B's Bunny
03-06-2009, 01:44 AM
Just found this part of the forum tonight even though I've been coming on the site since about May????
Maybe I didn't want to see it???
My husband's coming home in a week. He's in on FTAs (for possession of meth and traffic violations).
The first time anything happened we'd been together about 6 months. It was a jealousy thing. Slap and choke stuff in the car on the way home from a party. My throat was covered in fingernail cuts. I listened to his promise to never put his hands on me again and I forgave him. It seemed like an isolated incidence. Three years later we were married and it was another two years after that before he slapped me during an argument. A year later (as far as I know) he discovered methamphetamine for the first time and the craziness began. I was a "slut" and he hit me with a full 20 oz can of beer in the eye, and the police got involved around this point but were not (nor were they ever in the three times I called them) any kind of help to me. I was a "whore" and was kicked and spat on in my front yard, "who's calling you on your cell phone " got me a broken eardrum. One night he sat me down on the couch, gave me a pad of paper and a pen and 15 minutes to write down my confession that I was sleeping with someone I worked for. He told me if he didn't feel I was telling the truth at the end of that 15 minutes he was going to wrap a towel around my head so no one could hear me scream and he was going to beat me. He scared me badly but didn't hit me that night. The jealousy, the accusations, the fright and the punishments for things that never happened went on for about six months before I left. We were apart about 8 months before I forgave him. He promised he was clean. Although we had occasional scuffles, it took another year or so before anything serious happened and then it got as bad as it's ever been. New Year's Eve 2006 I was pretty convinced I wasn't going to see 2007. On 1/2 I moved out again while he was at work and didn't see or talk to him for a month. We started talking first and then visiting on occasion but I wasn't as ready to listen as I had been before. I knew none of this way my fault. I knew the drugs were altering his behavior, I was convinced I wouldn't be safe as long as he was using and I was adamant that it had to stop. Seemingly it did and at the end of six months we tried again. We lived together with a lot of hollering and shouting but no hitting. No drugs as far as I could tell and by this time I'd learned to shout as loud and be just as insulting as him which was somehow a line in the sand he wasn't willing to cross??? Then he started using again (or maybe I just caught him then, I don't know). The lease was going to be up in two months and I knew I was going for good ...... and the next evening he stepped outside to walk the dog and ran into two police officers there to arrest him on an outstanding warrant. He's been down about 14 months. It's been a blessing in disguise. For one thing he's squeaky clean.
I can say without reservation that whatever it is that's in meth may not cause violence but it certainly escalates an argument, or a tendency to be violent, into something far more serious and life-threatening.
Yes, I'm prepared (we're prepared) for what will have to happen if he's unable to stay squeaky clean. No, I don't kid myself into thinking it's all going to be puppies and rainbows and happily ever after .... but I do have a lot of hope for the future and it starts with him being clear-headed for the first time in five years.
Maybe I didn't want to see it???
My husband's coming home in a week. He's in on FTAs (for possession of meth and traffic violations).
The first time anything happened we'd been together about 6 months. It was a jealousy thing. Slap and choke stuff in the car on the way home from a party. My throat was covered in fingernail cuts. I listened to his promise to never put his hands on me again and I forgave him. It seemed like an isolated incidence. Three years later we were married and it was another two years after that before he slapped me during an argument. A year later (as far as I know) he discovered methamphetamine for the first time and the craziness began. I was a "slut" and he hit me with a full 20 oz can of beer in the eye, and the police got involved around this point but were not (nor were they ever in the three times I called them) any kind of help to me. I was a "whore" and was kicked and spat on in my front yard, "who's calling you on your cell phone " got me a broken eardrum. One night he sat me down on the couch, gave me a pad of paper and a pen and 15 minutes to write down my confession that I was sleeping with someone I worked for. He told me if he didn't feel I was telling the truth at the end of that 15 minutes he was going to wrap a towel around my head so no one could hear me scream and he was going to beat me. He scared me badly but didn't hit me that night. The jealousy, the accusations, the fright and the punishments for things that never happened went on for about six months before I left. We were apart about 8 months before I forgave him. He promised he was clean. Although we had occasional scuffles, it took another year or so before anything serious happened and then it got as bad as it's ever been. New Year's Eve 2006 I was pretty convinced I wasn't going to see 2007. On 1/2 I moved out again while he was at work and didn't see or talk to him for a month. We started talking first and then visiting on occasion but I wasn't as ready to listen as I had been before. I knew none of this way my fault. I knew the drugs were altering his behavior, I was convinced I wouldn't be safe as long as he was using and I was adamant that it had to stop. Seemingly it did and at the end of six months we tried again. We lived together with a lot of hollering and shouting but no hitting. No drugs as far as I could tell and by this time I'd learned to shout as loud and be just as insulting as him which was somehow a line in the sand he wasn't willing to cross??? Then he started using again (or maybe I just caught him then, I don't know). The lease was going to be up in two months and I knew I was going for good ...... and the next evening he stepped outside to walk the dog and ran into two police officers there to arrest him on an outstanding warrant. He's been down about 14 months. It's been a blessing in disguise. For one thing he's squeaky clean.
I can say without reservation that whatever it is that's in meth may not cause violence but it certainly escalates an argument, or a tendency to be violent, into something far more serious and life-threatening.
Yes, I'm prepared (we're prepared) for what will have to happen if he's unable to stay squeaky clean. No, I don't kid myself into thinking it's all going to be puppies and rainbows and happily ever after .... but I do have a lot of hope for the future and it starts with him being clear-headed for the first time in five years.