Hi, my name is Tracy and my husband goes by the nickname of "Goody". He just started serving a 15 year sentence here in Florida. I have been reading through the other stories, and haven't seen one like ours here yet.

During the month of Feb 2001, my husband sat me down to tell me something that he said "was going to cost him his family ". I thought that he was fixing to tell me that he had met someone else and wanted a divorce. I wish that had been it. What he told me was that he had molested my 9 yr old daughter(his step-daughter). He cried, I cried, we held each other. I could tell this was tearing him apart. I promised him that I would stand beside him.

Jump ahead to May 31, 2001. I had been in therapy for PTSD for a few months, and during a counseling session, my husband's "crime" came out. My counselor was bound by law to turn him in. Thus began our nightmare. That night, he was arrested and my daughter was removed from my custody for the next 2 months.

She is home now, in therapy and is doing very well. My husband pled guilty to 1 count of Lew & Lacivious Molestation of a minor under the age of 12. He did this so that my daughter would not have to testify in open court. He got 15 years. During the time between his arrest and his sentence hearing (November 7th), I waivered back and forth on my promise to stand beside him.

My faith in God is the most important thing in my life, and I have prayed I can't tell you how many times for God to show me his will for my life. When all of this started, Goody was seeing 5 different doctors and getting 5 different pain meds and filling them at 5 differnt pharmacies. He was on Lortab, Percacet, Percadan, Demerol and Morphine. I am not trying to excuse what he did that got us into this in the first place, but he is now drug free and we are more committed to each other than ever before.

We met on June 13, 1997, were married on January 13, 2000. So we just celebrated 2 years of marriage. I have lost my entire family because of my decision to stay married to him. I have lost most of my friends for the same reason. But that's okay. I have the Lord in my life, and I love my husband. We both know that he will not be allowed to see my daughter again until she is over the age of 18. We both know that he has 10 years probation to do after his prison term. We both know that he must register as a sexual offender for the rest of his life. He turned 50 in February of this year.

I asm VERY active in Prison reform now, and my days are filled with that and being the President of the Florida Chapter of the Jeff Dicks Medical Coalition.

Tracy

Well girl, I hate to tell it like it is but I guess if no one else will, I'll step up to the mike. Listen, no matter what you feel for this man, he MOLESTED your daughter. That's it!! I mean, what else is there to say??? I don't care how much you pray, or if the Lord is completely in your life, I don't care if God HIMSELF sleeps on your couch!!! If that's not sign to run, I don't know what is!! I think you might need to look a little deeper within yourself and reconsider!! If not for yourself, but for your daughter. Think about it. How would you feel if your mother, let's just assume you had a wonderful relationship with her, stayed with a man who molested you. Can you put yourself in those shoes. I can't!! I can't imagine how I would feel! I know it wouldn't feel good. Think

Tracy-I do not want to pass judgement on you for the decision you have made to stand by your husband. Especially since you have come to this site for support and understanding when important people in your life have given you none and have abandoned you. I must admit that it is very difficult to look at your situation and understand why you would stay with a man who molested your daughter--but I am on the outside looking in. You say that you and your daughter are in therapy--is he? I know some of us who read your story will not really know what to say to you, and I am one of those people. But I do want to say that there are peole hear who will listen and offer support in the best way they can, even though their opinion may differ from yours. I am sure all of this has been very difficult for you, and I hope that God will give you the clarity you need on how to proceed in this situation. Take care

sherri

Tracy, as I read your story it brought back a lot of things that had happened to me. I have a brother-in-law that is in Texas State Prison for the exact same thing your husband is, only his step-daughter was 17. I don't know all the details and to be honest, I really don't want to. I do know however that I do not tell people why he is in prison. People just don't understand why keep in contact with him. I have enough to answer with my own husband being in prison let alone explaining his brother.

To my story though and some words of thought. When my daughters (who are now 14 and 15) were 4 and 5, my husband told me a deep dark secret that his dad had molested him when he was a child. A lot of family secrets came out and some suspision that his father may have made inappropriate advances to my oldest child. I went through every emotion I think a human can feel at that time. Wanting to support my husband and yet angry. My Father-in-law had become a "Christian" and had turned his life around and the man I knew was not the man that my husband had told me about. However, an investigation was done and no evidence was found to support any wrong doings, but the social worker told me not to let her be alone with him. My In-laws were very upset with me because I wouldn't allow my kids to spend weekends with them alone. I went to a priest and talked to him about the situation. You know, since they are christians I should be ok with it right? Well, this is what he told me and I have held onto this ever since and when I have to make a decision I go back to what he said.

