Hi, everyone!

I want to try to give some unusual stories that I have come across while serving in the military.

I hope that others who have served can add to this thread with their unusual stories of military life.

In this way, I hope to give you a glimpse into the real military life! ;)

Patti

One day while serving on a Bouy Tender I had duty. I was what is called the In-Port Officer of the Day.

We had two people report straight from Boot Camp to the ship. One of these individuals was rather slow, to put it mildly. That individual caused me to loose my patience, sooo for their first duty aboard ship, I assigned them "Bird Watch" :D

I picked up a piece of paper off my desk and said: "I have this request from NOAA for all military ships in Hampton Roads to take a count of seagulls, it seems the seagull populations are shrinking and we need to know the exact bird population. So, what I need you to do is go up on the Flying Bridge and count the seagulls. You have to be really careful not to count the same bird twiced. So, you have to count really carefully and remember which birds you have already counted. (Remember, I said this individual was a bit slow).

While I am saying this to them, the other person has their back turned to me, trying not to burst out laughing. This individual is a Navy Brat and remembered their Father telling them of this old (really old) prank. :)

Being a good sport this individual went with the other to the Flying Bridge and counted seagulls for four hours.

At that time I went up on the Flying Bridge and asked how the count was going?

The individual that had really annoyed me stated that they had counted x number of birds and that they had been really, really careful to not count the same bird twice.

Now how this person knew that he had not counted the same birds twice is - beyond me? Way beyond me?

By that time the other Seaman was just rolling on the deck laughing! Could not hold it.

Needless to say, the next morning when the Captain heard of my little duty assignment, he called me to his cabin.

In our little meeting the Captain said that since I had such a deep concern (Yeah right!) for the welfare of this individual, that I was in charge of this individuals well being. (You know, wipe their tush, find their family a place to live off base, balance a check book (Did I say slow?) balance a budget, and I could go on and on!).

When I was transferred off the boat a few months later - l was sooooooo relieved! Talk about an understatement!

Needless to say, I continued to do really dumb things in my career!

Next time Linda wants me to tell you about when I pucked on the Captain's head and got away with it.

Patti

Patti...I am so glad I wasn't on that ship with you! Can't imagine what I'd be doing!
Thats funny....I look forward to more stories!

Diane

Gosh Patti you're bad !!! :D

Do "military service" stories count ?? Well, I did my military service from 08/84 to 07/85. Not my choice !!!! I was not a "warrior" though. I was an English teacher in the Air Force, on a base in the Alps mountain, Le Bourget du Lac.

I was teaching from Monday to Friday, had a single room with private bathroom, and was wearing the navy blue uniform.

Anyway, once a year the Air Force plays war with other french Air Force bases and also the money of the tax payers !! :mad: It's called AirEx which I think stands for Air Exercise.

So, during AirEx, nobody was no longer wearing those cute navy blue uniforms, but we had to wear the fatigues, and the boots, and a weapon, and also the NBC (nuclear bacteriological chemical) equipment, including this stupid NBC mask which I could never fix properly during the alerts.

A guy and I were assigned to a "mission". We had a machine gun with 11mm bullets (if I remember correctly), and we were supposed to shoot down every military aircraft flying over the base. We were in a hole with this machine gun and a stupid phone, and each time an aircraft was approaching, I was calling the HQ to tell them such aircraft type is approaching at 2 hours or 4 hours or something like that. You know this technical military language !!

The guy I was with was as motivated as I was for this stupid game !! We both didn't give a s***t !!! So when the first aircrafts arrived, I called the HQ with this stupid archaic phone, and proudly announced "4 Jaguars at 5 hours Colonel" And I heard the soft sexy voice of the colonel barking back

"Corporal Couty, the Jaguar haven't left their base yet, what you saw were Mirage 2000"

"Yes Colonel sorry Colonel"

And I turned to my buddy telling him:

"This damn old ba*t*rd is pissing me off !!! Does he think I could make the difference between an aircraft and a submarine ??"

