My youngest son (19), is dealing with a drug/alcohol addiction. He is continually getting into trouble with the law for his usage. As parents we have tried to out skirt jail by putting him in rehab, which is costly. So far he has continually pulled the wool over our eyes.
I guess we are the ones finally learning.

My question is how many of you had better success with your loved one after having them sit in jail for a period of time, say at least a year of jail?
Please help. He does have a problem with depression and mood swings.
Thanks!

Unfortuantely with me I had better luck when he went to jail, unfortunately now he got hit with a prison sentence. Tough love is so hard but its something that will eventually save their lives, at least I hope so. Its sad but when you love someone you want to believe them when they say they can stop or they are not using, you become blind to what really is happening. Sadly but true its a disease that they ahve to fight against everyday. They also have to want to stay clean, cause even in jail/prison if they want the drugs they can get it if they want. Good luck, hang in there hope he hits his rock bottom soon and realizes he doesn't need to do that stuff and works real hard trying to beat this disease.

my son was sentenced to 5 years suspended for 3 because it is such a short sentence they aren't offering him work school rehab., counseling etc. How is he supposed to get better? This is his second conviction so I'm worried about 3 strikes. With our economy being what it is how can parents get help for our kids when most people think they are where they belong?

Wrong, wrong, wrong. Alcoholisim is not a disease. It is a choice. They choose to drink and they love that beer can more than they love you at that moment. Especially the ones who become nasty and violent when drunk. Do not excuse that. I love my husband dearly. He is dual diagnosis and there is more reason for me to try to understand the binge drinking, because of his mental illness. I will not do that. He can't help the mental illness he can help the drinking This is the last time. I can make it without him if necessary though I will love him forever. I will not live not being able to sleep because he won't let me, or listening to his nasty remarks or raising his hands to me. One more time, and he's done. He will die in jail. No attorney and no bonds and no anything. I will forget his name though I will love him forever. Now do any of you agree with me? Are you all falling for the disease bullshit? Do you know what AA's success record is? About 5%. They have to want to stop. And the only way they will do that is to love you more than they love to drink. Any fool who would drink himself to jail because of the hour or so of "fun" it brings, is not all there. Let them make marijuana legal. It causes less problems and was legal until Nixon. A genius who stopped it. Alcohol is a jail sentence and I guarantee you except for drugs it is probably the number one reason our loved ones are serving time. Now let me ask you. Do you think they speak the truth drunk or sober. I'm curious about this. Drinkers join in please.

Alcoholisim is not a disease.
I disagree and so does the World Health Organization (WHO), the American Medical Association (AMA), and the American Psychiatric Association (APA). Science has proven that the A118G and G118 of the mu-opioid receptor genes in those with addictions are overly sensitive and increases the susceptibility of addiction. And, while I do strongly agree that they have to want to stop. However, with the help of professionals, other addicts with some depth of sobriety and working some sort of recovery program they will have a better chance by learning tools that they can use Loving us more than their drug of choice as a method or reason for getting clean is absurd. We have nothing to do with their reason for using, relapsing, wanting to get clean, or actually getting clean. Their addiction is just that…theirs. And, as far as the lying, lying is an unacceptable behavior whether they are clean or wasted. Same with being abused, mentally, verbally or physically it's unacceptable. To me physical abuse is a one strike and you’re out law.

All I know is Addiction is a disease it has been proven oven and over again. It can even be seen through scans of the brain. I am a recovering addict and I have been clean for almost 2 years. My Fiance is in Jail and is also a recovering addict. If you have ever personally exsperienced vaddiction in your own mind and Brain then you would understand. I suggest Anyone who says addiction isn;t a disease take a little more time studying it and even talking to professonals about it. I donlt believe its fair to announce somthing as fact especially when the proper research hasn't been done. Addiction isn't about morality. If there is anyone reading this who is exsperiencing addiction and you need someone to talk to feel free to contact me. A proudly recovering addict. God Bless

All I know is Addiction is a disease it has been proven oven and over again. It can even be seen through scans of the brain. I am a recovering addict and I have been clean for almost 2 years. My Fiance is in Jail and is also a recovering addict. If you have ever personally exsperienced vaddiction in your own mind and Brain then you would understand. I suggest Anyone who says addiction isn;t a disease take a little more time studying it and even talking to professonals about it. I donlt believe its fair to announce somthing as fact especially when the proper research hasn't been done. Addiction isn't about morality. If there is anyone reading this who is exsperiencing addiction and you need someone to talk to feel free to contact me. A proudly recovering addict. God Bless

Amanda;

