View Full Version : Help please~He gets visits from women I don't know


LonelyPanda
05-30-2008, 05:16 PM
Hi everyone!

First of all I'm new here and I would like to say that you all seem so supportive and lovely. :)

Well to start with my story: my boyfriend is currently in SQ, CA serving a remaining 6 month sentence. However, he has been getting a lot of visits from women I have never seen in my life! They're not his his family members as far as I can tell. Just random women wanting to see him. I once confronted him about it and he said that they were just friends of friends and girls that write him in prison which he met when he was out.

The problem is, I never knew he knew so many different girls and it has been bugging me a lot. They sometimes come to visit him when I'm there and it's just all very ridiculous.

I don't really trust him because of it and wonder if I can still trust him when he's out.

:(

Mrs.Perez III
05-30-2008, 05:25 PM
Honey this man is playing you for every kind of fool! Those other females oveously don't mind stepping all over another womens toes to get to her man! Honey I don't even know your man and I can see through his lie. Grab your stuff and run girl!

This is only my opinion!

When in Rome
05-30-2008, 05:31 PM
Wow - what an uncomfortable situation. You know, it would be one thing for him to have discussed this with you in advance, and to let you know when he's going to receive additional visitors. Considering that he hasn't done either thing, I hate to say that he is completely disrespecting him.

Hmmm, maybe the time has come to cut him loose. Do you really want to deal with the drama of being with someone that you don't trust? You deserve better than that - we all do.

I would cut him loose. If you allow him to disrespect you now, there's nothing to stop him when he gets out.

Good luck...

orchidia_168
05-30-2008, 05:34 PM
welcome to pto panda! well,how long you two have been together? i mean did you date him already when he was out? either way he should have told you. even if you two started dated while he was in prison he should have been up front with you about his old friends. if you are standing by his side since his day 1 in prison....and he <<forgot>>hmmm to tell you that he was sending forms to numerous females to be approved to come see him...that he wrote to so many females....that's disrespectuful torse to you. others should not be at there when you visit-period.they should leave, on their own, if not he should tell them to leave.
if you can trust him after his release? i can't answer to that question. either he is a VERY social guy,too social when it comes to the opposite sex,or he is more like a jack rabbit. you got a lot of talks in your near future...before his release.rochHi everyone!

First of all I'm new here and I would like to say that you all seem so supportive and lovely. :)

Well to start with my story: my boyfriend is currently in SQ, CA serving a remaining 6 month sentence. However, he has been getting a lot of visits from women I have never seen in my life! They're not his his family members as far as I can tell. Just random women wanting to see him. I once confronted him about it and he said that they were just friends of friends and girls that write him in prison which he met when he was out.

The problem is, I never knew he knew so many different girls and it has been bugging me a lot. They sometimes come to visit him when I'm there and it's just all very ridiculous.

I don't really trust him because of it and wonder if I can still trust him when he's out.

:(

krackergrl
05-30-2008, 05:35 PM
ultimately its your decision, whatever your heart of hearts feels like.

ME personally i'd cut my losses, because for one..he doesn't respect you and him enough for your alone times, your visits to your man should be just you.

i'd be wondering constantly when he got out if those females who were there visiting him all the time, writing him, whatever, were coming around when he's out.

thats just me though.

orchidia_168
05-30-2008, 05:36 PM
we are thinking the same Honey this man is playing you for every kind of fool! Those other females oveously don't mind stepping all over another womens toes to get to her man! Honey I don't even know your man and I can see through his lie. Grab your stuff and run girl!

This is only my opinion!

IZZIE323
05-30-2008, 06:04 PM
FIRST OFF, WELCOME TO PTO!


