View Full Version : Hello.... my son is going to prison...


JLS1
12-31-2008, 10:54 PM
I found this website today & have read numerous posts from parents in the same situation as me. I was touched by the understanding and compassionate replies of parents to one another. My heart is heavy with the knowledge that my son is going to prison. Never ever did I think a child of mine would be in this situation. No one does I guess. I am in IL and he is in AZ.... visits will be difficult for the next 4-7 years, but we will get thru this. No questions yet, but just a sadness that I'm trying to work thru. Thanks for reading this and fo.r this website.

heartbrokenmom
12-31-2008, 10:59 PM
Hello JLS1, Welcome to you! But sorry you had to look for us! It is always so sad to see new people arriving all the time. They were searching just like we were for something, some kind of help for our child and we all found this site. I think I typed in prison or child in prison, anyway, this site came up, and I am so thankful I found everyone here. Took me a while to learn how to get around the site, but I finally figured it all out. So sorry that you are having to go through this. We all listen and give support to each other. Feel free to say whatever without judgment. We've all cried and leaned on each other and we all know the heartache you are feeling. Hugs to you as you start this journey none of us want to be on!!!!!!!

JLS1
12-31-2008, 11:08 PM
Dear Heartbrokenmom... your name says it all. THANK YOU for your kind words... I'm crying now, but that's okay. My emotions have just been under the surface all day ... I'm ready for a good wail. Is that how you spell it? Again... thank you... your words mean alot.

heartbrokenmom
12-31-2008, 11:10 PM
Dear Heartbrokenmom... your name says it all. THANK YOU for your kind words... I'm crying now, but that's okay. My emotions have just been under the surface all day ... I'm ready for a good wail. Is that how you spell it? Again... thank you... your words mean alot.

You're so welcome, hon, just hang around, there will be many others coming soon. So you have found a place where you can cry with all of us and we will cry with you. God Bless you!

HisGrace
12-31-2008, 11:42 PM
Welcome you are with friends here. I can tell you the first days are the darkest but it will get better little by little.

Khaos
12-31-2008, 11:47 PM
Welcome JLS1. Im sorry you have to be here. My son caught a 5-10 years sentence at 17. While it doesnt get easier, God will not leave us and will sustain us through this journey. I trust there is a reason beyond my understanding of why this had to happen to our family. Without faith and my friends here, I have nothing.....
My son was supposed to call tonight but he didn't :( So here I am alone again crying myself to sleep on yet another holiday. It HAS to get better.
Hang in there - everyone here is great.

JLS1
12-31-2008, 11:49 PM
Thank you HisGrace... your words are comforting. I wondered when I posted ... what messages I would receive and how long it would take to get one. Already two kind hearted souls have replied. Thank you for this gift.

JLS1
01-01-2009, 12:01 AM
Hello Khaos... this is the third time I'm posting this to you... the other two just disappeared right in the middle of my typing. I want to say THANK YOU for your kind words.. it means alot to read them. I'm sorry that your son's call didn't come tonight and you are alone... we can be friends and talk. You're not alone. I'm with you on there must be a reason beyond our understanding as to why this happened to our families... maybe to keep something worse from happening?? It's a thought that crosses my mind... it's got to get better. Again... thank you. (smile)

Khaos
01-01-2009, 12:11 AM
My son has said many times to me..'dont cry, ma - if I hadn't gotten caught when I did, I'd be dead by now'. He must be right.
My youngest, who is not in jail, is on the Rapid Response Rescue Team and has been out on calls all night helping people in vehicle accidents. I should be proud, but instead I am sad and terrified he wont come home either...
I'm afraid I'm losing my miind, slowly but surely. The holidays are always the worst but this one has been horrendous.
Thank you for your kind words...I know you have quite a bit on your plate right now yourself.

meg'smom
01-01-2009, 04:18 AM
Welcome JLS1,
You have found a great place for support. I have two daughters doing life and my 16 yr son doing a year. I am sorry you have a need to know this place but you find many people here who will help you through this.
My name is Lori and you are always welcome to Private message me if you need to talk or vent.
Hugs

boop's mom
01-01-2009, 07:36 AM
Hi JLSI, so glad you found this. It is such a blessing to be able to share your fears, tears, just about anything and know others have expereinced similar feelings. I for one feel truly blessed. The moms and a few dads here are such amazing people.

girlsoma8
01-01-2009, 07:45 AM
Welcome,this is a good place to be.I come here to cry and to learn how others cope.My son just started a 20 year sentence,so my pain and anger and sorrow is still fresh like your's.Come here anytime,cry,fuss or hollor.These folks are wonderful.No one judges us,we are all in the same situation.
Again ,welcome.

