hi there everyone i need some advice my boyfriend has a drug problem and i just found out that he doesn't know if he will be able to stay clean when he gets home and my goal in life is to make sure that he does stay clean for him self and for us.

i would love to just find a way to help him so that he doesn't end up back in jail again and again time after time he is getting to old for this i just want him to live a good life and not mess with the wrong people and get into trouble.

he needs to understand that drugs just get you into trouble and i'm not sure how to make him see that all i want is to see him happy forever.

does any one have any suggestions for me thank you

If Ya need to talk about it. PM me... I may have some suggestions. I work in Addictions...
Hugs

As you said HE has to realise that life is more than that. I know you may not want to hear this but there is nothing you can do to change him accept be supportive or show him tough love. Those are really your only two options. He is the one that needs to make the decision and committment to stay clean and sober. I will suggest getting him an AA big book (the info is posted in this forum) and having him join a support group like AA. Maybe he'll consider going to treatment, in-patient or out-pateint depending on the recommendations of a professional assessment.
I know this is hard and I also wish there was an easier answer but we all must remeber that addictions is a disease not a choice but using is a choice not a disease.

I wish there were something I could tell you to do but I have to agree with what's been said, it's up to him. You said you just found out that he's not sure if he can stay clean or not, well there are no guarentees even if he felt confident he would never pick up again. I'm a recovering addict/alcoholic with a little over 2 years clean, my husband is in prison and he is an addict also. He's been trying to work the NA program from in there. If your boyfriend really wants to stay clean and out of trouble then he should try to find some way to stay clean other than "I hope I don't do it again" from my experience with myself and with my husband, that method never worked very well in the past. But unfortunately there is nothing you can do, it is up to him. All I can suggest is maybe you could go to Al-anon or Nar-anon meetings to get a better understanding of how this effects your life and learn to deal with it, if you make helping him stay clean your goal in life then I can tell you from experience you'll end up a very unhappy person. Nobody likes for someone else to try and control them, even if they are trying to help. Plus he is only human and he make not suceed the way that you would like him to, and then, if you are anything like I was, you will be crushed if things don't work out the way you are hoping for. Try focusing on yourself instead of him, and try alonon meetings to learn how to deal with it better whether he comes home & stays clean or if he doesn't, it helped me a lot. Ask him if he would be interested in receiving AA or NA literature and if he is interested then have it sent to him.

It will be tough but no matter what, you can't make him do anything, you are dealing with more than just him, but an addiction. The most important thing is not to be an enabler, stick to tough love and help him to have a big support system and get one yourself before he gets out.
I see your in St. Catherines, Ontario and you are close to a lot of resources there. You can call a toll free number here in Canada 1-800-565-8603 and they can give you information on organizations and free meetings and support for yourself in St. Catherines, they can also give you information that you can pass on to your guy so that he can seek help for himself.
Best of luck, stay strong.

I'll repeat what others have said, it's up to HIM to want to make the change. For you, being supportive but not enabling is the best advise I can give.

Take care and good luck.

Sheila

I agree with what has been said, so I won't repeat those instructions, for helping him stay clean......be positive, take care of yourself......and focus on you.....if you are healthy the people around you will be healthy or they will move on.
I know you don't want him to move on, but the only chance you've got in a deal like this is to obtain knowledge......have compassion, be strong, and don't make it your life's work to help him stay clean......that needs to be HIS life's work......look at it this way, if you've prayed to God to help him and HE hasn't done it yet......how could YOU possibly have more power than God?
Good luck......love you, alice

***my goal in life is to make sure that he does stay clean for him self and for us.***

It has to be HIS goal in life to do that or it won't work.

