Hello Ladies,

I am having a major dilemma and I'm sure some of you know how I feel. I have been down with my man for 32 months, faithfully visiting, writing, and staying celibate. Recently I have been truly tested, I have been lusting for another man and I do not like the way it makes me feel. I'm
almost scared. Even though I have not acted on my desires, some part of me feels like I have already betrayed my man. And then another part of me is enjoying the interaction (conversation) with a man. You ladies know how it is, waiting all day for a 3-5 minute phone call, waiting weeks for a kiss or a hug, the wait is unbearable! So my question to anyone who feels my pain is: Do these simple feelings of lust mean that I have stopped loving my man? Has anyone ever had these feelings??

Any thoughts on the subject would be appreciated....

I believe most people experience feelings of lust whether their spouse is incarcerated or living in the same home with them for 20 years at one time or another. Chemistry with another person is powerful, and I have experienced it myself with one particular person whose presence still makes me flush and my heart pound. I would never compromise my marriage, or my love for my husband for "chemistry". I adore and love my husband more than anything and would never forgive myself if I acted upon these feelings. I mention my husband often when I see this other man, and I do whatever I can to avoid seeing this other man (he is a regular customer at the store I work at).Oh, and I also have a picture of my husband at my cash register out in plain view for all my customers to see.

,,this aint an easy road to travel especially if he is your man and not your husband. I don't try to live his bid but I keep in mind our goals.
Besides I say it so many times if the shoe was on the other foot these men would NOT go years without sex or female companionship.

Although the physical part of a relationship isn't the most important thing, it is still a part of a relationship and going without that is very hard. I don't think you are falling out of love with your man, you just have normal physical neeeds that obviously can't be met by him at this time. Being celibate is a very hard thing to do, I know and I don't think we miss the actual sexual act as we do the closeness between two people, the intimacy. Okay the sex part is good too. You will realize I think though that if you do act on those feelings the physical need will be met but you won't feel the intimacy you are craving because it isn't going to be like the intimacy you would get eith your man who is locked up. did I make any sense whatsoever?!?!

I think your feelings are normal and natural. Whether you act upon them is another matter. You don't say how much longer your guy has to serve. I expect you realize, if you act on those feelings with another man, it is going to complicate both the relationships incredibly and eventually you're going to have to make a choice anyway. So make your choice now and I would suggest beginning by examining your relationship with your guy in prison and see if something (besides physical sex) is missing in it. Are you giving more than you're getting out of it? Is there something you need from him that he can provide that you're not receiving? If so, talk with him about it and tell him what you need. Is there something you need that your guy inside cannot provide you but you could provide for yourself (self-nurturing is a skill that every prison wife/girlfriend should learn). If that relationship is important to you, then go out and get some sex toys and satisfy yourself that way and don't follow through with the guy on the outside. Only you can really examine how you feel and some people really have a difficult time with maintaining a relationship with someone in prison. That's not something to feel guilty about - but it is something you need to be honest with yourself about. Just take some time to think the issues through and don't be hard on yourself. Z.

I Think What You Are Feeling Is Natural, Of Course We Have Desires And Of Course We Will See Other Men We Are Attractive To. Shoot, We Are Not Blind And We Have Needs. That Just Real Talk.

I'll Keep It Real:

I Commute To Work And A Bus Driver Who Had A Deep Voice, A Nice Body And A Strong Level Head (so It Appeared) Was Talking To Me While I Boarded The Bus. I Said To Myself "lord Have Mercy". He Was Thick (very Strong Body), A Manly Man Not A Soft Man. He Was In Shape And Had Beautiful Eyes. I Ran To The Bus But Was Tired When I Borded And He Said, " You Are Tired? You Know What That Means!" I Said Yeah, I Gotta Get In Shape. He Said, " Yes Work On That Endurance". If He Could Have Read What Was In My Mind, My Goodness. I Boarded His Bus On The Way Home And We Had Eye Contact. Once I got Off his bus While Walking Home he stopped the bus and said "Don't Forget To Go To The Gym". I Replied, " I Could Just Walk Up And Down That Hill ". He Laughed And Went On. That Was The First Time In A Very Long Time I Had Been Attrached To A Man While My Heart Is Gone. I Actually Lusted For That Man Driving The Bus. To Be Real That Man Was Fine!!

Nothin Came Of It Nor Would I Have Allowed It. The World Is Too Small To Say You Will Not Be Attached To Someone Else. That Will Happen But It Is How You React That Matters.

