I've been going through 6yrs of family problems b/c my choice to be with men outside of my "race"...just wondering how other peoples family deals with it....

my b/f is black and at first my parents (mostly my dad) didn't like it. Now, they are realizing it is my choice and they don't say anything negative. I have been dating outside my race since i was 17, and I am now 28. Its been a long time coming.

I too am with a black man. My parents have been pretty good about it. They were a little surprised at first, but really said nothing. Now that they know Jake they really like him. I am not sure this would be their first choice, but they know me well enough to know that if they ever mistreated him they would be the one to miss out. I wish you all the best with this. I know the hardships that an interracial relationship can bring. All though my parents and family have been pretty good about it we have had more than our share of probelms from other people. Good luck and I hope things start looking up for you
Carrie

I am past the point of worrying about what others think! as far as my mom and dad go...i feel like its a lost cause to care. i mean its their loss. they have 2 beautiful grandkids that they are missing out on.

Well, My little girls dad is Mexican. (I'm no longer with him) I think there is nothing wrong with different races going out with each other. It took such a toll on our relationship though. We were together for 3 years and for those 3 years I was stressed. If you truly love him though they will except it. My family does not care anymore. They realized after 3 girls going out with Mexican guys who cares as long as they are happy. The best wishes are out to you and so are my prayers.

I think there are differences that can be more powerful than race. For example, socioeconomic differences cause a lot of problems. We have a working class family and my sister married a trust fund boy with who knows how much in the bank. Their struggles over money and expenses far surpass anything I've ever seen! Additionally, someone raised overseas may not be of a different race, but may be used to a lifestyle that is so different from our American ones that it's unreconcilable.

It appears that only in America are there interracial problems...and that seems so crazy since we are supposed to be the melting pot of the world! I feel it would probably be wrong to be with someone out of our "species"...not out of our race. Good luck to all who are having problems with this. Remember, Love Conquers All.

My guy is black and at first my parents, or my mom I should say wasn't too happy but after her granddaughter was born she changed 100%. She now says as long as I'm happy that's all that matters. Best of luck to you.

Most everyone in my family dates interracially so there are no problems at all... if anything they would look at me funny if he was my own race.. lol

Hang in there gurl.. if they can't move past it, then that is their ignorance, not yours...

~TeRe~

Well my fiance is white and I am black in the beginning my mom felt kinda weird but she got use to it but now that she finally gonna be a grandmother she hasnt even complained that our child is bi-racial, so just give your family time they will learn to deal with it.

My parents never had a problem with our relationship, or his race, and they love our son!!

since i was little my parents have always been racist my dad worse then my mom my dad actually told me when i was 15 if i ever talked to a black man he would burry me in the back yard so until i was 21 i never dated outside my race mainly for fear of my dad then when i met my husband it was not a rebel thing or a he is black so i am gonna be with him it was a i love this human being regardless of me being white and him being black after 2 mths of hiding it i finallt told them they did not speak to me for 3 mths then finally my mom came around by then i was pregnant they told me i was stupid because my daughter would have to go through teasing for being and oreo is how they put it but as time went on and they spoke with my husband and my daughter was born they have completely changed my g-ma stopped speaking to me in feb 2001 and she died in june of 2003 and we still had not spoke because i was with a black man my brothers still say things once in awhile it is stupid but i am not pressed about it i love my husband and my family and any one that loves me will come to grips that i am married to a gorgeous strong caring balck man who is my life

I can't imagine a color, race or religion that ISN'T represented in my large family. We don't have a problem in this area.

Patty

At my family reunions we look like a meeting of the United Nations -- my family is fine with PIMA and I being different 'races'. His family is a different story...they have a BIG problem with me being "White"! :(

I have had problems in the past. My father disowned me when I married my ex-husband. My mom was pretty mad at me too but she got over it when Ace was born.

As for now, they still don't like my husband but we don't have the problems we used to have. I am living with them until I can get on my feet. I think they finally realized that it was my life and my choice. They just wish my choices were different.

wow.. so many issues with interacial marriages and dating. Seems like yes, in the USA there is more of a problem with that. My baby is latino and Im Native . So guess thats a mix too...