IN MY POINT OF VIEW, I WOULD NOT VISIT HIM ANYMORE...
JUST THE THOUGH OF SOMEONE ELSE BEING THERE MAKES ME JEALOUS... YOU SHOULD GO AND CONFRONT HIM ONE LAST TIME, ONLY THIS TIME LET HIM KNOW THAT IF THEIR VISITS DON'T STOP, YOURS WILL BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY YOU AREN'T THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON TO HIM... TELL HIM YOUR NOT ASKING HIM TO BE THE ONLY WOMAN HE KNOWS, YOU NEED TO BE THE MOST IMPORTANT AND IF YOUR NOT, YOUR TIME IS WAY TOO VALUABLE TO WASTE ON HIM... AND FIND ANOTHER MAN WHO WILL TREAT YOU RIGHT..!:o

thugwife
05-30-2008, 06:19 PM
You answered your own question "I dont really trust him because of it, so how can I trust him when hes out." Sounds like a hustler to me. Tell him to kick rocks! I couldnt imagine what I would do if I found out my man was seeing other girls. Id tell him, "I hope they're sending you money because you are never seeing another dime from me." Whew, I hate for your introduction to be such a horrible experience. You shouldnt have to ask yourself if you should stay. I always say "I can do bad, all by myself".

Welcome to PTO

my-T-sad
05-30-2008, 06:55 PM
Of course I have questions. Does he introduce you to them as his girlfriend? Do they flirt with each other or just act like friends? How do the women treat you like competition or as his woman? How long have you known your boyfriend and how serious is your relationship? Welcome to PTO

tweedybird
05-30-2008, 07:32 PM
How did you find out about this?

PoohBaby
05-30-2008, 07:33 PM
set yourself as a priority...if he doesn't see you as that, then he won't make the time for it. why would you take time out of your schedule to go visit him...BECAUSE YOU LOVE HIM. and he can't give you the time of his day to spend with you after that...stop the SILLINESS. don't go visit, have a tallk with him, and let him know why. And you need to make sure, or rather I would advise, getting the full story on these women, how many, who they are, etc, what they visit about...before he gets out. because the situation seems to be that you are being played the fool, and that's ridiculous. if you feel uncomfortable about the situation, or the females, its likely you have reason to. Be wise, think it all through, investigate with questions, and he needs to justify it to you, otherwise youre putting in too much time to lose out.

HisSoul
05-30-2008, 08:32 PM
Welcome to PTO.. Here we've heard alot so most of these posts don't suprise us... I'm wondering.. Do you know that he had to send these women visiting forms so they can come and visit him? I know that because my husband was a inmate @ SQ.. You can't just show up.. It's just like any other prison that I know of in California..
That sucks that your BF is blantly disrespecting you like this, and expect for you to believe the okie doke.... Don't believe him if he is telling you "Baby... they just showed up... I didn't know they were coming to visit me.. That's a bunch of crap in the biggest way.. I know that hurts but.. I don't wanna lie to you...

FreelyCuffed
05-30-2008, 08:38 PM
Honey this man is playing you for every kind of fool! Those other females oveously don't mind stepping all over another womens toes to get to her man! Honey I don't even know your man and I can see through his lie. Grab your stuff and run girl!

This is only my opinion!


run fast girl!!!! id be raging:angry: i dont know the feelings involved but this is not right. I mean he shouldnt be accepting the visits from girls when he has a lady. It doesnt seem like he is serious. And this is just my opinion as well.

FreelyCuffed
05-30-2008, 08:43 PM
You answered your own question "I dont really trust him because of it, so how can I trust him when hes out." I always say "I can do bad, all by myself".

Welcome to PTO


Yep! Girl.... i feel for you. And one other lady mentioned that he fully made the desicion to allow the visitors. Its not like he can just receive visits whenever.

and yes take the advice you dont need his help to do bad.

California Sunshine
05-30-2008, 09:02 PM
Welcome to PTO

I am very sorry you are going through this and I am just going to tell you my personal,first hand experience.If you can't trust him in there you certainly can not trust him out here again in my personal opinion

MattelMade
05-30-2008, 10:35 PM
Yeah... this guy sounds like a total sleaze. If they are just "friends of friends" then why would they go through all the trouble getting up there to see him. I would cut all ties.

Rena
05-30-2008, 10:46 PM
Seriously, you need to let him go and find yourself someone who will treat you with respect. That is crazy that he would think for one second its okay to have all those women visit. And at the same time as you do? Oh Hell No! He has no respect for you (or any of the other girls he's got on the side). He may be using them, but would you really want to be with someone who uses people and lies to you? Move on girl.

frontlinelady
05-30-2008, 11:05 PM
I am going to just say this


WHAT??? You have continued to be supportive of someone as a girlfriend and he has multiple "girlfriends" supporting him and you are trying to figure out what to do and what to think?