He asked me a question-== He said "Joy, now knowing what your Father-in-law did you went ahead and let her see him and say he does do something to her. When you go to heaven and you stand before God and he asks you why you let her stay with him alone knowing everything you did...what would your answer be to him? He said God gave us children to raise, protect and give our life for them. How would I answer God about why I did not protect something very special that he gave me when I knew there might be danger.

The thing here Tracy, is right now, your daughter needs to be the one supported. She needs to know that you love her and not let her feel guilty about any of this. Your husband can get counseling in prison and take time to get his life together. Your first priority here right now is your daughter. I admire you standing by your husband. Just keep your eyes open and do not be blind to anything. I admire your husband for admitting his wrong so your daughter would not have to suffer any more. I feel that you may be feeling that you are being made to choose between your daughter and your husband. That sucks. I have been there. You DON'T have to choose. Love them both. Just understand though that right now your daughter is your priority over you husband. He is an adult and can handle what he is going through. Your daughter is not and needs you very, very much. You have support here...no judgments.
Take care and keep writing
Joy

First of all, let me say, that my daughter is THE most importatn thing in my life. Yes, she is in counseling, yes WE are in counseling together. She knows that SHE comes first with me.

Seceond, my HUSBAND knows that she comes first with me. I would NEVER put my child into a situation where I ever thought she would be at risk again.

Third, doesn't anyone here think that people can change?? The general feeling that I have gotten is that anyone EXCEPT child molesters can change. This is simply NOT TRUE!! My husband knows that IF he were to get out of prison prior to my daughter turning 18 years old, he would NOT be allowed to be anywhere near her.

Yes, he is also in counseling in prison. Yes, he knws what he did was wrong.

Lastly, think about your Bible. Remember Peter??? Wasn't he a not so good person, and then God CHANGED HIM???? If this could happen in the days of Jesus, who is to say it cannot happen now?

One thing I have learned from my own therapy is that "feelings are not right or wrong - they just are".

Yes, my husband made a mistake, he is paying for that. I believe that him coming to me and telling me himself what he had done was a cry for help. By turning him in, I did the best thing for ALL of us. I continue to protect my child he has absolutely no contaact with her in any way, shape or form.

As far as the question about how I would feel if my mother stayed married to someone that had molested me??? Let me say this. Both of my brothers moleste and raped me as a child. I did go to my mother and tell her what had happened, she did not believe me and instead locked me in a closet for 3 days. Did she keep me away from my brothers? No. To this day, my brothers both deny what they did to me. Does that mean it didn't happen? No, it did happen. On her deathbed, my mother admitted to me that she knew that I had told her the truth. Too little to late??? Maybe. But, by turning in my husband, and getting my daughter and myself the help that we both need, I am stopping the cycle of abuse. Hopefully, my daughter won't go through the years of "self-medication" with drugs and alcohol that I put myself through. Hopefully my daughter won't attempt suicike as I have in my life.

Even though my daughter came to me and told me that she has forgiven this man for what he did to her, does not mean that I would ever put her into a situation with him again where he had the opportunity to abuse her. He is in therapy in prison and is learning new things about himself everyday through the therapy.

As I said in my first post in this thread, this is not a decision that I have made lightly. I have prayed daily to God to show me what HE wants me to do. It always comes back to the same thing. Stay with him, Who am I to question God's will in my life?

Any you know what??? If my "friends and family" cannot understand my deep beliefs and convictions in this matter that isn't my problem, it is theirs.

God has shown me that he has chosen me to have a prison ministry. He has chosen me to try to help inmates that need medical attention. I will not fight God's plan for my life.

I didn't mean to upset you by what I wrote. I was just sharing with you how I felt and what I had learned. To let you know that I am here for support. I was not judging you. Anyone can change. My husband is an INS Detainee, but he was originally arrested for Domestic Abuse. There is not one person in this town, or in my family that says he can change and that I am stupid and a fool to stay with him.

