Well, they have done it again!!! Each facility here in Kentucky has their own visitation policy. There is absolutely no consistancy to the policies. Our max yard has better visits and visits more often then we do at Green River which is a Medium/Minimum yard! Our visits are supposed to be contact visits, however the contact is limited to a brief ( and I mean really brief) hug and kiss on entering and upon exiting. Jack and I have been written up twice this year for touching...once because he touched my hand, and the other time because he wiped a tear away from my cheek. Okay, I know, bottom line, "Their house, their rules."...It stinks, but there is no available recourse. We all live in constant fear of saying the wrong thing, or speaking out about something and losing our visits, or having our men rolled up and moved to the other side of the state without warning in the middle of the night. That being bad enough, I just got a call from another wife whose husband is at the same prison my Jack is in.

A memo just came out that tells us there will be no more visiting on holidays because of a lack of staffing. Well...ain't that just peachy!! Not so much for Jack and I, but what about the families with children? How do you explain to a 10 year old, who already is dealing with her Dad, Grandad, or Uncle, Aunt, family member being in prison, that now, she can not even see them for Christmas, etc.????? What happened to the part about "keeping" families together as a part of helping the inmate return to society??? What incentive do they think these guys have to keep from getting write ups?? (More on write ups in a minute too!)

I am so angry right now, I could scream!!!! And hurt. Over the years we have had so many things taken, now one more. I know that my husband is in prison because he did something very wrong and stupid when he was 26 years old. And, I know that he has to do this time...(though the amount is beyond my understanding). But, 6 hours, 6 times a year, to get to spend a holiday together...DAMN!!!! Unless we get lucky and visits fall on birthdays or anniverseries...those just don't happen.

Oh, and about write ups...now, someone explain this mess to me. I also just found out that if a man in Kentucky gets a write up and goes to the hole, he is charged $300.00 for each time this happens. Well, I don't know about you all, but Jack makes $15.75 a month and that goes toward soap, shampoo, toilet paper, lotion...and that's all. So, any extra comes from home...from me at $25.00 every 2 weeks. So that means, if he gets written up...and that is not saying he did anything but maybe looked at a CO here cock-eyed...then I get to pay, on installments, for his time in the hold. And if I decide not to, heck I can't send him a dime, because every penny that shows up on his books is confiscated until the debt is covered. This also means if he has to go to the infirmiry, he can't because there is no money on his account to pay the $2.00 charge!!!

I know that you all go through this kind of craziness every day. And after all this time, I should be used to it. But, I am not. I am so tired.....................



:(

Rosebud...I am soo sorry to hear about the stupid visitation rules in Kentucky!

I can't believe they are going to charge the guys $300 when they get written up!! Is that legal? I can't imagine that being legal, but then again the system seems to have all the power to do whatever they want.

hang in there!
DJ

Hi Rosebud, Just wanted to write and send you a Hug and tell you to hang in there! I know what you mean about having to be careful what you do on Visits. Stormy has already been called up on almost every one of our visit together! The first time was because we were sitting with our legs across each other, the same thing the second time, and the third time was because the way he had his arm around me. Talk about being Stupid! Yes, I understand that they are in Prison, and they have rules that they have to go by, But come on, Enough is Enough!! I think that the CO's just look to find something to write the guys up for!! It makes me sick the way they are treated in Prison!! Yes, they broke the law and are paying there dept, but dont make it harder on them to survive in there!! Sorry for Venting, needed to get this all off my chest! Hang in there Rosebud!! We will get through all of this together!!!

Flip'n off the rules pertty much states, that they still have the same attitude as what got them in prison, in the first place and the main reason, most will get violated on parole.

One thing these "petty ass" rules is to break the "I'll do, what I want, when I want" attitude that doesn't conform to Society in general. Prison is a society in it's self.

One thing to look at, is not the "crime" so much, but WHY the person allowed themselves to do it. Why they feel there so SPECIAL that Societies rules (laws) are not for them?

Sure, there's not going to say that "there" SPECIAL , but there actions/reactions, says they do, by flip'n off the rules!

Once a person knows the rules and can operate within them, then they can color outside of the lines a bit and get away it.

It's all "ATTITUDE"!!

B-Ray...I am not sure I understand where you were going with your post....I'm a little slow sometimes...(old age is taking it's toll)....

I think B-Ray may be suggesting that while we may not like the rules--they do exist and many times it is our attitude that creates issues.

That being the case--I know that many times--my attitude has created problems for myself. Often--I find that I disagree with the rules. I've spent much time speaking out about them--yet it didn't help me. While I still privately disagree--I choose not to react. This seems to serve me better--go figure.

I so do not like the rules where my husband is--neither does he. Yet--he reminds me that the situation is "out of our control" We cannot change it--so accept it and pick another road. I'm getting better at it. I smile, I'm polite--I let the guards believe they are in control. Do I like it--the rebel in me says no--yet I've discovered that they are polite to me--and I do get treated better than others who voice their displeasure.


In anycase--I chalk it up to surviving this time...


Just my thoughts,
Molly

Well...see now, Molly hit some of it right on the head..."Their house, their rules". I completely understand that part. The part I do not get, and this does not just mean what happens at many prisons...What I don't get is..."Well, there is nothing we can do about it, so just deal with it." Fine, we deal with it. But I also believe that one candle can light a dark room. At some point, in some instances, I have to say, "no more". And B-Ray, I am the first to admit that many, no, most in prison have the attitude that they are going to do what they want when they want to, and it is that attitude, as much as their actions that got them into prison in the first place. My husband was one of them. If there were rules, he went out of his way to break them, just in his mixed up thinking to prove that he could.
What I was trying to say, and maybe was not clear is this. We have published visitation rules that are produced by the Kentucky DOC and by the institution. I can deal with that.. Tell me what is expected of me in "your house" and I will graciously submit. However, when the rules are changed, weekly, daily or hourly because of the feelings that a particular CO has one how visitation can and should be run, then I have an issue. And what I see happening is that some families are strained even further then they are by the fact that they have a loved one in prison...but even the act of visitation becomes so difficult....that they stop coming to visit. I believe today, and have for many years that one of the most important parts of keeping people from returning to prison is what they have waiting outside for them...most especially a family.

Many of these families have already been through "hell" on earth because they have had to deal with the arrest and conviction of their loved on. They are made outcasts, hurt, angry, tired people before they ever walk through the metal detector at a prison. Should they then also have to deal with pettiness on the part of some of the people working there?

I do not mean to be hardheaded or argumentative, though in many respects that is my nature. This is just my opinion,...and we all know about opinions......

Rosebud I can empathize with your anger and frustration about all the pettiness that goes on with the DOC rules and officers. Some of it seems so unnecessary! Sure there need to be rules, but the DOC takes it way over the top and penalizes people for next to nothing. Why can't you touch your husband's face or hair during a visit for pete's sake?? I was hollared at for doing that like I was a child and not a grown married woman. I mean this is my husband for crying out loud!! And most of the time when he's not out visiting with me he is in a small cell with no one to talk to y'know. So please, give him a tiny break? But now I am restricted and can't even visit at all for something very minor and stupid. And when I told the hearing officer: "But my visits are GOOD for my husband" all he said was "I know", and then restricted me anyway. Yes I was very hurt too, like you; and totally humiliated. Well there's not much you can do about it I've found, just learn to live with it and work around their stupidity. Good luck.