View Full Version : NORTH CAROLINA Marriage Q&A thread


hisheartztwin
12-31-2003, 08:45 AM
The Prison Weddings Team is trying to provide inmate marriage information for all states.

As yet, the Prison Weddings team has not been able to access the Department of Corrections Rules for getting married in your state. Its our hope that you can help us with our project.

Do you have a copy of the policy/rules for getting married? If so, please post it in the thread below or let the Prison Weddings Team Member who posted this thread know where to get that information.

If you have gotten married in a correctional facility in your state, please provide the details and tell us of your experience in that same thread.

1. Did you have any counsling
2. How long did the whole process take
3. Did you have to find your own minister
4. Were you allowed any flowers or disposable camera
5. How many guests were allowed to be there
6. What was the process to get the marriage license
7. What were the costs you had to pay
8. What were the two of you allowed to wear
9. Were you allowed to bring a wedding band in for him or did it have to be mailed and what was the value limit

This project canít be successful without YOUR help! Just imagine a member wanting to get married and having all the information they need right at their fingertips here on PTO...thanks to YOU!

PTO wedding research assistant

KRIS_NC
12-31-2003, 10:13 AM
I HAVE THEM SOMEWHERE FOR NC GIVE ME A LITTLE WHILE ILL GO LOOK

KRIS_NC
12-31-2003, 12:06 PM
OK HERES WHAT I HAVE...
1.BOTH THE INMATE AND BRIDE MUST WRITE A LETTER OF INTENT TO MARRY TO THE WARDEN.THE LETTER MUST INCLUDE THE INMATES NAME,THE BRIDES NAME,ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBER,AND A BRIEF STATEMENT THAT IT IS YOUR DESIRE TO MARRY.

2.IF THE INMATE IS UNDER 18,WRITTEN CONSENT MUST BE OBTAINED FROM THE INMATES PARENTS.INMATES BETWEEN THE AGES OF 14-16 MUST MEET STATE LEGAL REQUIREMENTS BEFORE THEY MARRY.

3.IF THE BRIDE IS LESS THAN 18, CONSENT MUST BE OBTAINED FROM THE PERSON HAVING LEGAL CUSTODY.IF THE BRIDE IS BETWEEN 14-16, THEY MUST MEET STATE LEGAL REQUIREMENTS.THE CHAPLAIN WILL CONTACT THE SENIOR CHAPLAIN CONCERNING THESE REQUIREMENTS.

4.IF THE INMATE OR BRIDE HAS BEEN MARRIED BEFORE,A VERIFIED COPY OF THE DIVORCE PAPERS MUST BE SUBMITTED.

5.THE DEPT. OF CORRECTIONS IS UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO ARRANGE FOR AN INMATE TO INMATE MARRIAGE.

DIVORCE PAPERS: IF EITHER PARTY HAS BEEN MARRIED BEFORE CERTIFIED COPIES OF THE DIVORCE PAPERS MUST BE PROVIDED.NO FURTHER MARRIAGE PLANNING WILL OCCUR UNTIL THIS STEP HAS BEEN COMPLETED.

MARRIAGE OFFICIAL:ORDINARILY, ONE OF THE STAFF CHAPLAINS WILL CONDUCT THE WEDDING SERVICE;HOWEVER,THERE MAY BE TIMES WHEN A CHAPLAIN DECIDES AGAINST THIS.THE COUPLE MAY REQUEST THE SERVICES OF A DISTRICT COURT MAGISTRATE.POSSIBLE OTHER OPTIONS CAN BE DISCUSSED. THE CHAPLAIN WILL ASSUME RESPONSIBILITY FOR GATHERING FROM THE BRIDE ALL INFORMATION NECESSARY FOR APPROVAL OF EITHER OPTION.THE COORDINATING CHAPLAIN WILL PROVIDE COUNSELING FOR A PERIOD OF NO LESS THAN 90 DAYS FOR PARTICIPANTS IN THE MARRIAGE PROCESS. THE BRIDE WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR PAYMENT OF ANY FEES INVOLVED.