GIRL....YOU ARE SOMEONE and not just "anyone"! It is obvious you are being taken for granted and used! I am not being judgemental..just it is so obvious he has no commitment to YOU. Is is fair that you give 100 and he doesn't? NO!!! If you are looking for someone who is faithful and committed he isn't it!!!

MOVE ON!!!

THERE IS A MAN OUT THERE THAT WAS CREATED JUST FOR YOU!!!
DO NOT SETTLE FOR JUST ANYONE!! WAIT FOR THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE!!

HE WILL COME!!

Take it from someone who has been used and finally stopped settling and now knows what it is to find the one God made JUST FOR ME! :thumbsup:

DBOWMANGURL
05-30-2008, 11:14 PM
Hello
I Feel For You I Really Do If You Can't Trust Him In Prison How In The Heck Are You Going To Trust Him When He Gets Out?

DBOWMANGURL
05-30-2008, 11:18 PM
Just Let The Loser Oh I Mean Guy Go!!!......

1Luv4Him
05-31-2008, 06:10 AM
Girl first of all lemme welcome you to PTO. You'll find all the support you can't seem to find anywhere else right here! :grouphug:

Now as far as your post is concerned, don't be mad but...

DROP HIS A$$!

different girls coming to visit YOUR man on YOUR visits?? Hell naw that is some f*d up b/s and you need to show him you are NOT putting up with it. If they were family members or really good friends it would be a different situation but random girls he met on the outside and that are now coming to visit... no no no!!!
PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN and let him know you deserve better than that. you DO! Be strong, walk tall, but do not let him run over you like that. Im sorry to give it to ya straight like this, but I don't think a man like that is any good. And if you can't trust him in prison, then you deff won't be able to once he's outside...

Get it girl! Best of luck, if you need us, we're right here. :thumbsup:

pinkkrazr
05-31-2008, 06:41 AM
A man can only play a woman if she ALLOWS him to play her!! Don't allow him to play you!

MrsDego
05-31-2008, 06:43 AM
You obviously care about him and respect him enough to stick with him while he's at his lowest. You deserve so much more than to be treated the way he's treating you. You should feel appreciated. He should be lucky that he has you to come home home to. Girl, if he doesn't fix up and show you the love you deserve, how are you supposed to love him? Be smart, get out of there while you still can. Best of luck.

LonelyPanda
05-31-2008, 07:00 AM
First of all, thank you all for your supportive responses!

To answer a few questions that have been asked (and what makes my situation a little more difficult):

- Yes, I met him before he was incarcerated, we have been together for 5 years now and we were planning to marry later this year.

- My family and friends are not supportive of this relationship: they've pretty much shunned me because of it. They think he is no good and I shouldn't be with a man who went to prison in the first place.

To be very honest, I'm still very much in love with him and promised to support him even when he's going through what he's going through now. However, all those women that came to visit him (I've seen 20 different ones until now!!!) have put doubts in my heart and it just really hurts.

I've joined this forum because I know I can't turn to anyone with this without having to hear "I told you so" and how stupid I am for getting with him in the first place.

I have decided though, that the next time I'll see him I will tell him that I'm leaving him. :( I'm a very sensitive person and tend to be sympathetic and it seems that he has been taking advantage of this for a long time.

Again, thank you all for the responses and wise words. I hope I've cleared my situation up a bit with this post.

pinkkrazr
05-31-2008, 07:08 AM
First of all, thank you all for your supportive responses!

To answer a few questions that have been asked (and what makes my situation a little more difficult):

- Yes, I met him before he was incarcerated, we have been together for 5 years now and we were planning to marry later this year.

- My family and friends are not supportive of this relationship: they've pretty much shunned me because of it. They think he is no good and I shouldn't be with a man who went to prison in the first place.

To be very honest, I'm still very much in love with him and promised to support him even when he's going through what he's going through now. However, all those women that came to visit him (I've seen 20 different ones until now!!!) have put doubts in my heart and it just really hurts.

I've joined this forum because I know I can't turn to anyone with this without having to hear "I told you so" and how stupid I am for getting with him in the first place.

I have decided though, that the next time I'll see him I will tell him that I'm leaving him. :( I'm a very sensitive person and tend to be sympathetic and it seems that he has been taking advantage of this for a long time.

