ok - help me here... not sure how to post an "original" thread. My ex has told me more than once that he is NOT going away. I have a 5-year restraining order in effect and he still calls, sends messages, etc. He continues to remind me that he is NOT going away and is now asking what do I think will happen when he runs into me and I am by myself. Says that I either get to see him or I should leave town.

Now he is laughing because he thinks I am trying to be a tough guy and wants to know if I would be scared if he walked thru the door right now. I am a self-employed accountant and now is my busiest time of year. 4th year in a row he tries to intimidate me and make it so I can't work. If I say anything to stand up for myself, he talks about how I will talk to him when we see each other.

He calls and calls, then he quits for a few days or week or whatever. I think the question I am about to ask is going to be almost not necessary but I have to ask - will it EVER change? will he ever just quit or am I going to have to enforce the restraining order and have him arrested?

Of course you enforce the order! You write out a journal of all the past contacts that you can remember, and you keep it current. The very next time he calls you record it (if possible) and if possible identify his phone #. And you hop it to the police. Why get an order and not enforce it?

absolutely inforce the order!! domestic violence is a serious thing that many people overlook, and the minute you let your guard down you become a victim. Many deaths are caused from overlooking it, start a journal and start inforcing that protective order, it's no good to have if u don't use it,

Enforce the RO!
That's what it's there for!
The Restraining Order is the Court's way of saying "The lady wants you to leave her alone" and by NOT enforcing it, you're sending him mixed messages.

Report the violation every time he contacts you.
Make sure law enforcement gets copies of any texts and voicemails.
It won't change unless you follow through.

ok - help me here... not sure how to post an "original" thread. My ex has told me more than once that he is NOT going away. I have a 5-year restraining order in effect and he still calls, sends messages, etc. He continues to remind me that he is NOT going away and is now asking what do I think will happen when he runs into me and I am by myself. Says that I either get to see him or I should leave town.

Now he is laughing because he thinks I am trying to be a tough guy and wants to know if I would be scared if he walked thru the door right now. I am a self-employed accountant and now is my busiest time of year. 4th year in a row he tries to intimidate me and make it so I can't work. If I say anything to stand up for myself, he talks about how I will talk to him when we see each other.

He calls and calls, then he quits for a few days or week or whatever. I think the question I am about to ask is going to be almost not necessary but I have to ask - will it EVER change? will he ever just quit or am I going to have to enforce the restraining order and have him arrested?You better enforce the restraining order. He sounds very dangerous

Ok, thanks everyone. Some good suggestions I have not thought about, especially keeping the journal. As far as having a restraining order and not enforcing it, I guess I just keep hoping he will "get it" and quit calling. No luck. Also, the TRO expired at court date in 11/08 and he had not yet been served the order issued by the court that day.

So, the calls from last night begin again this morning. As I was less than receptive in wanting to talk he informed me he was outside my office - somewhere in the parking lot. I looked and didn't see him. He called again, and after the third time when I didn't say anything - he hangs up and I hear a loud "crack". I ask my son what was that - as we looked around there is a shot thru one of my windows. So, I call the police, they come out, take a report, take a copy of the unserved restraining order, go to where he is staying and serve him. He admits to being in the parking lot but not damaging the window. And, the pellet or 22, whatever it was either bounced off the blinds or didn't come through so without that not much else can be done. But... he has not called again yet - so, since I acted so quickly, maybe just maybe he "gets it". Whew... let's hope cuz I really don't want to move - already moved my house.

OMG, what an incredible A/HOLE!!!!. Good on you for reacting so quickly, and I certainly hope that your decisive action has gotten through his THICK skull!!!. He has NO regard for your safety, or your son's, so I am VERY happy to hear that YOU DO!!!!. Good luck and I am praying.....

Dear God in heaven! Yikes!
That's the sort of thing we all fear.... Please report each and every violation of the now served RO.

Thanks LeBeau, I will. My therapist said - now you can record all his calls. Been an interesting couple of years trying to get out of this. Hopefully, it is done and I can move on - freely!

Since I have joined PrisonTalk, I have learned and come to understand a lot and I really appreciate all that I have learned and the people here to share. My goal, like so many others, is to help other women(men) understand that the abuse is not about love, it's power and control.

Thanks again.

Each one, teach one.... If each one of us can manage to make our experiences into a tool to teach someone else how to recognize, avoid and escape from domestic violence, and each one we help helps another, it WILL add up.

In the meanwhile, I'm glad to hear that you're taking steps to keep you and your safe. :grouphug:

If you are scared enough to have taken out a restraining order, then you need to enforce it. No contact, means no contact, and he's not going to stop until you prove you mean business. Right now it's just phone calls and vague threats of walking into your business. Are you going to wait until he actually makes an attempt on your life?

Nope! and, that's why I got the restraining order. I'm not so sure I got it out of fear as much as lack of trust in him knowing how to behave and control his temper. We were together 20 years ago and things were worse. We split, took him going to prison to really keep us apart. Then a few years ago my(our) daughter was asking about her dad, so I got ahold of one of his friends and less than 24 hours later we made contact and she saw him later that week for the first time in 10 years. He appeared to change and the relationship picked back up. But, all told - he really didn't. Some things have changed and he is able to control his temper a little better, but I don't trust him to not get worse and if you have read further she will see where it has already escalated.

There have been two incidents over the past year and a half or so locally, as well as one I am reminded of from over 20 years ago that have really begun to open my eyes about the potential dangers - all three women lost their lives. Also, my niece three years ago began warning me and letting me know she didn't want me to be a statistic. These things in addition to what I have learned on this website are what's made the difference for me. I use to just blow off his comments and threats as though he won't really do it, he is just trying to intimidate me. But... with the other situations I mentioned as well as what I learn here, specifically believe what they say. And, the truth of the matter with that is that from the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks, which means what he feels in his heart he has begun to tell me. So, to save me and my kids a LOT on anguish he has to stay away - I still have lots to live for and don't like to be intimidated or have to watch for someone following me. oh well, I'm rambling - sorry. And, thanks again - everybody - not sure I can ever say thanks enough on this one!