What can you say to a grand daughter who is 9 years old, that is so mad at her daddy for going to jail that she doesn't want to see him? How can I make her understand that he loves her with all his heart and he didn't do this to hurt her? Her world has been turned upside down for the 2nd time in her young life. Yes, this is his 2nd time in. He has 2 more years to go before he comes home. She is always sad, never smiles anymore. It just breaks my heart to see her so sad all the time.

I think Daddy needs to write a letter to his little girl. Explain to her that it is not her fault that he did was wrong and he was not thinking at the time. That he loves her very much and oneway or the other he will make everything up to her. Draw her pics. and mail them to her and just to her just little special things that he can do to show that he does think of her and he does love her. In return have her write a letter to daddy about the way she feels. Let her get it out to him. Her just being able to "vent" to him might help her.

I think that this child needs to be approached very delicately. A explanation letter is not gong to help if she can't comprehend it the way an adult might. I agree that frequent communication is important. But asking her to put her feelings on paper when she is in a difficult psychological space could easily be beyond her capabilities and she may not be ready to do this. Abandonment and rejections issues are complicated and finding a good therapist who can assess her and help her through this time would be my suggestion. Look for someone who has dealt with prison famiiles before.

I think that this child needs to be approached very delicately. A explanation letter is not gong to help if she can't comprehend it the way an adult might. I agree that frequent communication is important. But asking her to put her feelings on paper when she is in a difficult psychological space could easily be beyond her capabilities and she may not be ready to do this. Abandonment and rejections issues are complicated and finding a good therapist who can assess her and help her through this time would be my suggestion. Look for someone who has dealt with prison famiiles before.
I was not saying to explain to her what he has done but more the fact that it was not her fault and that he loves her. Yes I agree that therapist would help. I have a child that is dealing with this and letters from daddy helps her alot. She saw him in jail but I have not taken her to the prison yet.

This kid isn't going to feel better because Daddy loves her, sorry. She's still going to be in the "I'm not good enough" mode. So what if he loves her? He's still not home, and he did it to himself, and his love of her isn't that big if he keeps leaving. That's what she's feeling, and all the letters in the world aren't going to make her understand. Get her a counselor!

A therapist would be helpful. Also, if you go to this website: fcnetwork.org You might find some helpful information there. They also have a section where you can find if there is a mentorship program for children with incarcerated parents in your locale. Some of these mentorship programs are good because the mentor understands the issues, the kids do some group activities with other kids in the same situation. Also, on that site, they list (I think) some books that are good for children to read about having a parent in prison. The main thing is to listen to her feelings and let her feel what she's feeling. It will evolve with time. She may not be ready to hear any apologies from dad but it is important that he keep trying to communicate with her but focus on HER, not himself. The main message to give to her is that it is NOT HER FAULT. Kids often think they are the center of the universe and they take on burdens you don't even know they're taking on. Tell her it's not her fault and it's not her shame. Her father being in prison has nothing to do with who she is as a person. That will help her if she has to deal with other kids being insensitive to her about her dad's situation. Just some suggestions. Z.