StormyLove2
01-01-2009, 08:03 AM
My heart goes out to you. I feel your pain I have been there. God bless you and your family, if you can't visit often, Please write and send photos, it helps the time go by . It also helps to know that you are there for him. Let him know you love him and wish that you could visit him more, keep in touch on a reguarly basis. You will make it through, I pray that God will give you peace in this situation.

I found this website today & have read numerous posts from parents in the same situation as me. I was touched by the understanding and compassionate replies of parents to one another. My heart is heavy with the knowledge that my son is going to prison. Never ever did I think a child of mine would be in this situation. No one does I guess. I am in IL and he is in AZ.... visits will be difficult for the next 4-7 years, but we will get thru this. No questions yet, but just a sadness that I'm trying to work thru. Thanks for reading this and fo.r this website.

StormyLove2
01-01-2009, 08:13 AM
Hi, I hope he calls soon, sometimes so many people are calling home that it delays others in being able to call. Sometimes crying eases the pain, there is nothing wrong with that. I pray God continues to sustain you in this time of pain. For me it did get better, God gave me a peace that I could not undersand. I tried to visit my son every 2 weeks and when I could not it hurt like h---, I cried, but later, it got easier if I could not make it, I would write him in advance, he understood. I pray that it gets better for every mom. I also pray that your child be protected and have a peace in thier heart, mind and spirit.

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Grettashouse
01-01-2009, 08:16 AM
I hate to have to welcome anyone to PTO but welcome. I hope that along the way we can offer you some solace; peace and understanding.

My children are not in prison but my baby brother is and after our mother became ill and incapacatated when I was fifteen and he ten; I became the Mama for him and so on some level I can relate the hell you are feeling right now. My husband is now on his fifth stint and for as much as I love my husband it's not the same as when my baby brother went in...for that I ached like nothing I have ever felt before or since.

And still I can say to you that we do go on; we do adjust and this too shall pass. It is a process; a grieving process understood by so few but a process none the less. The overwhelming pain you feel today will lessen in time; I promise it will.

Good luck to you

justjoni1223
01-01-2009, 08:45 AM
Welcome JLS1, so glad you found this site. It took me 2 years to find it and now I cant imagine my life without these great Mom's holding my hand every step of the way. You can come here and cry, scream and sometimes will even be able to laugh. We all know every emotion you are having so just lean on us... we are all here for you. Hugs, Joni:o

kk_the_dork
01-01-2009, 09:46 AM
My son is in prison in AZ. Where will your son be going, do you know yet? My son was accidentally sent to Lewis prison in Buckeye for several months, then to Yuma accidentally, then the Eyman in Florence, and now he is in Tucson. All this in two years.

kk_the_dork
01-01-2009, 09:55 AM
You are at the beginning of a personal journey. You've taken the first step toward taking care of yourself in finding and using this website. You will need a lot of support in the time ahead and it may come from unexpected sources. Not getting an anticipated call is awful especially on a holiday, but it happens more than not. This experience can be something that will grow your faith. I know the fear is second only to the sadness and grief. Faith is the only antidote I have found, and that only sporatically. You are not alone.

kk_the_dork
01-01-2009, 09:58 AM
You are at the beginning of a personal journey. You've taken the first step toward taking care of yourself in finding and using this website. You will need a lot of support in the time ahead and it may come from unexpected sources. Not getting an anticipated call is awful especially on a holiday, but it happens more than not. This experience can be something that will grow your faith. I know the fear is second only to the sadness and grief. Faith is the only antidote I have found, and that only sporatically. You are not alone.

Only one thing is important, whether we be brave or cowardly: To be always where God would have us, and for the rest to trust Him. There is no other remedy against fear but to abandon ourselves to His will. Bernardos

kk_the_dork
01-01-2009, 10:39 AM
I don't get it - how do I make sure my message gets to the intended person? I don't see my messages showing up on the list.....

