Some of you know that I have been around now a week or two. And in that some also know that I am married to a Lifer; my husband is doing double life and 20 years. Originally he was sentenced to death and spent 7 and a half years on Kentucky's Death Row. The case was overturned in 1986 and he along with his Rap partner were offered a plea in lieu of a new trial. The plea they took was life for murder, PFO in the 2nd (like the little bitch in other states), and 20 years for armed robbery. Now the big question..."Did he really do it?" Yes, he did.

I do not have an excuse, I neither condemn nor condone his actions. I know that he started in the "system" at 10, going in and out of reform schools before his first visit to prison at 15 years old. He went to Terra Haute Federal for 6 years on an innerstate transport of stolen property charge. Then, a trip and a nickle in the Kentucky system before catching this charge while out on parole for armed robbery.

You see...I don't pretty up the picture where Jack is concerned...he never has for me and I don't with anyone else. Reality, though it can be harsh at times, is still reality. He has now done 23 years on this charge and does not go up for parole again until October 2009. Our chances then??? Well, in truth, only God knows the answer to that question.

Now, where do I figure in all of this?? Well, close to 15 years ago, I was living in SFV, California...had a great job, was recently divorced after 12 years of marriage to my first husband. I have know folks in and out of the joint my whole life...been around some real "billy bad-asses". I have had friends in and out for years and for whatever reason was always the woman in the crowd where guys that were getting out felt safe and secure. Anyway, on the way to work one morning, for reasons I still do not know, I stopped at the local news stand and picked up a magazine for woman that had pen pal lisitngs...not inmates listings, just penpals in general. As I read through them, I come upon this add about a man in Kentucky, doing life..that would like to have a penpal. Okay, I think...he is 2500 miles away...what could it hurt....so I wrote, and honestly, I was not really very nice. I told him that it was me, my foster daughter and the cat...that he could not have anything that we had...and if he still wanted to write, then be my guest. (yes, I knew about the games that some inmates play and wanted him to know up front that I didn't play! ) About 3 weeks past and I got a letter from him that basically said..."Hey lady, I don't care about you, your kid or the cat...and yea, I want to write, so here I am!!" So we did...just wrote for almost 6 months. I told him about the guys I was dating...he told me what to look out for in men...and we became friends. I eventually asked him to call me...and that first call was funny....I did 90% of the talking (can you tell I am a talker or what?? lol). And once a week after that we would talk...for hours at a time.(that was when they still let us do that). One day, I slipped...and told him that I thought I was falling in love with him. Boy I could have smacked myself...How could I love someone I had never met...that was in the joint doing double life and 20?????

Continued.........

Thank you for sharing this - I can't wait to read the rest of it!

NO YOU DIDN'T....How could you stop there....LOL. Rosebud, thank you for sharing the beginning of your story...I will look forward to the rest of the chapters.

Also, I would like to thank you for starting this forum. I just know we all will share many things in the threads to come. I too will eventually share my own, I just have to figure out the how and when!!...

Well...life has a way of making some of our decisions for us and a year after that first call we were married...(yes, I had come to KY and visited a few times in between). As of December 28th of this year we will be married 12 year.

And, no it has not been easy...and NO, I am not strong because of his time or the time we have been married. See, I walked away 6 years ago...and just came back this January. Neither of us ever filed for divorce...He waited for me to get myself together...to work out the things I had to work out...and, with love and care, welcomed me back with out a question. I am a very blessed and loved woman.

Now, some may say, well, sure he took you back, whatelse does he have to do...he is in prison. Let me tell you, there are a million woman in this world available to men inside...more then most realize. Neither Jack, nor I have ever had a problem getting a partner...not he being inside, or me being fat has caused either of us a problem. The difference here is that we are supposed to be married.

Does what he did bother me...yes, and no. I did not know him then, nor have I ever seen the man he was then. Did he do something that I think is wrong...yes, definately. Do I forgive him?? It is not my place to forgive him...he did not do this to me. He is serving is time and paying the debt he owes. He has also asked the Lord for forgiveness and it has graciously been granted. Does all this change what he did? No. But, a million years will not bring back the life he took. Some where, in some time, his debt will be payed up.

So, after all that rambling...here is the bottom line. I am married to a man that loves me, that I love. He is today a good, honest, warm, caring, God fearing man...who, once upon a time, made a horrible choice and took someones life by murdering them. And for that he is sorry in ways that I can not describe.