And if you truly mean that it's your goal in life to do that, then go to Nar-Anon. That's the very best thing you can do for him, for you, and for any chance you'll have as a couple.

you can not carry him he has to do this on his own and he has to do iot for himself that is the only way it works if ya need someone to talk to i have bin clean for 1 year 11months and am also the wife of a recovering drug addict. PM me

U NEED TO PUT AN ULTIMATEM OUT THERE. HE NEEDS TO CHOOSE, HE CAN EITHER STAY CLEAN AND BE AT HOME WITH HIS FAMILY OR HE CAN CONTINUE TO BE AN ADDICT, BUT BY HIMSELF. IT JUST DEPENDS ON HIM. HE NEEDS TO BE THE ONE TO WANT TO STOP. AND HE MAY WANT TO, BUT IT WILL BE A DIFFICULT THING FOR HIM TO DO, ESPECIALLY DEPENDING ON HOW LONG HE'S BEEN DOING DRUGS AND WHAT KIND. IVE DELT WITH ALOT OF PEOPLE WHO WENT THRU THE WITHDRAWL ON ALL DIFFERENT TYPES OF DRUGS. IF U WANT, U CAN PM ME, AND I CAN GIVE U SOME TIPS. IVE GONE TO SCHOOL TO COUNSEL PEOPLE WHO'S LOVED ONES ARE ADDICTS, AND ADDICTS THEMSELVES. IM HERE FOR U IF U NEED ME. JUST REMEMBER, U NEED TO BE STRONG, PATIENT, AND THERE FOR HIM. THIS IS AS HARD FOR HIM AS 4 U.

Your doing the right thing, doing what your doing now. Most drug users dont have anyone as positive . Ive been there, off drugs and on drugs, all my life. Sure they might of been fun times, at that moment. But make him understand there is more to living life than dope. Whats he end up with all at the end, Nothing!! No true friends, no money, no women(except in your case), and if he wants to quit. Only he can do that. Nothing else will make any diffrence to him or anybody on dope. It has to come from inside. Be assertive, positive, change friends, hey I found that there are better looking women that dont do dope either. And you can have as much fun straight as you can wired up on speed or stoned. Wish yall luck

another thought-mike_sangel,,,

your love for him will help him, and as most of the advice that been given suggests that he has to do it, you can't do it for him....

i have been on both sides....i am in recovery, and been involved with an addict,,

most recently i was the one trying to help him, every morning we would talk, and everything was great, i'd help him with goal setting, time management, putting his resume together, and i would give him all sorts of support, and give him much encouragement, and motivational pep talks, etc......(like most of us do when we are trying to help someone)...and every night he would come home loaded....i got tired of getting my hopes up, putting energy into him, and without fail he got loaded....yet, at the same time the seeds of recovery have been planted...

in my own case people always were helping, and unfortunately, but many addicts are like this, it was not until i had no more help, no more insurance for fancy re-habs, i was so rock bottom, below the curb!! that is when i finally got clean...sometimes, by not rescuing addicts, and continually helping them, giving them your money, time, rides etc. they finally realize how messed up they are, and they feel the consequences of their actions, they feel the despair, and loniless....it is then they often seek help....

keep praying for him...that is a powerful way to help...
i think i mentioned this to you before..
but, have you tried al-anon...great support for loved ones, family, friends of addicts and alcoholics...

you need to learn how to detach with love...at least that is what people in my life had to do...to save my life...

pm me anytime-
my prayers are with you and your guy
francis

IT WILL BE HARD BUT NO MATTER WHAT YOU TELL HIM HES GONNA DO WHAT HE WANTS TO DO. MY HUSBAND HAD BEEN CLEAN FOR 7 MONTHS. I WAS SO HAPPY BUT IN JULY HE STARTED USING AGAIN. ALLOT OF THE TIMES IT HAS TO DO WITH THE PEOLPLE THEY HANG OUT WITH. I MOVED TO A DIFFERENT TOWN THINKING HE WILL CHANGE. BUT LITTLE DID I KNOW HIS BROTHERS WERE ALSO USING SO WHAT DO I DO NOW? I ALWAYS TELL HIM IF ONLY YOU WOULD HAVE LISTEN BUT NOW ITS TO LATE. THIS IS HIS FIRST TIME PRISON EVEN THOUGH HE TELLS ME THAT HE IS NOT SCARED I KNOW HE IS. JUST HANG IN THEIR AND HOPEFULY THIS TIME HE WILL CHANGE HAVE STRENGHT.

just be strong, and think of yourself first......that's not the nature of most of us, but in the end it is what will save you and hopefully him......if you fall to pieces trying to help him, you arent' there for him or you......