Then I heard the stupid archaic phone doing a strange noise like "crrr crrr pzoing", then it started barking back at me:

"Corporal Couty, this is the damn old ba*s*a*d here. First, no submarines are involved in AirEx, 2 you will come to my office immediately after the end of AirEx"
:eek:

So, after the end of AirEx, I went to the Colonel office, heard him shout at me for like 20 minutes, speaking of respect, and necessity of such exercises, and about how I should be a concerned citizen blah blah blah!! Even though I wanted to ask him how much the tax payers would pay for this, I just kept a low profile. I know how to be a wise guy at times.

As a punishment, I stayed 2 full week-ends on the base, and I had to learn all about the shapes of the different military aircrafts. :mad:

Phil

Oh, Phil, poor baby! I thought I was bad! :) You were really bad! :D

This is exactly the kinds of stories we are looking for.

The name of the thread is a take off on the old movie "A funny thing happened on the way to the Forum".

Patti

LOL..having no military experience here...loving the stories of others!

Phil...did you know you still had him on the phone?

Oh my ... you both are really funny but, Phil, my Dear, you take the cake! ROFLMAO

Originally posted by kintml2u

Phil...did you know you still had him on the phone?

Gosh no !!!! It was all the fault of this stupid phone !!! I really thought I had hung up !!!

Phil

Now for the continuing saga of life in the military with Patti:

We had a calm sea on my last night ever on a ship. The weather center notified us that around midnight that a front would be coming through our position, and that the seas were expected to get rough.

Carbonated drinks have always upset my stomach on rough seas, so normally I would not have one, but I had a Pepsi attack and the seas were still calm at midnight. So I said what the heck I am going to drink one. Now mind you, I was on watch on the Flying Bridge, the highest point on the ship.

Well, here it is 0030 and the ship starts rocking and rolling! Needless to say that my Pepsi decided that it wanted a quick escape route from my stomach. Ugh!

So, with no time to look I leaned over the railing and, well, barfed! Little did I know that the Captain of the ship was on the Bridge Wing directly below me and he also did not have his foul weather gear over his head.

So, needless to say, his rather bald head, was liberally covered with digestive juices and pepsi!

I ran starboard, and acted like my sweet innocent self. Yeah right!

He barreled up the ladder insisting on knowing who had the nerve to do this to him. :fb: The other Petty Officer and I said we had no idea, we had just come up to see the weather.

He never did find out who had enhanced his appearance until two years later, after I had retired. :D


I got a phone call one morning, informing me that it was a good thing that I had retired because he would have booked that day if he could.

Needless to say that he is still, ahh, :argh at me.

I just smile and go about my merry way.

So meet me back at the shipyard, and I will tell you another good one.

Patti

Ha ha ha Patti, you're definitely a bad girl !!! :D

Here's another story when I was doing my military service. Gosh I feel like I am a veteran !!!

Well, I was called for my military service as a Corporal due to the fact I had a Master degree. I took some special training and classes, so that my pay would be a little bit better. After 3 months, I became a cadet officer with the rank of Lieutenant.

The base I was on, was a small one in the Alps mountains, and it was specialized in foreign language teaching, English and Russian, and in helicopter pilot training. As I told before I was an English teacher.

Due to budget cuts, the base was supposed to close in August 1985, just after the end of my service. So, many people were being transferred to other bases, and my base was functioning with the minimum required people.

On this base, like on any other one, there was a commando unit. They were the real men supposed to protect us from outside invaders. :rolleyes: They never wore the blue uniform, but fatigues, boots weapons etc... Rambo men !!!

Now it's the week before Christmas 1984. The captain of the language center called me and another guy, Daniel, to his office. Daniel was also a Lieutenant due to his Master degree in English. and the language center was a very "gay" place on this base.....

So our Captain told us: "due to the next closing of the base, there are not enough enrolled officers left on the base, so you will both take a week of service at the Commando Unit". Meaning, we will be the higher ranked people in this unit during one week, and we'll be in control of this unit. The chief of the Commando being a Chief Sergeant.

