What has become of me?
I never used to be this way.
my brain is on a pendulum swing everyday.
It gets harder to manage my life every week
At times my life as I know it gets bleak.
My stomach gets full of knots
So I drink off the pain and say, "why not?"
The next morning anxiety sets in deep within my soul
and I don't dare crawl out of my cubbie hole.
I'm too ashamed to answer my phone
So in my secure hole, I sit alone.
My car sits idle in my driveway
and procrastinate the day away
What the Hell happened to me, I say
I never used to be this way.
I call a good friend to comfort my soul
He says I'm still young but I feel so old.
When I drink, I feel like a star
The young guys hit on my from afar.
I wink at them with a smile
and they'll buy me beers for awhile
When they ask, can I walk you home?"
I always respond, "No thanks! I'd rather be alone."
I'm not that kind of a girl you see
At least I'm not that crazy!
You see I was almost raped at seventeen
and sorry my friend, I don't mean to be mean.
You see I don't trust most guys
I hide behind a very good disguise
except for one I admire from afar
to me his eyes light up like the northern stars
my boyfriend moved across the country
so my heart feels somewhat empty
When I met him I about fell to my knees
but he's been playing catch & release
No matter how hard I try
I'm the best catch in the river, yet he won't cast his fly
Well that's his own damn fault, I say
I'll just go on my merry way
I'm not ready for I'm just a tease?
I'm like a fish with whirling disease.
So I skip through the night
and do cartwheels with delight
and hope the cops are not hailed
with my happy ass off to jail
I always make it home ok
and wake up to see another day
yet deep inside I feel so sad.
How the Hell did I turn out this bad?
I hide beneath the covers and cry
sometimes I feel like I want to die.
So off to the doctor I go
When she asks, "Do I have racing thoughts?"
My response is," That's not normal?"
For soul searching, I delve into my computer
and come to the conclusion I'm bipolar.