INMATES BIRTH CERTIFICATE AND SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER:
A CERTIFIED COPY OF THE INMATES BIRTH CERTIFICATE MUST BE PROVIDED. IF IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO OBTAIN A COPY,THE COORDINATING CHAPLAIN MUST PROVIDE WHATEVER DOCUMENTATION IS ACCEPTABLE TO THE OFFICE OF THE REGISTER OF DEEDS. SHOULD THE INMATE NOT HAVE A SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER,THE CHAPLAIN WILL ADDRESS THIS USING THE APPROPRIATE FORMS.

MARRIAGE LICENSE INFORMATION WORKSHEET:THE CHAPLAIN MUST MEET WITH THE INMATE AND PERSONALLY WITNESS HIS COMPLETION OF THE GROOMS SECTION.THE WORK SHEET WILL BE SENT TO THE BRIDE FOR HER TO PRESENT TO THE REGISTER OF DEEDS IN THE COUNTY IN WHICH THE LICENSE IS OBTAINED.REMEMBER TO INCLUDE YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER.

TO THE BRIDE WHO IS NOT A US CITIZEN: PLEASE BE ADVISED THAT THE US HAS SPECIFIC REQUIREMENTS ABOUT ENTERING THIS COUNTRY TO BE MARRIED. YOUR CONTACTING THIS ADDRESS WOULD FACILITATE COMPLIANCE WITH AMERICAN LAW:
US IMMIGRATION AND NATURALIZATION
210 E. WOODLAWN RD. BLDG. 6
SUITE 138
CHARLOTTE, NC 28217

OBTAINING THE LICENSE:ONCE THE REQUIRED PAPERWORK HAS BEEN COMPLETED,THE CHAPLAIN WILL MEET WITH THE INMATE TO COMPLETE THE INMATE AFFIDAVIT FORM.THE CHAPLAIN WILL THEN MAIL BOTH THE AFFIDAVIT AND MARRIAGE LICENSE WORK SHEET TO THE BRIDE.AFTER COMPLETION OF THE CEREMONY IN WHICH THE OFFICIANT WILL MAIL THE MARRIAGE LICENSE ISSUED TO THE REGISTER OF DEEDS OF THE COUNTY IN WHICH IT WAS ISSUED.THE BRIDE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FEE.

MARRIAGE CEREMONY/DATE: THE DATE/TIME WILL NOT BE SCHEDULED UNTIL THE MARRIAGE LICENSE HAS BEEN ISSUED. NORMALLY, IT IS SCHEDULED ONA MUTUALLY CONVENIENT FRIDAY AT 1030 AM.IT MAY TAKE UP TO 180 DAYS TO COMPLETE THE PROCESS.

OUTSIDE WITNESS:IN GENERAL, ONLY 1 OUTSIDE WITNESS WILL BE PERMITTED TO ATTEND THE CEREMONY WITH THE BRIDE.THE FULL NAME OF THE WITNESS.COMPLETE ADDRESS PHONE NUMBER AGE AND RELATIONSHIP TO THE BRIDE AND INMATE MUST BE PROVIDED. REQUESTS FOR MMORE THAN ONE WITNESS MUST BE APPROVED BY THE WARDEN OR HIS DESIGNEE

SPECIAL SECURITY ARRANGEMENTS MAY BE TAKEN WHENEVER DETERMINED BY THE CO TO BE NECESSARY,PARTICULARLY WHEN AN INMATE IS SERVING HIS SENTENCE UNDER SPECIAL CONDITIONS OF CONFINEMENT.

POSSIBILITY OF SEARCH:IT MUST BE CLEARLY UNDERSTOOD THAT ANY PERSON ENTERING THE INSTITUTION MAY BE SUBJECT TO A COMPLETE SEARCH.

PHYSICAL CONTACT BETWEEN COUPLE: AT THE TIME OF THE CEREMONY,THEY WILL BE ALLOWED TO HUG AND HOLD HANDS AS WELLAS BREIFLY EMBRACE AND KISS WHEN THEY ARE PRONOUNCED HUSBAND AND WIFE.AFTER THE CEREMONY,THE SIGNATURES WILL BE COLLECTED AND ALL PARTIES WILL DEPART THE AREA.IF A VISIT HAS BEEN SCHEDULED IN ADVANCE,IT WILL TAKE PLACE THEN.

