Hello all! Staying clean has been a constant struggle. I never want to use drugs and alcohol again. I have managed to stay clean over the past year by the grace of God. My husband was sentenced to 20 years for frug charges and the county that we live in has done nothing but harrass me, they have put myself and our kids in danger by creating lies and b.s. about the both of us. I was never charged with any of the crimes that he was, but the county has made every effort they can to make sure as long as I stay here I am just as persecuted as he is in prison. Needless to say the stress takes its toll. There isn't much point in AA or NA here because most that attend are there only cuz they judge said so and leave immediatly to go get high or whatever. I feel like I am hiding instead of dealing. Does anyone have any advice? HELP!! Sometimes I just want the pain to go away.

It sounds like you are under a lot of stress. I know that the programs of AA/NA helped me to be able to deal with stress and deal with problems better. I am fortunate I guess that there are many different meetings in my area and so I had a great deal to pick from, some I liked, others I did not. I did not have the same problems to deal with that you do, but I had problems of my own that maybe you don't have, my point is we all have to learn to deal with those problems in sobriety. The program itself helped me to do this, not just meetings, but working the steps helped me to develope a better self esteem, better confidence in myself, and helped me to learn to live Happily without getting loaded, it did a lot for me. But working the steps is the biggest part, even if the meetings in your area are not that great. You said most of the people there are court appointed, well that's most, surely it's not all? It just takes one person to be a sponsor, and that one person can possible help you to work the steps so that you will be better equipped to deal with and face the problems, and find a solution to them. Do you have any AA/NA literature to read? That's another starting point. And you always have all of us here to talk things out with.

You know what the old-timers told me that helped me to stay sober and clean? They said to look for what you can use in a meeting and leave the rest there. I did that. Instead of paying attention to the people who were court-mandated or who left to get high, I looked for what I could use to keep me strong and help me keep going on. It was hard, but I just kept making myself keep my focus on the "winners" and it worked. I've been sober since 1985 and my motto is "if it ain't broke, don't fix it", so I recommend that advice I got to anyone else who is trying to stay clean and sober.

I can totally see this kind of thing happening in the small town where I grew up in Ohio. I love my family and I love where I'm from, but I have never regretted leaving. Have you considered moving out of the county where all this went down? I'll bet you could move 20 or 30 miles and be able to make a fresh start. Sure, it will take some courage, but if you don't muster up the courage to do something now it will only get more difficult later.

About a year and a half ago I was arrested for possession, as soon as my lease was over I moved out of the city (San Franciscoa) and into the suburbs. Had I stayed in the city I am sure life would have been much tougher. Out here nobody knows my past so there are no problems. Also, getting out of my old environment has really helped keep me clean.

If you think meetings *could* help you could try online meetings. I don't know about AA/NA, but LifeRing has online meetings every day. They basically work just like a chat room and there are some really great people in there. LifeRings website is at www.unhooked.com, you can follow the link to the chat room from the home page.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck. I'll be thinking about you.

Joe

I found that since I created the mess I found myself in, the best thing to do was to stand ground, keep going to my meetings, get a sponsor, and just walk through it. I'm now very glad I did that. In moving to another area, we sometimes do ourselves more harm than good. You didn't commit the crime, but you did choose to be with the man who did commit the crime, so therefore you're bound to find some prejudice against you for the company you kept. Your disease is telling you that it's too tough, you're being unjustly persecuted, the AA and NA are no good, etc. Don't listen to that. If you keep thinking that way, you're jeopardizing your miracle. Just keep standing ground, going to meetings, and walking through this. Pretty soon, once the authorities see that you're clean and sober and going to stay that way, they'll begin to have admiration and respect for you.

And get a sponsor! Work the steps! Nothing in the world will help you more than those two things. Above all though, your Higher Power is where you have to keep your trust. I found that if I reached out to my Higher Power with one hand and to another recovering addict/alcoholic with my other hand, I didn't have any hands left to pick up a drink or a drug with. That's worked for me for a long time now.