Again, thank you all for the responses and wise words. I hope I've cleared my situation up a bit with this post.


:grouphug:I am so sorry this man has been able to treat you like this and has the ability to break your heart. Many times men (people) take kindness and sympathy as a weakness. I think you are a very strong woman for standing up for yourself and not allowing him to continue this behavior. You have our support and encouragement. Are you prepared for that confrontation? prepared for his sad eyes or whatever way he has in the past been able to win you over your instincts? You obviously are a very wonderful loving person and deserve so much more from a man!!

Stay Strong Sista :D

daisy may
05-31-2008, 08:30 AM
Everyone else has said it, this man is playing you. No man in a relationship with a woman that he says he is going marry should be having other women visit him. Sorry, I would not even give him the courtey of going up there and telling him it is over. I'd write him, these women did not get in by accident, HE sent them the visiting application.

MrsDego
05-31-2008, 08:56 AM
Was that post aimed at me? I didnt mean it in a bad way! :(

LonelyPanda
05-31-2008, 09:41 AM
Was that post aimed at me? I didnt mean it in a bad way! :(


Oh no not at all! Thank you so much for your post!

I just got accused of lying but the poster in question removed the post, which I thank her for. :)

NowHisWife
05-31-2008, 11:10 AM
Oh no not at all! Thank you so much for your post!

I just got accused of lying but the poster in question removed the post, which I thank her for. :)

No problem. I didn't think it would do much good for me to "out" you cause there's probably a few people that are actually dealing with this and the replies of others might actually help them.

So kudos to you for initiating that if nothing else!:thumbsup:

SexyChef1
05-31-2008, 12:56 PM
I cant imagine what this feels like and I dont plan on imagining it...He can only have people on his approved list visit therefore people cant just show up...and if he is writing someone she better never show up. He doesnt seem very trustworthy chica...but I dont know him.

Wobabi
05-31-2008, 01:20 PM
My question is how do 20 women get on his visiting list?
Last I knew and its been a while you have to get apporved and there is a limit to how many friends can be on the list,,mayne Cali has changed since then.
But 1 stranger or 20,,what goes on when you guys are sitting there?

pee-wees.wifey
05-31-2008, 01:30 PM
Square bizznizz on that! I feel you! :thumbsup:

You answered your own question "I dont really trust him because of it, so how can I trust him when hes out." Sounds like a hustler to me. Tell him to kick rocks! I couldnt imagine what I would do if I found out my man was seeing other girls. Id tell him, "I hope they're sending you money because you are never seeing another dime from me." Whew, I hate for your introduction to be such a horrible experience. You shouldnt have to ask yourself if you should stay. I always say "I can do bad, all by myself".

Welcome to PTO

pee-wees.wifey
05-31-2008, 01:36 PM
YOU KNOW LONELYPANDA, THE MORE YOU LET HIM DO WHAT HE WANTS THE MORE HE'LL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT WHEN HE GETS OUT. HE OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T RESPECT YOU AS HIS GIRL OR AS A WOMAN AT THAT. I'M 18 YEARS OLD AND I'VE LEARNED A LOT IN MY SHORT TIME OF LIFE. IF HE REALLY LOVED YOU THEN HE WOULDN'T LET ANY OTHER BROAD COME BETWEEN Y'ALLS LOVE. THAT'S HOW I SEE IT. YOU SEEM LIKE A WOMAN WITH CLASS SO TELL THAT FOOL TO KICK ROCKS AND WALK AROUND THE SITUATION MAMA BEFORE IT GETS DEEPER.

LonelyPanda
05-31-2008, 01:47 PM
My question is how do 20 women get on his visiting list?
Last I knew and its been a while you have to get apporved and there is a limit to how many friends can be on the list,,mayne Cali has changed since then.
But 1 stranger or 20,,what goes on when you guys are sitting there?


I just feel very awkward when there...
20 is an approximant of the women I have seen on numerous visits, but because I'm so blind and stupid I just assumed in the beginning that what he said to me about them was true.

I'm definitely ending this, however, I don't know how! I can't possibly end a relationship of 5 years by phone. I think I'm just going to call him before the visitation and tell him why I'm visiting and that It'll be my last visit to him..


thanks everyone, typing this all out made me feel better about this all.

daisy may
05-31-2008, 02:01 PM
I'm a little lost, you canot call him, he needs to call you. Second of all, i wouldn't tell him anything on the phone because you are really going to be hating life when you get up there and you find out he refuses your visit and you are standing in the visiting room and they will not allow you in or you drive all the way there to find out he has removed you.

