View Full Version : His ex wife still has his last name...


his1trueluv
10-07-2008, 12:35 AM
Okay I just found out that after 6 years of being dicorced my husbands ex wife still has his last name. They havn't seen each other since the divorce because there were no children involved, but it still upsets me. So my question is...Do I have a right to be mad? Should I get a hold of her and tell her to change her name? I'm confused.

Temeron0926
10-07-2008, 04:51 AM
Okay I just found out that after 6 years of being dicorced my husbands ex wife still has his last name. They havn't seen each other since the divorce because there were no children involved, but it still upsets me. So my question is...Do I have a right to be mad? Should I get a hold of her and tell her to change her name? I'm confused.

Unfortunately you have no right to be uset about this. Ray's ex had his last name after their divorce for probably 10 years, until she married again. That is her LEGAL last name. It doesn't matter that they are no longer married. After my divorce I changed my name back to my maiden name because I wanted NO part of him anymore. Not everyone is that way. You are married to him now, it is your legal last name too.

You need to pick your battles, this one is not important, let it go :)

RAG4LIFE
10-07-2008, 05:07 AM
Okay I just found out that after 6 years of being dicorced my husbands ex wife still has his last name. They havn't seen each other since the divorce because there were no children involved, but it still upsets me. So my question is...Do I have a right to be mad? Should I get a hold of her and tell her to change her name? I'm confused.
Some people change their names back, some don't...I think for the ones who don't, you tend to feel they haven't moved on and/or still want to get back with the ex:( (although this is NOT always the case)...If I was to get divorced, I would probably keep his last name out of spite:p

I believe you have a right to be mad, BUT you should also try to figure out why this upsets you so much. Do you think she may try to get back with him? maybe because they didnt have children she wanted to still have a part of him....

No, I do not think you should get a hold of her and tell her to change her name...IMO, you have no right to tell her what she should call/name herself...its just not your place...:( Also, you've just found this out after 6 years...dont let it bother you now.

Deano's Girl
10-07-2008, 05:31 AM
After I got divorced I kept my married name for a number of reasons - firstly because I hated my maiden name, also so I'd have the same name as my children and it made things easier with not having to change passports, bank account names, driving licences etc. I don't think it's any big deal - it made no difference to my ex either way.

dragon_92503
10-07-2008, 05:35 AM
yea some do and some don't....like my mom and my dad have been divorced now for a year and she still has my dad's last name. when i asked her on the WHY? she said it was more of a hassle than it would be worth. besides i think she prefers the married name over her maden :p

mrssunnyb
10-07-2008, 05:41 AM
If Your His Wife Now - Then Why Would It Bother You???

BlueEyedEllie
10-07-2008, 06:44 AM
i don't think you should be upset. i still have my exes last name and i have absolutely no feelings for him whatsoever. i kept it because i have a son by him, and my 2 daughters have my first ex-husbands last name, so i thought if i go back to my maiden name, my son would be the only one with a different last name. sounds dumb but that's why i didn't drop my last married name.

LostTime
10-07-2008, 07:14 AM
Well I don't think that you should be mad! I was married for 12 years with NO children with my ex(God Rest His Soul) we married young and I feel like it's been my name for all of my adult life, it was only after his passing that I have thought now about changing my name but honest, I plan to remarry when my honey comes home which is still not for at least another 3 years BUT at the same time, I think why go threw all of the trouble to change it and then change it again because just about the time I'm finally getting everything back to my maiden name and changed around again, it will be time to change it again. although I am still considering it. But I even asked my ex if he minded me keeping his last name and he told me NO!

So not saying he wanted her to keep his last name a lot of people don't want to go through the trouble.

Listen, it's not a big deal the part that is the BIG deal is that he loves you
and wants to be with you and wants you to have his last name.
I mean I do understand your frustration, but honestly don't let it bother
you! Don't sweat the Small Stuff!

God Bless

Patty
10-07-2008, 07:41 AM
You are entitled to feel anyway you wish about this however she has the ultimate right to continue to use the name if she sees fit. I wouldn't sweat it personally, life is too short.

Patty

robs_angel
10-07-2008, 11:51 AM
Pattys right life is way to short!

Youre happy, hes happy... and happily married TOGETHER..

she may have his las name.. but .. HES COMING HOME TO YOU..

best wishes

Luv0fHisLife
10-07-2008, 11:58 AM
I agree with everyone..... She probably hasn't changed her last name because it's a HASSLE....