I am not in a interracial relationship but let me tell you this, I am Afro-American, I have white inlaws and phillipian sister in-law, and my 19 old son father is from Guatamala. What a colorful family I have! Love is love all day long and I think it is a shame for people to be so narrow minded. Hang in there honey! I love all my familiy unconditionally. Hate can't survive where there is love. That I know for sure! ;)

My man is mixed, his mother is German and his father is black. I am black. I guess you could call us an interracial couple :hmm:.
Anyway my family doesnt have a problem with it. I am kind of the outcast as far as me, my son, and my baby. They are so light.:D
And when we go to visit his mom she is very sweet. We have a good relationship.

My husband is black and I'm white - we've been together 4 years and married 2. My dad had a problem at first but he's realized that I made the decision that would make me happy he told me shortly after we got married he don't care about his color anymore as long as he treats his baby and grandbabies right. My mom has never had a problem she dates a black man also my husband introduced them.

You dont see color when you fall in love.

My husband is white and i am west indian (from Trinidad) and thank god we never had no problem from our familes.. MY family has every race you can imagine from white , german.black, mexican, south americans, chinese and of course west indian... that is from either our family or marriage mainly our family is just really diverse..
The thing is that our daughter is white as her dad but hey dont give him all the credit she has my eyelashes and hair color..(yea me)and the only problem i have is from random jerks in the public.. Like the one couple(white) who decided to ask me who child i was breastfeeding while we were at the dr office. So i told them that i saw her in the lobby and she looked hungry so i decided to feed her.. Of course they turned red said what the hell and told the nurse and the nurse said to them that she was my daughter ... and when they sat back down the only thing i could think of saying was dont you feel stupid... and they just turned their head.. I have ppl even asked if i was her nanny...

ppl who discriminate are just ignorant jerks

Well, my family basically disowned me when I was 16. They are so backwoods and narrow-minded... they actually blamed me for my fathers death. :angry: (He drank himself to death- that took him his whole life to do!) So I could care less what they like or dislike. My mothers side of the family? Well, lets just say DISFUNCTIONAL!!! I have been dating black men since I was 20 years old, and I am now 31. My family consists of my stepmom, a few half brothers and sisters, my children, Cash, and Cash's family... and lets just say that they all love and accept us for who we are... it's so sad that two people can't just love each other in this world without racism and ignorance... but so many call themselves "Christians." Don't even get me started on this subject cause I could go all day... LOL! Love to all....

I say do what you feel. Don't let anyone tell you there is something wrong with loving someone of a different race, skin tone, nationality, religion, etc. It is only ignorance that perpetuates these prejudices. Love who you will.

My Family never had a problem, but his family did....I'm japanese and they don't like the fact that I'm not "white" and on top of it, I'm not Catholic...I'm Buddhist....so they don't like that either....HUGS...Keiko

During high school I dated exclusively outside of my race....black, white, hispanic, asian, persian, indian...It didnt matter to me --if they treated me with respect and like a lady, their race meant nothing to me. During college it was the same. My parents had no problems with it, but my father would always make little slick comments when I would be dating someone white....saying he knew it was just a phase. In the end I married a black man, but they still acted a fool because he was incarcerated, so it was no pleasing them regardless...and I could care less. But if my husband would have been another race, I would have still married him, because I fell in love with him, not his race.

Patrice

Look at it this way can you take the heat and if you have a child do you want them to face the presure as well? People shouldn't blame the kids but they do. depending on how bad your family is. Mine is very bad. Hell if I had a child out of wedlock they would have never spoken to me again. As it is I am looked down on for divorce. That is why I said depending on your family can you take the heat and do you want the child to take it as well? Oh and to make it worse my Ex-husband is mostly Native American our child looks just like me a blonde green eyed german. So I took the heat. They accepted native american easier than any other race cause my own mother looked native american due to her grandmother who was full blooded Blackfoot. Though my daughter never heard the comments I did. They all knew that I wont ever accept them degrading my child or any man I choose to be with no matter what color he is I was the scrapper of the family and they know that I would turn my back on them in half a minute if It was for my child or for true love.

