Hi everyone! I’ve been surfing this website for a couple of weeks now and have found it very informative, as well as comforting. This is my first post and I would love your help and whatever guidance you can provide regarding this. I’m trying to locate a friend of mine who earlier this year entered the federal prison system. We’re both new to all this and seem to have adjusted in extreme opposite directions. I’ve been dealing with this with understanding, hope and patience by my side, but I think he’s been dealing with all this with shame, anger, frustration, and bull-headed arrogance on his, which sometimes doesn’t do well in the environment he’s in. I have a long story to go with all this (don’t we all) and someday I’ll probably share some of that here, but right now what I’d really like to do is find him. I haven’t got a clue where he is right now and would really like to find him so that I can send him all the love and support I know he probably needs. I have a couple of problems though, most of which is I don’t have all that many details and I don’t have access to any of that. I don’t know what he was convicted of, but I do know it was in the state of Washington. His original term was for 14-months, but a couple of weeks ago he made a really bad decision and I’m pretty sure that term has been extended to a few years. As a result of that bad decision, he’s been relocated from somewhere in CA and I haven’t heard from him since. I’ve been patient, but 2 weeks later my patience is definitely on edge and I can’t sit here and not do anything. From what I’ve been reading I know relocating someone can take awhile, but rather than sit and wait I really need to do something about this, or at least try, which is why I’m posting this. Can anyone help me, or provide some guidelines on finding a loved one? I’ve already tried the BOP inmate locator, but it tells me that his projected release date is “unknown” and his location is “in transit.” The problem is I’m not even sure if the search result is his. One, out of the three listed results seem right, but I don’t know his register number or any inmate details on him so all I can do is assume it’s the right one.

In addition to finding him, I would also like to know more about his conviction. What was it for? Case details and court records, if any? Does anyone have advice on how I could go about finding this out? I know his personal details such as his name, social security number, date of birth, etc., and I’ve tried a number of searches via the web but have so far come up with nothing. Right now I’m thinking about writing to the Federal BOP using their electronic form, but if I do that I don’t know the right things to ask. Has anyone else tried this service? What kind of details can they provide me with? Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should ask? I’m definitely going to email them but I don’t want to leave anything out of my request, so whatever suggestions you can provide would be most helpful.

Ok, sorry for all the questions but I could really use some help, or maybe it’s more of an emotional connection I’m looking for, I really don’t know. I sit here and write this and my professional side is trying to actively and logically work on this problem, but my emotional side is a total basket-case. I love this man, my very best friend, with all my heart and I have no doubt whatsoever that he loves me back the same. We’ve known each other through emails and phone calls and intermittent meetings for over 6 years now and this new twist in our story has really thrown a wrench into our lives. It has been very difficult on so many different levels, for so many different reasons. Since his incarceration our only contact has been through emails and a couple of 15-minute MSN Messenger chats, but now even that may no longer be. We live in different states. We have separate lives. But our mind and our hearts have beat as one for all of our lives – we just never knew it until we met 6 years ago. If such a thing as soulmates exist then he is surely mine, and because of this I ache with all my heart to find him.

Right now I’m also very afraid. I’m so afraid that he’ll get lost in all of this. I don’t expect the same man to someday emerge, and I will love the man that does emerge no matter who that man turns out to be, but right now all of my instincts are screaming that he’ll get lost so much more than necessary. He’ll get lost because he’s allowing that to happen and there’s nothing I can do about that from my place in his life. I’ve already seen and felt this start to happen. He has emotionally withdrawn from me. His anger and embarrassment over all this has blinded him to the point of allowing desperate hopelessness to invade his soul. He doesn’t understand why I’m still standing by him, and doesn’t think he’s worthy of my love anymore. His former cellmate said he thinks he’s losing his perspective on things in a really bad way. That bad decision he made a couple of weeks ago, tells me so much about how lost and desperate he’s gotten in all this. The very last message relayed to me before his relocation was “tell her I’m sorry.” And that’s it. For some reason, that has such a final sound to it and now the thing I’m most afraid of is that he’ll not reach out to touch me again. He won’t reach out and somewhere along the way, I’ll lose him. I hate the thought of losing him, but what scares me even more than that is the possibility that he’ll lose himself, and maybe even his life as well. Whether it is by choice, or some other means, I am so afraid he’ll give up and let go period. He is a very intelligent man, but in so many ways the choices he has made and things he has done throughout the past couple of months has been anything but, and seeing that scares me. It’s so hard watching and feeling someone you love lose himself, and not be able to do much of anything about it. What scares me even more right now is the possibility of where he’s being relocated to. His previous cellmate told me a supermax is a possibility and after reading up on that, knowing that tears my heart apart. What am I going to do if it’s a supermax? And how can I help him from my somewhat secret place in his life and from so far away? I have no doubt whatsoever that he needs me now, but in order to help and support and love him I first need to find him. If he won’t or can’t get to me from a supermax, or any location for that matter, then how can I get to him?