Just my :twocents:

I just feel very awkward when there...
20 is an approximant of the women I have seen on numerous visits, but because I'm so blind and stupid I just assumed in the beginning that what he said to me about them was true.

I'm definitely ending this, however, I don't know how! I can't possibly end a relationship of 5 years by phone. I think I'm just going to call him before the visitation and tell him why I'm visiting and that It'll be my last visit to him..


thanks everyone, typing this all out made me feel better about this all.

daisy may
05-31-2008, 02:02 PM
California does not have a limit on whow many visits the inmate can have.

My question is how do 20 women get on his visiting list?
Last I knew and its been a while you have to get apporved and there is a limit to how many friends can be on the list,,mayne Cali has changed since then.
But 1 stranger or 20,,what goes on when you guys are sitting there?

LonelyPanda
05-31-2008, 03:13 PM
I'm a little lost, you canot call him, he needs to call you. Second of all, i wouldn't tell him anything on the phone because you are really going to be hating life when you get up there and you find out he refuses your visit and you are standing in the visiting room and they will not allow you in or you drive all the way there to find out he has removed you.

Just my :twocents:


I doubt he will, but I guess you're right. Yeah I know he can only call collect, that's what I meant.

Either way I'm ending it no matter what :).

hooliegirlie
05-31-2008, 04:01 PM
Tell him hey I can find someone to treat me like that right out here. Why should I bother to drive however far and send money and whatever else to get that kind of treatment here.

daisy may
05-31-2008, 05:00 PM
Sorry, correction on previous post. California does not matter have many visitors an inmate has approved.

Wobabi
05-31-2008, 05:02 PM
California does not have a limit on whow many visits the inmate can have.
not visits but how many
*friends* can be on his list,,i know my X had a limit

blessed2bme
05-31-2008, 05:09 PM
Damn girl I'm sorry to hear all this but welcome anyway. You say it's been 5 years and you just now seeing all this? what was he like when he was home? If he was the same then well you should have expected now that he's locked up. Listen cut your losses now before to much time and money are invested. spend it on you and yours.

confusedwife08
05-31-2008, 05:35 PM
So are you there on a visit when these women show up and they let them in? or something else???:confused:

daisy may
06-01-2008, 01:31 PM
That is why i corrected, California "does" not have a limit as to how many aprroved visitors there are.

not visits but how many
*friends* can be on his list,,i know my X had a limit

robs_angel
06-01-2008, 01:50 PM
Sorry you are going through this, i couldnt begin to think of what it would be like. Listen to your heart, ask him questions, as if his "friends" know you are his girl, and tons of questions like that til you get the answers you need. (hugs)

be strong

Mrs.Perez III
06-02-2008, 11:15 PM
Honey what I want to say is don't answer his phone calls.

What I want to say is don't write him.

What I want to say is don't even read his letters.

Truth is you will probley do one of the 3 and their in lies the problem. We as females are sensative creatures and men know it. We are so often sweet talked and swooned back into an unhealthy relationship, either by fear of being alone or sheer lack of will power. You have been with this man for 5 years so there is no doubt in my mind that he knows what to say to make you break down crying, apologizing for ever thinking of leaven him.

Honey it takes 20 days to break a habbit. TAKE 20 DAYS TO BREAK THIS ONE!

THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION.

LouLou Bell
06-03-2008, 12:41 PM
Welcome! And the advise of all of these women are good. I would not put up with it. Good luck with what you decide is best for you!!

Luv0fHisLife
06-03-2008, 12:45 PM
Oh hell No!!!! If I found out my man has a bunch of hoes visiting him..... He would have one less women. I'm not putting my life on hold for someone who's not going to appreciate my time & devotion... Let them other girls take care of him... He's playing you BIG TIME............. Sorry that's just my take on it....