I was born and raised outside of DC. All the rest of my family (excluding my mother and father) live in the midwest.

My parent know him and race isn't an issue. I honestly didn't know how the rest of my family was going to react. That's when my grandmother told me...."We don't care what color he is on the outside, as long as he has a good heart, that's all that matters and that's how this family has always been raised."

I've always dated whomever I felt like dating...white, black, hispanic...whoever I find attractive! ;)

My daughter is half Puerto Rican, and my parents nver had an issue. My boyfriend now is black and they again have no issue over race. THANK GOD!

To be honest, I would cut them off in a second if they ever came at me with some BS like that. I know family is family, but family ACCEPTS even what they don't agree with. When people love each other you respect their choices even if they aren't the choices you would make.

My parents also know he is in prison and don't have a problem with that as much as with he ability to change. That's there only worry right now for me! ;)

My family has had to get used to it over the years because I've dated a veritable United Nations! I just date who I like and find attractive. Initially my husband's mother had problems because I am white and he is black, but once she got to know me she got past that. I figure I am grown and if my family has a problem with race, that's on them!

I personally don't care what ANYONE thinks about who I choose to love... I have two children, one by a white man and one by a black man. I dare anyone to bring some heat to my son... he is a child of God and will be treated as one. As for me, I love Cash with all of my heart and soul... God forbid that something happens and we don't work out, but if it did, I would continue to date black men. It is my life and my choice, and for those who can't accept it... well, that is their ignorance. I live in the south, and have to deal with the stares everyday, but if people think that it bothers me... well, they can just THINK AGAIN! :) I love who I love... skin color IS NOT important... it is the heart and nothing more...

hello. My parents in the beginning were concerned because i dated this black man that put his hands on me. So when i came home with my new boyfriend now husband they were very concerned but I explained that any race of a man can put there hands on a woman. I've now been married for thirteen years and they love him. My dad and him are very close. I fell in love with a man not for the colour of his skin but for the man he is. We have two beautiful children and i dont care what the outside world thinks.

I'm so glad to finally find a thread like this. I am in a interracial relationship have been for the past 10 years. I love this man and have 3 beatuiful sons with him. I was raised in a good home and taught never to dislike someone of a different race. When I started dating at 16, even before than I've always wanted to be with a man outside my race. My mom thought it was a phase I was going thru, "that I would grow out of it". They weren't to thrilled when I met the love of my life and father of my sons. It could of been for different reasons. One, he's 7yrs older than me. Two cuz he's Black. Three he was alittle nervous meeting my family the first time and had a few drinks but wasn't drunk. Me and him have been thru so much together and thru it all I still feel the same I did the first time I saw him. I still get static bout him, for the same reason as #2 but now also that he is incarcerated[not the first time]. I try to let it not bother me but I'm living with my parents and flat out they don't wish for me to be with him when he comes home. It's a constant battle and guess where I am, in the middle. My brothers have left the little comments alone now that they have biracial nephew's but evey once in a while I still hear a slip here and there. If any of you have been thru the similar thing, I'm open to advice as how to deal with all of thisd without driving my self insane. Feel free to pm me.

I was going to comment but it says the original poster's account was closed.

I'm gonna post on this, I'm not in a interracial relationship but it makes me wonder sometimes why people are still living in the stone ages, We are all HUMAN regardless of what color our skin is. Love who you love not what color they are. I still just don't understand why some people still have issues with this :rolleyes:

Michelle Z.