He's your husband! Don't trip! =)

BrinaM
10-07-2008, 12:11 PM
Okay I just found out that after 6 years of being dicorced my husbands ex wife still has his last name. They havn't seen each other since the divorce because there were no children involved, but it still upsets me. So my question is...Do I have a right to be mad? Should I get a hold of her and tell her to change her name? I'm confused.

You shouldn't feel like that, it's just a name. It cost time and money to change all ones ID and to contact her about changing her last name is out of line and stepping over boundaries. I would feel if my ex's women was to say that she feels i should change my name i would tell her that it was my name before hers and when i remarry which I will soon it'll be changed or she can pay for it.
Any women pertaining to my ex is looking for trouble if they contact me and I'm the right one for it!!! Let it go, you have the MAN!
BrinaM

xgot420issuesx
10-07-2008, 12:19 PM
My mother never changed her last name. But she also had 4 kids with my father. My father remarried and my step mother never complained about my Mom keeping her married name. She originally kept the name because we were young and she did not want us to have a different last name than her. My mother was old school too, she didn't believe in divorce. She always said, he got divorced she didn't. My mom was never with another man after her and my dad divorced. She died 19 years later and still with her married name. She didn't see my dad or even speak to him but she made a vow and she kept it. People can say what they want about her choice, but I see no problem with keeping a married last name when kids are involved. Since there were no kids, you would think she would want to change it, but I don't see a problem becasue she didn't. Pick and choose your battles, this one is nto a big deal.

Miss Superwoman
10-07-2008, 12:21 PM
The reason she still has his last name after the divorce it is because she did not petition the court to have her last name changed back to her maiden name.And also for her it was probably easier for to not have get a new license,SS card contacting all her creditors and stuff.

Michelep68
10-07-2008, 12:27 PM
On the flip side, I kept my married name after my divorce because I have a son and wanted to have the same last name as him, tho I have since had a daughter who has a different last name. In Texas, you can put it in your divorce decree that you want to change your name, but it costs extra, and I didn't have the money, nor do I now. My ex-hubby just got remarried and I thought about changing it again because then I was going to have the same last name as his new wife, and I can't stand HER! lol So see, it works both ways. But, when my man gets out, we'll get married and I'll be changing my name to his, so no use changing it now.

wizewifey
10-07-2008, 12:28 PM
Why does it bother you? You are married to him so she is part of the past! Changing your name is more of a pain in the a** the anything as you should know from when you got married! I think it is even harder and more costly when you are divorced I could be wrong but who really cares...don't sweat the things you can't change :)

Csmcgrl23
10-07-2008, 12:30 PM
My parents have been divorced almost 20 years and she still has his last name. They were married for 20 years and in that 20 years she came to be known Mrs. P...so that's who she was. It doesn't mean she still wanted to be with him...they have both moved on, he remarried, she just lives with her BF. I've told her to change it back to her maiden but she sees no reason for it.

I think you should pick your battles and let this one go. Maybe set up the ex wife with a man so she can fall in love and get married then she'll change her last name.

EternallyHis
10-07-2008, 05:01 PM
Honestly I don't think it should matter, you have his last name then who cares what she has...she has his name you have HIM...who wins? Let ehr go on her merry way and keep the name...be secure in who YOU are as his WIFE and dont sweat the small stuff...some women just dont see the NEED to change their name after a divorce...for me personally, I am changing mine because his name is associated in this town for some pretty unfavorable things...with people I dont want looking me up because of him....I prefer it to my maiden name but for me it is a tie I feel is neccessary for ME personally to break...she may feel differently and that is okay too.

ImANurse
10-07-2008, 05:03 PM
To answer the question, Naw, imo...it's her name and she can have it. Don't go contacting her telling her to change her name and whatnot. Just leave and let it be.

BTW, Misters ex still has his last name and it's like...whatever. They were married really young and for the shortest time, but when she changed her name when they got married she never bothered changing it back. Why go through the touble?

Don't be mad mama. It's not that important. Remember, her name is on their divorce papers, not ya'lls marriage certificate

angel12569
10-07-2008, 05:14 PM
Dont' let it bother you too much, its just a name he belongs to you now. If he agreed and she agreed that she could keep the name after the divorce its legally hers. So just let it go and be happy he is with you now. Good luck

ben's girl
10-07-2008, 05:16 PM
I kept my ex-husband's after our divorce, but ONLY because it was so much trouble to change everything back to my maiden name. Someone before stated they thought it was a way of holding onto feelings for that person, but I can assure you that was not the case for me. I just didn't want to deal w/ all the paperwork. My mother also kept my dad's name for over 10 years after their divorce because of me and my brother. Everyone has their own reasons for doing things.

