I have got to find someone out there who has done this for a long time. I am new to this (6 weeks) and feel just like I am about to lose it all. I am working, taking care of my two kids, taking care of me, and just plain treading water while I wait for his release - over 4 more years to go. I don't know how this can be done...and yet, I see no other way. Why does this have to be so painful.?

So here is the challenge...please write one thing that helps you get through the day by day?

my faith in GOD. because he only knows the future and what it holds......

my faith in GOD as well. i live by the motto, " if HE brings you to it, HE will bring you through it." one day down is another day closer. dont look at it as 4years or 48 months. you will loose your mind. i tell my husband i dont count days or years, i live week to week. short term goals help long term goals come quicker.

I know this is an old cliche but it is truly how I do it and that is, taking it one day at a time!! If you spend too much time thinking about four years down the road you'll be too overwhelmed. Praise yourself for each accomplishment, especially the small ones!! Like wow, I got the kids bathed and fed and put to bed before 9:00 pm - - or wow, he got my first letter - - awesome!! Just little things like that. When i gets too hard, reach out for help. I know you're Supergirl, but even she needs help now and again !!! :thumbsup:

My faith in God, and the fact that he treated me like a queen. 'Think of all the good thing's girl", and all the reasons why. If you can't find any then you know the answer, but if he was that good to you, and the kid's, and if you feel like you can't live without him, then you know that he is worth it. Remember everything good he did for you, and think of it as repaying him, and holdin it down for awhile. I know it is hard, and sometimes it bites so bad, but eventually "it will only make you stronger", and you will find yourself stronger, and more independent, and that time that seem's so long will begin to fly. Stay strong girl, and a little prayer, and faith does not hurt anyone. I wish you the best.;)

Sense of humor!! Laugh about your kids antics. Laugh at yourself (in other words, don't try to do everything perfectly). Laugh at the illogic of the BOP. And then make a vow that you're not gonna let the BOP or those fences get in the middle of your relationship with your loved one inside - and then laugh together in joy at the love you have for each other. This has gotten me through MANY years - you can do it!! Zelda

God is the Light in my Life. I have found that staying in constant communication with HIM has kept me grounded.

You must live life in the moment...and before long, you will see that 4 years will go by faster than you thought.

It's not easy, so I'll never tell you that it is...but it doesn't have to be a depressing journey.

To paraphrase above, dont let BOP get in the way of your love.

It can be done :)

You will get through this one day at a time. Don't worry about the years. It will be over b4 you know it. You know that your man loves you and you love him, and your going to be their for each other, but super girl just remember to love yourself and be the best mother to your kids. Set some type of goals for yourself. It'll help with the time. You'll have your good days and your bad days but you will get through this.:) In the beginning of my personal journey I used to be down and depressed a lot :cry:. Just missing him like crazy. My husband was my rock. I know I should had been his rock but I was just to weak. Through his encouragements and my love for my kids I slowly pulled myself together. Instead of sad depressing letters I wrote hot sexy letters. I planned outings with the kids and sent him lots of pic's. We also started writing fiction stories together. Like he would write a chapter and than I would feed off his chapter and write the next chapter. We made a story about a vampire named Brown Suga.:p Stay positive and stay involved with each other life.:thumbsup:

what gets me through the days is just remebering that one day down is anohter one closer to his homecoming. and i do puzzles and just differnt things to keep my mind off him as best i can

I can relate im still pretty new. i remember 6 weeks like it was yesterday and am at 6 months now. i have good and bad days, looking back it went a lot faster then i thought. but summer always does i think.

I keep busy with work and my kids a a lot of letter writing.

we are having a phone issue now so cant talk and that makes me feel like
im greiving all over again over him being gone.

he is not very good at writing so im just getting by one day at a time

i also make sure to go out with my friends and get out of the house or i will climb the walls. i work from home so somedays i dont even leave the house and thats when it gets the worst. looking at his pictures and stuff all around the house.

You guys give such great words of wisdom and encouragement! I wish I would have found this site 8 yrs ago. Supergirl, it helps to have some type of support, and these ladies are great. And P.U.S.H. (Pray Until Something Happens). I took the time that we were apart to build on my relationship with GOD and other relationships that I thought should be stronger. I know it's hard right now but it will get easier. Ask for strength and He'll give it. Whatever it is that has you feeling the way you do GOD can take it away, just ask Him. You'll be fine. Keep steadfast in prayer and seek these awsome women for an encouraging word.

Knowing that I have no control..

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. AMEN

Your a strong woman.. you will get throught this...