CAMERA,RINGS,ETC.TO BRING THESE ITEMS A REQUEST IN WRITING MUST BE SUBMITTED TO THE CHAPLAIN.AN INMATE MAY HAVE IN HIS POSSESSION 1 WEDDING BAND WITH OR WITHOUT GEMSTONES

IF A CAMERA IS APPROVED,DO NOT LOAD THE FILM PRIOR TO ARRIVAL.THE CAMERA WILL BE OPENED AND INSPECTED.PICTURES ARE ALLOWED UP TO 12.

INMATE CLOTHING:INMATE WILL WEAR PRISON CLOTHING.

hisheartztwin
01-01-2004, 05:01 PM
Thank you Kris_NC !

KRIS_NC
01-01-2004, 05:21 PM
YOU ARE VERY WELCOME

serendipity_74
04-09-2004, 11:35 PM
I know the approval process can be lengthy, but what is the shortest amount of time that you have heard of? Also, if the bride-to-be lives out of state, how do they go about counseling? (phone?).

serendipity_74
04-21-2004, 10:57 PM
Nevermind! We were approved in less than a week! I talked to the chaplain twice this week and I am wondering who is more excited--Reed and I, or the chaplain!!!

Soulangel
05-13-2004, 10:00 PM
Greetings Seren,
My name is Mecca and I recently became engaged to my special someone. He is in Lumberton Correctional Ins. How was getting engaged and married if you have already? Was it weird? how was the papper work?
Mecca

Nevermind! We were approved in less than a week! I talked to the chaplain twice this week and I am wondering who is more excited--Reed and I, or the chaplain!!!

albajo
09-30-2004, 07:35 PM
does anyone know how to copy and paste?i need the info from cris on nc weddings for buckie if you can copt and paste please email me the info at (Please PM member. Email address taken out as per PTO policy) so i can print off and send to buckie and girlfriend thanks and god bless love albajo

Sweetness
10-04-2004, 04:56 PM
Most of what Kris posted was right on, but each individual prison is different, and they have different rules... Just thought I would throw that in there! :)

nutinnyce
03-21-2005, 08:38 AM
this may be stupid what about congule visits and consumastion of the marriage?

jbsgirl
03-27-2005, 11:27 PM
NC does not have conjugal visits . So far heres what I have come up with . You must mail the chaplain of the prison and request a marriage packet . You have to provide your own minister . They are done on fridays . He is allows one person ...non inmate and I am allowed one person non inmate . Thats as far as I have gotten so far . I mailed off for the packet two weeks ago and have not heard a single word yet . JB is checking into it this week . I will let you know more then . Thats also pender CI rules ...I think they do differ from prison to prison

raymondslove
04-28-2005, 12:59 AM
Thanks so much this was very helpful....

September
06-12-2006, 10:46 AM
Hi. Would anyone have an example of "A Letter of Intent"? I only have one sentence...

[quote=Retired-15]OK HERES WHAT I HAVE...
1.BOTH THE INMATE AND BRIDE MUST WRITE A LETTER OF INTENT TO MARRY TO THE WARDEN.THE LETTER MUST INCLUDE THE INMATES NAME,THE BRIDES NAME,ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBER,AND A BRIEF STATEMENT THAT IT IS YOUR DESIRE TO MARRY.

Joe's Girl
08-25-2006, 08:08 AM
Does anyone know about getting married to someone who is currently in a Detention Center. I'm not really sure how long he's going to be there.

laydlyke
01-29-2008, 11:50 AM
We were married 01/24/08 at Maury Correctional Institution (close custody).

1. Did you have any counsling
Yes. Our minister performed 1 counseling session during regular visiting hours. The prison required a minimum of 3 sessions.