StacysWar030
10-07-2008, 05:23 PM
I kept my ex husbands last name until I remarried. It had NOTHING to do with him. It's just MUCH cheaper that way. :)

No you can't call and ask her to change her name. You shouldn't be upset. She hasn't caused you any harm or him for that matter. Let it be and move on with your life with your honey :)

Stacy

-ride or die-
10-07-2008, 08:00 PM
Me and hubby have discussed divorce a couple times and I was gonna keep the name :) Not him, just the name cause I like it better. Of course, we both changed our names (I didn't take his and he didn't take mine), so maybe that makes it different.

LOVIESINLOVE
10-08-2008, 05:14 PM
My mom used my dad's last name when they were divorced in 1982 until when she married again in 1989...
My husbands ex still uses his last name.

donutandpickle
10-08-2008, 07:57 PM
My honey's parents have been divorced over 10 years, his dad got re-married around 7 years ago and his mom has been a serious relationship with a man she hasn't married yet for over 7 years. She still has his Dad's last name. She has no feelings towards him or anything actually they don't really get along. I never asked why she has kept his last name (and its not my business or place to ask) but I assume a lot of it has to do with the convienence of having the same last name as her children.

I can understand why you'd be mad and I would be annoyed with it to but really there isn't anything you can do to make her change it. Calling her to demand she change it i'm sure will get you no where and she would probably keep it to be spiteful towards you. You know who he is coming home to and that is what matters. I'm sure she isn't holding onto his last name in hopes they will get back together she probably just doesn't feel like changing it until she gets if she gets re-married.

bean123
10-08-2008, 08:04 PM
i would be upset, so i dont blame you at all... but remember theres alotta hassle involved with changing your name.

you have to change your credit cards, bank account, drivers license, car registration and insurance, social security card, medical and life insurance policies, and im sure im forgetting alot more.

Lovingmyman
10-08-2008, 08:17 PM
I wouldn't be upset about this. I kept my ex husband's last name until I remarried. It was just easier for me. Everyone knew me by that name and for me it was such a hassle to go through and change everything. It's really not that big of a deal. I would move past it.

DirksWifey
10-08-2008, 08:17 PM
If Your His Wife Now - Then Why Would It Bother You???


I agree with MrsSunny :thumbsup:

DecafCoffee
10-09-2008, 03:52 AM
I've been on EVERY side of this situation. My parents divorced and my mom kept Dad's name- and SHE left HIM so don't get your panties in a bunch about her wanting him! She wanted to have the same last name as us kids.
When my fiance and I first got together in 1984- he was separated from his first wife, the mother of his son, and when they divorced she kept my fiance's name- it's HER name too, after all- they WERE married and had a child together! Even now, 23 years later, she is with the man that she ended her marriage with, and still has the same last name as my fiance.
Now, I was married, in between all of this, and when we divorced, I kept my exhusband's name. Firstly, we had a child together, secondly, my maiden name is now my middle name and I am not one bit regretful about my marriage, so why would I change my name?
NOW, for medical billing, I HAD to choose ONE last name, and I'm in the process of dropping my married surname- it's going to cost around $1000 by the time I'm finished!
Just to let you know, my ex has been married(and divorced) 3 more times since our divorce, and 1 out of those 3 wives seem to have kept his name. His second marriage wasn't legal, so she never changed her name in the first place. His third wife took her maiden name back, and his fourth wife has yet to decide- she's still going by the married name, and the divorce was finalized a few months ago. SHE was the only wife who resented my using 'her' name- by the way.
In the end, WHO CARES? It's JUST a NAME.

Saiyidah
10-09-2008, 09:07 AM
Tina Turner kept her married name. She had nooooooooooo feelings for Ike Turner after their divorce.

That is her legal name and no one can make her change it. If you contacted her trying to tell her what to do, that might not go down too well.

Like another poster said "Pick your battles".

jeswannabhiswyf
10-09-2008, 09:32 AM
Okay I just found out that after 6 years of being dicorced my husbands ex wife still has his last name. They havn't seen each other since the divorce because there were no children involved, but it still upsets me. So my question is...Do I have a right to be mad? Should I get a hold of her and tell her to change her name? I'm confused.

