After reading why women stay I began to think about my childhood and the the way my father would beat the crap outta me my sister and my mom! It was horrible, and of course it was always our faults we had done something to make him mad ect. Well i swore I would never let a man do that to me or my childern. So now my question to everyone is why to I strike out in anger when I know how it feels to be on the other side? When me and my hubby argue I get an almost uncontrollable urge to hit him and yes sometimes I have hit him and in those situations he will knock me down or hit me back. I know it is wrong and I know I should not do it but I can't explain why I feel the need to physically hurt him when he makes me mad? I don't feel this way about anyone but my hubby. I know that if I don't get this undercontrol then I will lose him because just like women a man dosen't need to stay around for it either. I've been to counsling and even been on medactions and I swear I think sometimes it makes it wores. Please any adive or words of wisdom are greatly needed. I love my husband and I don't want ot lose him he's trying to help me but I can tell he's getting fed up!!!:(

I don't have your answer but I want to tell you right now how much I admire you for looking at this with your eyes open and seeking to change!!! that is the step most people with that problem never take and to me it means there ar better days ahead for you. big hugs, and this being PTO I bet somebody with some advice will come along

I THINK THAT BY ADMITTING YOUR PROBLEM IS ALREADY A STEP TOWARDS CHANGING THINGS. I WAS GOING TO SUGGEST MARRIAGE COUNSELING BUT, I SEE YOU HAVE ALREADY TRIED AND IT DIDN'T HELP. MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY AGAIN BUT WITH A DIFFERENT MARRIAGE COUNSELOR. DID YOUR HUSBAND PARTICIPATE ON THE SESSIONS? MAYBE IT WOULD HELP IF HE DID. I AS WELL ADMIRE YOU FOR ADMITTING THIS, I IMAGINE IT WASN'T EASY TO DO. GOOD LUCK

There are counselors and counselors, have you shopped around a bit? Did you start with dealng with your own history as a survivor or with your problems in a relationship in the here and now? How about anger mangement or cognitive therapy- those are more practical "tool kit" kinds of things. Also there is something called the Alternatives to Violence Project, they have a theory about something called Transforming Power (no particular religion required) and a website and they are awesome.

I would like to think you all very much for the kind words and advice. It was very hard to admit that I have a problem and reach out for help. I am so very lucky to have a husband that is willing to stick by and help and now to have the support form you ladies her at pto. I have talk to my husband about seeking out a defferent marriage counslor and I hope that this time we have a better experience. Thank you all very much for everything

Good luck Shannon and don't give up. It can take a long time to correct the behaviors we are taught as children...

you havent dealt with your childhood hurt you need to get help from all the pain of it then you can move on

hi you havent gotton past the hurt you experencied in your childhood thts why youre striking out. you need to get councalingthen you can move on

Shannon20 ... You have taken the first step and that one is always the hardest.... admitting you have a problem. But I think you have to go further back then just your relationship with your husband. You need to deal with the abuse you saw and experienced firsthand as a child. The anger and the need to hit when you are mad is a learned behavior. Your Father taught you that. You're angry.. you hit. We learn alot about life and how to handle situations from our parents.
Anger management is a good start, maybe making a time out rule when you are starting to feel angry. Just a simple sign between you and your hubby to know to back off and give each other space and come back to the situation after you both cool down. That way you can talk rationaly without violence.
I was in an abusive marriage physically and mentally. I stayed for way to many years. It took me having to have surgery behind his violence before I choose to leave. No one deserves to be hit male or female. Violence will escalate.. you need to get it under control before someone gets really hurt or gets put in jail.
It does sound like you and your husband do love each other and are on the right path. Just remember the behaviors did not appear overnight and they will not disappear over night either. It is a long road and alot of work. But it is well worth the journey. There will be slips and falls where you revert back to old behaviors... just don't give up.
Good luck to you both...

Good start, kiddo. The ladies are right about the counseling, and about how deep you'll need to go. Also you will find that much of what you discover colors much more than you now know of your life. It's a great challenge to make it work, but you aren't even close to the only woman with the problem - my domestic abuse counseling center had at least 4 men coming (that I saw), and I was told that none of them were in same-sex relationships. You can learn so much on this new path - the very best of luck to you!

This thread is from years ago. I wonder how she made out...

I agree haswtch.. I did not even realize this was an old thread until you pointed it out. I too wonder how she is doing.... Hopefully one day she will pop in and give us an update.

I have noticed that she has not been on PTO since 2004. 2 Years ago. Maybe she will see this in her mail and realize she used to be a member of PTO, sometimes people forget and then they forget their user name and password, and come back and tell us how things are.