Texasfem
01-01-2009, 10:42 AM
Welcome to PTO! as you can see you will get all the support you need here. I found PTO a few months after my son went to prison and I am so thankful for all these wonderful people here. They opened their hearts to me because I needed the support and I needed a shoulder to cry on. The first year is going to be hard on you but we are here for you. stay strong and stay healthy. I will keep you and your son in my prayers. Jeannie

wendy tyler
01-01-2009, 11:27 AM
Oh my, you are in the darkest days, bless your heart. The not knowing is just the worst. Some moms will tell you it doesn't get any better, but for me, gathering all the knowledge I could about where he was, knowing he is getting an education did brighten my days 100 fold. I will guarantee it will get better from where you are standing right now. 'Tis by far the worst of your journey. Welcome to our humble little club. It is a life saver to be able to talk amongst the moms that have gone before us. I for one thought something like this had never happened to anyone before me. Good Lord, how wrong was that?

JLS1
01-01-2009, 12:02 PM
Hello Meg’smom, boop’s mom, girlsoma8, stormylove2, Grettashouse, justjoni123, kk the dork, Texasfem, & wendy tyler… THANK YOU. I woke up this morning and wanted to check out my thread to reread the responses from last night, and I was surprised by all the responses since then.… wonderful and caring responses! You don’t even know me and it just melted my heart to read the words you wrote to me. I don’t know anyone that’s going thru this and my emotions are just all over the place, but you brought me to where I needed to be. THANK YOU!

I don’t know if we’re supposed to write what happened or not, but here’s my story. My son, Bryon is 26 years old. He is a good kid… hard worker but parties and doesn’t think of the consequences. I live in IL and he got a DUI in IL a couple of years ago. He told me that he had paid his fines, etc….. he didn’t. He moved to AZ where his twin sister lived, with a suspended driver’s license. He had been drinking but was under the legal limit when he backed up his roommate’s truck into a motorcycle policeman who was right behind him at an intersection. He didn’t see him. He backed up the truck because no one was around, to wave at a girl at the intersection in a car in the next lane. This I believe, because he’s that way.

AZ has new DUI laws… he was charged with an aggravated dui (because his license was suspended) and assault with a deadly weapon on an officer (the truck he was driving). The policeman wasn’t hurt, but the bike fell over… the policeman did not go down. Thank God. When I started reading about these laws, I knew he was in deep trouble. So…. He agreed to a plea of 4-7 years because with a jury trial he could have gotten 20 years! OMG… he was stupid, but not a criminal. If he had taken care of his dui in IL, he wouldn’t have had a suspended license and a suspended license and driving while impaired is mandatory prison time in AZ.

Our family is so hurt, stressed, angry, worried and devastated by this. Why didn’t he listen to me before?? I tried to tell him it was a big deal getting a dui, but he just thought he knew better or could run away from it. He ran into deeper trouble. So now he’s in AZ, his family is in IL (his twin sister moved back here) and here we are. That’s my story. He’s losing 4 years of his life and I believe he should pay the consequences, but I think the sentence is too long and it may ruin him. He’s in Maricopa County jail waiting sentencing. I mean he was under house arrest with some strict guidelines to follow. They did an alcohol test on him and yup, he was drinking, so he went to jail. I just get so frustrated with him sometimes… like are you ever going to learn? This isn’t like getting grounded at home and hoping to get out of it… this is the real world and there are consequences. He’s been in jail for the past seven months and I think and hope he is finally getting it. I hope he’s not just telling me this to make me feel better. I hope he is getting it.

I’ve written probably too long… but it’s not like you can just talk to anyone about this. I’m embarrassed, humiliated, ashamed and hurt. Then I’m scared, feel guilt thinking I should have done something sooner…. The list goes on, doesn’t it. Thank you for reading this and being so supportive. I’ll be supporting for all of you.

Judeca
01-01-2009, 12:12 PM
Welcome, as Wendy said this is the darkest part of your journey. I remember back when ours first started, and I really can't remember too much - it's all foggy. I know the pain was horrendous, but the fear of the unknown was even worse. After I found PTO I realized how many other people were going thru what I was, and just knowing that I wasn't the only one made me realize that we will get through this. It's something none of us ever thought we would have to go through, but by having each other here to share with, some of the pain is lifted.

angel mathews
01-01-2009, 12:16 PM
Welcome JLS1 sorry you had to find us but glad you did anyway this place is a life saver for all who enter here for we all have gone thru it and together we are stronger for it just knowing that there is some place to go and not be judged is a blessing in the beginning of my journey my therepist gave me this web site to go to and I wanted nothing to do with it then when my son was sentenced I just needed some outlet of sorts so I went to the pto site and spent a couple of weeks in my states forum I wasnt finding any comfort there and for what ever reason started looking at looking at the other forums then I say parents with children in prison my first impression was yea right boy was I wrong this was the place that I really started to feel some sort of comfort and that I belonged here havent left since I check in several times a day to make sure no one is ever alone some times I just read the post and sometimes I post myself either way I always leave feeling better about things in general I hope that you come back often and let us know how you are doing it doesnt matter if it is a bad day or a good day we will always be here to listen to you vent wipe your tears when you cry boost you up when you are feeling down and help you celebrate when you have good news (((((((((((((((((( HUGS)))))))))))))) Angel

JLS1
01-01-2009, 12:18 PM
Dear Judeca, thank you... Your son will be home in one month, 3 days? I hope this month goes so fast for you. How long has your son been in prison? I bet you just can't wait!