6 years and counting for me..
Hugs Shay

What keeps me going is......well everything everybody else said, esp. that "you're supergirl, but even she needs a break", and "God is my strength and my companion", but mainly that i think, man, each day i get closer, and if I've made it this far, I have to keep going, I have to see how it turns out. I don't wanna not turn the page and see the ending, I have to keep going. So then i think, what can I do to get to the next day,...and then it's here, and gone.

I have to add that, if you don't believe in a particular spiritual path, you can get through this without religion also. Believe in the power of love and acceptance and believe in your own strength of character and "don't let the bastards get ya down." In other words, don't let those walls, razor wire and prison regs get in the way of the connection you have with your loved one inside - because you can, with focus, rise above all that. Z.

I still feel like I am knew to this too but I guess not so new he was arrested mar 2007 and we have till 2014... and the thing about it was there was no time to have a break down like I wanted too LOL :) I live by what Moesha said... I keep busy and live visit to visit...letter to letter...and concentrating on my family...since sentencing the time has past much quicker the anxiety is over...I got into a rhythm/schedule and it helps alot

Hi all, I take it 1 day at a time, 1 phone call at a time, 1 letter at a time, & 1 visit at a time. I have been going through this for 6 years now & 1 day at a time is how I got through. Recently it has been harder to deal with though, it seems like forever. I believe harder because we were expecting an early release due to the new crack law, but that was denied & since then it has been harder for me. I still have a long way to go. Counting for me seems endless & makes me feel as if someone is pushing thorns in my heart so I just don't.

Your relationship will mature and change over time, as it would if he were there with you. The distance, the seperation...just try to look at it as a minor obstacle.

I know it's not minor, but 10 or 20 years from now, after you've been through this storm, you'll see what I mean.

What gets me through each day...I talk about him. I use his name in casual conversation with friends as though he was on a business trip. We've been married almost 36 years and we've been apart now 18 months with 5 yrs 7 mos to go. I laugh. I take pics and send them with letters. I LOVE the idea of writing a story chapter by chapter. That would help us both! Mary

Well I'm not yet a professional only 6 months in even though my guy has been in for 9 years... But what has gotten me through the rocky days is #1 my faith in god #2 my faith in my man and #3 looking into the future and knowing that I am and will be even happier than I've ever been with any other man :) This keeps me looking forward to the day that I can say 'hey BOP suck rocks' lol.... Oh yeah the keeping busy with my son, work, and trying to get things prepared once my guy is home helps also :)... you'll find your way I'm sure.... Did I forget to mention I psych myself out sometimes with us working different shifts and all (make believe)?? lol but really :)

That's everyone for the word of encouragement. I feel I REALLY needed that. I have been staying busy for 6 years doing all of the things mentioned. It feels better to hear that someone else is going through it also. I am just so tired, I really thought the the new crack law would cut some of the time or possibly an early release, as I have heard many success stories that people were really being approved for this. I guess I have to keep my faith in God & trust that he knows what's best. One day our time will come!

Bossgirl....... I don't know if this helps or not as I said I'm no expert but my guys sentence was reduced by 42 months we were both told that because of the way his information was prepared and the info it contained about him changing, being a single parent, and having sick relatives (all true) the judge reduced his sentence. I know a couple of people who got immediate release and sum who got reductions. I don't know if he can try again but I hope so :) Look into it I think it has a lot to do with politics :(

I know this is an old cliche but it is truly how I do it and that is, taking it one day at a time!! If you spend too much time thinking about four years down the road you'll be too overwhelmed. Praise yourself for each accomplishment, especially the small ones!! Like wow, I got the kids bathed and fed and put to bed before 9:00 pm - - or wow, he got my first letter - - awesome!! Just little things like that. When i gets too hard, reach out for help. I know you're Supergirl, but even she needs help now and again !!! :thumbsup:

Day by day- if you try to deal with the entire sentence it can overwhelm you, so I go each day as it comes.

My husband calls me every night before he goes to sleep- if he misses a night and hasn't called by the next night I know he is in transit, and so far this system has worked.

I try to maintain my friendships, talk to family often and keep my life as normal as possible so I don't get sad or depressed and feel hopeless. I also write to him every day- even if it's just a paragraph- and when I have a few pages I mail it (He's in transit so I am waiting to mail it when he gets to his final designation, otherwise I mail him a 2 page letter every day).

I come onto this website whenever I feel like I just am so alone, and seeing other people's posts, knowing I am not the only one dealing with this helps me too.

Good luck