Wow! I do not know what to say except I am really glad that you started this forum! I fell in love with my pen-pal who is in a maximum security prison for murder. He says that he is innocent of this, I do not know? I was not in his life back then? What I do know is that I love this guy very much and instead of going back into the past, I just focus on the future! I wish that I could put into words how comforting it is to finally realize that I am not the only person in this world who is in love with someone in prison....and that I am not CRAZZZZZZZZZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ROSEBUD, BLESS YOU.... GOD WILL STAND BESIDE YOU.... IF OUR JUSTICE SYSTEMS WERE AS THEY SHOULD BE, THERE WOULD BE SO VERY MANY WHO HAVE BEEN CONVICTED OF MURCER WHO WOULD NOT BE IN THAT POSITION.... SO MUCH HAPPENS IN A TRIAL AND IT NEVER IS COMPLETELY HONEST OR IS A REAL JUSTICE.

THAT IS A VERY HARD THING TO DEAL WITH AND I KNOW YOUR HUSBAND IS VERY DESPONDANT OVER WHAT HAS HAPPENED.... HE WILL FIND THAT HE IS FORGIVEN IF ONLY HE ASKS. MAY GOD BLESS YOU BOTH... KEEP YOU FAITH AND CONTINUE ON..

MY LOVE
DONNA

Thank you all. Donna, Jack was just made Chaplain of the chapter of the Jaycee's inside GRCC. And together, we are trying to bring Promise Keepers inside to the men there. With out our Lord and Savior, this walk would be impossible.

Bless you all for being here.

Adelle

I have a very good friend at Polunsky on DR. He has totally changed me in my views of guys who have murdered someone. I know that God brought us together, but for what reason, I do not know yet. My first letter to an inmate on DR was to a guy that was executed last April. The night before he was executed, he sent my letter over to his friend who decided to write me and asked if I would be willing to write him.

I thought I would be his night in shinning armor and come in and rescue him, that he would be innocent and I was going to save him. Well, that isn't what happened. This man has changed my life and has actually taught me what unconditional love is. We have gotten very deep in our conversations. He has sent me all of his legal papers and has answered every question I have asked honestly. In his original trial, he had plead not guilty and there is evidence that points to that, or at least gives doubt as to who pulled the trigger. (There is another guy, his fall partner who is also on Death Row). Finally, I came out and straight asked him, was he the one who pulled the trigger. He said he wouldn't lie to me ever and yes, he was the one who pulled the trigger.

That was when I realized I had to totally accept him, the good and the bad, the past and the present and I didn't write for a few days because I did have a hard time dealing with it. However, we have talked a lot about his feelings then, his feelings now and his feelings about maybe being executed. I have a lot of mixed emotions for this guy. I admire the fact that he has stood up and accepted the responsibility of his actions. The other's involved have not and were real quick to point the finger at my friend when he did confess.

Yes, he did something that hurt someone. Took away a husband from his wife and kids. I read, listen to people and the country who says these guys are animals and are worth nothing. But this guy has shown me something different. He is like most people right now on DR., had a lousy childhood, brought up in drugs and violence and got in on the wrong track. He now has to accept the consequences. Yes, he believes he derserves to be in prison for what he did, but not the Death Penalty. He's not an animal and he fights feelings everyday of wanting to be a human being that is worth something, but having a hard time hitting the walls from people who don't want him to be worth something.

I am glad this forum is here because I need to talk about my feelings towards this man who has killed another human being, and I also would like to include some parts of his letters about his feelings and struggles so that others may read and see that just because someone made a mistake, a horrible mistake, it doesn't make them worthless. They can change, they can be rehabilitated. It's amazing what the words "I love you unconditionally" can mean to someone, especially to someone who grew up not knowing love.

I want so bad to tell people to look beyond the crime and look at the human being. You might be surprised at what you see.

Ok, that's enough for now. I have a lot I want to say and talk about, a lot of questions too. I hope you all can be patient with me in this area.

Joy

Dear Joy,

one thing I know is that it could happen to anyone. And I am so glad that there are women like you that see the person and not the crime. They need you! Even, if they do get executed in the end- they had the chance to find the true meaning of love and it will survive them, because you will carry it with you and pass it on.
it might not seem like a lot, but it is!

I for myself see a huge difference in different crimes. I have to admit that I do judge over serial killers. But this is normal, I guess. I don't want to see someone die for a mistake. Yes, they 'deserve' some kind of punishment, but they should also have a chance to be rehabilitated, as long as they aren't a threat to anyone.

You women here are opening my eyes to things i didn't want to see.
And the only comforting words I can find is that you are making a positive difference in their lives.

Love,


Tanya

I pondered long over this post.

Only because I know that losing a loved one is tough and almost unbearable but to lose someone in a violent act makes you the family member become as enraged, vengeful and unable to be reasoned with as the one doing the act. But I believe not so much in rehabilitation but I do know that we all do wrong (no matter on what scale we use) and from doing wrong our conscience/convictions from of doing wrong assist us into trying to make better decisions in the future.