I am very happy that you controlled your addiction and stopped. The point is you did stop. Congratulations. You deserve that. But, stopyou did. My son had cancer and did everything in the world to try and control it. He never smoked or drank and it was a kind of cancer that came from smoking and drinking. Head and neck. That was a disease. He couldn't control it, and he couldn't stop it. Drinking can be stopped. I don't care about brain waves or anything else. There are tons of excuses for picking up that next drink. Don't do it. It's that simple. There is a program called rational reasoning. In it he keeps asking a guy why he drinks. The guy gives a million reasons but finally when the moderator shoots them all down, he admits; he drinks because he likes the way it makes him feel. That is self indulgent and not an addiction. And yes, you are right. I don't drink, never did and never will. I have lived with an alcoholic who does and winds up in jail every single time. That is not addiction. It is not knowing the meaning of consequences. I'm sorry if you didn't like my answer, but all those places just give you excuses for what you do and why you did it. You do it because you like it and want the feeling. Sorry to sound so mean, but you never think of the poeple you are hurting and only care about "THE FEELING":thumbsup::thumbsup:

There's really no need to be combative. Alcoholism and addiction are difficult enough topics without tearing into each other.

Alcoholism is NOT defeated simply by deciding not to drink- there are very real physical and psychological effects in play both when an alcoholic is still drinking and when they give it up.

Clearly, you have a very strict definition of "disease", but please don't come in here and jump all over those who define illness more broadly.

And those of us in recovery are KEENLY aware of the wreckage left due to our behavior, so please don't attack us for it- you can't beat us up more effectively than we've done it to ourselves.

I'm very sorry if I seemed combative to you. I'm not. I've paid the price of an alcoholic and I know it from the other end. Funny but alcoholics never seem to think of it from that point of view. However you view it is fine with me. I don't matter in your life at all. It's just that I found that trying to understand and calling it a disease just gives the alcoholic more reason to drink. Now, that probably isn't true for everyone, so again my apologies. If you beat it, I give you an enormous amount of credit. You deserve it. I am hard nosed about this and I do agree with you. In my book another word for alcoholic is selfish. You did a great thing and conqured a horrible trait. Please forgive me.

By the way I do not include drug addiction in this. I do believe that is an addiction and stopping can just about kill someone. They need help and if they beat it, they are strong people. I just don't put alcohol and drugs in the same category though they cause the same problems.

You're forgiven- but please remember that every person in this forum has a story that you do not know.
You know your story, and your husband's, but my life? The lives of the others here- a total mystery to you. Please post accordingly.


And in the interest of clarity, I'm not and never was an alcoholic- I escaped a meth addiction.

You are right. I don't know your story. I guess I am in a bad mood. Today I received a letter from him telling me he is broke and has no money in his account. I checked all weekend. In five days he brought it down from 400 to 175, but that is not considered no money. Liars lie. He didn't know I could check. He said they only showed him half of what I sent. Right back to old times. I guess some people never learn. He must like jail because I'm the only one he has and if he keeps lying I'm gone. I love him but I just don't understand selfishness and was thinking of that when I spoke of alcoholism. Sorry again. I was mean.

And given the situation, I'd be in a bad mood, too!

We may differ on whether or not alcoholism is an illness but I'm sure we agree that whining, lying and (by deception) trying to steal money are all really unacceptable behaviors.

We agree. I never lie. I have made it a rule. So why did I pick a man who doesn't know how to tell the truth. I wrote him and told him until he writes and tells me the truth, I won't write again. Believe me, it will hurt me more than him, but one day he has to learn consequences and this may be the day. Thanks friend. You have been a help.

That's what we're all here for... to offer information, support, empathy and whatever else we have that can let us help each other get through the rough spots.... PTO is a shining example of it, but I happen to believe that's why we're on the planet, not just on this site:grouphug:

That is why we are here. I am not a religious person, but I am a very spiritual one. If we don't help others what is the purpose of life? I have been mean to you and again I thank you for calling me out on it, and reminding me why I joined. You have been so nice to a nasty angry woman.

I have my moments, too- This morning, I had to write an apology to another member for a WAY too snippy PM I sent about something she posted... I certainly DID have to let her know that it was a problem but I was out of line in HOW I did so... We all have those moments, I think, when we snap at people who are not part of what's eating us... and I think it's helpful to be called on it because it forces us to think about WHY we did/said XYZ and can sometimes be more useful than a 90 dollar an hour therapist in helping us sort out what's really bugging us.