If you felt like I was attacking you, then I apologize. I was not. Just trying to share that you are not alone.

Again, I am sorry.
Joy

Joy, thank you. It was not you that upset me. It just appalls me that some people don't believe a person can change. Some people wil loke at an ex-con and say "he was in for burlary, or DUI" or something like that and "he has paid his price, he can change". But they don't look at people that have a charge like child molestation the same way. My husband is 50 years old and this is the first time he has ever done something like this. They can change too.

Again, you were not the one that upset me.
Tracy

Tracy- Again this site and its members are here to support each other, not criticize. That does not mean we will always agree with each other but hopefully we can respect each other's opinions. I agree with you that people can change. I work in the mental health field, and if I did not believe that, there would be no point in me going to work every day. I also believe that everyone has a right to make their own decisions. You have made the decision that you feel is right for you and I respect that. I am truly sorry if my earlier post put you in a defensive mode or offended you. That was certainly not my intent. My prayers are with you and your family.

Sherri

Tracy- I would like to Welcome you to this group..they are a truly wonderful group of people...I am a mother of 5 young children, 3 of which are young girls (6,3,2)..I do not wnt to imagine ever having to be in a situation like yours...but I know that I am a mother before a wife..I am glad that you have made the Lord first in your life and I hope you are true about your daughter being the next most important thing...I know from many experieinces in my life that when something goes wrong and time passes it is very easy to put the bad in the back of your mind and ALMOST "forget"...Please keep your daughter communicating with you..perhaps she forgave him because she felt it was something you wanted her to do..I will pray for you, your daughter, and Goody as well...With God all things are possible...Just please dont forget your baby girl through all this... it is very hard to thinkof anything else when you have a loved one in prison...I wish you luck and joy...and I do believe ANYONE can change especially with the Lord in their life...Please dont stop posting even if there are some differences to your decision..there are a great group of people who are here to love, support, advise without passing judgement...that is what makes this group what it is!! GOD BLESS! my prayers are with you!

Amelia

Tracey:

We are all forgiven for things we do wrong. Not one of us is perfect. That is why God gave his son to die for us this Easter Friday so that we all may be forgiven for what we do.

I thank him for that every day..... We also must learn to forgive. My son took another Human Beings life in emotion and anger and by being afraid..... At first I could not believe it. I almost disowned him. I almost hated him for doing that, but I realized that not one of us is perfect. Not one of us can stand in front of God with our underwear showing and not have some blemishes.

You are a very big person for forgiving. Some of us probably cannot understand that, but, forgivness is the answer for each.....

My sincere blessings go with you.... May your life get better and better and "HANG IN THERE GIRL." MAKE SURE GOODY GETS THE HELP HE NEEDS....

LOVE
DONNA

Donna - Thank you so much. As a Christian, I do not feel it is my place to judge him. That is up to GOD. All I can do is forgive.
Tracy

Welcome Tracy to this support group!!! Always know that we're hear to listen and help each other out.... no matter what the issue is with our loved ones!!!

Glad to see you!

--B

Hello Tracy,
I think that since your daughter will be pretty well grown by the time your husband is out of prison that eliminates many of the dangers some are worried about and she seems to be working through this in a positive healing manner.
It has changed everyone's life. There's no going back but you can all move forward. God is the first to forgive..... and he does not condem what he has forgiven. We all carry scars from our sins (and some from other's sins) but they are healed by the mercy and love of God.
No there's no excuse for what your husband did but people on drugs aren't the same after they get clean. There's many documneted success stories. God only knows the depths of depravity these people sank to while they were users.
Now to add my name to the list of women involved with a sex offender. Yep, the man I love ......by choice, is doing time for att. rape involving his 12 yr. old daughter. There's a lot involved and I don't think he is guilty. The accusations and charges were made after he got in a physical fight with his wife's boyfriend. She had left him when he found out.
In the almost two years we've been together he has never lied to me about anything. We've had a lot of very serious talks about things.
We're both Christian, Tim's Catholic. I do believe that God brought us together and got me moved from Arkansas to Ohio which in itself is an amazing story LOL.
I don't have children to be involved in the situation. I don't have any family left. I am a surviver of sexual abuse so I don't take it lightly either.
There is little to no support for those whose mates are labeled sex offenders, no matter what the cirucumstances. So those who chose to stand by their loved one are condemned right along with them.
I knew that life wouldn't be easy with someone who's a 'sexually oriented offender'. Tim will have to register for 10 yrs. No one will have to be notified. I know who Tim is and he's a good man. I will be here waiting for him when he gets out.........either on parole or when he finishes his full time. He's already done 9.5 years on a 7-15 sentence.