2. How long did the whole process take
14 Weeks

3. Did you have to find your own minister
Yes. Most chaplains in NC do not perform the ceremonies.

4. Were you allowed any flowers or disposable camera
Flowers, yes. Cameras of ANY kind, no.

5. How many guests were allowed to be there
We had 2 but were allowed 4.

6. What was the process to get the marriage license
Obtain affidavit for him to sign and have notarized. Take my birth certificate and social security card and his social security card to the Register of Deeds along with the affidavit.

7. What were the costs you had to pay
$50 for the marriage license and $250 for the minister.

8. What were the two of you allowed to wear
I wore a wedding gown (no train) and he was not allowed to change.

9. Were you allowed to bring a wedding band in for him or did it have to be mailed and what was the value limit
He was allowed a wedding band on our wedding day with a value of no more than $100.

MsBoSsLadY
04-04-2008, 05:20 PM
My Fiancee Was Just Transferred To Bertie (in Windsor, Nc) Two Days Ago.

Has Anyone Ever Been Married There Or Know Any Information About Their Marriage Process?!?

Please Let Me Know:(

laydlyke
04-07-2008, 03:17 PM
Ms, the best thing to do is have Chris ask the chaplain for a marriage packet. Or you may want to ask him the name of the chaplain and you call him and ask him the process. Not every prison has a marriage packet, but most do. Either way, talking to the chaplain is where to begin. Good luck hun!

MsBoSsLadY
04-07-2008, 04:23 PM
Hey =)
He is scheduled to meet with the chaplain in the next couple of days. His case mgr informed him that there IS a packet and a packet will be sent to me as well. My pastor (@ my church) offered to marry us at no charge. That is a true blessing!

laydlyke
04-08-2008, 08:01 AM
Oh wow, girl, that really is a blessing! I'm so happy for you. Girl, get to work gathering all of those id's and you'll be married before you know it!

fyrenspyce
04-09-2008, 08:40 AM
I'm still searching for a minister everyone! If anyone knows of a minister/church near Tillery, Enfield, Roanoke Rapids, Weldon or Scotland Neck, please let me know! I've called a few churches this morning - no answer and no answering machines!!! This place must TRULY be in the middle of nowhere!

Thanks for your help!

lakisha
04-14-2008, 02:23 PM
well i got married at piedmont correctional in salisbury. in 2005. we were allowed two other guests other than myself. and we were allowed to bring a camera. and he was not allowed to have any stones in his wedding band. it was about a 15 minute ceremony in the visit room and then we got about a hour to sit in there.

fyrenspyce
05-10-2008, 07:00 PM
Anyone have a suggestion as to a facility in which the chaplain would do the service and where counseling isn't required? We may have to just see about a transfer. There's no way that I can drive to NC three different times!!!! It's really making me mad, too - just the thought of all this. Thanks for your help!!!

laydlyke
05-13-2008, 08:21 AM
Fyre, according to the prison SOP, 3 counselling sessions are required for a wedding. However, the chaplain can waive those if he wants. We got 2 waived and just had to have 1 with our minister.

SamSam729
07-03-2008, 11:48 PM
Okay, so my fiance and I were co defendants and we still want to get married. The judge said not to have contact with him which I have not, but after my probation is over can I still marry him? I don't know, it sounds stupid as hell, but I love him with all of my heart and I would love to get married to him ASAP because that is all he ever talked about in his letters. Any advice on what to do and if it's even worth all this trouble to try to get married now, or just wait? Thanks so much!

laydlyke
07-07-2008, 08:08 AM
Sam,

I'm not sure about that one. You have to be an approved vistor if you want to get married. So if you are denied visitation for any reason, you cannot get married. And from my research, marriage by proxy isn't an option in NC.

KrysW
11-16-2008, 08:56 PM
Wow, this was all very very helpful!! if anyone else has anything to add about getting married in a nc prison, i would greatly appreciate it!

blondi28551
10-17-2011, 12:34 PM
Does anyone know how to find a bride for inmates?

Rev. Carl
11-28-2011, 06:17 PM
Before you pay any money to someone that promises or indicates that you can marry within the NC DOC with no problems, please understand that my experience is that this just isn't factual.