I am in love with a man that has been convicted of an ugly crime. I know of the looks and questions people ask you. The guilt, embarrasament and trying to justify your love. I know that there are always 3 sides to every story (yours, thiers and the truth) and 3 sides to everyones life. (Past, Present and Future.)

I send to each and everyone that visits this post a hug for strength and a kiss for compassion.

Well said Christine--I've always believed there are three sides to every story. I like the perspective on three sides to everyones life...

Thank you,

Molly

Wow What an intersting story!! Please continue, I have to know how it turns out!
:D

Sharon:cuffs:Kraig

I've always heard there's "two" sides to a story, neer "three". I like that. I've always said listen to both sides and then meet in the middle and you will find the truth there.

Lucrisid, thank you for what you said. I know it is hard for you to understand. It was/is for me tos at times, I guess that was one of the reasons I decided to start writing an inmate on DR. before I could pass judgement or say anything, I needed to know the facts. I needed to hear the victims side of the story, the inamtes side of the story and find the truth. Yes, there are some crimes I have trouble dealing with and I am not even involved. I can't be a hypocrite though and say one person should die and not another for their crimes.

Joy

This is so interesting - and what an eye-opener. My favorite uncle did years in prison for taking another man's life and then was murdered last year. I have posted some about him in the past. As horrible as his crime was, he was more than a killer. Just as my husband is convicted of theft, he is more than a theif or an inmate. He is a total human being - the complete package.

Thank you for this forum and for being honest.

Hi :)
I Just wanted to say that your story really touched me.
I think there is a huge need for this forum and that you will be surprised at both the people and topics that get posted in here. This whole site to me isn't about forgiveness, acceptance or even understanding so much as it is about empathy and compassion. We need to have compassion and empathy for both the perpetrators and the victims of every crime. No one ends up on DR or doing a life bit because it was part of their "life plan." My mother has a saying that I have always believed in strongly," There, but for the grace of God, go I."
I will be watching this forum with interest.

Keep the faith,
Shannon

I am so very happy for you Rosebud!! You know, it doesn't matter what the crime, when you say you are in love with someone in prison, people just don't get it. They judge it, mock it, criticize it and try to belittle it. And then, so many of them call themselves Christian! My Bible says to minister to those in prison, not close your eyes or hearts to them. In a way, I feel sorry for so many of them because they are in marriages that give them so much less than what most of us have. They are more alone than we are. They don't appreciate the time they have to spend together the way we do. They don't look forward to talking on the phone with each other the way we do. They don't have or know real true, unconditional love. They think we have it so bad and yet, my relationship (as are so many others I read about here at PTO) is so blessed and of God. God does not judge the crime (sin) as much as He does the lack of repentance and standing in judgement of others in and of itself is against His Word. This is truely a blessed community that I have found and I am grateful to the Lord every day for bringing me here. Thanks for sharing your story and thanks for being you!! Have a blessed day and week!!

Ah Rosebud, there you are!

I'm printing this whole thread off, so I can read it most carefully. We will talk, sweetie.

In the meantime, just know that 27 years ago, I had a friend. Then one morning he walked into the Police Station ALONE, and told them "I killed somebody." They interrogated him for 22 hours, because NOBODY takes responsibility like that, or tells such truths, right?

But, he told the truth. And he NEVER for a moment shirked the responsibility either!

At first, I didn't see that, tho. I was too busy HATING him for the first few years. For you see, I also knew and cared about the victim very deeply!

Two years later, my friend was attacked by another inmate, and almost died. His throat was slashed ear to ear. So I wrote to him, even though I was STILL livid and angry! I just didn't want him to die "friendless".

But he lived, and we wrote for years! And I've visited. I've the weal on his throat, when it was still pretty red and raw!

So, now I know BOTH sides of the "victim" and "convicted" see-saw! You should see what I saw!

Like I said, we will talk...

Love,
Menolly

i want to thank you for this forum- it is needed, not only for those who are in love with a violent offender, but for those of us who want to learn from you and your experiences- and to support you and encourage you for having such strength and incredible love-

I never realized actually how close minded I was to this,that is till I read this forum. I thought I had an open mind and I guess I didn't. THANK YOU so much for opening my mind up. You have courage beyond courage.

Thank you all for your support and interest in this tender subject. I have one comment...And I am not trying to be unappreciative of all the kindness that has been expressed here...But, I am not strong, nor couragous in my own mind. I am simply a woman, in love with a man, who made a horrible choice many years ago. None of us really chooses who we will love in my opinion...We just simply love. Many family members have shown me through their posts here on PTO that they are the ones that are strong. I am grateful every day for having found PTO...and for all of you.

