I have posted before - but I have an ex who has been in and out of jail/prison for the last nine years for domestic assault and is very dangerous.

The end of July my ex came back into my life. In a few short weeks - he was able to have my world in a downwards spiral again. I think part of how he sucked me back in was to tell me that his dad had just died like two months before and he had no one. I felt bad for him - and tried to comfort him. My ex is also very sick - he has colon cancer, breast cancer, melanoma on his back, a brain tumor and also a problem with his heart - and he is only 29. We have two kids together - and I am really confused. People around me are telling me to be really careful because he has nothing to lose at this point by hurting me. I am really starting to believe that he is just playing games with my head. I sat and watched him crush up his pain pills so that he could sniff them - I was dumbfounded. Maybe I am just naive - I have never done an illegal drug in my whole life.

So - this went on for a few weeks - and one night he called me up and told me that he had had a seizure and couldn't walk from his room to the kitchen without falling over and hitting the wall. He words were completly slurred and I could hardly understand him. He told me at one point that I had to promise not to call the paramedics because he knew he had a warrant out for his arrest (for violating his probation) and that he couldn't go back to jail. While I was on the phone with him - he said "I have to let you go - the cops are banging on my door - and I am not going to let them in." Then he hung up. I knew the medical condition he was in - and knew he was in trouble. So - even though I promised him I wouldn't - I annonumously called 911 and told them that they needed to also send an ambulance and that it was his plan to not let them in - but they could gain access from his landlord. Then I hung up - this was 1030 at night. I went to bed not knowing the outcome - but knowing that I had done everything I could. I woke up the next morning - and still no call from him. I called around and found out that he had been taken to the hospital and that when the paramedics finally got into his apartment the night before - he was not consious. He was currently in ICU on a ventilator. My heart broke - but I knew I had done the right thing. When he was finally taken off the ventilator - he was mad at me and blamed me for calling the paramedics - I didn't care - I couldn't just let him die.

Well - sorry for the rambling - so after he was better - the cops came and picked him up at the hospital on his warrant - he was transferred to jail - and called me as his only phone call (even though I have a restraining order and he is not supposed to call me at all).

Why do I still partially care about him? I have a wonderful boyfriend - who I have been with for over a year - two wonderful children - and my life is finally starting to come around.

I have posted before - but I have an ex who has been in and out of jail/prison for the last nine years for domestic assault and is very dangerous.

The end of July my ex came back into my life. In a few short weeks - he was able to have my world in a downwards spiral again. I think part of how he sucked me back in was to tell me that his dad had just died like two months before and he had no one. I felt bad for him - and tried to comfort him. My ex is also very sick - he has colon cancer, breast cancer, melanoma on his back, a brain tumor and also a problem with his heart - and he is only 29. We have two kids together - and I am really confused. People around me are telling me to be really careful because he has nothing to lose at this point by hurting me. I am really starting to believe that he is just playing games with my head. I sat and watched him crush up his pain pills so that he could sniff them - I was dumbfounded. Maybe I am just naive - I have never done an illegal drug in my whole life.

So - this went on for a few weeks - and one night he called me up and told me that he had had a seizure and couldn't walk from his room to the kitchen without falling over and hitting the wall. He words were completly slurred and I could hardly understand him. He told me at one point that I had to promise not to call the paramedics because he knew he had a warrant out for his arrest (for violating his probation) and that he couldn't go back to jail. While I was on the phone with him - he said "I have to let you go - the cops are banging on my door - and I am not going to let them in." Then he hung up. I knew the medical condition he was in - and knew he was in trouble. So - even though I promised him I wouldn't - I annonumously called 911 and told them that they needed to also send an ambulance and that it was his plan to not let them in - but they could gain access from his landlord. Then I hung up - this was 1030 at night. I went to bed not knowing the outcome - but knowing that I had done everything I could. I woke up the next morning - and still no call from him. I called around and found out that he had been taken to the hospital and that when the paramedics finally got into his apartment the night before - he was not consious. He was currently in ICU on a ventilator. My heart broke - but I knew I had done the right thing. When he was finally taken off the ventilator - he was mad at me and blamed me for calling the paramedics - I didn't care - I couldn't just let him die.

Well - sorry for the rambling - so after he was better - the cops came and picked him up at the hospital on his warrant - he was transferred to jail - and called me as his only phone call (even though I have a restraining order and he is not supposed to call me at all).

Why do I still partially care about him? I have a wonderful boyfriend - who I have been with for over a year - two wonderful children - and my life is finally starting to come around.
thank God for your wonderful boyfriend and your precious children, and stay away from your ex. he will only bring you more pain and heartache and you could lose your nice boyfriend. he's probably a master manipulator and that's why it's easy to be sucked back in but stop and think, what could he possibly offer you?? please be careful and best of luck to you!

Questions, I remember you well! And it's very good to hear that life has gone forward for you. BUT . . . you are in clear danger of losing all of it. You remember how frightened you were? If you don't, reread your old posts and our PMs. You will start to shiver with just the memories. And you're thinking that you can let him in just a little bit? That's like an alcoholic saying they'll have just one drink and then stop. So now you know what your addiction is - HIM. Fight it with everything you have. Go to AA meetings, talk to your boyfriend honestly.

Honestly, you can let him die - it's what he is heading for, probably what he longs for. Don't get between him and his destiny. I realize that once you know there's a problem you have to act as you did, but I think it best that you block his phone number, and be very careful to inform the kids and boyfriend that this is someone who should under NO circumstances be allowed to be around, to have phone calls answered (tell the kids it's OK to hang up on him politely). You have to create a network of safety for all of you. Better to read his obituary rather than those of the kids and your boyfriend (if he managed not to kill you, too). Then you could really never forgive yourself.

Hi, Question I am really sorry that you are still confused and I would like you to ask yourself a question, what if the concern you still feel for him is not that sinister?. Try thinking about this for a little while and see what happens. Maybe you are confusing concern for his welfare with concern about your kids?. Maybe it's not that you still have feelings for him, perhaps it's really that you know it will upset your kids if something bad happens to him and your thought patterns are just not that clear about where this care and concern are coming from. Lord knows these guys will use anything (including their children) to get their own way again and this guy seems to be the master at turning terrible situations to his advantage. Maybe he has twisted your heart strings a little, but deep down you feel most for your babies and you know that when he dies, regardless of how you felt about him, your little ones will be hurt and you are anticipating that. If you examine it closely with this thought in mind I'm hoping you will come to the same conclusion I did - It's not feelings for him, it's feelings for your children. Have a good life with your kids and your new man and forget about this OTHER person until your kids need you to help them with this issue!.

Well - a few weeks ago - I cancelled my cell phone plan so that he wouldn't know the number anymore. I did get a new one - but it is in my boyfriend's name - so my ex doesn't have a way to track it. We are also now living in a home that he has no idea where it is - and I have taken the steps to be a part of the address confidentiality program through the state. I just have to cut off the concern I have for him. He is the biological father to my children - but I have to remind myself of all the mean and cruel things that he did to them and to me. Maybe if I keep these things in the back of my mind - life will seem easier to move on.

I looked at your profile and you are a very beautiful woman, you deserve to have a good life, your children deserve a good life, and I'm happy that you are moving forward in your new life.
I think what made it easier for me to move on was when I realized I was never going to live up to my ex husbands expectations, I was never going to be good enough for him, that I couldn't make him feel the way I wanted him to feel about our child or me, and that I could never take another beating.
Stay safe and build a good life with your children and boyfriend.
sokie