And hello to all. I havent slept a wink and will probably go to bed here in a few minutes just wanted to say hi and hope everyone is doing great. I know its 615am but i'm going to sleep....later, jer

Good morning to you too. I don't think I have introduced myself. I have been on vacation for a couple of weeks and I must have missed your intro. Welcome!

I have a 19 year old son in prison and he has been there around about 4 months. I am going to see him today and I am really looking forward to out visit.

Talk to ya later.

Susan

Susan Good Morning I havent gone to sleep like i said i was. I have a 24 yr old in prison well he will be 24 yrs old 09-10-02. i havent been able to visit him and i hope to be able to see him on the 8th of sept. his bd is tues. i hope you have a great visit with your son tell him i said hello from pto. my son has been in for 5 yrs ..hope you had a great vac. i need one take care

Good morning. I have a 19 year old son in prison. He has been gone for five months and hopefully only 6 more to go. I am going to visit him today. Hang in there!

Good Afternoon to All!

I had a good visit with my son yesterday. We even had our picture taken for the holiday. I thought that was pretty neat. I had two photos made so my son would have one to keep. He is doing better than me. Well, other than being out in the "free." He is handling this very well. He's in school and working in his favorite place, "the kitchen."

I hope y'all have a good visit with your love ones. Take care. PEACE!

I hope you all had good visits with your loved ones i wasnt able to go visit my son today hope to be able to visit him next weekend sunday his birthday is 09-10-02. Cant wait to see him...love jer

A friend of my sons went to visit him today so he is ok and i am happy....

JER,

When you do go to visit your son, it will be a good visit. I hope y'all enjoy his birthday as well. Take care! PEACE!!

Thanx CyndieC Yeah I'll have a good visit and on his birthday I will be at work thinking about him all day gracias...JER

The friend that visited my son was actually his girlfriend at the time and when he was sentenced to 25 yrs she left him and she is now back in the picture she broke his heart and he wrote to me the other day and told me you know what mom i really loved that girl but she was not there for me when i needed her the most. i just thought i would share that with you guys...

I envy all of you who are able to visit your sons. (Pity party again!) My 19 year old son has been "in" for 16 months and has 54 more months left. He is in Northern Oregon and I am in central CA, so we have not visited him since last summer when we saw him at the County Jail. I can't wait to get our paperwork done so we can go see him. He seems like he is doing well. He too has a girlfriend, who is very sweet, but I do not know if she will be able to wait for 4 and a half more years. It helps him so much to know that she is there for him, and he really needs something to look forward to. She is a college student (and drug-free) , so she has been very good for him. Anyway, I am happy for all of you that are able to visit. Hope everyone had a good weekend, Jenny

HELLO EVERYONE...


JENNY L, IT I VERY HARD NOT TO BE ABLE TO SEE YOUR SON... I AM IN THAT SITUATION TOO FOR THE TIME BEING.... BUTCH IS IN SEGREGATION ANAD HAS BEEN FOR 4 MONTHS AND I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO SEE HIM OR TALK TO HIM... JUST LETTERS IS ALL WE GET.

JER, GLAD YOU AFRE HERE ON PTO... AS YOU CAN SEE, THERE ARE A LOT OF US WITH CHILDREN IN PRISON.... WE ALL FEEL THE SAME TYPE PAIN AND HURT INSIDE JUST AS MOCH. I HOPE THINGS GET BETTER FOR YOU.... MY SON WAS 25 WHEN HE WENT IN AND HE IS NOW 37... I MISS HIM SO BAD SOMETIMES, MY HEART FEELS AS THO IT WILL BREAK...

MY LOVE AND PRAYERS TO ALL OF YOU

DONNA

Hi Donna,
Wow, when I start feeling sorry for myself, I will think of how it is for you.......... I can't imagine having my son in prison for such a long time. And it really sucks that you have not been able to visit him for 4 months. All I need is the $ and time to go visit Joe, and it will happen soon. It's just really hard that he is so far away. I was doing okay until I read some other threads about prison rape..............talk about anxiety! I can't protect him or control what happens, so I am trying to just think positive (not my usual habit!) I love my son so much, and I fear that he will not be himself when he gets out. Does anyone who's been there have any insight into that? I would really like to know how prison affects people , and as a loved one, how to help. I have thoughts of him becoming "institutionalized" and hardened. Call me a worrier! Thanks to you all. Jenny

WHAT HE IS WHEN HE COMES OUT WILL DEPEND A GREAT DEAL ON HOW YOU STAY BY HIM AND CONTINUE TO LET HIM KNOW WHAT HE HAS TO DO WHEN HE DOES COME HOME...

IF YOUR SON IS TAUGHT LOVE HE WILL PORTRAY LOVE WHEN HE GETS OUT.... IF HE SEES STRENGTH FROM YOU, HE WILL BE STRONG WHEN HE COMES OUT. IF HE SEES BITTHERNESS IN YOU, HE WILL BE BITTER WHEN HE COMES OUT...