Well I am not sure what to say after all of these emotions and feeling poured out. Most people hold a sex offender a little below the limit of a human being. This is not right nor is it fair. Believe it or not I have encountered that a murderer is more like then a sex offender.

I am a rape survior, which in it's self is hard to admit still. I have days where I just go back to the rape. It is scary as hell. I have been in counseling on and off for 10 years. I think most important thing that I have learned it is ok to have feeling, as you said there are not right or wrong they just are. So I say this here is a woman who found our site and was honest about a very personal issue. Regardless of our personal feeling we need to try and support her. I am not saying by any means that we need to discount our own feeling but maybe be a little more concious of what we are saying.

I have to say that the counseling in a great avenue but from experience it will only work if she will honestly open up and not be afraid. You have a hard road ahead of yourself and I will be praying for you and your family.

I do think it is a good idea for all of us to try to refrain from any judgement.... we have all had the experience of being judged by others for loving our "offenders" and yet we all see the good in the ones we love.... We always have to remember that the "mistakes" we ALL make in life leave a victim... whether it be a criminal act or a harsh word. Tracy, I feel for you because you have to deal with both the victim and the offender all at the same time... most of us don't have to carry that burden all together. I will completely admit that in the past I had a bias against sex offenders.... Until I knew one. This man was someone I had treated in group therapy in a substance abuse program... he was also mentally ill (schizophrenic)... and he was the most kind, gently, generous person I had met in a long time. He worked so hard at battling his addiction and mental illness at the same time... and struggled so hard to work through all of the issues that haunted him from the past (he was a severely abused child as well)... I was the first person that he "confessed" to... regarding the fact that he had molested his neice... and I could so feel his pain and remorse. I cry today just thinking of that moment. I have met offenders who I feel belong in prison and who I don't feel have any chance of being different.... the same way that I have met addicts who I think treatment is a waste of time on, because they don't care. But we all know that when someone is REMORSEFUL and WILLING, then miracles can happen. It doesn't ever take away their mistakes and I think sometimes we have to remember that the crimes our loved ones committed resulted in a victim. My future husband is a convicted murderer. I can sit here and think about the circumstances and think that what he did "wasn't that bad"... but I really doubt the mother of the man who died would be at all interested in that... because her heart mourns the loss of her son. There is enough pain to go around... and we all have enough of that. What we need more of is hope, support and encouragement so we have the strength to MAKE change happen for the better.... in all of our lives.
(sorry for the really long post, but I just had to get that off my chest...)

Hi, thank you so much for your understanding. The position I am in is a very difficult one. I have seen the remorse in his eyes, I have seen the tears streaming down his face, I have seen the change that he has undergone.

He is one of the kindest, gentlest men I have ever met in my life, and he was not this was the entire time we were together. So, yes, I believe that people can change, IF they work at it.
Tracy

When I divorced my children's father, I went through a divroce care program at our church. This program covered every feeling that a divorced person could go through..depression, anger, finances, fear and also forgiveness. There was also one other area that they covered which was the hardest because it made us look at ourselves. We had to sit down and write down what we did wrong in our marriage that brought about the divorce. Of course everyone was appalled at the suggestion. "I didn't do anything wrong!!" If only he....etc..etc.. But once we did sit down and look into ourselves, that was actually the healing process, to recognize our short comings and our faults and realize that no one is perfect in any situation.

That is what I see here. Tracy brought something to light that most people don't want to talk about. Brought out our feelings of those of us that say we do not judge here, we are supportive. However, when it comes down to it, we are also human and there are some things in life that will get to us that we will automatically feel disgust for. All of us who have read her post had feelings and responses that maybe we didn't like or wanted to admitt. I for one am one of those. I also posted before I thought. To those who posted after me, I wish you had said those things before I got onto this site.