JLS1
01-01-2009, 12:23 PM
Dear Angel Mathews. Thank you for your message... brought me to tears.. all of these messages have. I wish I knew the words to convey how much all of your words have uplifted me. Thank you. I will definitely stay in touch and keep this site as a "favorite" to check in daily. I work during the days, but will be on-line in the evenings for sure. Have a good day... you all deserve one!

justadeb
01-01-2009, 12:53 PM
jls...first i like to say welcome...and then sorry you are feeling shame.....now#1 put that shame right out the door....your son is not a bad person and you were not a bad mom. lets face it paris hilton went to jail...yes it was a fluff jail but my point is.....she went and her family stood by her with there heads held high..i am so sorryi know that there is nothing i can say or do will fix this for you and your son ...... but ...your not alone:grouphug:

heavy
01-01-2009, 12:58 PM
Hello Meg’smom, boop’s mom, girlsoma8, stormylove2, Grettashouse, justjoni123, kk the dork, Texasfem, & wendy tyler… THANK YOU. I woke up this morning and wanted to check out my thread to reread the responses from last night, and I was surprised by all the responses since then.… wonderful and caring responses! You don’t even know me and it just melted my heart to read the words you wrote to me. I don’t know anyone that’s going thru this and my emotions are just all over the place, but you brought me to where I needed to be. THANK YOU!

I don’t know if we’re supposed to write what happened or not, but here’s my story. My son, Bryon is 26 years old. He is a good kid… hard worker but parties and doesn’t think of the consequences. I live in IL and he got a DUI in IL a couple of years ago. He told me that he had paid his fines, etc….. he didn’t. He moved to AZ where his twin sister lived, with a suspended driver’s license. He had been drinking but was under the legal limit when he backed up his roommate’s truck into a motorcycle policeman who was right behind him at an intersection. He didn’t see him. He backed up the truck because no one was around, to wave at a girl at the intersection in a car in the next lane. This I believe, because he’s that way.

AZ has new DUI laws… he was charged with an aggravated dui (because his license was suspended) and assault with a deadly weapon on an officer (the truck he was driving). The policeman wasn’t hurt, but the bike fell over… the policeman did not go down. Thank God. When I started reading about these laws, I knew he was in deep trouble. So…. He agreed to a plea of 4-7 years because with a jury trial he could have gotten 20 years! OMG… he was stupid, but not a criminal. If he had taken care of his dui in IL, he wouldn’t have had a suspended license and a suspended license and driving while impaired is mandatory prison time in AZ.

Our family is so hurt, stressed, angry, worried and devastated by this. Why didn’t he listen to me before?? I tried to tell him it was a big deal getting a dui, but he just thought he knew better or could run away from it. He ran into deeper trouble. So now he’s in AZ, his family is in IL (his twin sister moved back here) and here we are. That’s my story. He’s losing 4 years of his life and I believe he should pay the consequences, but I think the sentence is too long and it may ruin him. He’s in Maricopa County jail waiting sentencing. I mean he was under house arrest with some strict guidelines to follow. They did an alcohol test on him and yup, he was drinking, so he went to jail. I just get so frustrated with him sometimes… like are you ever going to learn? This isn’t like getting grounded at home and hoping to get out of it… this is the real world and there are consequences. He’s been in jail for the past seven months and I think and hope he is finally getting it. I hope he’s not just telling me this to make me feel better. I hope he is getting it.

I’ve written probably too long… but it’s not like you can just talk to anyone about this. I’m embarrassed, humiliated, ashamed and hurt. Then I’m scared, feel guilt thinking I should have done something sooner…. The list goes on, doesn’t it. Thank you for reading this and being so supportive. I’ll be supporting for all of you.

That bring back memorys.My son the same way.And I know what you are talking about.He has to spend 4 years in prison. He will be in a year in Feb.
Welcome to our world.Ihaven't bend here very long.The is a wonderful place to come.If you have a problem or any kind of question.So one will know the answer. God Bless

jimmie'smom
01-01-2009, 01:00 PM
Welcome JLS1!