I have my moments, too- This morning, I had to write an apology to another member for a WAY too snippy PM I sent about something she posted... I certainly DID have to let her know that it was a problem but I was out of line in HOW I did so... We all have those moments, I think, when we snap at people who are not part of what's eating us... and I think it's helpful to be called on it because it forces us to think about WHY we did/said XYZ and can sometimes be more useful than a 90 dollar an hour therapist in helping us sort out what's really bugging us.
I understand. I am not a combative person normally, but with all this stress I am not being myself. My husband wrote and told me to get a land line because he can't use our cell phone. I did just that today. Well, here comes a letter saying he can't change the number until July. They didn't accept the cell phone so why can't he add his first real number? Not being able to speak to him is very difficult. Even if I want to help him, I don't know all the facts, so I can't always do that. He is only there 2.5 weeks. He is also a 100% mentally disabled veteran. They told me call the Chaplians Office. Oh he cared alot. Not his job he said. Don't you think they would have some compassion for someone who is mentally ill and doesn't always understand things. Now they are telling him to wait until July to change his list. What list? He didn't have one because we only had cell phones and they said he couldn't use that. Do they practice how to make this difficult or is just a joke? He will be out in October, so I got a land line now for practically no reason. Plus he is in reception so he will be out of there in a few more weeks. Sorry. See, I'm doing it again. Dumping on someone who doesn't need to be dumped on. I'm handicapped and can't get around and trying to do all these things is starting to get to me. You are not here to listen to my woes. Thanks for being so nice. I appreciate your understanding.

First of all, YES, it does seem that they hold conferences and workshops specifically to teach staff how to complicate the simplest procedure.... I understand why many of the policies are needed and even agree with a lot of them, but they do seem to go WAY out of their way to make implementation as big a cluster**** as possible.


And dump away, Darlin'..... We have a whole forum dedicated to the idea that everyone needs a safe place to vent their frustrations- Here to Hear You (http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=67):D

[quote=Lordbew/us;4112031]My youngest son (19), is dealing with a drug/alcohol addiction. He is continually getting into trouble with the law for his usage. As parents we have tried to out skirt jail by putting him in rehab, which is costly. So far he has continually pulled the wool over our eyes.
I guess we are the ones finally learning.

My question is how many of you had better success with your loved one after having them sit in jail for a period of time, say at least a year of jail?
Please help. He does have a problem with depression and mood swings.
Thanks![/quote

I have a brother who has the same symptoms that you describe. I only wish that we had let him stay in jail for a year! I can't tell you what to do because I do not know your son's situation, but, I will tell you that if something is not done, the crimes could escalate to something you might never imagine! If our family had it to do over we would insist on keeping our loved one in prison vs what he is facing now.

We sent my brother to the typical 12 step program which was very ineffective for him. He doesn't like being screamed at or told how sorry he is. He already has a low self esteem. I wish we had sent him to a Christian based recovery program where he could understand life and what is important.

He is now facing 8-12 without parole!

[quote=Lordbew/us;4112031]My youngest son (19), is dealing with a drug/alcohol addiction. He is continually getting into trouble with the law for his usage. As parents we have tried to out skirt jail by putting him in rehab, which is costly. So far he has continually pulled the wool over our eyes.
I guess we are the ones finally learning.

My question is how many of you had better success with your loved one after having them sit in jail for a period of time, say at least a year of jail?
Please help. He does have a problem with depression and mood swings.
Thanks![/quote

I have a brother who has the same symptoms that you describe. I only wish that we had let him stay in jail for a year! I can't tell you what to do because I do not know your son's situation, but, I will tell you that if something is not done, the crimes could escalate to something you might never imagine! If our family had it to do over we would insist on keeping our loved one in prison vs what he is facing now.

We sent my brother to the typical 12 step program which was very ineffective for him. He doesn't like being screamed at or told how sorry he is. He already has a low self esteem. I wish we had sent him to a Christian based recovery program where he could understand life and what is important.

He is now facing 8-12 without parole!




THANKS FOR YOUR POST BROKEN24U.....

I THINK YOU ARE ONE OF A FEW WHO ACTUALLY STUCK TO ANSWERING MY ORIGINAL POST. I SURE WISH POSTERS WOULD STICK TO THE TOPIC, INSTEAD OF TAKING SOMEONE'S POST IN A TOTALLY DIFFERENT DIRECTION!

