View Full Version : Relationships that last

Jeremy's Baby
01-28-2009, 01:14 AM
Going through this is rough for a couple and because of that do you think a relationship will last longer than a couple who hasn't gone through something like this?

In my oppinion I think a relationship will last longer if the couple goes through something like this. When your in a relationship, any relationship you have to be able to change and grow with that person , and if you don't then you grow apart.I think "Prison relationships "are given obstacles that test us and change us, but if both of you can get through it together than you come out ahead.And if your not given situations like this then i think your less likley to move forward in the relationship because you don't change and grow together.

Also what do you think makes a relationship last?

01-28-2009, 01:19 AM
I agree for the most part. But I want to add a few things..

I think only the strong will survive.
I think that both have to be strong. Sure there will be flaws, but underneath it all, it has to be there. it's like the concrete when you're away from each other.

Next, Both have to be selfless. As the woman, you have to ready and able to realize that although you can be you're own individual, you're also his girlfriend/wife. Partner. that even though he isn't here, he should still be in some decision making. for the most part. It helps him feel like he is adding to the relationship. and feel like a man.

But I agree so much with you. Many people take their relationships for granted. We learned not too BECAUSE of what we're going through!

My man and I are just taking day by day step by step and loving each other more than we ever had before.

01-28-2009, 03:03 AM
I think all relationships are different. I don't think it's necessary to go through something like this to make a relationship last, and I think for some, it could be what breaks it completely.

In my case, with my first husband, many years ago, it broke our relationship. There were so many other things wrong between us, that his going inside, was the final straw, and I just walked.

With my next husband, he never went inside, and we spent 14 years together. He took vacations every year, I took vacations every year, and what kept us together was that we took those separate vacations, and were completely independent of one another, even as a couple.

I've had many relationships, of one kind or another, and I don't think this necessarily will do either. I think what makes a relationship successful though, is communication and the willingness to do what is best for your partner, up to and including walking away from them. With this husband, I would do just that, if that is what it would take to make him happy and successful. I can be that unselfish with him. I can't say that about any other relationship I was ever in.
Just my 2 cents.

01-28-2009, 03:15 AM
Life in general is rough. When you have a couple who have gone through rough patches (and yes, prison is a rough patch), it tends to either strengthen them, or break them apart. I don't believe that prison is the "worst" thing a couple can go through, I believe there are much worse things. I am NOT saying prison is not bad, it is, it is one of the worst things in my life so far (second only to my Mother's death), but I also know that when he comes home life is NOT going to be a bowl of cherries.

I believe that only the strong will survive this part of our lives. I know that Ray and I are strong enough to survive this, and I have no doubt we will. The one thing that got me through my Mom's death, and will get me through the next 4+ years is: What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I believe this with my whole heart.

I believe that a couple has to work VERY hard to make it. It takes patience, a lot of love and the willingness to see it through. It is not for the weak, trust me on that one.

01-28-2009, 03:23 AM
i do believe that it will make you stronger. but i belive that any obstacle that doesnt kill u will make u stronger. plus if you stay with your your man thru the good and the bad it really shows the love. but this does not at all mean that it will last, you may go thru every thing with him and it may not even work out at the end

01-28-2009, 03:24 AM
I think it just depends on the individuals involved and their actions. Its all about the personal choices we make, theres only so much "drama" a relationship can handle before it crumbles. But in saying that, those who do survive are ultimately better off for this expierence.

01-28-2009, 07:13 AM
love(not the puppy dog kind, the real kind where sometimes you put your man's feelings before your own), trust, respect and compassion are what contributes to the longevity of a relationship. i absolutely agree with you. prison puts a huge strain on a couple. if a couple can make it thru the stress of prison their chances of making it thru other stressors in the relationship are quite good in my opinion.

01-28-2009, 07:28 AM
Yes, I do think that the relationships that go through the turmoil that a prison bid will put 2 people through will make the relationship stronger. When your loved one is out and free, many times they are taken for granted, but once they are taken away from you, it make you realize that you need to cherish every moment together that you two posess.


01-28-2009, 07:30 AM
What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I believe this with my whole heart.

I believe that a couple has to work VERY hard to make it. It takes patience, a lot of love and the willingness to see it through. It is not for the weak, trust me on that one.

I use the "What doesn't kill you, obiviously hasn't tried hard enough!"

I agree with you, any relationship is no "walk in the park" on somedays, there will always be storms and how you as a couple weather them determines bonds you made. I don't expect everything will be all rosey when he come home, but I'll be very much relieved that this particular storm will pass. I see other storms lined up already, but these are "small" compared to our current situation. As long you as a couple keep the communications lines open, be selfless to each other, this is important take the time to enjoy life and laugh even in the bad times, then yes, you can make it. Its work but if he/she is the love then its worth fighting, maintaining, and working hard for. It's all about balance the trick is finding the right balance between the two of you.
My granny gave me this to live by, a long time ago just when I was getting interested in guys.
"Would this matter in 10 years from now?" What ever you as couple argue over ask yourself would it really matter in ten years down the road? If not swallow your pride and let it go. Now if it does then ya'll need to handle that now. It's good advice, and I can tell you it works, but my grandparents been married for 61 years and counting! I think my grandma knows what she's talking about.:)

01-28-2009, 07:52 AM
I agree that this def makes people stronger. But i think the real test is after a long bid, once they come home. If you make it through the first year after they get home I think you can make it. Remember statistics say that they come home different, demanding in some instances (because they have had no control for however long they were locked up) So to me, its going to be the year after his release. Now i did divorce him Dec 2nd. after almost 2 years inside, but it had nothing to do with him being locked up, but due to his inability or refusal to change,,, now that we are divorceed there is a change.. even the cos have told me that since dec my husband had done a 180, more determined to do right, more calmer, so well see how he is when he gets out.....

01-28-2009, 09:02 AM
I definitely think this is a true test & if a relationship can withstand a bid in prison...that it will stand the test of time. I wouldn't necessarily say that just b/c "we" experience this that it makes our relationship any stronger than the next, but I will say that there is more to test whether or not the love is real!!!