Ok, writing all that took a lot out of me. I sat here with tears running down my face and that empty spot in my heart beating louder than I’ve allowed it to beat in a long time. I miss him so much. I miss hearing his voice. I miss reading his words. I miss sharing our lives in a limited, yet openly deep and amazing way. There’s hardly a person in his life who knows about me, and there’s hardly a person in my life who knows about him. In a situation such as this the heartache of this now-extended moment is a heavy burden to bear in silence and alone, but after finding this place with so much information and similar feelings, it’s gotten easier to do so and easier to understand and live. The details of everyone’s stories may be different, but the feelings are definitely the same, and seeing that here has been a blessing in so many ways. For that alone I am forever grateful.

Ok, as you may be able to tell I’m a wordy and over-the-top feeler and emotional thinker. Sorry this post ended up much longer than I intended it to, but if you made it down this far without dozing off, I’m amazed and thankful. Whatever words of advice any of you can provide regarding my search will be much appreciated.

Thanks again,

Lilo
Looking for her Stitch . . .

I only have a second so I'll make this a cont. post!
If you want to locate him in the Federal Bureau of Prisons, go here:
www.bop.gov
and then go to "Inmate Info"
The top option on that page will be Inmate Locator..
Enter the info you have on him and he should pop up!
Let me know if you have problems and I will try to assist. As for the rest of this letter, I'll get back asap!

David

Thanks David but I've already tried that one. I found someone in the BOP locator, but I'm not sure if it's him and the status has been that way since I started looking at it around 2 weeks ago. Checking that thing every day and seeing that info not change is driving me crazy. I'm hoping though that all I need is patience and that someday, hopefully soon, the info will change. Crossing my fingers on that one.

Thanks again!

I'm confused, is he doing time in WA (site of the crime) or CA? If BOP states he's in transit, it will be updated shortly after he lands where ever he is headed. There not going to tell you anything until after the fact! So an email will not get you what you want at this time.

Sorry for the confusion. He was initially in WA, then was transferred to Lompoc I think, in CA. Early this month he was transferred out of there. To where? That's the answer I'm trying to find right now. The BOP locator says he's in transit and has been that way for 2 weeks now, so I'm hoping that patience is all I'll need to find the answer. In the meantime though, I did want to at least get some input and see what other options I have for finding that out, as well as the other information. Anyway, thanks much for your post, I appreciate it and your comments.

As for locating your 'Stitch'....geographically speaking....I think it may be normalish to take about two weeks or longer even to show up in the system. Hopefully we'll come to his senses before you have to continure tracking him, and he'll contact you. Hopefully you've heard from him even before I'm posting this this am.
I don't really have any advice for you-sorry to say that...
I wanted to let you know many of us can realte to your 'over the top emotions':)
You REALLY are not alone here, so hopefully that is a small consolation to you...I know it's not enough but maybe for now it can be. My fiance's crime doesn't sound as serious, but regardless of that we ran the whole gammet(sp?) of feelings and issues. I really hope your Stitch comes around and at the very least will let you be there for him a little...:)
In the meantime I suggest you submerge yourself here for comfort:)! I only found this site last week but it has been very comforting for me.
((hugs))
Keep your head up-Gina:)

I don't have any information but I did want to say that in reading, you really touched my heart. I hope that you find him I will help if you ever need someone to chat with or if there is anything else that I can do. GOOD LUCK! Sherry

Try calling the oklahoma city center. the number should be on the bop site. he may be there.