I was just reading the other posts on here and it got me thinking about jason and the fact that he is in jail for a violent drime as well. He got put in for aggravated assualt. Now everyone has warned me about him being a violent person. I really dont see any violence to him. I know he would never hit me b/c he saw his mother get abused by his step father and then i think his step father tried to hit him too. So do u think that is where his violence came from and should i be worried about my own safety ? I also know that drugs played a role in all of this too. Any insight u guys can give me is apprciated. Im a trying to learn all i can about jason and this whole thing b/c i care about him and want to help him through it.

mY SON USED TO BE VERY VIOLENT AND THEY FOUND IT WAS BECCUASE HIS STEPFATHER WAS TOMARDS ME. aLMOST EVERYONE BONE IN MY BODY AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER WAS BROKE, hES NOT THAT WAY ANYMORE HE KNOWS ITS WRONG ( mY SON )....SORRY CAPS!

Hi Bronze. Welcome to PTO. I wish I knew what to say to you regarding your situation. But I'm sure that someone will be along directly to talk story with you about this. Good luck and keep coming back.

bronze -

Aggravated assault can have different meanings. Did he actually hit someone? Nick was charged with aggravated assault, but it wasn't because he physically hit someone. That's just the name the law gives it.

Depending on how long he has left to serve, I would say just take your time getting to know him better. You can learn a lot about a person when you have plenty of time to write it all down on paper.

Another question - is he getting help inside? That's important too.

When a person is raised around violence, the chances are greater that they'll follow the pattern. The daughter of an abused woman will have abusers in her life, too. The son of an abused woman will abuse women. It's because they learn that pattern of behavior in a deeply ingrained way and it's really hard for them to break the pattern even if they don't want to follow that path.

If the people who are warning you are people who know Jason, then I'd definitely take their warnings to heart.

I think if you have to ask the question, then you know you should be careful. People do change, but it takes a lot of effort. I would watch and see how he handles his anger.

First of all i would like to say thanx for the advice so far. Let me give u some more info on this situation ......
The people that are warning me that he might be violent dont know him. They were telling me to be careful in general. Also, the details of his aggravated assualt are as follows .... he hit a cop with his truck i think it was. The cop wasnt hurt or anything but still it was a cop. I know whenever i go to see him he talks about beating people up esp. my ex. Considering my ex threatned to kill him. I feel i need to talk to Jason about if he thinks he can control his anger when he gets out. He knows when he gets out he has to calm down. And i really think he is going to change and i intend to help him. I know he wants so many things out of life when he gets out and he knows if he wants to get them he has to settle down. Well theres alittle more to help u guys help me. Keep the advice coming. I'm so glad u guys can help me out !

You mentioned that he used drugs and I think that might be a lot or at least part of the problem. I have seen first hand how drugs can change many people. I've seen wonderful people get scary and I've also seen those same people come back to the person they were when the drugs were no longer a issue. I think that in your situation the best thing is not to let other people scare you off. Go with what you feel. As long as he stays away from the drugs he may be the man of your dreams. Dont let what others say or think about him take away at a chance to be happy. You would feel worse if you let their words keep you from a man who turns out to be the most loving man in the world. At the same time watch for signs of drug use and behavior changes exspecially in the beginning. Most importantly go with your gut and your heart

tnc is right - use your own judgment.

My Nick is a jealous hothead, but he's got a heart of gold and if he cares about you, there's nothing he wouldn't do for you. I am not worried about my safety with him one iota. He makes comments about ripping some guy's arm off and beating him with it if he hits on me. But I just give him my glare and he says, "I didn't say that honey". So he's learning :)

Just try to see that he stays off the drugs if you can. I don't have any experience with that first-hand, Nick is not a drug user, but from what I've read here, they can change a person in a split second.

Good luck! :)

hey, i feel for you, and i hope the best comes to you.

i would just note, that staying off drugs is very hard, i was clean for 8 years, and had a relapse, all though i was blessed, in that it was a very short relapse, some people never come back.

drugs do destroy wonderful people, and drug addicts do things that in their right mind they would have never done, this too i know from experience.

the deal is that if he has anger issues, and then you mix drugs in, who knows what can happen...

i don't know if he is an addict, but even if he occasionally uses which in itself is questionable, depending on what he is using there is always a possibility for anything to happen...

make it a great new year!

best and peace to you and yours-
francis

Sorry for bumping this thread, but I too have had to deal with folks telling me negative things about my relationship with my fiance. Heck, the message board I frequented before basically turned on me the last time I wrote anything about him and that's the reason I searched for a better forum and thankfully found this supportive spot.

My guy was released from Angola last July after serving 13 years for attempted murder. One thing is, even if they aren't violent when they go there, it appears as though they have to 'stand their ground' alot when it comes to their own safety in this prison. Unfortunately, it has raised questions in my mind on occasion, but I have never once thought he would harm me or my daughter. I worry that he may crack sometime with someone else over another issue. I also have little doubt he wouldn't hesitate to 'defend' his family. I find myself saying, "Don't do anything silly." often.

He doesn't have a drug issue, but the couple of times he's gotten drunk since being out have been situations we had to overcome. Now we are working on not drinking anymore. I'm a casual drinker, but have given that up, since it's silly to ask him to do something I'm not prepared to do myself.

As everyone else has said, trust your own judgement and instints. If I went on what other folks said, I wouldn't be happy right now, he wouldn't be happy and my daughter wouldn't be. Sure, everyone else would feel they had accomplished something, but what good does that do you or him?

In my case, I had folks that didn't know him, me or the situation completely telling me to run away quickly and other junk. Sure, we had a couple of rough spots, but if I ran everytime I had a rough time with a guy, I'd never have a relationship again in my entire life. If you feel he is worth taking the time to work on issues with, then stick it out. If however, you ever feel your safety is in danger, then I would suggest perhaps this isn't the right guy for you.

Good luck :)

Good advice! My friend has seen more violence inside the system then the assult he has done 12 years for.I was born a human so it is not up to me to judg him for this life time.I just support him as a friend and know in my heart that our friendship is a strong one, i will grant him his right so start a new life and neither one of us look back. He gets out DEC 11!