TLWWIFE
06-03-2008, 01:22 PM
If Ive Said It Once Ive Said It Twice My Motto When It Comes To Men If There Is A Need For Explaination There Is No Need For Diccussion. Hell To Me If I Have To Give You All This Extra Time To Explain Yourself There Is No Need To Talk About It. There Is No Explanation Sufficent For This Dilema So Why Even Waste Your Time Or Tears On It. I Would Write Him Wishing Him And All His Friends The Best And Then Block My Phone So I Cant Recive Calls From His Facility. He Can'T Woe U If U Cant Hear Him And Hunny Trust After Five Years He Can And Will Woe U Back If Given The Chance Dont Give Him An Opportunity To Use U Any More. You Dont Owe Him Shit So U Dont Have To Tell Him In Person Or Answer Your Phone The Letter Is For Your Closure!!!

lawoman
06-03-2008, 01:26 PM
LonelyPanda-I'm a little confused here-you said you have been with your man for 5 years and these women "are not his family members as far as you can tell"?????? I would hope that after 5 years with your man that you would know all of the female family members by now...but, I guess, some people are not as close to their family as I was brought up to be so...who knows? And the statement he made that some of these women were just girls he met when he was out??? You are a better woman than me because if I went to see my man and there were other women there visiting I would not have even stayed for the visit! Nor would I have even given him 2 words of my precious breath-I would have just left!!!! So while I can understand after 5 years with someone your'e in love with you can't just stop all your feelings but, if it were me I'd kick him to the curb! Sorry, but I have to be honest with you and not dance around the subject!!! And don't even waste the gas money on him for the visit! I, personally, wouldn't even waste the 42 cents on the postage! Send him a postcard that way it will only cost you around 25 cents!!!! I'm all fired up now after reading this and I don't even know your man!!! The nerve!!! He should no longer be a priority to you if he's choosing to make you an option !!!!!!!!! Sorry you have to endure this and by the way WELCOME TO PTO!!!!!!!!!

Ilf&dogs
06-03-2008, 01:39 PM
Wow! He is definately playing you:p I would tell him straight out baby it's me or well them and I'd be way gone:rolleyes: You probaly are a wonderful women so don't let this man walk on your compassionate heart:eek: If your anything like me you will be blunt and tough. You have to be sometimes and loving when they respect you.;)

Ziahnamarillo
06-04-2008, 09:02 AM
I'm not an insensitive person by all means...I'm not. In your case however, I agree 100% with Mrs. Perez III. No phone calls, no letters, and sure as hell, no visits. I think you need to put your foot down and show him that your not as naive and foolish as he thinks. Cut out EVERYTHING that you do for him...let him sit his a$$ there and wonder why you aren't writing, or accepting his calls, or visiting his a$$. It's a struggle for them on the inside but it's a hell of a struggle for us out here too. You don't deserve to be put through this kind of mess!

I wish you the best girl. I hope everything works out (either way) for you.

zmadyun
06-04-2008, 03:03 PM
I, personally, wouldn't even waste the 42 cents on the postage! Send him a postcard that way it will only cost you around 25 cents!!!!

LOLOL...Whew when I read that line I literally busted out laughing, my co-workers were all giving me the "side-eye" but whatever that was funny.....Anyway I just posted a thread about my financial situation changing since my man has been locked up...and I tell you what if I was in your shoes, my financial would change again because he would be cut off and all the money I spend taking care of him would be in my account taking care of me.....I don't mean to be harsh but you need to through him the dueces and ride out, if he doesn't repect you enough to not have a bunch of women come to see him while his is in, Lord knows what type of behavior he will carry on with when he gets out. Just know that you can always come to PTO when you need someone to talk to who can understand what you are going through.:grouphug:

gougeaway
06-04-2008, 03:40 PM
Being in a relationship with a guy in prison is WAY too hard of a life to not get the respect you deserve.

Ms Nick Deere
06-16-2008, 11:56 AM
i agree if theres no trust theres no point in a relationship cut your ties or you may end up finding out something else you didn't want to know,and may end up hurting you emotionly,so don't put yourself through that. GOOD LUCK!!!

LeBeau
06-16-2008, 12:14 PM
I agree that he's running a very hurtful game here and should be checked or dumped immediately, but I'm scratching my head (as usual) about all the replies blaming the other girls and calling them unpleasant names when it is HIS behavior causing the problem- If he closed the door, there would be no problem here- He could easily refuse the visits or even remove these women from his visiting list... or he could have not sent them the 106's in the first place....Why is it always the women to blame? We seldom call guys names or subject them to such contempt when it's a guy hitting on a woman who is spoken for- in that situation SHE often gets chewed over for "putting herself in that position".... Why are we so rarely as hard on the men as we are on each other?

lsustaita
06-30-2008, 12:40 PM
Excuse me, but WAKE UP.