ADELLE
-I CONSIDER EVERYONE ON THE PTO SITE TO BE INCREDIBLY STRONG BECAUSE WE HAVE SURVIVED AND/OR ARE SURVIVING ORDEALS THAT MANY DO NOT EXPERIENCE. RELATIONSHIPS ARE HARD ANYWAY IN THIS DAY AND AGE, AND TO BE ABLE TO SUSTAIN AND MAINTAIN ONE THROUGHOUT AN INCARCERATION IS ADMIRABLE AND IS DEMONSTRATIVE OF STRENGTH,CHARACTER, INCREDIBLE STAMINA, AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

ACCEPT IT. YOU ARE A STRONG WOMAN, LIKE IT OR NOT :)

MAY GOD RICHLY BLESS YOU AND JACK

I just wanted to add...thanks for sharing your story. You're completely right that you don't choose who you love. At least I think that that is true...
We all know or have experienced some sort of judgements that we feel are untrue about our loved ones. All of our stories are so subjective and unique in their details, but we are strongly unified by these judgements that society may make. So I relate to many of the feelings you expressed, it was comforting to me to read your experiences.

ROSEBUD

YOUR STORY HAS COMPELLED ME TO START MY THREAD WITH OUR STORY FROM BEGINNING TO END. I TOO HAVE MY SON THE THE DOC FOR 12 YEARS FOR A VIOLENT CRIME. NO HE IS NOT A VIOLENT PERSON. NO, HE REALLY DID NOT MEAN TO KILL ANOTHER HUMAN BEING BUT IT HAPPENED. YES, JUDGEMENT BY MANY OVER THE YEARS. BUT, ONE THING I AM THANKFUL FOR, THE MANY PERSONS WHO REALLY KNEW HIM ALSO KNOW AND UNDERSTAND THE TRUTH OF HIS ACT.

GOD BLESS YOU CHILD... YOU MAY NOT THINK OF YOURSELF AS A STRONG INDIVIDUAL, BUT YOU ARE... YES, LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL. BUT REMEMBER, HE HAS TO HAVE SOMETHING THAT IS GREAT ABOUT HIM OR YOU WOULD NOT LOVE HIM... WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES SOME JUST WORSE THAN OTHERS.

MY LOVE
DONNA

For once, I am speachless. Thank you all and God Bless you.

Wow, I have sat here for about an hour and a half trying to think of the right words to say. I know what I want to say jsut can not think of the right words. The words the come to mind first " Thank You " for starting this forum. Thank You for your insight, feelings, and thoughts.

I am in love with a man who is charged with murder in the first degree. I have so many emotions in one day even in one thought. He brings me joy, love, and he completes me. I do not know how I will handle life if he is convicted. I know I will stand by his side. And love him unconditionaly, I know I will continue to endure the funny looks , the looks of puzzelment from family and friends. Because they do not , will not or can not understand how I can love someone charged with such a vicious crime. He is my soulmate and I would not change a thing about him. He has made mistakes in his life. That does not mean he does not deserve to be loved or treated like a human being.

I have rammbled on enough. once again I would like to Thank You for starting this forum :)

Sharon

jacksgirl ~ hang in there, sweetie...you are both in my thoughts, regarding his trial and sentencing. my love was convicted of second-degree murder. we have 8 years to go.... *hugs* ac

As some of you may know I am in love with a man serving
a 16 year sentence for a violent crime. I have known him since I was 18 years old. It is possible for people to change.
It is my hope that we all can eventually be with our men and that they can be productive members of society.
Good luck to all
Nancy (nanuu)

I ALSO WANT TO SAY THANK YOU FOR STARTING THIS THREAD.JESSE IS IN FOR A VIOLENT CRIME.HE IS DOING 8 YEARS WITH ONLY ABOUT 21/2 TO GO.BUT I DO HAVE APENPEL FRIEND WHO IS ON DEATH ROW IN NORTH CAROLINA FOR A CRIME HE SAYS HE DIDNOT COMMIT BUT I JUST STARTED WRITING SO MAYBE ONE DAY SOON I WILL FIND OUT EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED.HIS STORY IS ON THE FRIENDS BEHIND THE WALL SITE IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED IN READING IT.I JUST WANNA ADD WE ARE ALL STRONG AND SUPPORTIVE OF EACH OTHER,AND I AM VERY THANKFUL FOR THAT

SORRY THAT SITE IS FRIENDS BEYOND THE WALL

ALSO FORGOT TO ADD TERRANCE TAYLOR IS THE ONE YOU WANNA SEE