My parents got a divorce when I was in the 4th grade and I am 33 years old now. My mom still has her married last name. Since she left him, she has not looked back. They are very cordial and my father is welcome in her home and my home when he comes to our state to visit. There is absolutely nothing romantic between them. My mom has had a few relationships since them but has not remarried. My father has never brought a woman home and has never remarried. It's a 0.000000000000% chance of reconcilliation if you leave it up to my mom. I think she has a right to her name. She does not stand in the way of nor get upset by my father persuing any other relationships. In fact, for years she's tried to encourage it.

Shush
10-09-2008, 09:40 AM
Okay I just found out that after 6 years of being dicorced my husbands ex wife still has his last name. They havn't seen each other since the divorce because there were no children involved, but it still upsets me. So my question is...Do I have a right to be mad? Should I get a hold of her and tell her to change her name? I'm confused.

I am divorced as long now..... I still have his last name....

this has several reasons:
- my boys wear this name
- dealing with all kind of authorities....
- I dont like my maiden name! (because of my father)
- I have not been able to marry my Love, because of a slow counselor.....

would I change it, if he would get an other wife? let me say so: not for her, but as soon as I could marry my Love!

comradrahrah
10-09-2008, 09:51 AM
IMO. I don't think you have a right to ask her to change her name. Truth be told it is her name. (Legally).

SarahAne
10-09-2008, 10:15 AM
nah, it means nothing. I kept my married name and didn't even have kids with the guy, it was just a hassle to change driver's license, soc. sec. card, etc etc. There's no hard feelings in the divorce (and there SURE are no dangling romantic wishes between either of us, we're more like siblings now - its gross to think we were ever married) we're friends and I like his last name more than my maiden name, it's only 3 letters long, my maiden name was 9 letters long - and I don't have any particular loyalties to that side of family either that make me want to change back.

there can be a thousand reasons to keep the last name. it means nothing, i'm sure.

LeBeau
10-09-2008, 10:25 AM
The only way to make sure that some woman is NOT out running around wearing your man's name is to get involved with only men who have never been married.

There's no reason to be upset (I mean you can't help what you feel, but this one is a "let it go for your own sanity" issue) and you have no right at all to approach her about it

timsbaby41
10-09-2008, 10:40 AM
Don't sweat the small stuff. you're with him now.I took my maiden name back, we had no kids so it wasn't a problem plus Tim hated writing my married name lol

romantic
10-09-2008, 11:03 AM
I wouldn't be upset because my father's first wife kept my dad's name for many many years it was the norm I guess. If it was my man's ex and she kept his name I wouldn't even concern myself with it. What she does after the fact is her business and since I don't care for her I wouldn't care about her decisions. I would just keep moving forward in my relationship.

i am sorry it bothers you so much. try not to focus on the past and start living for now with your husband.

monet2497
10-09-2008, 05:13 PM
I wouldn't be mad i don't think. It was probably just easier to keep the name the going through the process of changing it again. I think you should just leave it alone...

Missing Someone
10-09-2008, 06:06 PM
I went back to my maiden name but I did think about keeping my married name - the only reason why is that my last name is 9 letters long and his was 4 - My first name is 7 letters long and whenever you have to sign something, they give you this teeny tiny place - I liked being able to fit both names on one spot. :)

Woody's Girl
10-09-2008, 09:25 PM
Okay I just found out that after 6 years of being dicorced my husbands ex wife still has his last name. They havn't seen each other since the divorce because there were no children involved, but it still upsets me. So my question is...Do I have a right to be mad? Should I get a hold of her and tell her to change her name? I'm confused.
Honey, some people keep their husbands' last name due to other reasons far from "they want them back". Some keep the last name when they have children, so the teachers; associates, or what not...can call them by what the childs last name maybe...sometimes that is a reason..
Sometimes,, they feel they have had the name too long and just keep it... no big deal... Sometimes.... I wish I would have married someone whom last name was AAdams... instead of Walker, being my maiden name is Wilson... I would have kept that damn Aadams for ever, even if i remarried,, i would have been... Mrs.. Aadams-(next husband's last name)... when you go places (like traffic court, which I frequent) I'm the last damn person to be called...LMAO.. no seriously... don't make something out of nothing... That lady hasn't seen him since the divorce...(per you), she may not be thinking about his @##, and you gonna stir up something that was better left alone.... it is only a name. She's no longer married to him, she is his past, you are his present and hopefully future, don't spend time being pissed at the small things.... Life is to short, and contacting her telling her to change her name.... WOW... IDK, I think .... better yet, just know, it is not a good thing.