Im getting so frustrated with this. Steve has only been in state for about 2 weeks, before that he was waiting in county for a week. Hes only been gone a total of about 3 weeks. I feel like im going insane, i havent been able to hear from him since he went to downstate, i know he cant call and i understand that. It doesnt make not talking to him any easier. Im hoping that he gets accepted into a shock camp soon, but being that i have no contact with him i dont know if hes even been able to apply yet, im completely in the dark. Im just not happy without him here. It doesnt help that i dont really have anyone to talk to about him (other than the people here) because the fam and friends dont really care to hear about my convict boyfriend, which is understandable i guess. i hate the fact that hes in jail for something that is someone elses fault. His ex was an etard and got pissed off one day and decided to tell the cops that the extacy that was in their house was his, and because he was on probation for a prior drug charge, the cops believed her. Im just so mad at the world right now. I keep thinking that karma will eventully get around to us, but it sure is taking its damn sweet time. Sorry guys just venting, but i needed it, thanks for listening

Oh hon, I know how ya feel...I'm sitting here feeling like I can't breathe because my guy is in the "hole" and I just want to run up there and hold him so bad, I just want to rip the damn place down with my bare hands. It's awful when they're in for unjust reasons- I know a little about that part too. Downstate is awful for phone calls, very restrictive, but the visit policy isn't bad if you can get there. And the first few weeks when you're getting "used to" this whole situation (as if one really could) are the very very worst part. Write lots of letters, at least for me it helps, it's like talking to him in my head and makes me feel closer. And hey- you may not be able to share it all with people who haven't been through it- I can't really either- but you've got a whole slew of new friends here and a pretty high-quality bunch at that. he whole thing sucks but we need to stay tough for them- and for our own sanity- and realize that God may just be cooking up that karma real slow, creating a perfectly blended stew...at least there must be SOME reason it takes so awful long...Hugs from a fellow New Yorker.

Thanks so much, i wrote him a letter, which is very theraputic for me. I think my emotions are a mix of things. First off this whole thing is so new to me, and in order to be there for him i need to just shut off the rational part of me and listen to my heart. Everything thats rational tells me to forget about him and find someone else who can offer something in a relationship, but my hear cant let me do that and i dont want it to. Secondly not knowing anything is killing me, I have no idea if my life is on hold for a few months (if he gets into shock) or a few years, what his emotional state is like right now, i know nothing. I would give anything to just be able to know what his thinking at any given moment. Its so hard to not be able to give him constant reassurance that im still here, still thinking about him every second, im sure hes so afraid and alone. I just wish there were some way for me to fast forward through time and make all this be over with. Thank god you guys are here, it makes me feel like im not alone.

Vent all you want! Thats what we are all here for! I still remember how worried I was when I had heard Trav messed up his arm. Feeling so helpless and not being able to talk to him. Not knowing if he was okay or not... I feel for you Hun. Just hang in there, I'm sure all will be okay sooner then soon and you will hear from him~ (((HUGS)))

Some days are definitely tougher than others ... try to focus on the "good" things - as few and far between as they may be things could be worse. And as others have said, we're here whenever you need to vent! :) Things will get better soon ...

~alyson