KEEP HIM INVOLVED WITH GOD AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN.... HE WILL BE ALRIGHT..

DONNA

Budwoman,
I am not bitter. I love my son no matter what, and he knows that. He knows I am here for him , and will be here for him when he gets out. You seemed to imply that I have control over how prison will affect him. There is no way I can protect him from painful and humiliating experiences that he may have to endure. Experiences that may change who he is and how he sees the world. All I can do is love and support him. And I cannot force God on him either. With all due respect, not everyone believes in God or a higher power. Respectfully, Jenny

jenny l
i do not thin k she was saying you could control thing that happen in there,but i know with my son because he knows we love him and ha can come HOME when he gets out .that staying out of trouble and having faith in something is going to pull him through o.k.my son along with us are completely new to this and we have deside to do every thing we can to make sure he knows he still a part of this family and that he is a good person that his slpit sec mistake is not going to ruin his life.he sits in there and sees all these other guys that have been in and out of the system for years and can not figure it out?why would poeple want to come back or do things that would make their time longer and has found out that there is ways to keep your nose clean and be safe.i was very happy to hear all this and find out bit by bit that it was fairly true.alot of other poeple in the system said he woould be o.k. because of his personality and stuff but i still worried and still do alittle but i know if he wants to stay out of trouble he can.poeple told me because of his good looks and build he would be a target,but then they found out about his reputation which is not anything to do with anything illegal or anything and kinda told him how to use it to his good and he has.the other inmates could tell he was a firstimer and he would not be back and was a good kid and help him alot and was a good kid and help him alot .not all prison are so bad that other inmates can just do what they want to others.try to have some faith in your son and his abilty to toe the line and stay away from trouble

Jenny and LilMama... Lordy Lordy, I definately did not mean that you can control anything... I mean, as long as your sons do know that you will always be there when they need you and that you continue to show love to them, they will survive these experiences.... LilMama, you are so right, Once a young man learns how to Walk the Walk and Talk the talk he usually is O.K. He never has to worry about a fight or of anyone trying to Rape Him.... My son is in Medium Custody... He has only had a couple of instances in the 12 years he has been down.... Yes, You do worry and you continually have Nightmares about what might happen.... Somewhere you must drop this tho or it really will get the best of you.... And what I meant is You are his example.... What you do, he will follow.... Not that you can control anything.

Also, I am very sorry I offended you about God. I only know what my life would have been without him and what my Son would be now without him... Not trying to push anything on you by any means.... You must find something to hang onto tho and that has been my thing..

May God Bless and Keep You

Donna Frye Day
Maiden, North Carolina
Director of "HEARTS OUTSIDE THE WIRE:
A Support Group for Families of Inmates

Budwoman,
No offense about the God thing. I appreciate hearing what works for people, but it is for sure not a "one size fits all" answer. It is just so frustrating to be in this situation. However, instead of bitching and moaning, I am taking some action! I got my visiting forms turned in, and we are going for a visit as soon as we can. I feel a lot better now that we are getting a visit together and I will try to keep my spirits up til then. Thanks to you all for the input and support. Jenny

THAT IS THE BEST THING TO DO, STAY BUSY, KEEP YOUR MIND OCCUPIED AND TO THE POINT YOU DON'T THINK SO HARD ABOUT THINGS...

MY LOVE IS WITH YOU HON.

DONNA

Thanks a lot for the support and advice. It helps a lot . I am focusing on our visit. Hopefully it will be in Oct. I am getting excited. I got a letter from Joe today. He says he wishes he had listened to me and his step-dad when we tried to straighten him out! He has really grown a lot. I feel hopeful that he is going to make it and have a good life. I will just be so happy to see him. I will get to hug him, and I am really looking forward to that. Thanks again BW! Your friend, Jenny

Wow, what a cute start to this thread Jer! I've worked with a lot of young men in prison, ages 12-21 and I agree that the best thing for them is the support they receive from the outside. This is what they hang on to and will need more then ever when they get out!

Jenny, you said your son has a girlfriend, but you don't know if she can/will wait the 4 years...maybe you could invite her to PTO?...there sure is a lot of people here who are going through that very 'wait' and maybe she could get some support from us?!

Anyway you all enjoy your visits and Jer, give Javier a Birthday Hug from me...I sent him a card too!

Pamela

Hi Pamela,
Good suggestion. In fact, I spoke with her on the phone yesterday and told her about PTO. She said she has an on-line group that she uses, but I don't know what it is. We are both getting excited , as we are both planning visits soon!

Pamela hello i will not be going to see my son sunday like i had planned to, i just cant i had too many bills to pay and am kinda broke i did tell him that i may not visit him thanx for sending him a birthday card and thanx to everyone else for doing the same. i only get payed once a month so i will probably go visit him the first sat in oct. i will give him that hug from you thank you again, love JER