I do not want a restarining order against my husband. The judge automatically issued one. The judge said I can have it modified from no contact to no violent contact. My husband has been in jail for a year, and I haven't been allowed to visit him, because of this restraining order. If I can get it modified, will they allow me to visit him in prison with a no violent conjtact order? Can I get the restraining order removed completely?

Hon, your husband is abusive and tried to kill you! There's not much help for this kind of behavior, but if the judge has offered you that option, then I suppose you can apply to him . . .

This isn't accidental behavior, and I suspect your best bet is to go to victims services or a domestic violence agency to get help for yourself with thinking this through.

And I try to keep up with that state. ;)
From what I have gathered from the laws and regulations there it is almost a blanket law that there is no contact between victims and their accused abusers until well after they have finished their prison term and completed their parole. I am also told that part of their parole is to find and pay for 52 weeks of domestic violence/anger management classes. I don't tell you this to make you cry or to be upset but to warn you because I have seen it a few times where the husband isn't allowed near his wife or children until the state feels all obligations have been met. The restraining order is one thing, DOC rules and parole is another.
sokie

i can relate. i also have a restraining order against my fiance that i do not want. we have 2 kids and the state will not let him live in our house with me but i want to get it taken off. i dont know how. i cant really answer any of your questions but he says a lot of the guys in there say u can get it taken off. although his parole officer told me flat out that he IS NOT going to let that happen.

Does the DOC offer the 52 week class in prison? Also, do the prisons have any programs that I can be involved with him, in the hopes that he can come home? He is my huband, and I don't think it is fair that they tell me I can not visit my own huband. He is truly wanting help, and I should be allowed to be suppportive of this. Is there any thing I can prepare for the get hi payrolle officer to allow him to come home when he gets out in three years?

W8NG, there's not a thing you can do - Cali is really strict about those restraining orders, especially when there's been serious injury. You should do your best to educate yourself about domestic violence, and even go to your local agency and get a little counseling, and see what their take on the whole matter is. They would be able to evaluate his likelihood of reoffense.

As to him being your husband, one thing I can assure you is that he is now primarily their prisoner. His marital status is quite unimportant considering his charge.

What does your heart say?

wow thats crazy i think it depends on what happened between you guys only you really know what went down that day / night but if you feel you should take it off well you should and yes you can .. good luck with whatver you decide to do *cindy*:rolleyes:



I do not want a restarining order against my husband. The judge automatically issued one. The judge said I can have it modified from no contact to no violent contact. My husband has been in jail for a year, and I haven't been allowed to visit him, because of this restraining order. If I can get it modified, will they allow me to visit him in prison with a no violent conjtact order? Can I get the restraining order removed completely?

Does the DOC offer the 52 week class in prison? Also, do the prisons have any programs that I can be involved with him, in the hopes that he can come home? He is my huband, and I don't think it is fair that they tell me I can not visit my own huband. He is truly wanting help, and I should be allowed to be suppportive of this. Is there any thing I can prepare for the get hi payrolle officer to allow him to come home when he gets out in three years?

They are doing it to save your life. He is never going to change - he's been to jail how many times for beating you and he continued to beat you. After him spending 5 yrs in prison - you can almost bet he is going to kill you this time.

You need to take care of yourself and get your self some help - it sounds like you need it.

My wife wants to get our order lifted too.
Almost impossible.

OH! And beachluver?
Are you bt chance a victom advocate?

Brian, in one way or another, nearly everyone in the Domestic Violence forum is a victim's advocate.... and Beachlover's account is no longer active, so she won't be responding.

mrbrian, what was the reason that you were subjected to that order originally?

My wife wants to get our order lifted too.
Almost impossible.

OH! And beachluver?
Are you bt chance a victim advocate?

In order to get a no-contact order lifted you have to first BOTH get some sort of domestic violence counseling, then you can go in front of the judge and request a no-contact order to be modified to a "peaceful" contact order. The judge will want proof that you both have seek-ed counseling, in form of a letter from the advocate - or you can actually ask the advocate to come to the court hearing with you.

I just went through this on 1/14/09, and our order was lifted and modified to a peaceful contact order, because we both followed through on our counseling and continue too. I have to say tho...the couples that went prior to our "case" all we're denied, due to not following through with their advocate and counseling.

Thanks LeBeau.
I am currently involved in a no contact order situation with my wife. We have tried repeatedly to get this order lifted. It all started with a broken dinner plate and jail and order violations. I got into a real jam with the court system. I witnessed the tactics of the DV advocates and their coersion of The victoms is the same with everyone.
"he will kill you" and such"
I do believe that there are those who would actualy seriously hurt their loved ones.
Anyhow we are stuck for 2 years, But we do not give up. Thanks again and forgive my frustration

Nimuay: I tossed a plate of chineese food in the sink and the plate broke. It was an argument over infidelity. My wife called 911 to see if some sort of counselor come come calm me down and the police arrived. Good cop bad cop showed up and bad cop arrested me after he assaulted me. Anyhow feel free to ask more if you like.

Brian,
Your household may well have fallen unfairly to the wrong side of this coin but that does not change the fact that domestic violence typically escalates.

Women DO die every day in the U.S. at the hands of men who claim to "love" them and if your circumstances do not fit the DV mold, that does not change the facts that apply to a depressing number of women's lives... and deaths.

mrbrian, it that is indeed all that happened, then your counseling should make any assessment of your situation easier. I must admit, if all your wife wanted was a counselor, then I'm surprised that she would use 911 - your perceptions may have been quite different from hers, since therapy rarely comes immediately of an emergency call.

Domestic murder is the most common single cause of death among women . . . and you stand within that history . . .

All orders can be modified if the judge approves it. Iwould get involved with the local domestic violence chapter and make sure you don't become a victim again. I obviously know nothing about your case and do understand that sometimes the court goes overboard. I think it's admirable that you continue to stand by your man this makes me believe that you don't feel like a victim and are not scared of him. So sign up for all the classes that they order and ask the judge for marital counseling and explain your desire to want to continue to be a family make sure he signs up for anger management and completes the course. my prayers are with you and your family. It's important for families to stay together if possible.

I hear this sooo often here. I wish the courts went overboard down here....