View Full Version : Do you ever get like this....

Lonzo's Wifey
05-31-2008, 03:03 PM
I wrote my boyfriend a letter a little over a week ago. I just mentioned how he only writes once a week and sometimes its once every two weeks. I worry about him when I don't hear from him. We talk on the phone about once every two months or so. So needless to say writing is all we have. Well I got a letter from him today (10 Days later) and he took everything I said out of context. He said he'll write more often if it's going to get me to stop complaining. He'll try calling more often even though I only have my cell phone which is long distance for him. I wasn't complaining about it, I just said I worry when I don't hear from him and when he writes once a week or once every two it's hard. I don't want him to do anything he doesn't want to do. I don't want him to feel like he has to write just because I said something. I just don't know how to respond to his letter now! It's going to be a long 5 1/2 years for both of us. It's his first time there so we are both adjusting. We are both on emotional roller coasters right now so I don't want to write something then him get more mad or take it completely wrong. I just don't know what to write. Any ideas? Do you ever get like that? Not know how to respond to a letter you get from your loved one?

Doc's Sis
06-01-2008, 02:00 PM
KEep in mind that he is locked up and going thru a wide range of emotions just now. So try not to lay a guilt trip on him about anything. I know you didn't mean it as a guilt trip, but that's how he took it. He's pretty touchy right now.
Also, keep in mind that he doesn't have much of anything to write about so you'll have to settle for weekly letters rather than daily letters. If you want him to write more often, maybe write to him asking questions that he can respond to. Some where at this site are suggestions about sending questions and even playing games via snail mail with your inmate. Make it fun for him and not super serious. OK?

Write back to him talking about every day things and just don't mention what he said to you - although he should not have said that he'd write just to keep you quiet. Not good thinking on his part. Anyway, you don't want to put him on the defensive so just send a friendly letter and maybe ask a couple of questions he can respond to. You can also ask him if he'd like you to send articles about his favorite sports team or anything he might be interested in. Do a SEARCH of this site to find the threads about letter games and other ideas for writing.

06-01-2008, 02:29 PM
I would write back explain how i meant the letter, and sorry he took it like he did, Explain to him that you both are under stress and you dont want to fight.

06-03-2008, 08:28 PM
I think you should explain to him what it is that you mean. I have had this happen before, not about writing but about something else. My friend took what I said out of context and he got upset. I explained to him what it was that I meant and he understood and was fine. It's hard to understand the meaning of some things when they are written down because we are not using body language or verbalizing to express what it is that we mean. Something written on paper can be taken more ways then we think. Just explain to him what you are trying to say. You are both under a lot of stress right now and you are trying to adjust to him being in prison. I know how it feels to want to hear from the friend takes 2 weeks sometimes, sometimes more. I have learned to accept it. I thought it was because he was lazy but I found out that he has a job in there and we works about 11 hours a day, 6 days a week. You see, there are things going on in there that we don't know about. It will be alright. Communication is the key.

Lonzo's Wifey
06-03-2008, 10:13 PM
I haven't responded back to his letter yet. I am just more cautious now! Him and I never argued and now it is all the time. I feel like I am giving up but I know he is worth the wait. I love him with all my heart but I don't know if I can do this for the next 5 1/2 years. I give all of you lots of credit because you all stick by your man for many years and here I am 6 months into it and about to give up. Thanks for your advice and support!

06-04-2008, 07:40 AM
I'd write back and try to explain that he misunderstood what you said... COMMUNICATION is key to these relationships.

Personally, I think they slack on mail for two reasons.. the most obvious is there isn't a whole lot to write about and secondly I don't think they realize the value of their letters to us... they are worth more than gold!

Hang in there, keep on open line of communicatation between you two, come here when you are feeling down and the next 5-1/2 years will be over before you know it! One time when I was down thinking about the next 3+ year ahead of us, I was told not worry about the years but to concentrate on the days and then the weeks, months and years will take care of themselves!! It's been much easier ever since and that's been months ago.