So here we go, Daniel and I, a little bit scared of what will happen during this week. First thing, we had to get rid of our blue uniform, and wear those horrible fatigues and boots. Then we went to the Commando Unit, which was closed by barbed wire fences due to the fact there was the armory in the unit.

So we had to ring at the gate, and present ourselves, Lieutenant Couty and Meyer, weekly officers. The gate buzzed, and we entered the unit.

As soon as we entered, the Chief sergeant barked: "Attention", and all the commandos stood still, saluting. In the Air Force, we almost salute nobody, but the Colonel in command of the base. Only the Commandos salute each and everyone !! So, Daniel and I were kinda panicked, and turned around thinking the Colonel was behind us. There was like a silence, we could see some smiles on some faces, and after a short while, we realized they were saluting US, and were waiting for us to tell them: "stand at ease" !!! Which we eventually said.

After this first contact, we were supposed to go to the armory, get an automatic pistol and the bullets. Real ones. YUCK !! So there we go, and a commando gave us the automatic pistol, the loader, and the bullets. Separately !! Well, to put the bullets in this damn loader is a real pain in the ass, due to a stupid spring in the loader, which almost prevent you to put those damn bullets. Of course, after about 10 minutes, Daniel and I had only succeeded to insert only one bullet in this loader, and we had a total of 10 !!! Needless to say the commando was watching us with what looked like a sarcastic smile on this face.... Eventually, after a while, he offered us to put the damn bullets in the damn loader, and of course we were very thankful for his help.

After this first half hour, we weren't considered like the toughest warriors of the base, and of course we were wondering how would this week be !!!

What we really didn't know,was that those commandos were also testing us. Usually, the Lieutenants in charge of a week were real a$$holes, and they liked to show them who was in charge, and who had the highest rank. With Daniel and I it was somewhat different.

First we asked them to stop saluting us each time we went in and out of a room !!! It was getting on our nerves, and also it was kinda scary to hear them bark "Attention" !!! hundreds of times a day !!

After a short while, we got to know each others, despite our different walks of life, and we eventually became good buddies. We helped them write love letters to their girls !! :D

There were 3 teams, they were either on guard or on alert or at rest. We were supposed to control the changing of the shifts, and we also could start an alert. We had to push a big red button, and the guys on alert had something like 5 minutes to rush to different "strategic" points of the base. Of course, some vicious Lieutenants loved to start an alert at night, even every night. We didn't.

One night, we were in the main room with some of the commandos, and we were doing some illegal activities, with beers and ...let's say... some special cigarettes.... Well, we were high... And of course, what was to happen, happened: we accidentaly pushed the red button !!! Gosh !!!!

We heard the guys on alert running everywhere, and Daniel and I felt so sorry, and we decided it was our duty to take the Jeep and drive to those different strategic points and tell the guys to go back to bed !!!

So we staggered to the Jeep, started it, and headed toward the base main entrance, laughing like 2 kids !!! To do so, we had to cross a bridge over a small river which was running through the base. On this bridge there were barbed wire zigzag trenches, and of course, we were so high, and we were so much laughing, that it was highly impossible for us to cross this damn bridge, and trying to do it, the Jeep eventually stalled.

Seeing this, the commandos at the entrance of the base, were starting to laugh out loud, and guessing what was happening, ran towards us, saying "Hey sweethearts, are you having a problem ??" A few days ago, they were still calling us "Lieutenant" and saluting us !!! :D Anyway, one of them drove us back to the Commando Unit, where everybody was having fun, and he then went to tell the guys to go back to bed, the "sweethearts" were high and were not responsible for their acts !!!

We finished our week in a very good and friendly atmosphere, and since it was the week before Christmas, Daniel and I bought them a huge chocolate box, and were kissed by the whole unit for being so nice and funny !!!

