Well next month I'll be going to visit AG for the first time. I can't say I'm scared of the actual visit, even after all the horrible things I've heard about Polunsky and stuff, I guess I'm more scared of how I'm going to react seeing AG in that situation, especially knowing him before this all happened.
Luckily I have a little insight into what the visit will be like since I have contact with someone who lives close and visits him almost every week. She's been a great friend and has been very supportive. I received an e-mail from her about the visit and what to expect...this is part of what she wrote:

the guards are real mean. I think they make it as uncomfortable as they can for the people visiting hoping that they won't come back..They bring them in to the cages in cuffs..And the inmates have to bend way down to let them uncuff them after they are in the cage..This is very embarrassing for Anthony..He hates this part of it...You'll notice when he comes out to see you he will not look you in the eye until this part of it is over...He looks everywhere except in your eyes..I feel so sorry for him when he does this..He is so proud and it makes him feel like an animal..
I think I am worried about you about this..It is going to upset you..Very much..Especially since you have known him when he was so proud and a real man..And the leaving part is so hard..Especially the first time..They are in those cages and the cages are very small...And after a visitor leaves they may not take them back for hours and hours...Even if they have to use the bathroom..Well, sometimes that depends on the guard..There are a handful that try to be human...
I guess I'm telling you all this to try to prepare you for what you are going to see..And put up with..Many times they have brought him out and his wrists are cut from the handcuffs..He will try to not let you see this but he will rub his wrist during the visit..And you can see where they are swollen...
When they let you get his food..You have to put your money in the machine and let the guard pull out the food..You can't touch it..If they make you get it before they have brought him out you are taking a chance on getting something he doesn't like..But I think you already know that he can't have any pork...Because of his religion..And he loves lemon pies..Funions..All fruit..In the cans...And plain Hershey;s..No nuts..(smile) I hate saying all this but you will need to know...In the sandwiches there are some that are ham..And he can't eat that..So I always get smoked turkey.
You will not be able to wear a blouse without sleeves..No white. And you can't wear anything but pants or a dress that is long enough to cover your knees...And you can take in only $20.00 worth of coins..In a clear plastic container.. A baggie will work..And only your car keys..Anything else you will have to leave in the car...I hope I am not making you nervous..This is a trip that will have a lot of effect on you..I think that is why I want to be there..Even if we can't talk inside just knowing that we are there may help you..Please don't get scared..Once they have brought out anthony and you see him you will be fine..The two or four hours will go by very swiftly...I only pray that when you visit that there is not an execution for that night..Because the inmate and his family will be out there until noon before they take him to Huntsville..And that is very upsetting..the family, of course is always very upset and the inmate is a nervous wreck..Besides the other inmates seem to be very depressed when that is going on...

Anyway...like I said, I'm not worried about the actual visit but more so my reaction, and after reading this I know this is going to be very tough. I don't know how I'm going to keep myself from crying. I want to be able to go there and make him laugh and smile but I'm worried that I'll be so sad and upset I won't be albe to do that!

Good luck with your visit. I hope that your friend's message will make a very difficult situation perhaps a bit easier. I'm so sorry that you and your friend have to go through this.

Emme

Sandy...

I wish you well during your visit. Like Emme said, hopefully your friend's email will give you a heads up as to what to expect...

From there, you just have to be prepared to see some things that will upset you. However, try your hardest to keep your emotions in check. Don't let your friend see you cry!

Just try to hold the sandess inside until you leave... Then you can feel free to burst! I wish you the best because I know it was very hard for me to see my boyfriend "inside" & I lost my emotions the first time. He mentioned it later on the phone & I managed to keep a cheery face on the next time I saw him because I gathered it makes it harder on them to see you hurt! Know what I mean?

Good luck & keep your chin up! :)

Sincerely,
(e-mail address removed by moderator - please refer to PTO policy

sandy: hang in there, woman! i was surprised at how well i was able to keep it together while i was visiting my friend in florida! actually, the guards i experienced were all pretty professional, if not downright nice! for me, the anticipation of thinking about visiting Death Row was worse than the actual event. if you need any help, just pm me.....i know how you're feeling! however, if i can drive 8 hours alone, spend the nite by myself, and experience it all alone, i know you can...i am a complete neurotic! :D

*hugs*

ps: for me, the worst part about the entire experience was leaving and coming home.....prepare yourself for that, honey. it took me about a week before i was back to "normal".....*hugs*

SANDY

MAY THE SPIRIT OF GOD BE WITH YOU DURING YOUR VISIT.... KEEP IT UPLIFTING FOR BOTH OF YOU.... IT WILL BE A WONDERFUL VISIT EVEN UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES YOU ARE VISITING UNDER.... APRIL IS RIGHT, THE WORST PART WILL BE THE LEAVING..

