I thought I might offer this up and see if anyone has any advice for my friend. Her boyfriend was just released two weeks ago, after doing time for drug charges. He went through addiction treatment while incarcerated, but as soon as he was released, turned back to drugs. My friend has stood by him throughout his sentence and allowed him to move in with her upon his release, hoping that they could start a family together. He went to work immediately, but was reconnecting with old "buddies" almost immediately. He has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which has only contributed to his addiction. Since his release, there have been two times that he has left to party and not come home for days. I want to reach out to my friend and offer some solutions, but I myself do not know what to say.

I thought I might offer this up and see if anyone has any advice for my friend. Her boyfriend was just released two weeks ago, after doing time for drug charges. He went through addiction treatment while incarcerated, but as soon as he was released, turned back to drugs. My friend has stood by him throughout his sentence and allowed him to move in with her upon his release, hoping that they could start a family together. He went to work immediately, but was reconnecting with old "buddies" almost immediately. He has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which has only contributed to his addiction. Since his release, there have been two times that he has left to party and not come home for days. I want to reach out to my friend and offer some solutions, but I myself do not know what to say.

Hi :wave: and welcome to PTO!

I went through similar crap with my BF a year ago when he was in jail for alcohol / cop problems. He spent the latter half of summer in there (2 months). He made it exactly 3 weeks out when out of the blue, he bought a bottle of vodka, pretty much slammed it (because he never knew how to drink or do anything responsibly) and the next thing I find out is that he gets arrested, fights the cops all the way into jail, gets tasered and he sat again for 1 1/2 months.

When he got out the second time, he made it a couple of months sober til he started screwing up his drug tests (kept "flushing") and they starting picking up alcohol. They were going to revoke his probation and he sat AGAIN for almost two weeks. That's when the probation folks transferred him back home across the country. He's been doing great since he moved 3 months ago.

Now, when he got out the second time, the docs diagnosed him with bipolar and put him on samples of abilify when he didn't stick to a regular schedule on. Personally, I don't think he's bipolar (although he DOES have a bad case of ADD, as do I. In fact, I'M the one who's bipolar II, I recently discovered).

When my BF was out screwing up, he, too, wouldn't come home for days. Part of that is that they don't want to let their loved ones know they are screwing up. All-in-all, they are the ones who have to make the ultimate decision to get and STAY sober. Your friend MUST NOT place herself into a co-dependent position (which is what I've done for a LONG TIME). PLEASE tell her to go to local Al-Anon meetings which are for family/friends living with and dealing with alcohol/drug addicts. It's an EXCELLENT support group. :grouphug:

I wish there was something that i could tell you that would help this situation, cause i have been there. It is a hard thing. The only thing that i can say is that you cant make someone change if they are not ready to. He will change when he is ready. I will keep you all in my prayers. The Al-Anon groups are great.

Well, just to reiterate, because all the answers there are have been given in just 2 posts - you can't do anything, she can't do anything, and she should be heading off to Nar-Anon meetings ASAP. The only thing for her to do is to learn NOT to be involved in his drug use in any way, learn how NOT to be co-dependent, how to live without the hope that he will find his way out of this mess.

Google Depression Bipolar Support Alliance. Check the website and see if there is a support group in your area. Friends and family are welcome as well as the mental health consumers. Many time people with bipolar disorder will self medicate with drug and or alcohol to try feel normal. In reality all that does it get them into trouble many times with the law.

My son went through SAFP (Substance Abuse Felony Punishment) and has 29 months sober from alcoholism. His younger sister has bipolar disorder and has been on medicines and mood stable for over 7 1/2 years. The correct medicines can make all the difference in the world for this chemical imbalance in the brain.

Peace Love Stardove

I want to reach out to my friend and offer some solutions, but I myself do not know what to say.

Tell your friend to get the support she needs from those who do know what to say----- Al-Anon or Nar-Anon.

Your friend didn't cause it, can't cure it, can't control it.

But she can learn to detatch with love.

JJT

The worst thing a woman can ever go through is seeing the man she loves addicted to drugs. I too have watch the man I love so deeply fall down a road of drugs(crack). People will say don't try to save him because to be honest you can't he has to want to. I will say support him and love him. Please don't lose hope and faith. The man I love is a predicate felon now on attempted burglary doing twelve to life for this. The pain and anger you feel. I agree please go to al-non and you know what faith in a higher power changes everything. I wish you and hubby the best may god help him in and you.

I have stuck by my husband for the past 7 years and watched him relapse about 5 times. I have finally learned that nothing I do, say, threaten, reward, etc. will make him stop until he is ready. I have chosen to attend Nar-Anon and release my addict to his own devices. I havent felt this stress free in the past 7 years!
Good Luck to your friend and I hope she can find a Nar/Al anon group to garner support from.

Truer Words could never be said"
"Good Luck to your friend and I hope she can find a Nar/Al anon group to garner support from."

Due to Al/Nar Anon and my Higher Power I am living MY life again :)

God Bless!!
Renee

I just started to go through this a bit myself and JJT and Nim said the same thing to me. She can't do anything to change him, she needs to get to a Nar-Anon meeting for support and I would suggest a long, open honest conversation with him if he's willing to participate. Addicts need to do this themselves and there's nothing we can do to change them.

This reminds me of another post that I will try to add to this, which was a huge help for me.


An Addict's Plea- click here to read (http://prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?p=3909674#post3909674)

MM i hope your situation is working out.
i agree with all the posters,Nar-Anon and Al-Anon will help you very much. you may even want to sit in an open NA/AA meeting to get a feel of what we are working towards to stay sober and clean.
i am greatful to be an alcoholic because unlike alot of diseases you can arresst this and it guides you to living spiritual .principles,if i didnt have that as an anchor i dont know where i'd be.
dont give up,always hope,but if he is adamant about staying high..then say bye.

He's not going to do anything about his problem until he truly decides he's ready to. Sometimes that requires that someone get into more trouble....sometimes it just takes time.

Meanwhile, take care of yourself first--AlAnon is a great resource for many and if you live in a populated area there are probably any number of meetings. If you don't like one, do try a few others--they are not all the same and no 12-Step program works as a "one size fits all" operation (those that try generally end up with a lot of miserable people and no results).

You might get a copy of the AA or NA book and leave it around where he can see it. He might become curious enough to take a look. And should he ask to be taken to detox or the like, oblige him. But make it clear that you don't intend to make a habit of that sort of thing. Set limits and do not be afraid to stand up to them.

As he has just gotten out of prison, he may well be on probation or parole. If so, drinking or using is going to get him violated sooner or later. There is no point in informing on him and should he need a ride to detox it's better for you to take him yourself than to notify authorities who will automatically contact his p.o. However, if he gets out of control, you are under no obligation to shield him from the consequences of his actions.