I don't post much on this site cause I don't feel I can say things as well as others can. So, I faithfully read the comforting words of others. One thing you will always find on this site are people reminding us we are not on this journey because we can always count on those who walk with us - God and these wonderful caring people who never judge.

Judeca
01-01-2009, 01:10 PM
Thank you JLS1, yes we have 33 days and a wake up. He's been in 18 months - not as long as some parents have to go through - but this was his second time. I have to pinch myself that it's finally all going to be over in a short time. But living in California we have parole to contend with, and that isn't always easy in this state (understatement - big time). Again, welcome.

JLS1
01-01-2009, 01:20 PM
Dear Justadeb, Thank you for what you wrote… it’s just that I’m doing the “why didn’t I”…, “why didn’t he…” cycle over and over. The “what if’s”… I know it’s not helpful and I need to start looking at the present and future. That’s even scarier I think. I’ve always tried to do what’s right… didn’t always make it, but I tried and I wonder, why in the world my son ran from everything… like it would go away or something. I don’t say these things to him when we talk, because I know he feels bad, but in my own mind when I’m alone, yup, I wonder. My new year’s resolution is going to be to make the best of every situation and pray more and give thanks more. This is an awakening for me. Thank you … (smile).

JLS1
01-01-2009, 01:23 PM
Dear Heavy... thank you. How has your year been? I can't imagine this... I have to fly to AZ to see my son in prison whenever it is I go. It's just beyond my imagination right now. I'm sure it'll sink in, won't it. What great moms all of you are!!

JLS1
01-01-2009, 01:36 PM
Hello Jimmie'smom... I think you're very good with words. Thank you! I am going to print and save all of these wonderful, caring messages from all of you.. forever!

heavy
01-01-2009, 01:43 PM
It was very hard to start out.But its better.My PTO family has really help me.I can come here and really let my hair down.They are hear for you.I wish I had them from the very first day.If you need to talk anytime just pm me.God Bless

jancy
01-01-2009, 01:45 PM
Hi there and welcome. my 25 yr old son is in for his 4th DUI and he also backed into a cop and took the plea bargain rather than facing a jury.

it is up to them really, not us. they know the right thing to do and we cannot stop or change anyone but ourselves.

welcome aboard!

justadeb
01-01-2009, 02:07 PM
JSL..i have a dear friend...who at this very moment has run from the state of fl.. 4 dui's then failed pee test...go figure.... i have no idea where he is;);) nope don't know a thing;)... who knows how or why they run ....and think they can get away with it......then after awhile they get comfortable..thinking they are smooth..and then bam reality slaps them from behind sort of speak in your sons case.....i have to say...and please ..i mean no offense..they way your son got busted is pretty comical chain of events....i have to believe only the good lord planned that before someone got hurt or your son got in too deep....
isn't karma a bi***

JLS1
01-01-2009, 02:21 PM
Dear Jancy… I’m sorry to hear about your son. Thank you for your kind words too and if there’s anything I can do for you… I’m here. Obviously not at the place everybody else is, but I’ll get there. You’re all an inspiration. (big hug).

JLS1
01-01-2009, 02:25 PM
Dear Justadeb.... it does sound like something you'd see in a movie... (shaking my head). No offense taken at all... your reply made me laugh out loud. Thanks!

swoot
01-01-2009, 03:11 PM
Welcome JLS1 I'm so glad you found this site. I also have a son who is in prison. I come on this site all the time. It makes me feel alot better knowing that there are so many wonderful people out there going through the same journey as I am. You will never be judge and everyone here understands. I think if it wasn't for this site, I would of lost my mind a long time ago. My son has now been in prison for about 6 months and I'm finding that it truly does get a little easier as time goes by. Come on this site often and you will also find the peace you need. Sharon

JLS1
01-01-2009, 03:20 PM
Hi swoot, YOU are one of those wonderful people on this site! I haven't lost my mind yet, but it certainly gives me a headache. Is your son adapting to prison life okay? I think the hardest part is that we won't be able to visit him. I will at some point, but he's so far away from his family that the visits will be far and few between. Thank you for your message.... (big hug).