The process can take a fairly long time at least within the state DOC. Most institutions have their own set of rules, some are more difficult to work with, others less so. Having navigated that process, I'm more than happy to share my insights.

Recently conducted a wedding for an inmate and his soul mate, mid November. We began the process in August. Nothing that the couple did or did not do affected the process. It's just a time consuming one.

Many institutions have recently lost the funding for in house chaplains. Understand that the social worker or person at the institution will have much more to do than process your wedding paperwork.

Still, you can be polite and earnest in getting your needs filled.

Feel free to contact me if I can be of any assistance.

All best!

Rev. Carl

Rev. Carl
01-05-2012, 11:28 AM
I've conducted a few weddings at different institutions. My comments are based on working with various institutions on behalf of people outside wishing to marry an inmate. My experiences are my own and should not be taken as 'gospel', as each institution seems to have its own SOP. I have contacted the DOC at state level trying to find out if there is a statewide SOP available (and offering to assist in creating one if there is not.)

Under budgetary concerns, most institutions lost funding for the in-house Chaplain. Your inmates case worker will be his point of contact (POC) for marrying. My understanding is that those facilities with Chaplains discourage (in not outright prohibit) the Chaplain from performing marriages, as the Chaplain may have some conflict of interest for performing the marriage.

Some institutions are easier to work with, others less so. A lot of it depends on how the behavior of the inmate has been and is expected to be. It's human nature that people are more apt to help people they get along with. If the inmate gets into trouble while there, you should not expect the institution to do anything other than the minimum required. The institution will also not break their necks to make things happen either. I know of some marriages that happen within 90 days, others almost a year.

In NC, the county register of deeds issues a marriage license upon application.
Rarely are inmates taken to the RoD office to apply. Usually the institution issues an notarized affidavit providing the information the RoD requires. Once issued the license is live and can be used immediately (no waiting period) BUT EXPIRES 60 days after issue. If you don't get married within that 60 days, you have to begin the license process all over AND pay the fees again. As of Jan 2012, the fee is 61 dollars.

The NC General Statute that covers marriage and licenses is NC Chapter 51. The affidavit is part of NCGS 51-8.2

SO, you'll also need to find a minister or officiant. In NC, there are few who know the challenges of doing this with DOC as it does require a considerable amount of work to achieve, and few ministers are willing to do it.

NC law states the following can perform a marriage: In the presence of an ordained minister of any religious denomination, a minister authorized by a church, or a magistrate; and with the consequent declaration by the minister or magistrate that the persons are husband and wife; or In accordance with any mode of solemnization recognized by any religious denomination, or federally or State recognized Indian Nation or Tribe.

Some institutions follow this process (or something like this):

Inmate requests to marry through case worker or Chaplain. Inmate receives a marriage packet, which may include DOC 949-P (2 copies) which must be sent to the prospective minister who will provide the required documentation and return both forms to the institution for a background check. (one of the reasons few ministers perform these weddings because of the additional requirements.) Institution performs background check (may take as little as 2 weeks or more than 2 months). Once minister background check is returned approved, then the institution will advise the inmate and fiance of which days per week the institution will allow weddings. Usually a weekday, RARELY during regular visitation times. Here's the catchy part, your minister has to be available for that particular day and time, no substitution is permitted. (This is another of the reasons why few ministers do correctional weddings). Note, if you are in one part of the state, and your inmate is in another, your minister will also have to travel to the location. Time and cost of transportation will affect the minister's decision to work with you.

Once the license is obtained, and the date is scheduled, you and the minister and 2 witnesses (must be on approved visitation list) will go to the institution and be checked in. (May require a search) You will all be taken to a secure area, the minister will perform the ceremony. You are not permitted to take pictures. The caseworker who will attend might take pictures for you, but you are not permitted to bring in a camera. Jewelry is not usually exchanged as the inmate's valuable possessions are restricted. Talk with caseworker about this. Usually, a brief visitation is allowed after the ceremony. Conjugal visits or consummation of marriage vows is not permitted with state institutions

I'd be happy to answer questions as I can. Feel free to message me.

All best wishes!

Rev. Carl