I have to say I admire Tracy for being honest and brave enough to say hey...this is it. I'm sorry I tried to offer suggestions and help. This whole thing has taught me to just listen, accept what the person has to say and just love. I know this sounds like I'm rambling, but this whole thing on this post today has done something to me. Gave me an insight to myself that I didn't like and had to face. I guess I grew up a little bit.

I guess that's all for now. :(

Joy

Joy, thank you so much for those words. I can't tell you how they made me feel. I think anytime someone brings up a sugject such as this one, there are going to be differences of oppinions, some very hostile. I also used to think the same way. But, God has changed me also.

After reaing all the posts I too am sorry if I came across as passing judgement...but as a mother I just focused on your little girl's pain...I too admire your honesty-i just have a hard time telling that my husband is a theif...I am sure that there are going o be alot of people who just cant understand but I think that the crime he commited is not the issue here, pure support, love, and advice is...so with that I WElcome you again Tracy...God Bless you for being a very corageous woman..standing up for your love even if it is probably one of the hardest things you have ever done!!

Amelia, I did the same thing you did, focused on the child first. My oldest had her arm broken when she was 2 by her dad. He also fractured my youngest skull when she was 6 weeks old and broker her collar bone when she was 3. Not to include the bruises, verbal abuse...I could go on and on. When he broke my youngests collar bone I turned him in. I didn't do it so he would go to jail or anything, I wanted him to get help...at first my concentration was all on him. I protected him before I protected my kids and to this day I still am having a hard time forgiving myself for not leaving sooner. Then one day, he actually gave me an ultimatem, it was either him or the kids. That was when I realized that there wasn't a choice. I took my kids, got on a bus in NC and went home (to OK) where I was met with hostility. Some didn't believe my story because I kept quiet about it for so long, some thought I shouldn't have left and others couldn't stand to be around me because I didn't leave sooner.

I still love their dad. I do not hate him. I understand why he was the way he was. People couldn't figure that one out, but they did not know the whole story. I was not and will not ever make excuses, but I knew where his anger came from. However, I had my children to protect, they came first and I had to leave before they were hurt more...or even killed. So now, I have a tendency to protect kids first before looking at the situation. There ARE 2 sides to every story.

Joy

I am glad to see that this has brought out some postive feeling and honest emotion. Sexual crimes are always hard ones to deal with. I really think that you ladies showed a lot of support and class. Maybe we all learned something here. I know that i did.

I agree with you shortie--it is so great here on this site how people feel a comfort level to share with each other at the level that we do, about very personal issues. Maybe it is because we know we are a special group, united by a common link, no matter what our differences in stories, backgrounds, personalities, perceptions or opinions. I think many of us have shared things with each other that we would not utter a word about to people we have known all our lives! There is a bond here, and it is strong, and it is powerful. There is a love here, and it is unconditional.


Sherri

Hi again everyone. I have to admit that right asfter I posted the first of this thread, I almost never came back. the first few responses sounded so judgemental to me, and non-spportive. But, I gave it some time, and I just want to thank everyone for re-thinking and re-posting. I didn't think, nor do I now think, that this is an accepted crime, because it definielty is not. But, I just wanted to let people know that with God's love and mercy and maybe more importantly God's GRACE, even sexual offenders can change.

So, I won't be leaving the forum after all. Cause, you see, I used to feel the same way abut sexual offinders. Until it happened to my family. This crime wasn't just against my daught, although yes, she was most affected by it; it happened to asll of us. My husband because he lost his freedom, my daughter because she lost her innocense and to me for I lost my daughter temporarily and my husband (at least for 15 years). This chosen lifestyle (of staying married to a sexual offender); because it carries a life-long stigma with it, is more demanding and harder than anything else I ever thought I would go through in my life.

But, now that I have allowed God to be in control of my life, and this situation, I have a peace about it.

God Bless all of you!!!