wendy tyler
01-01-2009, 04:30 PM
JLS1 I am also a mom that hasn't visited mine in prison yet. I will spend a weekend with him this summer. It's what is called a family visit. I will be locked in there with him, in a cottage type thing from Fri til Sun. You are able to bring your food and able to fill out an order form ahead of time. All cosmetics must be alcohol free! I know it sounds like a nightmare to you right now, but I can't wait. That might not be available at your sons facility. There are so many things you can do to make your presence known. If he is in AZ, you will be able to send packages, from a vendor. With help they do adapt to prison life and they also share their goodies from their food packages and realize that others have it worse. You might not be able to do the weekend visits like most of our moms, I'm not either. I have made it so far, you will too. He knows you are there for him, and you can show him in so many ways. Being here on this site is your first step to making this a transition that is doable. When your boy gets to his facility, I can give you all the details about where you can order for him. You and he will order up together, and that's fun. AZ is the same as CA as far as that goes. Me, Judeca, Judean and some others are experts now!! I have only been at this a year, I have some left to go, but I couldn't have done any of it without being here first. It will be OK.....You will help him make this OK, that's what we do, we are moms.

ViCharliesMom
01-01-2009, 04:33 PM
Hi, I'm so sorry you have to be here. I pray this site will help you through this hard journy your going down. I know the pain of having a son in prison and my heart goes out to you.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers.


I found this website today & have read numerous posts from parents in the same situation as me. I was touched by the understanding and compassionate replies of parents to one another. My heart is heavy with the knowledge that my son is going to prison. Never ever did I think a child of mine would be in this situation. No one does I guess. I am in IL and he is in AZ.... visits will be difficult for the next 4-7 years, but we will get thru this. No questions yet, but just a sadness that I'm trying to work thru. Thanks for reading this and fo.r this website.

JLS1
01-01-2009, 04:42 PM
Thank you Wendy for your message…. I didn’t know there were “family” visits and that you could order from vendors. Thank you for this information. When I talked to my son on Christmas Eve, he asked if I would send him $600 for his account BEFORE he goes to prison. He said if I send the money when he’s in prison, 1/3 will be taken out for restitution and 1/3 will be taken out for a prison fund for dui offenders and he will only be able to keep 1/3. If I send it before he transfers, he will get to keep all the money when he transfers to prison. When I asked him how come so much? He said a tv costs $419 and he’d like to get some clothes, etc. Does this sound right to you? How much money do they need? Do tv’s really cost this much? Any information on this is really appreciated. THANK YOU!!!

JLS1
01-01-2009, 04:57 PM
Hello ViCharliesMom... Thank you for your kind words today. I don't know if you read all of this thread, but I'm going to print and save all of your messages. I feel so much better knowing there are other parents like me. It was the feeling of "alone" that was so hard, but all of your words have been so uplifting and I cherish them. Again, THANK YOU!

ViCharliesMom
01-01-2009, 05:13 PM
Hi, I'm not sure where your son is incarcerated at but here in Michigan they do have a few vendors that the imates can order things from and I know that you can order books on Amazon.com for them.
As far as how much money to send to them. That is a hard one. I thought that TV's cost $200.00 or so but it depends I'm sure on where he's at. I know that for my son they never give them enough to eat so I always send him money to order from the store they have there. He can get snacks, peanut butter, bread, things like that and then when he is hungry he has something there he can eat.

My husband and I started out sending our son $40.00 a month and his Dad (my X) was suppose to do the same but that didn't last long so for a few years now we have sent him $100.00 a month and that includes money he can put on his phone card so that we can talk when ever we want to.

My son has order a few clothing articles for visits and shoes but they really can't have that much. I would find out how much TV's are where he is at and send what you can. Eventually he will have to pay the finds he's incurred so no matter where you send him the money it will be taken out of what you send him. I'm not sure how much they can take but maybe others here know what thoses amounts are.

It's not easy that is for sure. We as parents want them to have what they need and want. It's just not always fesible. Keeping you in my prayers. Vi

Thank you Wendy for your message…. I didn’t know there were “family” visits and that you could order from vendors. Thank you for this information. When I talked to my son on Christmas Eve, he asked if I would send him $600 for his account BEFORE he goes to prison. He said if I send the money when he’s in prison, 1/3 will be taken out for restitution and 1/3 will be taken out for a prison fund for dui offenders and he will only be able to keep 1/3. If I send it before he transfers, he will get to keep all the money when he transfers to prison. When I asked him how come so much? He said a tv costs $419 and he’d like to get some clothes, etc. Does this sound right to you? How much money do they need? Do tv’s really cost this much? Any information on this is really appreciated. THANK YOU!!!