I couldnt answer the poll because there wasnt a "sort of" choice. All my family with the exception of my father has welcomed my man. Him being African American and I being Italian. I grew up with parents who divorced when I was 6. I lived with my mother and visited my dad every other weekend. I recall all sorts of horrible racial slurs and demeaning sayings my dad would say while I was growing up. I was very scared to tell him of my relationship, but once I knew I truly was in LOVE with my man I sat my dad down and told him. He was upset but at the same time he showed me a newspaper clipping from years back when he was in the airforce. He was given special honors for helping a black man that had become blind in combat. <Honors for helping another soldier that is, not because of race> My dad helped this man to learn how to do all the things he did when he had sight. I thought this was a breaking point. That Christmas Crenshaw and I were invited to my brother's house, where my dad would be also. To my disappointment when I called out to my dad to introduce him to my man, he acted as if I wasnt there and he didnt hear me. I had to LITERALLY pull his shoulder and turn him around. I wasnt going to allow him to embarass us like that. Unfortunately, since Crenshaw got into trouble I couldnt allow my family to know the truth. They would FOR SURE start judging. I just told my dad and family we broke up. To my broken heart, my dad said some very hurtful things on why I should have never gone out with him to begin with. I can only pray the world starts seeing people for WHO they are, not the color of their skin. I wish my dad would put himself in someone else's shoes every now and then. Maybe he would come back to reality.

my family dosent have a problem with us being together. and neither does his family.(im black he's mexican)even if they did it's not their life or their buisness who i choose to be with. he had a mexican girlfriend before me and his family hated her guts. love has no color and i don't care what anybody thinks. we let everybody know wer'e together we kiss, hold hands in public. i get a couple of comments from black men here and there as to why im with "that mexican".and i respond "why are you worried about it"?. people really need to get over the race issue it's 2004 now!! people are free to date, love, marry who they want.

I am white and I've basically only dated black men. My son's father is black and my current boyfriend is black. My parents were never mad but they were a little aprehensive at first. We're from a small, conservative, midwestern town and they hadn't had a lot of exposure to interracial dating. They grew to accept the idea though, especially when I gave them their first grandchild! When they meet my boyfriends now they say "If you love our daughter and treat her right, then we'll love you and treat you right." I'm sorry some people's families have a problem with the interracial thing. It sucks that people trip over stupid stuff...

I don't think anyone can help who they fall in love with. I was married to a black man in the 60's and it was a whole different ball game then. Sometimes almost dangerous. You needed to be strong willed. I understood back then why parents and families didn't want their children to date outside their race. But thank goodness times have changed. I'm in a commited relationship now (he's Mexican American) but if that ever changed and the right man, black, white or anything in between came along I'd be all for it. No one can live your life but you.

I am also in an interracial relationship but everything is pretty cool for me. My man is rican/black mix and abosolutly stunning! :) My family is kind of used to the whole interracial thing I have almost always dated anything but my race. I am blond, green eyed white mut! German, sweetish, polish, finish you name it and I have it in me! lol My grandparents had a small uncomfort with it but they love my fiance and I have done well for myself so I know they know I am strong so what ever makes me happy they are happy! Personally I think mixed children get the best of both worlds and end up growing up stunning! :) I grew up not knowing color and I am so happy my parents raised me that way. I knew people that think it is "gross" to date out of their race and I couldn't image carrying such baggage around! I love who I love and being blind to color gives me so much more of a chance to find exsatly what I want and need verses having slim picking on just my race! LOL Just my opinion!

It appears that only in America are there interracial problems...and that seems so crazy since we are supposed to be the melting pot of the world! I feel it would probably be wrong to be with someone out of our "species"...not out of our race. Good luck to all who are having problems with this. Remember, Love Conquers All.
No... its not only in America that there are 'interracial' problems... over here in the U.K. there are the exact same problem.

I'm not in a interracial relationship as such... my man in full black and i am mixed (black and white). My family have always never had a problem with me dating black men, but if i was to date a 'white' man there would be uproar. My sisters (all except one) would probably make my life a misery! :( My 'execption' sister happens to be married to a white man, and the rest, except me dont really have anything to do with them! :( To me, it doesnt matter wat race you are, as long as you have a good heart i will always accept you!