I Am Celebate And Will Stay That Way. But I Do Realize I Will Be Tested And I Will Pass That Test With Flying Colors.

Just Commit To A Decision And You Will Stay Strong.

Just Keeping It Real.

Peace,

Frezell

Thanks for being honest, I have to look at the past history, and What does my man want anyway? Hes locked up, and what he says to me know sounds like a fairy tale, but when he gets out in 20 years, I have know idea if hes being honest with me. It scares the crap out of me. Because, I have been faithful and Loving and hopefully helpful. I committed to him I love him so.
So again thanks its nice to know I have a place to come and throw some real feelings out. tlfinch

This is a hard road no matter how much time your man has.

Only you know how far you will go with that other person. Don't take it to that level if you are already feeling guilty.

I am a natural born flirt and flirt all the time, BUT I let the man/men know that that's all it will ever be, don't take me seriously. I am 100% committed to my husband but that doesn't mean i'm dead, LOL.

How much longer does he have?

no its not that your fallin out of love with him....its just exactly what it is...lust....think of this our men do end up lookin at magazines and stuff like that of that sort too and suddenly have to make a stop at the bathroom....and its not becuase they dont love us anymore its just the simple fact of not gettin that one thing in so long that any attractive person would bring it out of you...and if you decide to give in(although im not tellin you to nor recommending it either)it still doesnt mean you dont love your man/hubsand/boo/whatever he is to you....it just means your human and you have needs to

Hi,
I mean no disrespect but remember :
Our men when behind the walls do not have the advantages or are afforded the luxury of having the option of flirting or deciding if they want to have a trist or not... Imangine if your man or women were out and acted as you are! would you not be livid and jealous ! You are being selfish and forgetting that he or she are doing time and regardless of if you like it or not... so are you.
Don't disrespect yourself or your partner. leave them before you make a fool out of your commitment.
This other person probaly knows your situation and is taking advantage of you . Right ? or is it love at first sight.
Waht you had when the person you were with went in is what you need to remember before you destroy all you are about as a person.
Just ask yourself if the shoe was on the other foot.
Good luck. :confused:

Actually, guys in prison can have a "trist" - it's just not with another woman. And guys on the inside sometimes do flirt with other women - through the mail. That's why a prison relationship have to be a trusting one - both ways - and involve a lot of honest communication. Z.

I Think What You Are Feeling Is Natural, Of Course We Have Desires And Of Course We Will See Other Men We Are Attractive To. Shoot, We Are Not Blind And We Have Needs. That Just Real Talk.

I'll Keep It Real:

I Commute To Work And A Bus Driver Who Had A Deep Voice, A Nice Body And A Strong Level Head (so It Appeared) Was Talking To Me While I Boarded The Bus. I Said To Myself "lord Have Mercy". He Was Thick (very Strong Body), A Manly Man Not A Soft Man. He Was In Shape And Had Beautiful Eyes. I Ran To The Bus But Was Tired When I Borded And He Said, " You Are Tired? You Know What That Means!" I Said Yeah, I Gotta Get In Shape. He Said, " Yes Work On That Endurance". If He Could Have Read What Was In My Mind, My Goodness. I Boarded His Bus On The Way Home And We Had Eye Contact. Once I got Off his bus While Walking Home he stopped the bus and said "Don't Forget To Go To The Gym". I Replied, " I Could Just Walk Up And Down That Hill ". He Laughed And Went On. That Was The First Time In A Very Long Time I Had Been Attrached To A Man While My Heart Is Gone. I Actually Lusted For That Man Driving The Bus. To Be Real That Man Was Fine!!

Nothin Came Of It Nor Would I Have Allowed It. The World Is Too Small To Say You Will Not Be Attached To Someone Else. That Will Happen But It Is How You React That Matters.

I Am Celebate And Will Stay That Way. But I Do Realize I Will Be Tested And I Will Pass That Test With Flying Colors.

Just Commit To A Decision And You Will Stay Strong.

Just Keeping It Real.

Peace,

Frezell

Amen sis! I see some fine lookin bruthas all the time...and acknowledge them...but I know the importance of my relationship...so its always going to be a NO GO. Evalutate your relationship, evaluate your NEEDS, and discuss them with your man. I will pray that you stay strong

hi is not that you stop loving your man that is impossible if you really love him. you are just lonely and maybe this lust thing you are having believe me it will go away just don't act on it. if you really love your man don't do it......