Need someone to hit you over the head with a stick?

Draw a picture?

You cannot possibly that gullible... "friends of a friend"? Horsesh*t.

You already know he's lying to you about these "women".

And NO, you cannot trust him. Now or when he gets out.

OK?

Sheesh.:eek:

pinkkrazr
06-30-2008, 12:46 PM
LonelyPanda, How are you doing sweetie? Were you able to have the visit and get the closure you were looking for? I pray you are well and staying strong!! God Bless!

baby271
06-30-2008, 03:05 PM
Sweetie, I'm sorry for what you are going thru, but this man is playing you for all he can. The fact that he has no problem with these women showing up while you visit should tell you that. Plus how could these women visit if he didn't put them on the list. If I were you I would end this now, don't let him take more advantage of you now or when he gets out.

Paradise0608
06-30-2008, 03:39 PM
First welcome to PTO!!

Girl I hope that you will find the strength to up and leave him, you deserve someone who will be a one woman man and will appreciate your love, not juggle you around with a bunch of other females....

Good luck and take care!

noboundries
06-30-2008, 07:54 PM
you have a lot to think about, seriously.

What type of relationship are you looking for...do yall do the friend thing? I would expect my mans total focus to be on me and me only......he should be trying to hold on to you tight!

If that's how you get down, if you got your friends too, then it's whatever....but since you seem like you are in so much pain, I must predict you really love or care a lot for him. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST, if you don't nobody else will.

Honestly, if it was me, I would be gone. DON'T THINK SO! I couldn't do it! I really think you do know what's going on. You just don't want to believe it. Open your eyes, a couple a deep breaths, tears if you want....but please realize the truth.

Think girly....good luck

MarquicesWife
06-30-2008, 08:08 PM
I'd kick ass lol...He had to have sent them visitor forms so he knew they would come. And if they were old friends as he claims he would have told you about them and all that. I'd leave it alone hun, I'm sooo sorry!!!

BUT WELCOME!

Mrs.Jboy
06-30-2008, 09:41 PM
Let him go!!! F!@# that its his lose not yours.. He'll see whos really down when your gone. I know my man did.. He had sum hood rat (his ex) on the side when he first went in. Tellin her everything he told me but i let him go. For 8 yrs and that chick as full of crap and he relizes what he lost when i was already gone but hes my heart and i did my dirt too. Dont know what you have til its gone

Ladybug801
06-30-2008, 11:42 PM
Hi everyone!

First of all I'm new here and I would like to say that you all seem so supportive and lovely. :)

Well to start with my story: my boyfriend is currently in SQ, CA serving a remaining 6 month sentence. However, he has been getting a lot of visits from women I have never seen in my life! They're not his his family members as far as I can tell. Just random women wanting to see him. I once confronted him about it and he said that they were just friends of friends and girls that write him in prison which he met when he was out.

The problem is, I never knew he knew so many different girls and it has been bugging me a lot. They sometimes come to visit him when I'm there and it's just all very ridiculous.

I don't really trust him because of it and wonder if I can still trust him when he's out.

:(

Seriously my opinion and my opinion only is DROP HIM while you can..if he is really that busy in prison OMG what will it be like when he's out on the streets. The fact that he sees that it is bothering you and continues to disrepect you that way should not be tolerated. Its your choice to make but if you don't trust him now as you said ...the relationship is pretty much doomed anyway. Sorry no judging just saying.

myhopeneverdies
06-30-2008, 11:53 PM
I hope you are okay! and Im sure you knew what decision to make... what was the best for you...

let us know how are you doing! we are still here, if you need us!

*HUGZ*

twinflame1014
07-01-2008, 12:16 AM
Welcome to PTO.. Here we've heard alot so most of these posts don't suprise us... I'm wondering.. Do you know that he had to send these women visiting forms so they can come and visit him? I know that because my husband was a inmate @ SQ.. You can't just show up.. It's just like any other prison that I know of in California..


