I know that I am not alone in wishing that time would go by faster. I feel like that most days, but every so often have that "you only live once/live every day as if it were your last" feeling. Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my life sitting here wishing time away. Does anyone else feel this way?

As I write this I realize what my problem is...I need to get off my butt and do things. I guess lately I've just gotten tired of doing everything solo. Know what I mean?

MrsP, I know what you mean. I hear from everyone that I'm wasting 5 years of my life, etc., etc. But I keep looking forward to the life Nick and I will have when he gets out. That's what gets me through.

Don't stop living your life! There is so much to do and see. Live girl! I am a photography nut, so whenever I go on trips, or go hiking, or just a walk through the park, I take pictures and send them to Nick. At least he gets to see some of what it's like on the outside. It's hard to do things without the love of your life by your side, but I can share these things with him through pictures for now, and when he gets out we are going to have a ball.

(((((hugs))))))

Yeah I feel this way sometimes too but I keep myself going. I still live my life. I always try to keep him going in it as well. With my daughter I stay busy. I just get tired of hearing how "he's going to be gone for 14 more years" and "why do you keep blowing off these really good guys" UMMM because I love my man. Need I say more. I know how you feel.

I spent the first year of his sentence making myself and children do time also...It took alot to pull out of it. I didn't want to do anything without him or go anywhere that we used to go or even somewhere he might of wanted to go. Terrible, huh? I was depressed and would even make myself feel guilty for enjoyng things. I finally made the decision that I was going to pull out of it and make the best of it....for my kids and us all. I wanted to make sure that no matter what I would never regret the time I spent waiting for my baby to come home. I can now say that I love my husband more than ever and I miss him like crazy, but I am living for us all now and will never consider myself to be wasting my life away. Like Nicky's Girl, I am a photo nut and I think I drown my husband in pictures so he can share in all that we do!!

Yeah. and the holidays, it's really tough. I used to go out more, but sometimes people just will not accept the fact that yeah, I love him, and no I don't need you to ah, release my frustration. I need a few good friends who "get it" I'm not as young as I used to be, so I'm not into the party scenes. I sobered up, so I lost a lot of old friends, and my two best friends died, a year apart. So my focus is on our future, and trying to build on it. I went back to school. It reaslly sucks sometimes. I used to have. like money, and now I broke all the time, that's hard, but really, I have all I need except him. I feel so badly, thaat he's missed a major portion of his life.I send a lot of pictures too, and my schoolwork, and we read books "together" After all this time, they finally let me visit, once, and I am actively, constantly trying to pursue the succesive appeals process for that. I am going to relocate soon. They move him every few years, but I hope when I'm settled to have him transfer. I can only do this a day at a time, and then, eventually, the years pass. I tell my Boo, when he calls at night, every day is one less. He isn't here, but I know he loves me. I'm not going to stop living, trying to move forward, but my priorities have changed. Ladies, you know, we are the bomb.

Just felt like responding to all of you 'cause you all had great things to say:

Nicky's_girl! I travel quite a bit for work, so from now on my camera's coming with me. And, you're not at all wasting your life. In my opinion, wasting your life would be to give up a love that's real.

Msvbabygirl - keep on loving him! I can't stand it when people don't think our love is real. I guess they don't understand what it takes for us and our guys to maintain and grow our love under these difficult circumstances.

Lonewulf - I think I'm just in a bit of a funk, but most of the time I'm able to pull myself out of it. Thanks for sharing.

darkbluegirl - Even though school sucks at times it's great that you're doing it. It's well worth it all around. And congrats on sobering up. Sounds like you've got things all together. I'm so happy you got to visit finally...doesn't that make all the difference in the world.

Looking forward to sharing the good and bad with all of you 10 plus-ers. Stay strong.

it's wierd because sometimes I do wish the time away, but yet I cherish as many instants as I can remember to...I feel sometimes like I have to do the living for both of us. I don't mean partying, the thought makes me tired! I mean seeing the sunset, feeling a dog's warm fur, kidding with little kids, driving my car, being on the net, deciding whether to take a shower or make a sandwich, getting rained on, ya know...just all of it...means more to me because I can so clearly feel with somebody who lacks it. life is so very dear.

I to wish some days away but try to live my life to the fullest also, i feel quilty somedays cause i get to do the stuff that he can't, but he will be home and then we can do things together. Just take it day by day and not think to much about it.

Sometimes, I wish time away too. I hate that I do that. I want him too. I don't ever have the feeling that I'm wasting my time, but I feel so guilty at times that I'm out doing things and he can't be there. I always have a camera with me no matter where I go, even if it's to the grocery store, etc...I'm nuts I know. LOL... He loves it. I send him as many pictures as I can and i write him every day and I talk to him every day. When I want ot go out which is like once every 8 months, he tells me to go out have a good time and enjoy yourself. I feel so guilty for that, but I know I shouldn't. I'm at home taking care of 2 year old little boy all by myself, working 40hrs a week plus, and no one to help me. I deserve to go out and let loose. That's all I have to remind myself. i'll tell you I can't wait for Justin to come home. It'll be one of the best days of my life. Most of my friends don't understand why I'm staying by his side and putting my life on hold. My lifes not on hold. I'm still living, but w/out the man of my dreams. If I can do that, I can do anything I put my mind too. It's only making us stronger. Of course, my son helps make time go by faster. He's such a joy. I can't explain it, but I can appreciate what you guys are feeling. At times, I feel the same too. We're all in this together.

I have to echo all of you! I am going back to school and keeping up with my kids.....I send him loads of pictures to helpp him be involved while the kids grow and change. It is heartbreaking everyday to go and do things without him, but I manage. I have family out here that supports me - especially since I got "clean" since he has been down, but still no one that hasn't lived it truly understand why I would wait all this time for him. It is a feeling of love that is indescribable with words. It is knowing that my soul, my heart, the love of my life will one day join me. That it is a sure thing. You ladies know what I mean though, right?

We do know what you mean, cwmram. I was suspicious of this "on-line community" concept, but PTO has opened me up to a whole bunch of great people who truly do understand. It's such a relief to know that others do feel the same way that I do (the ups and downs and everything in between). Thanks everyone!