JLS1
01-01-2009, 05:41 PM
Thanks Vi for the information. I think I should wait to see where he is going and find out from that facility what costs there are and vendors to use. It just seemed like alot of money to ask for and my antenna went up. I'd rather he pay his own fines instead of me paying towards them. Just because I think he needs to be accountable and follow-thru on these things. Of course it will be a while before he can do that. I'm just a little gunshy about some of this... he's conned me before and I hate to say that about him, but he has. I hope you have a nice rest of the evening and thank you for your prayers and your time. (big hug) Jan

meg'smom
01-01-2009, 06:08 PM
JSL1,
My Daughters are incarcerated in Ohio. I am not sure where your son is however here I can go online and order her clothing and food and snacks..... She can get one food box per year and 2 clothes boxes a year plus money on her account so she can buy things in there. I did send her money for a tv and the tv was only 179.00

Check with the Prison website to see how you can mail them things and see if you can locate a vendor and you can send him his things yourself. To me 600.00 seems a little steep but I am in Ohio and not familar with other States.
I do know that when they owe fines the State at least here in Ohio will take all but 10.00 of any money on thier prison account and apply it toward thier fines until it is paid. THis is why I rushed things to her so she could stock up on her hygeine items and things until we can get the fine paid off. I thought about letting her pay the fine as well herself but we are up around 1000.00 now and she only gets state pay of 17.00 a month so do the math it would take forever to pay it offf. I dont know about boys but I am learning that females need a lot of things boys dont:eek: for which i almost have to pay her fines for her so she can survive in there.
I can vouch that they dont feed them enough especailly in the county but I sent my daughter 25.00 a week and that covered what she needed for a week in the county.
I would see if you could find the prison website and see if they have a vendor they use and order it yourself.
Hugs to you
Lori

JLS1
01-01-2009, 06:51 PM
I don’t know what facility he will be going to, but he’s in AZ right now and I would assume he would go to an AZ prison. When you sent your daughter money for the tv, did the state take most of it? Is it better for me to order it and have it sent to my son? Probably once we find out where he’s going, we can see what we should do. Am I correct that any money you send your daughter, they take all but $10, but you can order things for her and they don’t? I’d rather pay $170 for a tv vs $600 for one. Heck, that’s outrageous… he’d have to wait on a tv, I think. Thank you for your help!! I don’t know how you do it… you must be a strong person. (big hug)… Jan

d'gal
01-01-2009, 06:52 PM
JSL1.. welkom. I am d'gal and also known sometimes as the one who lags behind. sorry for the late welkom. First I am sorry that you had to be here, but glad you found us. you will find many friends here and we all will be here to listen when you need an ear. you will find understanding, encouragement, support, prayers. it isnt
an easy journey, but together we are strong enough to do it.

I am in arizona. my son is @ florence east yard. he was in smu1 which is max and non contact. he just got his re-class and moved to an open yard. I nor his kids have not had contact or hugs in about 4 yrs now, so we are very anxious to see him next visit.
It took me a year to stop crying and hurting enough before the Lord could lead me here to this forum. now, it is part of my daily life.
I am not sure, but you should call the prison and check because I think there is a limit on how much they can have on their books. and a tv is about $250.

welkom. and visit us often.

d'gal

JLS1
01-01-2009, 07:05 PM
Thank you dutchgirl1 for your encouraging message. I think it will be best if we wait to see where he’s headed and then find out what we can send or buy for him. I dread telling him this the next time I talk to him and hope he understands. No contact with your son in 4 years? Oh my gosh, I can’t imagine the pain you went thru and still going thru. I’m so sorry to hear this, but happy to hear you will get to visit him. I noticed you live in Prescott… I do have some family that lives there, although we are estranged. Never been there, but heard it’s a beautiful place to live. Thank you for your kind words… it means a lot. (big hug)…. Jan

d'gal
01-01-2009, 07:17 PM
yes, it is best to find out where he will be and what phase he will be. a lot depends on that. I cant believe my son went from max to phase 2 which is in the middle.. there are 3 phases and each gives either limited or more freedom and privelages.
I did visit with my son a lot... he was county 3 yrs and has been max at florence for a year. just the visits were always behind glass. my arms have ached to hug him, but am thankful that the Lord has it all under control.