MEANWHILE, IT HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE MY ORIGINAL POST IN LATE OCTOBER 2008.
IT'S HARD AS PARENTS TO KNOW WHAT TO DO IN THESE SITUATIONS. WE HAD OUR SON (NOW 20 YRS. OLD) IN A REHAB FACILITY, WHICH WAS A 12 STEP PROGRAM.
THEN THE REHAB CTR. REFERRED HIM TO A 3/4 HOUSE. (WITH VERY MINIMAL SUPERVISION, AND LOTS OF FREEDOM)...NOT GOOD.
OUR SON WAS ON PROBATION AT THE TIME AND WAS TOLD BY THE JUDGE HE HAD BETTER NOT SCREW UP, OR HE WOULD HAVE A YEAR IN JAIL!! WELL IT WAS JUST A MATTER OF A COUPLE WEEKS BEFORE MY SON HAD A MAJOR MELT DOWN.
HE HAD BEEN PULLING THE WOOL OVER OUR EYES AT THIS 3/4 HOUSE DRINKING AND MIS-USING HIS MEDS, AND HIS (THEN) GIRLFRIEND BASICALLY FIGURED IT OUT AND BROUGHT IT TO OUR ATTENTION. HE TRIED TO O.D., SO HE WAS BACK IN TOTAL REHAB. ....AND NOW IN VIOLATION OF HIS PROBATION.

SO IT WAS BASICALLY MORE INTERVENTION BY US....WE CERTAINLY DIDN'T WANT HIM TO GO TO JAIL....NOT WHEN WE WERE THINKING HE NEEDED HELP.....SO WE PUT HIM IN A WILDERNESS PROGRAM OUT OF STATE, AND NOW HE HAS BEEN AT A THERAPUTIC FARM SINCE THE BEGINNING OF DEC. THE THERAPUTIC FARM IS NOT TWELVE STEP, BUT REALLY FOCUSES IN ON THE PERSON AND GETTING DOWN TO CORE ISSUES. THEY ARE ALSO VERY INTO HOLDING THE USER ACCOUNTABLE FOR THERE CHOICES.

OUR SON SEEMS TO BE DOING BETTER AND REALIZES ALL THE PROBLEMS THAT HE HAS CAUSED FOR HIMSELF BUT....IT'S STILL ONE DAY AT A TIME.

WE ARE HOPING AND PRAYING THAT HE IS GAINING THE TOOLS TO LIVE WITHOUT ALCOHOL. HE WAS ALSO SELF MEDICATING WITH VIVANCE, OVER THE COUNTER MEDICINE IE.. . ROBBATUSSIN, CLORACIDRINE, SLEEP AIDS, ENERGY DRINKS YOU NAME IT.


I AM SORRY FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WITH YOUR BROTHER FACING 8-12 YEARS IN PRISON . BELIEVE ME I KNOW YOUR PAIN, IT HAS BEEN PURE HELL FOR THE LAST 2+ YEARS FOR OUR FAMILY AND CONTINUES TO BE. BEFORE ALL THIS STUFF WITH OUR YOUNGEST SON CAME TO A HEAD, OUR MIDDLE SON WAS SENTENCED TO 12 YEARS MANDATORY, FOR BEING A PARTY TO A CRIME.
IT HAS SHAKEN OUR FAMILY TO THE CORE, SINCE THIS SON WAS AND STILL IS A GOOD KID WHO MADE A VERY, VERY BAD CHOICE ONE EVENING WITH A FEW SO-CALLED-FRIENDS. ALL THIS HAS BEEN DEVASTATING FOR OUR YOUNGEST SON, BUT STILL NO EXCUSE TO USE.

MY HEAD STILL SPINS DAILY WHEN I THINK ABOUT MY SON THAT IS IN PRISON. I PRAY TO GOD EVERY DAY THAT MY SON WILL COME OUT OF THE SYSTEM UNHARMED, MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY AND SPIRITUALLY.
I HAVE BECOME VERY CYNICAL WITH THE IN-JUSTICE SYSTEM.

THE THOUGHT OF HAVING MY YOUNGEST SON IN JAIL OR PRISON IS VERY UNSETTLING.

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY TOO!

Don't you wonder how it all happened? I think it is great that your son is in the wilderness program! How I wish we had taken that route!

I am so sorry that your other son is in prison for so long! I know how worried you must be about his safety! I pray everyday for the safety of my brother.

Stay in touch and God Bless...... Broken24u

My youngest son (19), is dealing with a drug/alcohol addiction. He is continually getting into trouble with the law for his usage. As parents we have tried to out skirt jail by putting him in rehab, which is costly. So far he has continually pulled the wool over our eyes.
I guess we are the ones finally learning.

My question is how many of you had better success with your loved one after having them sit in jail for a period of time, say at least a year of jail?
Please help. He does have a problem with depression and mood swings.
Thanks!

of course he has a problem with mood swings and depression. He abuses subtances that cause this. You have gone above and beyond. A year in jail will do him good and probably scare the life out of him. Of course those substances are available there too so he has to want to quit. As difficult as it is get tough. Put a small amount of money on his account and phone, but let him see life from the other side. Watch him closely when he gets out, and don't vist too soon while he is in. He either learns a lesson, or you give up. Easier to say than do; but what are your other options? Find him dead one morning from an overdose? Good luck and be strong. He is losing right now.:confused: