:fb: I have been visiting my wife lately and it just isnt the same anymore. she is not all over me anymore wich leads me to believe you are somehow getting satisfied. I know how she was on the outside so I have some doubts to if she has a girlfriend.

i have the same thoughts but I stopped because it hurts too much and there is nothing I can do about it.

I wouldn't worry about it. It's possible that the guards have spoken to her about how she was all over you and maybe that's why she's not now. There are lots of things that it could be without it being her having a girlfriend on the inside, and I'd certainly think it was one of those first. Have you asked her why she's more reserved? I wouldn't suggest to her that you think she may have a girlfriend because that might hurt her deeply.

I spoke to my girl about this and she told me that a lot of girls are "Gay for the stay". It seems a lot of girls that are in her facility are straight, some married but have chosen to have a girlfriend while on the inside. She has told me that she has not even been approached but I feel so sorry for the husbands I see at visitation that I know there wife is playing the game. I jus wonder how this is going to effect them once they resume there life on the outside.

Hey...I did some time at Woodman State Jail in 2002...first of all...I am in NO way attracted to females...I saw alot in that were "gay for the stay" and I talked to alot of them about this...sometimez it is for "protection" purposes but alot of time it is only for "emotional" support!!! I would not worry too much if I were you...the prison I wuz in...well...we were watched all the time...I'm sure you could maybe??? get away with some "action" in the showers but not out in the dorm area and I never once witnessed anything going on in the showers...it wuz all just alot of talk but no action...lol...o.k...I realize it is not really funny to you men but...seriously...I would not worry too much about it!!!

I agree with Toi and Jojo. It's easy to jump to conclusions when you have a boyfriend/girlfriend in prison and don't know whats going on all the time. Just ask her what's up. Could be a number of things.

There was a moment when I thought about giving this thread a new title (as moderator)... since his question isn't really are our wives cheating... his question is, is my wife cheating?

Let it ride because this is very indicative of a lot of questions and threads around PTO...not the cheating part--though that gets all sort of play... But the part where 'I have a question about me,, becomes a general querie about 'have you all ever questioned yourselves?' However it's asked, it always seems to be answered with a bunch of outlooks and experiences. If any of them sound good, or can be applied, maybe that's what we take away from it all.

My two cents on the orignial, actual question would be...
Her not seeming willing to be 'all over' you is not an indication that she is 'all over' anyone else. (See all the stuff above this reply about how the rules in visiting could have something to do with that...)
Her not seeming willing to be 'all over' you is a change. Her time will be full of them. Point for you, you noticed. Point for you, you care. Point and a half for the person above who suggested you ask her about it.

The running joke upstate.... The answer to 'how are you doing?' is .."WITHOUT".

There are some people doing time who just simply don't have 'get laid' on their to-do list...

And I can tell you from half a decade inside that the ladies who are having it on both sides of the gate make a point of seeming like everything is just wonderful for their visitors. If she were out to become a lesbian of convenience, you would indeed be the very last to know it.

I agree that you should ask your wife about it. Communication is a key aspect if you are going to survive the time apart. If you can't talk about things with her then your mind will eventually convince you of many things that may not even be true. It is a good way to destroy a relationship. She probably is going to go through alot of changes during her time, that is normal. The thing you have to realize is that it is hard on you being away from her, but everything about her life has changed. It is a shock to the system, and it could make her feel many ways. The best thing for you to do is talk to her, be supportive, and try not to jump to conclusions. You know she probably has the same concerns. It would be easier for you to cheat on her than for her to cheat on you because you are on the outside. I want to clarify that I am not saying you would do that, but on the inside you have nothing but time to think and she might be worried about the same stuff you are. I have a feeling though if you talk to her without accusing her then you will find out what is really going on.

Hi Mister,

I've never been inside except to visit my hubby but I'd like to add my two cents worth as a woman. Wondering about what your wife might be doing is counterproductive. You're going to build mountains out of nothing for both of you to trip over! She may be close to someone inside. We women need more intellectual closeness than you men do. We need strong friendships to keep us psychologically healthy. We need to be close to someone special, especially when things aren't going well. Things never go well inside. There's a vast difference between sex and love, at least for us. Are you concerned that she's in love with another woman, having sex with another woman or both? If she's in love with someone, her relationship's probably no threat to you. She'll come back to you and love you. If she's having sex with someone, she's not going to decide that she doesn't enjoy sex with you! She's doing it because she needs the closeness more than the sexual relief. She's not doing anything a bar of soap and a shower won't erase. Things are bad inside. Maybe having a relationship will help her get through it intact.

Yvette

i agree w/laydee.
and i also think that instead of worrying about the "what if's" you really should ask her. mine has a tendency to do a hell of alot assuming. WHICH he writes me telling me this that & the other..in which he THINKS (& most likely has convinced himself of) is whats going on. i have to bring him back down to reality and tell him. nope, your wrong--again. ;)

but just ask her.
oh and welcome to pto :D

mel

Hey there.....just wanted to share with you. I did time at Valley State Prison for Women and although there are some that are gay there's not all that many. In reading the posts here, I've heard the phrase, "gay for the stay" and probably would have to agree with it. I'm not in the least bit attracted to women, but many in there look for friendship, or just companionship. Not saying that your wife falls into this category though. When I was in prison, I was so broken that I probably wasn't anything like the 'real me'. You have to realize that while inside you almost feel that you are walking on eggshells and if perhaps one of the guards said something to your wife, or even if she felt like she was being watched, this would definitely affect the way she acts. My husband would come to see me and ask me why I was so sad.....my heart was broken, you can't look happy or feel good if you're hurting like she probably is. Just be patient.....she's probably just getting through this one day at a time and she needs you more then ever right now. I'll pray for you guys.....you're not walking an easy road right now. God Bless!

Talk to her qbout it, tell her what you noticed and what you think might be going on, dont accuse her of anything jus talk with her,let her know u care and want to know whats going on.

I wouldn't worry about it. It may be getting frustrating to her to be all over you and not be all over you as must as she wants. I've noticed myself hugging my wife a lil' less on the visits, although I want her more. It just gets frustrating, so why bother all the time.

There was a moment when I thought about giving this thread a new title (as moderator)... since his question isn't really are our wives cheating... his question is, is my wife cheating?

Let it ride because this is very indicative of a lot of questions and threads around PTO...not the cheating part--though that gets all sort of play... But the part where 'I have a question about me,, becomes a general querie about 'have you all ever questioned yourselves?' However it's asked, it always seems to be answered with a bunch of outlooks and experiences. If any of them sound good, or can be applied, maybe that's what we take away from it all.

My two cents on the orignial, actual question would be...
Her not seeming willing to be 'all over' you is not an indication that she is 'all over' anyone else. (See all the stuff above this reply about how the rules in visiting could have something to do with that...)
Her not seeming willing to be 'all over' you is a change. Her time will be full of them. Point for you, you noticed. Point for you, you care. Point and a half for the person above who suggested you ask her about it.

The running joke upstate.... The answer to 'how are you doing?' is .."WITHOUT".

There are some people doing time who just simply don't have 'get laid' on their to-do list...

And I can tell you from half a decade inside that the ladies who are having it on both sides of the gate make a point of seeming like everything is just wonderful for their visitors. If she were out to become a lesbian of convenience, you would indeed be the very last to know it.
I agree with life2thesequel. Yes, I know this is an old post but I don't think it's something you should need to question or worry about.

This is funny because after reading this tread i asked my girl if she had a girlfriend on the inside she said NOWAY they don't have the right equipment i laughed and she knew i was only joking later jim