I agree with these ladies it doesn't sound good that he's requesting other girls come visit him, you think he would at least give you a heads up. I'd leave him alone and let those other chicks take care of him... sorry sweetie

cttssh
07-01-2008, 07:24 AM
First off welcome to PTO and everyone here truly is really supportive.

Second I wish I could tell you everything was going to be all right but that does sounds fairly suspicious. I hope that everything works out for you if that is what is meant to be and if things dont just remember one thing, If it does not work out it was not meant to be and it means your life was meant for better things, every one deserves the best that life can offer them. :grouphug:

codasgirl04
07-01-2008, 04:53 PM
Wow!! I'm so sorry you are going through this! I see this every weekend at visiting! There is the guy there that every day he gets a different girl and loves on them and wears a ring to, it's like he rotates them!!! That is so low of him to be doing that!

hottie714
07-01-2008, 08:33 PM
i Have to agree with Mrs. Perez III, he has no respect for you. If he really cared about you he would not be doing this to you. if these girls don't mind playing these games then they are no better than him and you need to move on. You do not need someone like him. It just angers me how many women are out there like that...but what goes around comes around!!!! And if you really want to get to the bottom of it, stop asking him - confront these girls ( i say girls cause they still play these foolish stupid games). Ask them what is thier relationship this way you can stop thinking and know the truth.

bladygirl69
07-01-2008, 10:34 PM
I use to work in the prison system and I saw this happen a lot. Believe it or not there is a lot of women who visit a inmate and that inmate will fix his friend up with the female family member. And to some of them it's a game and they do it to pass the time and feel important or shall I say wanted. The only thing you can do is make up your mind and ask yourself if he really cares about you, if he thinks this behavior is ok and would you stand for this if he was not locked up. I really hope this is helpful advice.

Frezell
07-02-2008, 12:23 AM
WELCOME!!!

He is showing you just what he is about, what you see is what you get.

Peace be unto you,

Frezell

MikeSamuelsWife
07-02-2008, 01:03 PM
:angry:Honey i am going to give it to you straight you can not trust a man especially when they are in prison. from my experience the only way a man can get a visit from a woman is if they already had something going on before he went to prison and he put them on his list . really what woman is going to waste her time going to see a man that is in prison that they had absolutely nothing going on with in the first place. men do all kinds of things in prison, they cheat with female officers, have cellphones in prison where they can met new women on chat lines, pen pals, some even jack there d**K's to female visitors.They have porn books,which in my eyes is always cheating, some even have s*x which other male inmates, you can be sending him money coming to see him, sending him things, etc. but please believe there are others who are doing the same thing. men use women to the fullest while they are in prison. Trust if he is doing this while he is in prison please reassure that he will do this when he gets out. once a dog always a dog . Please stop wasting your precious time here on earth and move on please. so you won't be used, and made a fool of anymore.:angry:He a womanizer and a straight up loser, kick that zero to the curb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LonelyPanda
10-03-2009, 06:48 PM
Thanks everyone for the really good and helpful advice.

I am aware of the fact that I haven't logged in on the site for over a year but here is an update on my situation:

1. I have moved on. I am no longer with this man and am now dating a wonderful man who I met at the hospital I work at. :D

2. The guy this thread is about is out of prison, an alcoholic and still doesn't have a job.

Now tell me ladies, who here won the battle??

Hahaha, again thanks for all the great and supportive responses! I wish all the luck and happiness to all of you.

light at end
10-03-2009, 07:04 PM
I'm glad that everything worked out for you for the best. It sounds like you are doing great.

pinkkrazr
10-03-2009, 11:59 PM
Thats wonderful that you have moved on and are doing well. I do however, think it is sad that you came back to post and gloat that he is an alcoholic, unable to get the help that is needed and you find humor in that. I guess I just dont understand the point of the post? Good for you, sad for him and seems you both need lots of prayers!

Debra Lynn
10-04-2009, 01:50 AM
Sounds like Lonely Panda isn't lonely anymore!!!!!!! Knew you were smart, no door matt where your at! Congraduations and wish you all the love and happiness for the rest of your life. Debra Lynn

MarriedSince08
10-04-2009, 07:26 AM
how did u find out?
how serious is the relationship yall have?
how and when did yall meet?
did u tell him it is really bothering you?