View Full Version : we just had a fight
11-18-2003, 08:03 PM
Well my husband just called and we had a fight. He saw his counselor today and didn't like what she had to say. He is taking his ged and doesn't want to. she said if he drops out he will lose all his merit time. I told him just to stick with it. He told me to do anything that I can do to get him out of there. I have tried I have written to every single person that I could think of for him. He told me to hire a lawyer and to get him resentenced and I said where would you like me to get the money to do this. I know that he is having a hard tome in there and what does he think I am having a party, In the middle of the fight he hung up on me. You know what I really don't care. Things are so bad here and I know that its not a good place to be but I am working two jobs trying to feed two kids pay bills and he is feed and doesn;t haven't to worry about bills or anything else that is going on here. Sometime they are just so selfish.
11-18-2003, 08:15 PM
((((((((hugs))))))))))) I totally understand where your coming from. I hope he comes to his senses and realizes all that your doing for him and your family.
11-18-2003, 08:17 PM
I understand you 100%. Why doesn't he want to pursue his GED? I don't think that it is fair of him to push you to do things so he doesn't have to go to classes or do whatever he needs to do. When my b/f gets frustrated (and God knows he has all the reasons in the world, he is the one inside 24/7) I try to calm him down and at the same time, show him that only cooperation (like getting his degree, doing programs...) will get him out sooner, and nothing else. They need to abide by the rules inside so that it won't be a problem for them to do it once outside.
11-18-2003, 08:24 PM
You are right. Although we wouldn't trade places with them for the world, they do sometimes forget that our "sentence" is sometimes harder than theirs. He is probably feeling frustrated and having a hard time not being in control of what's happening ...then again, they also sometimes forget that we are not the ones who put them there. You are having a level, rational head about things right now. Stay there, he'll have to come around~ Good luck!
(and yes mamota, you are so right that they have to cooperate to get out sooner.)
11-18-2003, 08:31 PM
thanks eveyone for your support, because right know i feel so alone.
roc city girl
11-18-2003, 08:47 PM
Don't I know how bad he wants out of Gowanda?? Don't worry, he will come around to his senses in no time. Our men don't know how we stress out here and then having them complain. It's not like we are going to pull magic tricks out of a hat for them.
I think it will do him some good to take classes in there, and finish his programs if he has any to complete. Then after he is done with all of that, he can start a little job there. That will make his time go a little faster at least. I can not express the joy that me and tito feel now that he is out of GCF.
11-18-2003, 10:11 PM
We are here to support you! I am sorry you are having this troubled time. As with Roc ccity girl, I know how difficult it was for my husband in Gowanda. If your husband isn't used to following other people's very strict, pressure packed routines and/or has limited experience disciplining himself, it will be even harder.
Gowanda is really stressful but for now, dealing with what is in there is your husbnad's 'job' , his way to 'do for' his family. He is not looking at it like that, yet. Hopefully, he will find his way to change his perspective.
When my husbnad went in there I suggeted he see it as just another college course... of a different sort. He had gotten his college degree inside so that was part of how he coped.
I don't know about the GED program, I know that my husbnad, in his program, got absolutley no positive feedback from those in charge. Didn't even get their papers back, etc. When the guys are working their butts off and under so much stress, that just makes it worse. The psychological games they play are disgusting.
It's likely he had a really bad day but he should have said so and not got on your case about you not doing enough..GGGrrr....
You have done all you can, no way should he be taking his frustration out on you.
Unfortuantely, it sounds like he has not yet really accepted that 'this is how it is'. He may need to 'give up', face the pain of that reality and then he will be able to handle what he has to handle and get through it.
He can best serve his family by following through with this situation. Maybe he needs help seeing that angle?
I will sned out some prayers. I hope you can get a good nights rest...things don't change overnight but somehow stuff usually looks a bit different and more managable in the mornings.
11-19-2003, 08:02 AM
Hold your head, things will get better. For one, if the counselor reccomends that he take his GED, it's going in his "folder" and that will follow him no matter what facility he goes to. Not only that, but there is no guarantee that if he goes to another facility, it will be much better than Gowanda. Trust me, I know how bad Gowanda is and can be, but I'd rather have Greg be there with it being so far away, than close in a facility that's just as bad.
Frustration is a part of life and it happens. Two days ago Greg and I got into a huge argument, I accused him of not loving me, etc, etc. Was it unnecesary, of course it was, but it was the frustration talking, not me.
I know that you tend to sometimes sugar coat stuff for him. Stop doing that. Whenever you do go visit him, bring bills with you, show him how hard of a time that you have out here. Show him that his sentence is yours as well. When the boys act up and act out, let him know this. Let him know that he's to blame for him not being there for them. It may seem harsh and it may make you feel bad, but I can guarantee, he'll get it.
You still have my number, so you know you can call me anytime.
11-19-2003, 02:47 PM
11-22-2003, 02:05 PM
it's been a couple of days..how are you? How are things going?
11-22-2003, 03:20 PM
When he tells you to do whatever you have to to get him out of there, tell him no------it doesn't work that way------that HE needs to do whatever it takes for HIM to get him out of there----and that would include getting his GED.
11-22-2003, 04:06 PM
Perfect Toi!! We so easily take on responsibilites that are not really ours.
11-22-2003, 04:48 PM
i agree** its like hey DO U WANT to come home ??
then do what u gotta !!