I am sorry that you and your family is estranged. family is important. if you come out to arizona to see your son, get in touch maybe we can do coffee.

d'gal

meg'smom
01-01-2009, 07:21 PM
JLS1,
With my daughter they wont take her money until the order is issued to do so and that takes about three months from what i was told. So i had a little time to send her the money and she ordered it. However I am able to order things like that for her with the online site Ohio has. When i sent her clothes... she has a catalog in the prison and she wrote down what she wanted and mailed it to me then i get online and order it for her. I sent her some boots and other things she needed along with a cd/ radio and stuff. I could of ordered the tv as well but I had already sent her some money to do that. Starting I think maybe this month ot Feb she will only have 10.00 in her account to get what she needs anything that is sent to her will go toward her fines.
I can send her one food box and 2 clothes boxes per year but after that she has to get what she needs from the prison.

I forgot Dutchgirl was in AZ she would the one to tell you how to do this though.
Hugs
Lori

JLS1
01-01-2009, 07:24 PM
What a sweet offer dg! Family is soooo important... because of the way my family was when I grew up, I made a vow that I would be different than them. I thought by doing that... that my family would be just fine. What a rude awakening this is. However, we may be having this terrible situation that we're all in, but we all tell each other how much we love each other and are there for each other. Maybe this is part of my growing experience here on earth. Thanks... a cup of coffee with you sounds great.

JLS1
01-01-2009, 07:29 PM
Lori, thank you for the clarification. Gosh, I’m totally at a loss on what happens next or what to do next. For the past seven months, I can only send my son postcards.. no letters. I’m actually looking forward to the time when I can send him a letter. How long have your daughters been in prison? Are they close enough to visit? I apologize if you’ve written this elsewhere… I don’t have a feel yet for everybody… like being in a large room and trying to remember who is who, but with your picture… I remember you. (smile)… thank you.

heartbrokenmom
01-01-2009, 07:43 PM
Hello JSL1, I have just had time to get on here a little while today and was reading all these posts. I told you last night there would be others coming soon. I was right. I see that the other moms have really helped you today. So glad you found this site to help you through this. I read your story. And your son in another state. My son is in Federal. It is different than state. He may be moving to Kentucky soon and that is six hours away from me. Right now he is only two and a half, but now they are moving him farther. With federal, you can move all over the US. I do not even know when they will be moving him. They tell you nothing. You will survive this. You have all of us moms here now to help you and this site that is filled with all kinds of info. I will keep you in my prayers. We are a bunch of strong, determined, loving moms who never let each other give up. Whenever you feel down or like giving up, come here, someone will lift you up and make you feel better.

meg'smom
01-01-2009, 08:01 PM
JSL1,
My daughters were arrestted in May of 08 they were in the county until September then transferred to prison on a life sentence. They are about 2 and half hours away from me right now. I am hoping to move closer but that wont be for a while. The last time i saw my daugther was in October when she came back to the county for a week for some crap the courts messed up. Ihave not been able to touch her or hug since before this all happened.
She calls when she can and we write a lot. My other dughter is a foster daughter so visits with her are a little harder for me becuase they are co defendants and I am not the bio mom. I saw her back in june and then tried to keepher visit for her birth mom. They were only allowed one visit a week in the county. Now that they are in prison I am approved to my daughter but have not been approved to see my foster daughter yet. I hope to be able to see my daughter by the end of Feb. but here we have to schedule visits with the prisona nd they are booked almost 90 days in advance.
There really isnt much you can do until he is moved to his parent prison. Once he is there then you can figure out the rules and all and be able to visit and write. The county always sucks.
Hugs

JLS1
01-01-2009, 08:08 PM
Dear Heartbroken…. You were soooo right! Everybody has been wonderful… more than wonderful! I feel bad for you that they may move your son farther away and that they can move him anywhere and you don’t know where or when it will happen. Just when I thought I was the only one going thru this (I knew better, but just didn’t have anyone to share this with), I found there are others going thru more difficult times than myself. I am thankful for what I do have. I love this saying… “Always blessings, Never sorrows”. A woman who lost her child in an accident always counted on these words to help her thru. I never understood the pain and hurt some parents go thru and before, I really couldn’t identify with it. This is teaching me to be more compassionate, more understanding and more loving. Thank you for your kind words…. You have no idea how your words lifted me last night. (huge hug for you) Jan

JLS1
01-01-2009, 08:17 PM
Dear Meg’s mom… I had no idea what all is involved just to visit them. They’re so young too. You look young yourself. What do you do to keep going? I have work, a wonderful husband, my kids and 5 grandkids (baby girl twins born last October), and thank God for them, because they are a delight and a great diversion. I also have 2 dogs and one cat that I adore. I wish you the best this year… you’re an inspiration for sure. I'm here for you too. : )