I have been with my fiance for over a year. He was very possessive...and always treated me very unfair. HE cheated on me constantly....then the abuse began. He hit me...pushed me...things like that. Gave me a fat lip once and a black and Blue mark on my butt, bigger then a doughnut.I told him if he ever hit me again, then I was going to leave him. Well he hit me, and I packed up everything of mine and walked out on him....20 minutes later, our house got raided and he went to jail.....I am still with him. Were getting married.
U think that people can not change? They can. Now he is in jail....but he is not the same person he used to be. He has been to prison before, and his mother has told me that she is so shocked at the way he is now. She said she has never seen him like he is now. He is feeling the pain and hurt that he put me thru when he was out....I see the change in him too. His mother is a very religious person, and when she said that she sees a totally different person in him....then I believed her. I see change in him too. I believe that he is sorry for what he did....If I am wrong, then I guess I will find out. But in my heart, I think he is ready to change!!!! And has already started that process...

I do think that some people can change and some will never change. You say that after you walked out your house was raided. That tells me drugs were involved and if thats the case them who he is on drugs and who he is clean is going to be two differant people. As long as he never falls into that way of life again then hit may never hit you again.

I think the best peice of advise that I have recieved was-

-He will come back, and though you will never regain what you had befor, you can begin a totally new and different kind of relationship.You must recognize that the past, good times and bad , have irrevocably vanished and cannot be recaptured in reality, your future- If they did, you allready know that outcome-Things must be different.
Both of you must use the knowledge you have gained from the past to realize your ambitions in the present.


* This made such sence to me- Does it to you?

i will says from experience mine for 15 years beat the piss out of me,the next 15 years there were little to no episodes the the last 2 years he was at it again! we divorced and he beats his girlfriend like we change underwear! they can change but they can also go back in the drop of a hat,just keep your defenses up,please!

JoeysGirl
My ex and I were together for 7 years, we had three kids. I always lived in hope he would change. Same thing that happened to you, he went to jail, some stuff for domestic violence reasons. I went and stood by him, me and the kids had visits with him every weekend, and I thought he was the nice guy that I fell in love with. Even to the fact, that I went to supreme court and bailed him out of prison. It was great for 2 weeks, then the cycle began, and then some more, until things were exactly the same as what it was before. I dont know your situation, I am talking from a bitter heart as well, but just be careful ok.

I have to believe people can change... an abuser can change... but when? After he snaps your neck and nearly puts you in a wheel chair ... forever... ? It's a tightrope walk every time.... I didn't see it.. couldn't believe it was happening ..
I think its o.k. to keep believing he can change...
There's no reason to put yourself at risk.. Vow to yourself to stay safe and away .... til he does things -not just says them-- that gives proof his heart is committed to stop beating you up. As hard as it is to do now, can becomes unsurmountable if it continues. My best advice: Believe it-but stay safe til he does it. LOL , ,

Being in an abusive relationship......I do not think in my opinion that they can change.

They may stop for awhile but like someone said "at the drop of a hat" they will strike again.