I will add something to this story: Daniel and I were rather scared of what would happen during this week. We were so very different from these guys, first because we were gay, and also because we had a very different background. I don't want to sound arrogant, but we really thought we would have nothing in common and nothing to speak about. We were wrong !!!! And we learned a lesson. As long as we can reach out to people, any kind of people, there's always a way to get along together, get to know each other, learn from our differences, respect and accept those differences and appreciate each other for what we are. That's what makes the world such an interesting place to live in.

Phil

It is probably a good thing that the statute of limitations have run on this one. (I hope!)

I told everyone that when I next posted I would meet you all at the shipyard. So here we are.

Anyone who has been in the military or has seen M*A*S*H is familar with the antics of the Supply Officer or Petty Officer. It you cannot find a part in the supply system procure it anyway you can. :idea:

When I was still on sea duty our ship was assigned to a shipyard for a yard period. Various things are supposed to be accomplished during a yard period.

Updating ships systems, scraping paint and repaint the surfaces of the ship - outside and inside.

On this particular yard period we were to have the hull scraped and repainted. Once the ship was in drydock we removed the propeller in preparation for scraping the hull. The yard workers put our propeller where they assured us it was safe, to this day we still don't know where it went.

But....

After about two weeks, the work on the ship was about half done. When we came in to work that morning we noticed that none of the yard workers were there. I remember the Captain asking what had happened - well - the shipyard had gone bankrupt. We were left high and dry with no prospects of getting the remainder of the work done. Which was really depressing because we had been away from our families for two weeks already and were looking forward to going home when the work was completed. Now it was not going to be completed anytime soon! Talk about an unhappy crew! :argh

The Captain called Headquarters for instructions, he was told to get the ship ready for sea and prepare to be towed to a new yard to finish the work.

Part of that preparation was finding our propeller and loading it on the deck of the ship. Only problem was we could not find the propeller - anywhere!

We reported to the Captain: "Sir, our propeller is missing". After a few well chosen explicatives on his part he told us: "Find that propeller or one that I can use."

Ok so, being a crew who always followed orders :haha: we prepared to find a propeller.

There was a ship right next to us, who had two propellers, both of them on the pier. Well, these propellers were the same model as ours.

That night when the seaman on their Quarterdeck watch was asleep as usual, it was decided to ah - shall we say liberate one of those propellers.

A crewmember who shall remain nameless, duh, took the forklift over to their ship and relieved them of a propeller. Right in front of their Quarterdeck Watch who was in his usual state: comatose!

The propeller was moved to our side of the pier and lifted aboard the ship, with the ship's crane. The next morning we were towed to sea inroute to the new shipyard with "our propeller".

Corporal O'Reilly and Klinger would have been proud!

For our next installment of "Life in the Military" Ghost Stories in Boot Camp. :eek:

Patti

Hahahaha! Stole a propeller! That ain't GOOD but VERY PATRIOTIC! Yeah........ that's how we, Americans, can be! I love to read stories about the Military! I'm thinking of purchasing a Chicken Bowl for a Navy's Soul or something like that. :)

These sure bring back some fond memories Patti!!!

My first move with the military was an experience to behold!!! The movers came to pack us up.. it was a mess because I had to separate my household into 3 areas as we prepared to move from Wurtsmith Air Force Base in Michigan to an unknown base in Germany:

1 - Things I would need within 30 days of getting to our new base.
2 - Furniture that would arrive approx 6 months after the move.
3 - Things I was leaving behind in storage in the U.S.

Having never moved with the assistance of a moving company I had no idea what to expect....

RULE #1 - Set things aside AND MARK THEM that you don't want to be packed up ... a box with the a litter box that has been packed and on a ship sailing across the Atlantic for months is NOT a pretty thing to open! :eek:

RULE #2 - Tape the refrigerator shut... that's another box you don't want to open after months and months! :D

RULE #3 - Know where your children are at ALL times while the movers are there.... one of my neighbors told of one of her kids being in the play pen and almost being boxed up! :eek:

RULE#4 - Make sure you have a good inventory of your things..... when returning home from Germany, we shipped our car first... two days later the movers came back to pack us up and were using my husbands tools from the car trunk to take apart our furniture!!!