My husband might be coming home next year after 15 years in prison.

how can I help him?

and of you long time wives....do any of you get FRP visits?

thanks people, i love pto!

Being with him for 15 years is the most amazing gift of all. How can you help him? Just keep loving him!

Be patient, he is going to be pretty flipped out. I did a lot less, six, two 3 back to back, but nine down, mine has eight left on his, don't push and don't keep asking if he's ok, he's not, but he well be, Plan some events, dinner movies, small doses of large groups at first, and they talk a big game, but mine hasn't had sex in so long he's scared. personal, he has asked that we just cuddle the first week, so he can remember. It is something people laugh at, but really, he will stand in front of doors, waiting for the guard to unlock them, when it is count he will be nervous, I've had a lot of friends and most do have PTSS from it. So be gentle, and laugh with him not at him. I wish you both all the best. I will sendd good thoughts.. Employment is a bitch too. expect frustration if that's an issue.

I have not been with him for 15 years...he was 17 then, we are both now 31...

thanks darkbluegirl...

do those employment organization places help? he is now talking with a reverand...
and we get FRP visits, so we are just begining to adjust to that.

Mrs G

I can sympathize with you. I haven't been with my man in 13 years. He got locked up when we were both 19. If I may ask, what are FRP visits?

Mrs G

You should be so proud of yourself!! You are an amazing person to hang on for so long. Comming home will be a whole new experience for the both of you. The 1st time my husband came home it was a total culture shock, he had so much to get used to, and I don't think he ever stopped looking over his shoulder. Good luck with everything!

i say take one day at a time. his adjustment will be a long process that he will need your support a great deal. he may get scare over little things or frustrated...try to have patience and not take it personally. he will want to do everything he has longed for years but as I have said before...take it a day at a time. I think getting state id should be first on the list because you can't get a job with out id and getting his birth certificate or social security card (if he does not have it yet). there should be agencies that help ex-inmates. in chicago there is an organization that helps with job placements. look into the Salvation Army in the area and united way help line to local resources. best of luck. you are wise to ask questions now so you two can talk about them and plan. hugs to you.

what an abundance of grace has been granted you that you can love so deeply! truly-- what a gift. when calvin got out the first time (after 15 years straight fed time-- 10 years ago)-- i had just met him. grocery stores were completely overwhelming. don't bring him to a super walmart right away!he hated going out to eat. he hated going out period. because if he left the house, he had to make a decision. and the decision making process had been removed from his life. after being out a year, he broke down on the side of the bed and stated that he couldn't tell the difference between being in prison and being out of prison because he didn't feel anything. not only had he been physically incarcerated, but he became emotionally incarcerated too. and he still had to deal with all of the issues that led to his incarceration to begin with. beginning with substance abuse. more on that if you want it--but i'm not trying to write a book write now. his adjustment to society was slow. i think it took him about two years to get some walking around sense. he stated that when he got out-- he could only feel two things--anxiety and relief. that was it. that was the extent of his emotional range. indifference was his biggest enemy. he stated that when he began to feel--the feelings would be so intense--he never ever dreamed life could feel like that. the first feelings to return were remorse (looking at the past in remorse) and fear (looking in the future, afraid he would be unable to adjust). followed closely by loneliness and guilt. the better calvin did--the worse he felt. i know that doesn't make any sense--but it was true--because when he was doing well he wasn't engaging in self-sabotage or any other self destructive behavior. what usually happened was when there was no external reason for feeling intense anxiety--calvin would 'create' something to feel bad about or to criticize. and here we are ten years later looking at 15 years. he had adjusted to being on the outside. he had been without dope for eight years. he ultimately returned to his Drug Of Choice, committed his crime of choice, and now he is back in DOC. so back to you your original question: how can you love him??? how about unconditionally. which is what you're doing. may the god or goddess of your understanding bless everything you do!

Like I said--I have not been with him for 15 years, he was mostly alone, I met him in 2000--i cannot take the credit for that time, only he can. He is a very stable, level headed, mature, intelligent, optomistic, positive man. I am very confident in his success out here...

FRP is a FAMILY REUNION PROGRAM, where married couples and familie get two day conjugal visits.

Mrs G You might want to check out eboniiys post's her O.J. is just about to come home too, after 17 years. I'm sure your feeling a lot of the same things...

I wrote this back in 2003...my husband is not coming home until 2006, but I wanted to know if anyone else here as anything else they can share with me about helping him when he comes home after a long sentence?

I Get Trailer Visits.


Peace