending (a little). So you would do the whole world a favor by doing your best to actually testify.

you can ask to give a deposition/statement to the court and they can have an officer read it or you can ask for a victims rights advocate to help you through the hearing.

also there is no dodging the person that serves you...especially since you have been told by the DA that you are going to be served. if you refuse you run the risk of 6 months in jail...and cali is getting pushy with this.

not to scare you or stress you but i want you to understand the importance that you follow through...it will be scary and it will be hard but it will help in the healing process.

((((((hugs)))))) you will be in my thoughts and prayers

I never went to court of all 5 times that I had called cops and charges were pressed because of this he never was sentenced to any time. He would either plea it down or the charges would have been dismissed. DV laws are already more lenient in my opinion then other laws. Seems you get more time for hitting a stranger than someone you love or are related to. I would take the advice of negretelove and see if you can do a writen statement. I would not just go, if you are not there all they have is pictures if they took any but they need you there to know exactly what happened. If you are not there they will probably offer him a plea that comes no where close to any real jail time or the charges will just be dismissed.

Please testify.
Besides that the consequences for dodging a subpeona can be on the harsh side, testifying, though it will be very painful, will ultimately be helpful to you in healing emotionally- He needs to be held accountable for his actions and you have it within your grasp to be instrumental in making that happen. You need to stand up for yourself... for your own future well being.

If you testify, it's done, no mysteries, no "if only"... if you don't, you'll be giving up forever the opportunity and may always wonder if you should have.

I guess part of my reluctance to testify is that they have charged him with what seems like petty charges right now. I wish I had cooperated when he beat my ass, busted my nose, cheek bone, and ear drum. I feel like at that point I would have had something to say. This time he violated the restraining order. There was not physical violence. I feel like it seems petty. I know the rational side of me says I don't deserve to live in fear and have him coming around, but the little voice inside still tells me its no big deal, he did not hurt me. I still have a few days to straighten it out. I feel like I am going to throw up everytime I think about it though.

Understood. But continued violation of the protective order WILL lead to more of the same, don't you suspect? So if you manage to put those incidents in, at least you will have had your say and spoken your pain. That's not trivial!

all the more reason to testify. if the judge and court is able to hear your side now it will make all the difference. he violated the restraining order which i am assuming is in place due to his abuse on you. you will be able to bring up the past and your fear. AT THIS MOMENT IT IS NOT TOO LATE....let your voice be heard you are a strong person and you need to do this to start your healing. do not allow him to have control.

again ((((((hugs)))))) prayers and positive thoughts

When you testify in these "petty" matters, the prosecuting attorney will be able to ask you WHY you sought a restraining order in the first place... and upon your answer, may be able to introduce the photographs and medical reports into evidence.

Please testify- there's nothing "petty" about his actions, nor about you seeking the help of the law in putting a stop to it.

"not to mention I will have to see him looking all pathetic again" - I know that look!! LOL

I think the issue here is, there are still some feelings involved, especially since you both have a child - If I'm wrong, my apologies for assuming!

I would however, protect you child first always, which I'm sure you are aware of. :)