:confused: Well everybody, I am really confused and hurt about what is going on between
me and Sam. Here it is one week and a wake up until his parole hearing and
today he said something I never dreamed he would say. He told me he loves me but
feels as though he is not "in love with me anymore"! I can't believe this is
happening. Why? How could his feelings just change like that? And out of
nowhere. I have felt things seemed strange for about the last week. He has seemed a
bit distant. I blamed it on the stress from the upcomming hearing. But now I
don't know what to think. Up until now we have had such a unique and strong
bond. His love and need for me showed very strongly. So why? We had many discussions about this.
About how we were both scared to put our trust in another and give ourselves
wholely to each other. He always assured me his love for me was strong and
everlasting. This may sound weird but he even wrote it in his blood and I mine.
He said to just trust in him and in "us". I have done that and now, is my worst
fear coming true? He says he loves me and to not think he is giving up on us,
that he wants to try to work this out and that he wants us to be together but
he felt he had to be fair to me to tell me how he is feeling. I am petrified.
How could this happen? We talked for awhile and he said he is feeling much
better about things and that alot of it probably is the result of
misunderstanding and miscommunication. So now what? One part of me says if he has just
fallen out of love with me then he never truely was. Feelings like that don't just
come and go on a whim. That I deserve someone who is totally and undoubtable
in love with me. So should I just let him go now? Another part of me says no,
I'm not giving up! I know he loves me, I have seen it and felt it for too
long. That maybe it is the hearing and all that. That I should be patient and put
my faith in us. That I will never know unless I try. He has always told me
that he is bi-polor and that when he acts strange or different to just be patient
with him. So is it his bi-polor, his hearing or does he really feel this way?
All I know is I am devastated and confused. We are so close to having what I
thought were "our dreams" come true. We have planned to get married. We
already have our rings and everything. We have been calling each other husband and
wife forever. I feel like my whole world has been torn apart. I want to write
him but I am really confused so I don't know what to say. Somebody help. What
do I do?
Sorry this is so long.

Sometimes when a guy comes close to parole, he gets scared about how he's going to make it out here and he just doesn't feel he can deal with a relationship. That happened to me quite a few years ago, but I've since seen that it's not unusual. All the while he was in, he was just pushing me to marry him and swearing we had been destined for each other. When parole came near, he suddenly drew back, and then when he did get out, he didn't even call me or anything. Before he quit communicating, he did say he was scared he couldn't make it out here and scared to death of trying to make a relationship work on top of it. I don't have any answers why some men do this, but we just have to accept it, I guess. I wish you well and I'll be praying for you both. I hope it will still work out as you hoped and dreamed. Please keep us posted.

Thanks everybody for all your support during this difficult time. (yeah) Anyway...for real...thanks toi_ama. At least one person cares. Just to let you know, Sam and I had a long talk and worked everything out. He is back to his normal self. This parole has us both out of it.

Glad that things are better with you, Samsangel .... :) I am happy to hear that and hope that things go well at the parole hearing. Is this his first time up for parole?? Trey had to go to parole 4 times before he finally got a grant w/out even seeing them.

BI-POLAR IS HUGE!!!!! Try and get him treatment before it's too late (lithium, depokote are good meds). Trey is bi-polar and it has affected him so negative that it would take me a day to explain everything (read my post!! :D)

Good luck!!

Glad to see you two are back on track. One more day,WOW!My guy had me nervous there for awhile.Wasn't answering any of my letters, but he finally wrote and told me what was going on with him.He's due for release on December 15 (my counter is off a few days).I hope all goes well for you two.Give me some hints on how to prepare for the upcoming event

Slopoke's Joy,
15 days! Wow! I know you are excited. That's great! You will know how it is and what to expect before me. Sam is only having his parole hearing Tue. Even if he gets it it will take about 2 or so weeks before he actually gets to come home. So you keep me posted, ok?! I don't know why these guys act so funny when it gets close like this. I guess their nerves just take over and make them go coo coo for a min. Thank goodness they came to their senses. Good luck to you and your man.

SamsAngel, although we didn't go through the exact same thing as you did, the times right before his parole hearing and release were especially trying for us both.

I think because it represents a "change" that's possibly coming. . . and even if it's a "change" that's VERY much anticipated by both people, it's *still* a "change". Most human beings resist change, even when it's a good thing. . . it means that, well, things will be different than they have, and there'll be some adaptation needed.

Even if it's something both people really want, and has been the focus of life for a whle, it means that the 'groove' that each person found for themselves is about end, and they'll both have to find a new one, together.

I'm sure we weren't the only people in this situation who silently wondered if things would be as they expected them to be once they were released. . . if their partner had changed too much (*Everybody* in a relationship in a prison situation changes, and even if you communicate well and regularly, there are still changes in each person that can come as a surprise - to both people, sometimes.) . . . Will they be able to deal with it all??

This 'weirdness' can also happen when a person is about to complete parole/probation. The anticipation of something finally being over, and not quite allowing oneself to believe it can make for some stress.

Realizing that this sort of thing is kind of to be expected helps, I think.

SamsAngel, I wish you the best of Luck to you and your man. I can only imagine what kind of transition that these guys have to go through from being locked up (some for a long time) and then to the free world.

My only advice is to keep the communication open always and to be supportive and hopefully things will be fine for you both.

Blessings,
BlueLily

SamsAngel
I went through the exact same thing. We met while he was in and he became my whole world. I fell in love with him and he with me. We wrote all the time and in the begining we spoke on the phone a lot. We were both nervous and on end right before he came home ( I waited for 4.5 years for him) and when he did it was great. He had a hard time controlling his anxiousness in getting his life started again and we had a great time. Then out of the blue he started distancing himself and then he just quit talking to me. He had gone back to doing bad and didnt want me to get hurt. I couldnt understand why he would go back to his stupid stuff again, but its not for those who have never gone through it, to ask and expect an answer. We got back together again after he realized what an idiot he had been and then a couple of months later the man who was in love with me just stopped talking to me. Out of the blue he just stopped communicating, that was 3 months ago. I have come to understand through the stories from this site that they have to find their own way and to decide what they want to do for themselves, some it just takes longer for them to realize what they want. I have decided to move on with my life, though sometimes easier said than done, however I still have a small hope that he will come back into my life. Keep the faith, thats the only thing that kept me going and believe me I was hit the hardest that I have ever been dealt. Everything happens for a reason, and good luck. Youll be in my prayers.