im currently out on pre-trial(supervised release) and going through hell with my wife. the first month or so while having the monitor on she was cool as hell i missed no testing all that but now shes turned into a real B*&^% so far this month ive missed 2 drug tests because she "didnt have gas" which is bull. i really think she wants me to goto jail because of this i really dont know what to do any more ive e-mailed and called my pre-trial off, to let her know about these issues but she hasnt called me back.I'm a good father to my children and have tried to be a good husband but i really cant take it anymore, we were seperated for quite some time and during the seperation shes grown to be very nasty when it comes to cleaning the house, cooking, and her hygiene is horriable which has led me not even having the desire to have sex with her. like i said i really dont know what to do any more. by me not taking these tests what impact will it have on me and my current case, time etc.. my conditions of release states that im to notify them of a change of address but will they let me move somewhere else with my wife being the sole signee on my bond?

ok..sorry to hear that your having problems... They will not let you leave if she s the custodial on your bond.. she is the responsible party so that is not a good thing if she is not willing to be there for you..

Have you explained to her that this is part of her responsibility as she did post bond and she offered her help?

I am to assume that she wanted you home, or she would have not choosen this for you..

I would continue to call you pre-trial officer and explain about your transportation challenges, is there a bus that you can take?

By not going to your required meetings are pretty much taken as a slap to the goverment for allowing you to be bonded, and I am very positive that you are aware of the issues if they see that your not going.. I don't know about your home life so I don't want to comment on her behavior, but it does seem that she is BITTER..

Good Luck.. keep us posted!

thanks for your comments. i constantly keep in touch with my p.o. this is the first month out of five where ive been having problems with getting there, i only tested dirty 1x and that was the first one, ive called and called my po and she just wont call back. i have a chance to get a car but i have to go 2 hrs. away to get it which happens to be out of where im supposed to be so i emailed her to get a response and none. im trying to do whats right but every time i hit a brick wall. and to your other comment yes i do think shes bitter. i just found out that shes been writing her other sons father who locked up for murder and 32 other counts, so that could be the reason too, shes was playing to innocent role until i found this out, the thing is i really dont care and she sees that.my children are my only concern right now. i dont know but im going to stil try to get out of here its to much negitivaty and shes playing with my freedom plus i have a really bad temper thats not a good mix. Im just going to let her be, and enjoy the time that i have left on the streets, ive got alot of support out here so loosing hers isnt going to matter. I know its wrong but i just recently hooked up with my first love(the woman before my wife) and shes not leaving my side she understands whats been going on and whats about to happen and has drilled it in my head that she'll be there for me and wont let me go again.

Bus? Taxi? Bike? Walking? I don't know, if I had to test to stay out on pretrial release then I would do all I could to get there. It really isn't up to her to get you there, it's up to you. It seems like she's letting you stay there while you have to...but it's obvious that your relationship wasn't working even before you got in legal trouble. So take it for what it is, a house to live in to be close to your kids. And as long as you take a shower and you cook and clean for yourself and your kids...then let what she does go...maybe you can move in with your first love.

If you don't mind me asking how much time are you looking at?

In reading your post, it really sounds like your wife may be suffering from depression. You talk about her letting the house and her own hygiene deteriorate. Depression can come out in anger or iritability. I suggest you find a moment when neither of you is feeling agitated and sit down and talk about her feelings and see if perhaps depression is at the root of her behavior and encourage her to talk with her doctor about it.

As for getting to your drug tests - ask your pretrial supervisor for help getting a bus pass and build the travel time into your schedule. Your wife sounds overwhelmed. Probably getting very anxious and it's coming out in negative ways. Sometimes when a family member is in crisis (as you are), all the focus turns to that person and the other family members' needs are shoved aside. Try to focus on her for a bit and see what happens. Z.

thanks to all for you feed back. i got everything takin care of as far as transportation my friend let me use her truck as long as i need, i talked to my pre-trial off. and furtunately shes understanding i had to explain everything to her, she wants to talk to my wife to explain to her that she responsable for me making it to and from testing and office visits but she doesnt want to call her i dontknow whats up with her maybe she depressed who knows, but i know one thing somethings got to give.

Excuse me - but that's ridiculous of your P.O. to say that your WIFE is responsible for getting you to and from the testing. YOU are responsible for getting yourself there!!
Your wife isn't under supervision and the federal pretrial office can't tell her what she has to do or not do to help you out.

well my po says alot of crazy stuff that i dont agree with even though were not getting along i would never try to put something like that on her.I got into this trouble not my wife and yes its my responsablity to get to and from tresting but at the time we only had 1 car. ifeel that she knows this is something that i have to do so why be difficult? Living where we live its hard to get around without a car, taxis have to come quite a distance to get out here, the bus line here only connects to a couple of cities that are farther away from the testing site, im not the only person who tests at that site who has problems with getting there thats why they are supposed to be putting a site out this way because its so far over 35 miles away.

35 miles??? She probably doesn't want to drive you because then she won't have any grocery money after paying for the gas!! Seems like if the P.O. wants you there, they should provide you with $ for transportation. Or suggest the P.O. come on out to your house and collect the samples. I see the difficulty now. Have you sat down and had that heart to heart talk with your wife to find out how she's feeling? I'll clue you in on something. People often tell me what a strong woman I am or what a faithful wife I am, for spending years and years in this "prison journey" with my husband. But it is less about MY inner strength and character than it is about how my husband listens to me, supports me and cares about me. There have been times my husband has messed up and made mistakes - but it is the way he steps up, takes responsibility, and looks me in the eye and says "I'm sorry" - and then changes his ways so it doesn't happen again - that makes the difference. Z.

Zelda, i pay for my own gas i think its more to it ive tried to talk to her but she constantly says shes allright, she wont talk to me or anything its kinda crazy.i feel shes pushing me away and i truly dont want that weve been married for 10 yrs, and i dont want to throw it away but at the same time ive got alot on my plate right now and she does too, we need to stick togeather but if this continues imma have to let her go. i thank you for your input its very helpful

ok ive been reading this now and what i think it could be on top of depression i think she is pushin you away but not because she wants to....i think shes bracing herself for the long haul i kind of went through this for a while....and my boyfriend thought i was cheating on him.....but its the fact that she knows that you will have to leave and do this time sooner or later and shes just preparing herself for it....she probly doesnt want to feel like you are just gone one day so she pushes you away to make it fell i lil bit easier when you do go and do your time but in all reality it hurts more because the time yall could of spent together yall didnt