Tracy

It is funny because today I was at work and I picked up the latest issue of Time mag. as I skimmed through I found a huge artcle on pedophiles (the article was mostly about priests) but there was this one section that gave evidence supporting the ability to change and listed all the causes and feelings that bring this on...I would like to share it with you all but I am new to this computer stuff and need to figure out how to get it up...if I am not successful I will write it out..I think it would be very beneficial to all

Tracy-I am glad you came back; and i am glad you decided to stay and be a part of this group. i appreciate your willingness to share your story with us, and I really do respect your strength in standing up for what you believe in. I think those are the ties that bind here on this site :honesty, openess,strength, support, and love.

And, I agree with you, with God all things are possible.

take care

sherri

Tracy...
I just want to say that I too am glad you came back and agree with Sherry that it is a rather scary thing for us to put ourselves out there like that... it takes courage and strength.... Always walk with your head held high honey.... There are always going to be those who judge, but all you can do is be true to what you know is right and good.... I have found that as long as I do that, God always drops just enough people in my life who love and support me to keep me going in the face of the rest of the world... :)
Hope I can be one of those people you can lean on when you just don't feel you have the strength!! :)
Peace be with you...

Tracey:

I am so proud I have found this site and the wonderful people that are here. We all have a story, and most of them are not pretty. That does not mean that we are bad people. It only means we have learned to be forgiving and loving even in the face of adversity.

My love and thoughts go out to you all.... I really am proud to be a part of this forum. I hate it that we are all so far away from each other. It would be great if we could have a reunion and get together and really sit down and talk to each other and learn about each other.

I have not been able to participate in the talk sessions because my computer is a work PC and my time is limited on it. I am working on getting one at home so maybe I can get to know you all better.

Again, I am very proud to know you all

Donna

Donna lets get a reunion in the works I would love it!!

In a world of pain and suffering you are truly blessed when you can have people to confide in. Most people are afraid to open up yet in our little "world" it is something that we do every chance we get.

I am so glad you decided to wait it out and give people a chance to absorb your story. Like you said in your first post you had not seen a story like yours. Nor have I. Never the less we are here to support one another and that is what we would like to continue to do with you and your family. I again just want to welcome you and personally thank you for sharing your story. I know that it was very hard even if it is just on the computer. I try to challenge myself everyday and I learned something about this topic. Yes it is hard to deal with but there is so many people affected by the actions of others. It really blows my mind that people can get afected by other peoples pain.

I can feel the personal struggles you are going through as a mother, woman and wife. Just know that we are here for you so you can feel free to open up ok.

Hello everyone!

Just wanted to tell you that I sat down this morning and re-read all the posts in this thread. I can't tell you how much I truly appreciate the support that I have found. I agree that when I first posted this, I was offended by the responses. however, I used to feel the same way, and realized that I just needed to let everyone think about the situation. I am so glad that this forum is here. Hopefully I will be able to get more involved.

:cuffs: Tracy :cuffs:

Here's a picture of my husband. Just in case anyone is intrested.

Tracy

Nice to finally see you and your husband.. It is always nice to put a face with the name..

Nice to see you guys :)

Tracy.... Of course we are interested!! :) Thanks for posting it...

thanks for sharing with us tracy!!
are those your toes in the left hand corner ?? (lol)
sherri

Sherri, I KNEW someone would bring that up. NO those are not my "FRED FLINSTONE" toes. Those belong to his "ex".

Tracy,

Thank you for having the courage to post!
I, too, love a sex offender and have been way to scared to admit it. The "hate mail" is too much to deal with.

Please, if you have time, let's talk?

Tracy in Michigan

Your faith in God and the love of the Lord is truly incredible, for only those who are Christlike can forgive as you have had. You will always be in my prayers and your daughter.

TRACEY

THAT IS ONE GOOD LOOKING MAN. SO VERY GLAD YOU POSTED HIS PICTURE. I KNOW YOU LOVE YOU VERY MUCH, THAT IS OBVIOUS. MAY THE GOOD LORD BLESS AND KEEP YOU BOTH.

MY LOVE
DONNA

Tracy,
My name is sherry and i was molested by my step dad from the age of 8 till I was 16. I had the whole world against me when I turned him in. He was an ex cop so he got away with it free and clear. The whole community stood behind him and my own mother stood beside him. I am now 33 and I have finally started the process of forgiving. My mom says that she cant ever forgive herself for what she did and he told her he didnt know why he did it. Well, to say , now everyone in the community realizes their faults and I stand proud to know how cheap they are. I am trying to forgive my step dad a little each day, but it is still very hard. I'm always here.
Sherry

Hi Tracy,

I'm very new here and just surfing through and reading some of the threads as I go. I can not relate to anything that you have said but I do have something to say if you don't mind.