MY PRAYERS
DONNA

AG's:
You will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers... i know you will do fine and you will have a great visit.... the things your friend told you about in the Email do rub you the wrong way... but really I have to agree wtih others .... those things hit you harder after you leave... when you are finally face to face with someone you care about... all that "stuff" has a way of disappearing..... if only momentarily.... suppose that's why visits mean so much to the guys...... You will do great and it will mean the world to your friend.....

sandy - I admire your sincerity and willingness to venture into the unknown to be with a friend. May God bless you both.

Sandy, you have always come across as a strong and intelligent lady. I feel confident that you will make this a successful visit. You keep your head up and talk to us any time you need to. Plus, I am glad you have that friend giving you the head's up on the procedure and what to expect. Knowing those things ahead of time will hopefully make you more comfortable, and therefore your friend should feel more comfortable.

Sandy, I wish you luck. I hope this all works the way you wish it to, but if it doesn't please know we're all here for you :)

maybe you should take the writer of the email up on the offer that she will go with you? It might make you more comfortable? But it might make you uncomfortable to have someone else there?

I just wish you luck.

sandy: will you be staying at the hospitality house? i've heard some really awesome things about that place. i sure wish there was somewhere like that in florida ~ it would have made my being alone a little easier. just curious! ac

Thanks everybody for your support and positive comments. I really appreciate it. I'm still kind of feeling a little nervous and emotional about the whole thing, hopefully though that will get better as the date gets closer ( I keep praying it will :) )

AC...what's the hospitality house? Is that in Livingston? I was just going to stay at one of the local hotels in town, but now if there's a better place to stay I'm up for any suggestions..

AG's....Hospitality House is right across the street from Polunksy. It's a privately-run place that provides a place to stay for visitors, as well as families for those being executed. My sister is planning to stay there when she goes to see her friend. If this sounds like somewhere you would be interested in staying, let me know and I will be happy to get you more information. It may be a little less lonely than staying at a hotel, since everyone is there for the same reason ~ also, a form of support, finding someone who knows the ropes, etc. pm me if you'd like, i wouldn't want to miss your request here. *hugs*

Sandy - I wish you all the best for your visit.

I remember my first visit in a DR visiting room as one of the most nervous and sad experiences I ever had;
especially when it come's to say good-bye and after the visit when you are alone again with yourself and your thoughts...

Try to keep your head up and do not allow the conditions of the visit bother you too much as every single second to spend together with your friend is so very precious - you'll see :)

Brena

If you need any help let me know.. I am in fort worth but head down that way almost every weekend to see ant.. I am praying for you to have a great visit...

Sandy-
I am sure it will be hard but I know you will do fine. These situations are always bitter-sweet- however the joy you will bring him with your visit will far outweigh any negativity.

some things the guards, the bars can' t touch- like the feeling when you look into someone's eyes with true love,compassion and support.

Don't let the environment or process hang a dark cloud over the quality time you have with him-that is yours and his, exclusively-and that is what will make it worth it

'good luck-we love you!

Sandy,

I just said a prayer for you both. I have found that when I let the situation make me negative when I see Manny, that I walk away just that ... negative and complaining. Try to be really cheery if possible to let AG know that you are aware that his treatment (like an animal which is repulsive) does not affect how he is in your eyes, a proud MAN and someone with dignity and integrity still.

Manny also does not eat pork and our whole family has stopped. He does not due to health reasons cause it is unhealty and he is a health nut. I just buy those chicken wings, or cheese pizzas for him and burritos. You are right about how much pork is in those machines, they even wrap the chicken in pork on the sandwiches.

I guess what I am trying to say is if you prepare to look at the visit as a blessing instead of letting the mean CO's steal your joy, then it will spill over onto AG and nothing will stop you two from enjoying what you do have with each other for the visit!!!

Wishing you both the best!

BLESSINGS!
Tamara

exactly T! "Don't let anyone steal your joy!!!"

Sandy, have you made your plans yet on when you get to go down? Let me know so that you can give me the info on who, what, how and when. If things go right, I will be going down on the 2nd of October.

Joy

Joy~I'm not for sure when I'm going now. I'm still having problems at work getting them to approve my vacation request! :(

So, I may be the first to go into the battle zone huh? ;) I know you want to see him so bad, I'll be thinking and praying for ya ok girl? I'll let ya know when I go. I'm just waiting for Polunsky to approve me to visit, then I'm gone!!!

Joy