My family has a problem with my husbnad because he is German. Go figure. I'm bi-racial, my mother is White and my Father is Native American. My husband loves that I'm Indian. I've never met his parents, but all of the Germans that I've met have thought that being Indian was cool. I had problems with my first two husband's families dealing with my race. All 3 of my husbands have been White. I have a thing for tall blue-eyed blondes.

hey, im emily. i have been dating a man who is locked up in a ohio prison right now, he is mixed. and i havent told my parents that i am with him yet. he and i have been a couple for a month and a half now.. they have no clue about him. when we write i have it sentto a friends house, whos husband is frineds wirth him in the same prison. same room and everything. lucky me! what should i say and how should i tell my parents?? please help me!!

I'm no longer in an interracial relationship. I have only been with one man of my race, which is white. We were together in high school, lost contact,etc...and now we're back together. WOOHOO!! Anyways. Other than him, I had only dated black men. Some of my family was real accepting, but then there were the others that detested me for my choices. I have a beautiful son who is mixed. All of my family accepts him and loves him, except for one of my dad's uncles who is really old. Once he found out that I dated black men, he quit talking to me. That was over 10 years ago. I see him periodically at family functions, etc...and he still won't speak to me or to my son. When he talks to others in my family, he uses derogotory terms to refer to my son and to myself. So quite honestly, he's better off not talking to me, b/c if he were to disrespect my son or me by using vulgar language, etc...I would snap. I've always been taught to respect my elders, but I'll be damned if I let someone, especially someone in my family talk to me or my son that way. It's not happening. Other than him, my family accepted my choices farely well. I always told them, you can't help who you love or who you fall in love with.

No acceptance whatsoever here! I am white; he is Black. My Mom and Dad are older and come from very conservative, "red-neck" (sorry if that offends anyone) backgrounds. To hear them talk when it's just us (our family) around - I think to myself, "Thank God my man's not here!" Although they do have enough sense to NOT ACT like that, or I should say verbalize that prejudice, to a person of another race if they are present. It's just that I know how they really feel! I come from a small, "hick" town where the word "diversity" isn't in 99% of the population's vocabulary. It is NOT a culturally diverse town/area either. It's embarrassing how people talk here. Thank God I turned out ok. :) ha ha

I am Hawaiian, Chinese, Maori (New Zealand), and Caucasian (about a pinky full). My guy is Italian and German. My mother is Hawaiian/Chinese. My stepdad is English, Irish and some Indian. I have aunts, uncles and cousins who have married folks from different racial backgrounds. And for the most part, we all get along well. If there are differences, it's due to personality conflicts and have nothing to do with each other's racial backgrounds.

I feel that I'm very fortunate that my family is so open about multicultural/multiracial relationships. It's taught me to blend well in different environments.

i am white and jeff is white, but my daughters father is black and my ex-husband is colombian- american. thankfully, my family has never had a problem with the race of my men. now a problem with the men in general???? they hated my daughters father, not because he was black but because he was a looser!!!!! now my ex-husband, they adored him, they still do!

Hello,

Yes my family has a problem with my interatial relationship.. I am white and my man is black.. I was trying to keep it from them until he got out of prison because I hate the stereo-type about black men in prison. I was with my man a year b4 he went in but I just wanted to wait till he got out to tell my parents (he told me about going to prison6 months b4 he went in) But my parents found out by reading one of my letters from him (oh boy did that blow up). I tried to explain to my mom how he treats me and how I love him with all of my heart. HOw can you judge a man by not even meeting them or the color of their skin. I just see it as they dont know him like I do and I know if they would give him a chance they would just love him like I do... Things are alright with me and my parents now but we didn't talk for like a month and half.. So yes my family definitely has a problem with my relationship, but I am gonna just keep on loving him and maybe they will come around one day.. It is just so hard for me to understand it is "Skin color" how stupid is that... I would date anyone of any race just as long as they treat me good and make me happy I just don't understand people..:blah:

Loving my man....:heart:

My family doesnt have a problem with who I married. Their only concern is that he doesnt treat me right and I am sick.

I think there is a difference between whether you live with your family or not. If you are living under someone roof, IMHO, you are subjected to their oppinions no matter how biased. If you get out on your own, you are your own person and they should respect that. If they dont, then you need to just move on with your life and know that it is on them to come around.