I can sit here all day and tell you what I would do and how I would react but I'd simply be guessing. It would only be how "I think" I'd react. When I was raising my kids and they were little you would have never convinced me that one of "MY" children would ever end up in jail, much less prison. My children are not products of a broken home. They have never been abused. They have never been subjected to drugs, etc. or anything else that is stereotyped to "criminals". My son was a boy scout and worked his way up to Eagle Scout. He graduated as a member of the national honor society. .... NOT MY SON!!! He'd never end up in jail.. AND I"D DISOWN HIM IF HE DID!! Those are the words of an ignorant mother who thought she knew everything. She had no earthly idea that good kids end up in jail too.. She looked down on those kids who were arrested and put the blame right square in the lap of their parents... Sadly, those were my thoughts not so awful long ago.. You see, I had never once took one step in their shoes but yet I was very quick to pass judgement... I feel so ashamed...

So Tracy, hold your head high. Keep your chin up. And do what you must. Not one of us have taken one step in "your" shoes.. and I can never judge another again..

God Bless You...

Hi Tracy,

I've known you for a few months now and while I knew parts for your story, this was actually the first time that I have read the whole thing.

I want to applaud you for standing by your husband. I know that decision did not come easily to you. I know how much you love him and your daughter. You have been in a very difficult position with supporting them both, yet you have done a wonderful job.

I thank God for bringing me friends like you. With His love and strength and help, we can make it through even the worst situation.

Hang in there Tracy.

Ella

Joy, thank you. It was not you that upset me. It just appalls me that some people don't believe a person can change. Some people wil loke at an ex-con and say "he was in for burlary, or DUI" or something like that and "he has paid his price, he can change". But they don't look at people that have a charge like child molestation the same way. My husband is 50 years old and this is the first time he has ever done something like this. They can change too.

Again, you were not the one that upset me.
Tracy
Tracy, you sound like a very intelligent and grounded person to me. My husband is 51 now, he's been "in" for 2 and 1/2 years. I'm lucky, he was caught and put in prison, more than likely BEFORE he had a chance to act on these "urges" he was having.

I don't know where the anger from the one poster came from for certain, but it sounded to me like they may have been molested themselves and had a mother who didn't believe her, and she is still not over it.

You weren't put in a position to believe your daughter or not, this man was so torn up by guilt inside, that he told you what he had done. Does anyone else on this particular subject matter in this forum NOT realize what strength it took for her husband to do this???? It's amazing to me, and says a lot for his character that he chose to do the right thing.

It sounds to me, from the beginning of your story, Tracy, that you have done the right thing all the way around. You're in therapy, your daughter's in counseling, and your husband is where he can't hurt anyone and getting treatment as well. By the time he is out of there, you're daughter, as well as my son, will be adults themselves. Even though my son wasn't involved in the reasons why my hubby was imprisoned, CPS demanded an order of protection. It's procedure.

That other poster, I can't remember her name now, acts as if he is still in the same home with your daughter. First of all, your daughter knows she comes first, and she is having the advantage of having seen the person who "wronged/harmed" her ADMIT to what he'd done, show REMORSE for what he'd done, and ACCEPT PUNISHMENT for what he'd done. How many victims of molestation are afforded those luxuries? Not many, I can tell you that.

I understand how you feel, and where you are coming from. I have lost almost every family member I have over my decision to stay married to the man I love. I have my children, that's it. Everyone else turned away from me. That's on them, Tracy, that's ON THEM. Jesus didn't "snub" the sinners, he walked and lived among them. Why is that, you suppose? For those who don't "get that", it's because He knew they needed Him the most.

God bless you and yours Tracy. Sounds like you have a very stable, smart, sincere, and compassionate young lady you are raising there, and she's been lucky to have you for a Mom.

Justus

Hi Justus - Tracy has not been a member here for several years now, actually. Sorry....

I'm going to close this thread.